Neon Steroids Evangelion
by Kaworu Naha ga bisa
Summary: Manliest Evangelion fanfiction ever made, with heroes and villains from acting, wrestling, and sports world. Prepare for total nonstop mayhem. Now also a crossover with Jojo and Gundam.
1. Prologue

Disclaimer: I don't own Evangelion and other Anno's shits like Gunbuster.

A/N: I watched 12 Monkeys recently, i have obsession for good ol' action movies, and i also obsessed toward Evangelion. So, here you go.

Shinji Ikari, a seven years old kid, and possibly the winner of the saddest kid on earth since 2004 for three years nomination.

He was also the world's only hope.

Soon, in his earlier teenagehood, he would be piloting a giant robot called Evangelion, made by GEHIRN as a part of their project E, which coincidentally, was the project that his parents worked on before the tragic death of his mother, Yui Ikari, who disappeared on the botched test for the EVA core. After her death, his father, Gendo Ikari, sent his little child to one of his colleague, claimed that he didn't need him anymore so his kid wouldn't want him anymore. But instead, the boy felt guilty, wanting his father's attention even more. In short, it was one big, vicious cycle of misunderstanding.

And one man was there, ready to fix that.

"Ready to go, Shinji?"

"Y...yes, Mr. Willis," The boy answered nervously.

The bald former actor had been one of, to describe it shortly, one of his very few friend. Shinji didn't know why, but he felt like he could trust him fully. Even when he showed how his father was in the wrong, he couldn't stay angry at him for more than a moment, while he chewed strangers for even saying strange rumors about his father. But even with their closeness, the boy still wasn't very comfortable. Then again, he never was with anyone.

Soon, the boy was on Willis's Bentley Continental. It was one of Willis's more comfortable car, especially since all his other cars were classic car without air-conditioning. Ever since Third Impact, the whole Japan became one hell of a hot country, and Willis didn't want to make the frail kid catching cold by opened the roof on one of his classic convertible.

"Shinji...i'm sorry for your sensei's death. I don't know him to well, but from what i see...well, he was a good man." Said Willis, who showed deep sympathy toward the poor boy. Although emotion that showed more than sympathy also appeared on his wrinkled face.

"Y..yeah...he was...i just wish he could really care more about me..." Shinji said as he really meant it. Sensei was taking care of him well, but they never really close. Both were on fault for this matter, but the man definitely could've done more.

"Yeah. You two were never really close." He said as they just passed their neighborhood.

"A...are you sure that i...can really live with you? I knew...s-some orphanage that would accept me here. I mean, my image wasn't that bad, Mr. Willis. Yeah, i struck Hide and Yosuke once, but-"

"Shinji," The bald man stopped his car at one of the stop and turned around, showing some kind, and yet determined look as he gazed at the boy, "I thought i already said this. I don't want to adopt you because i have to. I'm doing this because i want to. I want you to be happy, Shinji. Everyone deserves their happiness."

 _Happy..._ that was the word that reminded him of the hazy, and yet good time. The time when he was once a happy, outgoing kid for once. The time when she was still alive. _Mother..._

Willis noticed the tear that was forming on Shinji's eyes. He reached out toward the eyes to wipe out the tears. Instead, the boy's sobs became even louder. "What's wrong, Shinji?"

"Mommy...I miss my mommy..."

The man opted to say nothing, letting the boy to cried out his bottled emotions instead. Soon when his cry died down, he pulled a photo from his pocket. The content inside the photo surprised the boy, as the good memories from his earlier years flood into him. Not much, but good enough to make him remember.

"Mother!" He turned around to stare at the man in front of him, "How did you get this?"

"I have connections, Shinji. That's all i can say. Now, do you trust me?"

Shinji only nodded slowly as his response. And soon, they drove into a quiet, but comfortable silence as both of them contemplating their situation.

Willis finally succeed. After he was sent back into the past to save the world from the imminent Third Impact, he found himself frustrated by his situation. His attempt to save some of the Second Impact victim was futile, and the one that he succeed...well, the boy still traumatized by the event. To make things even worse, he suspected that some of his attempt to reach his fellow actor and actresses to join his cause created some villains he had to face soon or later instead. But his luck has been turned around recently, and Shinji Ikari became one of the ensemble of his team that he called The Expendables, which was fitting the nature and self-description of a certain girl who became key to all of this, was just one of his string of successes.

Soon, the boy would find himself stumbled into a very colorful life, certainly better than his previous one, filled with appropriate training to prepare him for his future as the pilot of the Evangelion. And not to mention the sheer star power around his life soon. He had Seagal who taught him various martial arts, Jackie Chan and Jet Li taught him how to fight people with grace and speed without actually hurting them more than needed (in case those Seagal's bone-snapping signature moves were not... appropriate for the situation), Pierce Brosnan was there to train him in spying, and most importantly, Stallone, Schwarzenegger and Willis himself also trained him to become a soldier with sense of humor and savviness. His favorite line was Arnie's 'I lied...', which he would've used toward a guy who was an asshole enough to be killed in cold blood by a scrawny kid.

Also, he got trained into other things, like how to blow things up with Lundgren's bombs, or how to meditate by Chuck Norris. Maybe chosing some good cologne by Terry Crews and boxing by Carl Weathers as well.

But most importantly, he learned how to love, be loved, and giving love.

* * *

"Ouch!"

"Are you okay?" The man asked him out of concern, betraying his big frame and his primadonna image in hollywood.

"I'm fine, Mr. Seagal. Really. I'm fine..."

"Good then. How about a little rest? It's already 10 O'clock here."

"How about we just ditch this side kick training, Mr. Seagal? I...i don't think i can do it, after all..."

Seagal's expression changed into something more pissed. He then slapped the little boy hard with his towel.

"Ow!", Shinji reacted accordingly, and then looked right at the man who trained him. To say the least, he was pissed.

"There you go again, selling yourself short, telling yourself that you're a worthless, talentless little kid. It's good to have a little humility Shinji, but how are you going to progress if you don't even think you can do it in the first place? Tell me, Shinji. Was Napoleon, or all those emperor, conquered many lands while they keep whining about how they're not going to do it? No. They do it, because they know that they can!"

"S...sorry, Mr. Seagal..."

Seagal sighed, and slapped Shinji again, "That too.", And again, "It's good and not going to hurt to humiliate yourself a bit. I know some cultures are more toward humiliating themselves to show their humbleness, Japanese included. But you, Shinji...you saying you're sorry, not because you're humble, but because you're afraid of the others. You're afraid to be hurt more by them, so you say sorry, so people will move on, and never bring it again! Was what i say right, kid?"

Shinji didn't say anything to rebuke or confirm what Seagal said, so Seagal simply rolled his eyes, left him alone to wondering what he just said. Shinji nearly left them after that, but at the gate, he saw Willis, all by his own. Both of them didn't say anything, save a scorn from Shinji, and a smile from the bald actor. And soon, he remembered Willis's words that they cared for him, and so he revoked his decision.

Soon, Shinji learned his cure for his anxiety disease.

Pride.

* * *

"How is the kid?"

"Pretty good now," Willis answered toward the other expendable's founder, Sylvester Stallone. Instead of being satisfied, Seagal groaned for his own reason that soon to be voiced.

"How on earth, did defeate Shao Kahn on Mortal Kombat II, was the necessary thing to give Shinji a boost to his pride of all thing?"

"We're living in a mad world, Sly. And understanding someone, is impossible 100%."

Seagal rolled his eyes, knew who spewed that bullshit, who again would be revealed by his voice, "That Ikari's bullshit again...You really believed that?"

"Gendo has a lot of self issues, but he has a point there. After all, people have their grandeur of delusion when they describe themselves. There's a reason why doctor never diagnosed themselves."

"If that's so..." Sly nearly lit a cigarette, but a loud explosion made him lose his grip toward his lighter, "Damn," Sly groaned as he reached down toward his smoke, "Shinji and Lundgren?"

"Nah. Schwarzenegger and Shinji, blowing some C4."

"Same shit."

Both then simply enjoyed themselves, knew that this time, God was really in heaven, and all is really right in the world...

* * *

 _Teaser/Omake_

"Ayanami!"

"Pi...pilot Ikari?"

Rei then looked at her monitor. She saw Shinji with swollen eyes and burned hands. With mobs and reporters around him. And the final bell playing.

"Do you want a rematch between Ramiel and you, Shinji?"

"No. I don't want a rematch!"

"Tonight we have had the privilege of witnessing the greatest exhibition of sharpshooting in the history of giant robot fight!"

"Ayanami!"

"Ikari..."Said Rei, as everyone else tried to open her plug hatch.

"Ladies and Gentleman, we have a rightful knockout here!"

"SHINJI! SHINJI! SHINJI!"

"Ayanami!"

"Ikari!"

"Why there won't be a rematch?"

"The thing's already dead, dammit!"

"And the winner, still an undefeated, with the record 3-0, our World Titanweight Championship all around the world!"

"Ayanami!"

"Ikari!"

"Shinji IIIIIIIIKAAARIIIIII!"

And then, Rei and Shinji hugged and kissed each others.

"Shinji..."

"Rei...Hail to the king, baby!"

And then, they kissed again. And then, Rei began to unzipped her plug suit and-(Lemon, pls.)

Meanwhile, Arnold held Gendo in the edge of a cliff. With his weak arm.

"Remember Ikari when i promised to kill you last?"

"Wait. I don't remember-"

"I lied."

*Drop*

"ORARAAAAAAAAA!"*Thud


	2. Misato needs a freaking drink

Disclaimer: I don't own Evangelion and related things, including Anno's life and his depression. Also, yes, i still hate Q with all my life.

* * *

"The intel from Kaji was right. They are going to meld every human beings into one godlike entity with this plan that they called as Human Instrumentality Project."

"And for such selfish reasons...can't these old fart just accept the fact that humanity was never meant to be perfect?"

"Selfish, indeed. Nobody deserves to live in world of illusions without any true choice. I just hope that we can do anything about it."

"It's too late for us now. The MP Evas are almost done, only two angels that left to fight against, and we don't have enough firepower to stop them."

"Yeah. Going against SEELE now is equal with fighting UN and JSDF as well as the NERV. In short, we're going to initiated another world war."

"And the best result will be just as the same as letting the angels win: Total destruction of the world. Perhaps even nastier. We can't allow that to happen."

"And we can't do anything to prevent it, either."

"Out of all conflict in the world that we have engaged or prevented, it was the Armageddon that we couldn't prevent."

"Please, Bruce. Don't talk about irony here."said the handsome and tall British in his 50s.

"Perhaps i must said that it's ironic to have James Bond playing the M of this organization?"

"That's a good one, i must admit."

In short time, a chinese man, shorter than the two man in the dillapited room entered their conversation. He carried a file, marked as classified.

"Actually, we can."Said the man as he slide the file into Mr. Brosnan's hand, who proceed to read the file.

"Ah. The time pod. It said that they will send a man into around the year just before second impact happened to prepare for the catastrophe and gain support from his knowledge of the event. They really going to try it, Li?"

"Yes. We have no other choice."

"You do realize that it's only me here that has enough synchronization rate with the pod to get back past of year 2000, right?"

"Yes, Mr. Willis. And as i said before, we don't have any choice."

"This's insane, Li. Going past 10 years alone will erase all memories of the user, and i'm going into return to at least the year of 2000. 2015-2000=15. So how can i help to prevent the Third Impact without any knowledge about it from the future? Or hell, any more potential side-effect?"

"We have time to perfected the pod...although the third impact will long happen before we fixed the memory problem."

"But the amnesiac-"

"Actually, Bruce, your synchronization rate will just make your memories repressed... at worst."

"Is that true, Li?"

"Yes, Mr. Willis. The Rourke's experiment had the man managed to gain memories from his past after years of therapy. And with your synch ratio and better developed pod, it would take shorter time for your recovery."

Bruce considered the plan for a moment after this information from Mr. Brosnan. It made the plan seems more highly to be a success. Finally, he spoke:

"I still need more persuation."

"Jeez, Bruce! You make it harder than when that wimp Shinji refused to pilot the EVA just because of his personal issues with his father."

"Shinji is a kid who was unnecessarily trapped in the situation where he has to save the world or let it burn by that piece of shit Gendo Ikari where they can give him more time to prepare for his EVA pilot job and surrounded by broken, incompetents minds of people who should've went into psychiatrist years ago! Meanwhile, me, Bruce Willis, is a fully functioning grown adult who just want to save the world and surrounded by sane people who should be more capable in their jobs than those wackos in NERV! And now, the best thing they can do is this lousy plan with low success rate!"

"Calm down, Bruce!"

"Don't dare to compare me with that kid again! And what's with this formal talk from you, Li? Don't tell me that Gendo just brainwashed you and made a fake, unlikely plan to screw us over!"

"Mr. Willis, perhaps i must say that we haven't even got into the details regarding the plan. I recommend that you must subside this childish tantrum of yours and just listen to my explanation."

"Dude, are you trying to talk like that creep Ayanami girl again?"

Another chinese man joined the conversation. He bore a less stoic face than the previous one, despite the fact that he currently used his serious facial expression.

"Ah, Jackie. Do you mind to help me explain our plan for that bald, immature former actor?"

"Hey!"

"Irony."

"...What?"

"This conversation is filled with irony, gentlemans."

It took several moments away before all but the just recently arrived man to understand the calm british actor's cryptic remarks. And then, they laughed, while Jackie Chan was left confused by his own.

"I don't understand."

"Ah, sorry. We were talking about the irony of Brosnan, Bond actor as the one who waiting for information and acting as the M from the movie?"

"M? You mean, Bond's boss?"

"Yes."

"Oh, i see. Still, i failed to notice it's importancy."

"Well, there's another one about the actor of Armageddon failed to stop the real armageddon."

"And there's another one about me talking about how childish Bruce is when i deliberately messed up with him since the beginning. Sorry, Bruce."

"You what?"

"Calm down, jeez. I'm sure that Jet Li already apologize. So, anyway, what are you doing here, Jackie? I suppose that it's about the time travel, right?"

"Right. It's about the person who we need to manipulate and currently hold the key for our success."

"Don't tell me that i need to manipulate that creep Gendo."

"No. Beside, the project name made it clear. Here"

Jackie Chan then open the envelope of his project and slide it to the bald man, which in proceed, was read by Willis.

"Shinji Ikari Raising Project..."

* * *

"Hei, Captain Katsuragi!"

"What is it, Shinji?"

"Do you mind if i tell you a joke regarding Second Impact?"

"Well, i have a bad experiences regarding it. Personal memories that i won't tell to anyone, so..."

"It's okay, Cap. But in case you're interested, don't worry. I didn't poke a jab into anyone in this joke"

"Allright, Shinji. I think can take a joke or two."

"Okay. Here it is. There used to be Antarctica. So cold, it's like freezed in sub zero. Now... it's just plain zero."

It took several seconds, but finally Misato chuckled at this cheesy pun from Shinji, and then she realized that he ripped it off from one of the movie.

"Hey. Isn't there a similar line from that Arnold Scarwe..."

"Schwarzenegger."

"Yes. Schwarze...ah, whatever. So, anyway, you stole the joke from that Arnold's movie about death game, eh, Shinji?"

"Yes, Captain. Demoliton Man's the movie's title, by the way." Trolled Shinji. It was Running Man, actually.

"Ah, now i remember. So, i take it that you like those action heroes, Shinji?"

"My muscles should give you the hints, Capt. Why else would i developed my muscles since i was ten outside of inspirations from those guys?" Said Shinji, as he flexed his arm, showed a surprisingly developed arm for a 14 years old kid.

"It should be obvious to me... Anyway, you can call me Misato, Shinji. And don't worry. I take no offense from your little joke."

"Well, i'm glad, Misato-san. Beside, we have something more urgent to worry about now."

"Of course i don't forget our priority, Shinji. We need to get you to NERV right now."

"Not that. I think they dropped us a bomb."Said Shinji, as he pointed his thumb backwards.

"OH SHIT! DUCK!"

The car flew and made a backflip, resulted in Shinji's head accidentally rested itself into Misato's chest.

"Nice airbags."Said Shinji.

"Oh, knock it off, smartass crow."

"Ah. You know my nickname, Misato?"

"Of course. I read your file."

Deep down, Shinji grinned. The NERV personnel, and most importantly, his dad didn't know what they were getting into. Their file claimed that Shinji has developed a prideful and sometimes extroverted personality to cope up with his personal issues. But give him extra, unbearable pressure, and he will return into the wimpy boy that will do whatever he was told just to do something he thought as right. For his father, he's still became what he wants into: A boy that could be easily broken given the shocks and pressure were enough for him.

All thanks to his actors who mimicked him when he was at training with his fellow heroes. If they knew that when he cried Shinji didn't shed tears of fear and shock, but tender and manly tears, tears that showed the traits of every good hero, then Gendo would've shot him dead long before the third Angel attack and cloned him right away. Of course, this would've just resulted in epic war between Bruce Willis and his gang vs Bastard of the century and JSDF force, with the odds leaning on Willis. Bruce Willis would've just nuked the whole Geofront and risked the possibility that killing Lilith meant the death of everyone else too, or sent Arnold and Stallone to gunned down the whole JSDF army while having Seagal and Dolph Lundgren gave Gendo the 'pleasure' he deserved if he felt that he needs to give everyone a chance to run away. But right now, they have Shinji, and his musculature to do their plans, which made him looked more like Bruce Lee instead of his favorite heroes, which not only denied the chance of making his growth spurt supressed, but could've easily tricked anyone else into thinking that he's nothing but scrawny kid. Just like his profile did.

"Aww, crap. Shinji, give me a hand here."

They flipped the car, which made Misato realized that Shinji was even stronger than she was, and then they realized that the car need some more fixes other than some rolling olling.

"Aww, man! Now i know why there's no monster insurance coverage from NERV! The very first Angel attack, and my car's already toasted."

"Considers that Japan had Ultraman, Godzilla and friends destroyed the whole city on weekly basis, i'm not surprised that there would be no insurance company that's generous enough to grind itself into bankruptcy by giving free money everytime they destroyed something."

"Well, you already got enough points to increase your smartass level, Shinji. Why don't you shut your snarky side for a while, and be useful? Give me some tapes, oils, batteries and a hammer."

"Ehhh, okay. How are you going to do it, anyway, Misato?"

"Trust me, Shinji. I once mixed ice cream with ebisu and salmon, and it's still edible in my stomach."

"That can't be healthy..."

"Shut up and just give me those stuffs i ordered."

"Yes, mam..."

"Man, i just restored this piece of junk a week ago...How many fixes now? Fifty?"

* * *

The trip to the NERV was unmemorable. Well, it should be considered on how Misato tried to scare Shinji out of his wit by swerved 5 abandoned cars in a row and driving even more reckless than usual, but those trainings from Jackie Chan and Bruce Willis's stunts made Shinji has a NERVE of steel. Misato could've drive a train and forced it to went off the rails, and Shinji would still had the perfect poker face that would beat even Rei after she overdosed her medicine.

Okay, i lied. Shinji's really scared by this shit. And Misato wasn't try to scare Shinji at all. She was pissed. VERY PISSED.

"COULD YOU TRY TO DRIVE LIKE A HUMAN BEING, WOMAN?!"

"I'm not satan, you sexist pig!"

"And you said that you can take some jokes... Hey, when did i call you a satan?"

"Shut up! We're lucky that we're still alive after the shop owner's attempted massacre on us!"

Misato has a very legit reason to get pissed. In a hour, there were already two attempted murder on her, so in no way she's in a mood to give or take a joke. Who knew that the owner of the shop that Shinji raided was still sitting on his shop? Or hell, who knew that he decided that an Ak-47 is his new companion after his wife left him, and his little friend succeeded in scared the others? Also, who knew that he decided that some grenades could take a shelter in his good old shop?

But what made her really pissed, is that Shinji immediately put the blame on her once he got spotted. And she was immediately on her run for her life, dancing like a cowboy with bullets bounced from the street beneath her legs.

"Well, you did stole his batteries..."

"NO. YOU DID!"

"Hey, who give the orders around here?"

"I, uh, i mean...GAAAH!"

* * *

Shinji and Misato were in NERV right now. As usual, Misato get lost, met Ritsuko on their way etc. She got less tense as time passes by and began to laugh a bit at Shinji's earlier and next attempts at jokes. After all, he did saved them from the crazy bastard by roundhouse kicked him and popped out his eyes. It occured to her that he was simply put a very sick joke on her and he could've incapacitated the guy from the beginning, but it was never crossed the realm of possibility into realm of certainty.

And they got into the massive Evangelion. All those things before, were unimportant.

"This is Evangelion Unit-01, the last hope for humanity today. What do you think, Shinji?"

"It's...it's..."

"Yes?"

"It's...massive! And it's purple! And it has a horn! It's...it's...it's Tinky Winky!"

 **Splash!** Both Misato and Ritsuko facefaulted, and in case of Ritsuko, she bounced back and fell into the LCL at Shinji's comment.

Shinji laughed at Ritsuko's fall into the water, and he may be rolling on the floor right now if he knew that his father just cracked his glasses when he face-faulted into the desk. Behind him, Fuyutsuki nearly failed to control his emotion from forcing him to laugh at Gendo's fall, which is helped by his own face-faulting into the floor.

He decided to continue his jokes.

"NOOO! My precious Tinky Winky is now an ugly mechanical monster! And the waist! It's thin as hell! What have you done, NERV! I've told you to feed it and took it with care and love!"

If EVA-01 can sweat, it will have one at it's forehead. A large one in that. Luckily, the others already done that to share her sentiments.

"Darn it, Shinji! Stop making jokes that make me want to laugh and cringe at the same time!"

"Ahaha, you girls...relax a little bit, will ya?"

"Puaah! It stinks!"

"But seriously, you guys build this giant robot to fight that monstrosity out there that can survive the nuke? Wow, my father's actually did an awesome thing for once."

"Correct, Third Child."Said Gendo, tried to reestablished his menacing presence on the place. Luckily, he brought a replacement for his glasses.

And very, very deep down, he felt relieved that his son thought that he did an awesome thing.

"...Third child?"

"Yes, Third Child. You, are going to pilot it."Said Gendo. Deep down, he felt relieved that his son looks down immediately once he called him by his designated code instead of his given name. It was still easy to break him down, after all.

Of course, it was all a mask. If only he knew it.

However, Shinji did felt sad that his father went down to the dark side this deep. He still care for him, after all.

"Pilot this thing? Against that monster? Well...don't you have someone else that's more suitable for this task? I mean, i don't even have any basic training in the first place!"

"Humanity's survival depend on it."

"Pfft. And you guys don't even smart enough to realized that telling me about this long before the shit hit the bucket would be a logical thing to do in the first place? Forget about it! If earth's fate depended on incompetent people like you, then there's no hope for our survival at all."

"Fuyutsuki."Said Gendo, ignored his son's rants. He knew one thing that will destroyed his son's attempt to stay afloat in his confidence and all.

It's called sympathy.

"Yes, Commander?"

"Is she still alive?"

"Yes."

"Bring in Rei, then. The Third Child is...unusable."

"But, sir-"

"Our priority is to defeat the Angel. At all cost."

"...Yes sir."

For the first time in this scenario, Shinji was shocked. He became genuinely angry. He became genuinely concerned.

He already knew that his father would do anything to make him do his order. He knew that he would put him into a situation where he couldn't pull him back from his predicament. He knew that he would put him in the most dangerous situation without his consent.

But he never thought that he already sank this low.

In front of him was a blue-haired girl around his age, with the nurses just left her after they rechecked her. The girl was lying on her bed, with bandages all over her body. Her tightform suit showed that someone has planned to use her all along, and her bandaged form showed that whoever used her knew that she's not even ready to walk at all, let alone risked her life against that skyscraper sized monstrosity.

She was nothing but a pawn in Gendo's game to forcibly hooked his son into his scenario. And a very effective one in that.

As soon as the girl tried to stand, twitched and cringed from her pain that solely administered from her attempt to get into sitting position, Shinji gently pushed her back into the bed after he used his arms to stopped her movements, comforted her and caressed her softly to her unbandaged part of her head after she decided to not fight back the boy. The boy was soon shed some gentle tears, showed his concern over her condition. The girl was confused at this warmth from a stranger who don't even know her. But she decided to enjoy it for a while.

"It's okay, Rei...it's okay. You don't need to fight. Just...just get well soon, okay?"Said Shinji while continously caressed her hair. One of his tear, the left one, fall down from his cheek into her face, but it's not a sign of fear. Those tears were sign of compassion. It was unclear if he did it because there's a resemblance from her regarding his mother, or it was because of how he was raised to become a strong, but compassionate man. All that matter, was that this compassionate act from him, was genuine.

 _What's this...feeling? It made my heart warm.  
_

 _His tear. It was...enjoyable._

"Pilot Ikari, the time is running out."

"Come on, Shinji. We need you to pilot it for us."Said Ritsuko, who just came out from the LCL.

"Shinji...we have no other choice."

"You can see the situation now, Third Child. We don't have time and any other choice, and so do you."

Shinji was disgusted at this situation. His father clearly has planned this long before this day to couted him into the situation. If he was still the wimp his father intended him to be, his heart and his mind would be already crushed by now. Saved the world because you have no other choice is cruel, but being coated into doing so is another kind of cruelness. But now, all he felt was anger. He wanted to run into the command room, faced his father, and punched him right into the face.

But he had to act now, so, ironically, everyone think his tough facade is all an act, and ready to crack on heavy pressure.

 _Alright. Time to act wimpy._

"I mustn't run away...i mustn't run away...i mustn't run away!"

It took several moments after this before Shinji speak again, with Gendo's grin filled the needed screentime. Silence was the main actor, however.

"Okay... I'll do it."

* * *

"Your synch rate is 45,12%, Shinji. Very good for a first timer."

"Allright. Where's my weapons, Doc? I'm ready to tear apart this monstrosity that called itself an Angel and insulted at least 10 major religions on the world." Said Shinji. He didn't feel that he needs to stay wimpy for the rest of the fight. After all, they already had 30 minutes to prepare for anything, included the LCL thing, which he complained before Ritsuko and Misato scolded him for it. Soon, he'll get his revenge. He wanted it, and he'll get it.

"Ummm. They're not ready yet."

"Wait a minute, wait a minute. Just...wait... a minute. You people called me at last seconds when you can do it long ago so i can at least have basic training, your moral set is so low that you can emotionally blackmailed me by a crippled teenager to help you guys without second thought, and you don't even have any weapon to help me destroy this thing, when you guys have enough time to build this very complex Geofront's complex? Holy shit. You guys are really more incompetent than i thought. And i already set my standard low after that Misato's picture with arrow pointing her boobies."

"WHAT?"

"Well, excuse us, Shinji, but if you really know what's going on around here, you will know that we also have others problems other than Angel that's called time and budget constrain and distrust from the UN! We're so strained by time that the second child is not our option now, as you know, third child!"

"Right. Incompetent people that surrounded and bossed by morons. Jeez, and i thought i could escape those bad movie cliches like those stupid bureaucrats in real world."

"GAAAH! This kid is too hard-headed for my taste!"Said Ritsuko, not knowing that part of her sentence could've raised eyebrows toward anyone who misinterpreted her words. Once she realized it, she could do nothing but pulled her hair and screamed incoherent obscenities.

"Um, Shinji...we need to have a talk about respect to authority later."

"Sigh. Okay, Misato."

 _I have to be more considerate in my jokes later. I don't know that they're really this tense. Then again, i live with wisecracks all my life that don't care if i make a stingy jab or two on them. Hey...this feeling...it's like what Mr. Norris and Li did to me to tap into my inner power, my soul, my inner life essence. Wait, that means that this robot has a life essence too. A soul. So it's actually a living being in a sense?! Oh. My God! Hmm...i need to check it out.  
_

And he began to meditate.

"Um, Doctor Akagi. Can you check this out?"

"Hmm, what is it, May-HOLY SHIT! 75,4%?"

"75,4%? Don't tell me that's Shinji's current synch ratio?"

"Yes, Misato! Shinji! How did you-"

"I'm meditating."

"...Meditating?"

"I can feel a large amount of energy inside this being, Doctor Akagi, so i decided to free my mind to get a clearer image on it, and bingo! I got higher synch ratio. So, if i guess it right, this giant robot is alive in a sense, and if it feels pain, i can feel it too, right?"

"...Right, Shinji."The crew were in awe at Shinji's ability to detect energy from living beings, including Misato, who forgot that Shinji has been trained in Aikido, Kung Fu, Silat, Jeet-Kune-Do, and several other kind of martial arts until now. Right now, Gendo and Ritsuko considered three possibility for their next actions regarding Shinji. First, they are going to designated Shinji as the fourth Angel. Second, they will clone him for their dummy plug system. Third, they will throw him into jail for being such a pesky kid that can't handle his curiosity from anything classified. For Gendo, the latter points were his stronger priorities, with the first one only a thought from the really evil part of his mind, which is surprisingly small for all the atrocities he did. For Ritsuko, it was the first one.

But since martial arts have been involved, they decided to let it go for now. Those guys can break stacked bricks, after all. And Shinji already distrusted them enough for now.

"Doctor...i'm the one here who need to have some talk. There are so many things i want to ask to all of you right now."

"...Um, look, Shinji. We can have some talk later, but let's just focus on fighting the Angel for now, okay?"

"You got it, Misato."

"Um, and in case before it's too late, Shinji, you have to deploy your AT-Field in your EVA to fight the Angel. That's the only way to fight their own AT-Field. Don't worry. With your spiritual control over the EVA, you can do it with ease." Said Ritsuko. She decided to use her own common sense before Shinji teared her a new one.

"Better late than never, Doc."

 _Perhaps i can contact the soul with deeper consentration, but i don't want to caused even more commotions now. After all, i have a more important task to do now._

* * *

The fight against the Angel has been an exciting one in that.

Despite Shinji's synch ratio dropped to 62,6% once he get to fight the Angel and had to break his meditation, it's still more than enough to make it quick enough to do some of the moves that has been taught to him.

And the crowds were on joy.

"Holy shit, he's fast!"Said Maya, as EVA-01 managed to dodge several rapid AT Spikes from the Angel. The giant purple robot was nearly got it's right eye stabbed by one of those AT field manipulations, but Shinji managed to move fast enough so the spike only scratched it's head. It still hurt like hell, and he won't let it do something like that again.

"Look at his neural kinetics! They're way above normal!"Said Makoto, which in response got an awkward stare by the less geeky members of the crew, and it meant most of them, although a slight chuckle from some people showed that his reference worked...or rather, they laughed at the awkwardness.

"Oh, my god! Is that even possible?"Said the cynical Shigeru who needs to saw by his own eyes regarding things that his friend considered as hope and coolness to confirmed it for himself, and he did just that.

The crowd were in awe. The EVA showed an impossible act of grace and flexibility for a robot, and a gargantuan one in that, by did a split and hit the Angel with such a force from her punch that it's red orb began to crack.

The Angel lost it's composure. It began to grow it's muscles even more and striking the EVA with even more speed and strength. The EVA managed to block some of the punches, but it's not ready at the Angel's increased speed and strength, which resulted in some of the attack managed to sneak and landed into it's intended target.

"GWAAAH!"

Shinji was in pain.

And he's pissed.

"Fine...Now you ask for it!"

Shinji now got into a fighting stance.

"What's he doing? What's that stance?"

"Aikido. An art of fighting where you manipulate the enemies' momentum to be use against them."

"Isn't Aikido is a defensive technique, Makoto?"

"Yeah. But it could be used for more malicious means. That's what i get from Seagal's movies, at least."

"You mean.."

"Yes. He wants the Angel to tastes it's own medicine."

The angel was now thirsty for it's second successful attack, and it began to strike again, without the knowledge about the pain that awaiting in front of him.

The angel striked it's spike into the right eye of the EVA, intending to pinned it down so he can uses his AT spike continously into the brain of the EVA, tortured it for the humiliation that it got from the fight. But just before the spike managed to land into it's target, Shinji managed to grab the arm of the spike. The Angel already expected it, and it readied it's second spike.

What it didn't expect, is what the EVA actually would do after it caught it's attack.

The EVA twisted it's arm in several places, resulted in the agony of pain from the Angel, caused it to forget about it's second AT Spike that can be helpful in this situation. The EVA then proceeded to stab the Angel's core with it's own AT Spike, resulted in the red orb got cracked even more.

"Wow..."Said the crews in unity of awe. Even Gendo's little bit of humanity in his heart couldn't deny the fact that his son has some sick moves in his pocket.

The Angel, now lying helplessly just to comfort himself away from the agonizing pain, saw what it considered as the ultimate terror now. The purple humanoid bio-mechanical creature. The EVA-01, Test-type. She's ready to do the last blow to his cracked orb, ended his agony painfully.

But the Angel still has a surprise in his pocket.

"Shinji, no!"

Misato screamed at the suicide attack from the angel, which created a cross beam that reached the sky high. The Eva, ungulfed by the Angel that wrapped it's body around the Evangelion before his last attack, was forced to taste the center of the explosion by herself. Right now, the smoke crater was too thick to show anything that happens to the purple monster.

The joy from the fight, was now changed with suspense regarding the survival of the Evangelion, and it's pilot.

"Maya! Tell me about his status!"

"Shinj-The pilot's status is detected! His pulse showed a stress sign, but otherwise, it seems that medically, he's fine! Except for one thing..."

"One thing?"

"Strangely, i can't get his brainwave pattern..."

"No...don't tell me he's..."

"Pilot Ikari! Can you hear me? Pilot Ikari! Shinji? Shinji!"

No answer from him.

Well, at least he's still alive. Perhaps they can still salvage his braindead body for another use.

 _No. Surely he's a jerk sometimes, but still...he doesn't deserves this._

"Shinji to the earth-i mean, Geofront! Hehehe. *Cough*. I'm still alive and well, copy!"

"Brainwave pattern detected, sir."

"Yeah!"Screamed the crew, fist bumped at the survival of their most colorful member. For a while, they forgot about the grimness of their job.

"Oh, thank god. Shinji! What's actually happened there? We can't get your brainwave for a second!"

"Well, before the thing explode, i pulled these...clips thing off my head."Said Shinji, as he pointed the two interface headset.

"Don't want to taste the experience of suicide bomber's victims, after all. Can't be pretty."

"Goddamnit, Shinji! Do you know how many times you nearly gave me heart attack today?"

"I don't know. But you did have some insurance, right?"

"Yeah, right. As if that will help me back from my grave."

Both of them chuckled at the way their conversation going.

"You know what, Misato? I'm going to be a good boy from now on. Or at least, just for the remainder day. I'm tired, Captain. I just want to sleep."

"Well, good to know that i can get some rest, too."

"Shinji's out."

And so, Misato entered another conversation that has been ready for her.

"Our day's going to be more...colorful now, Misato."

"And more headache-inducing. God, that kid's a pain in the ass sometimes."

"Yeah, i know. I still can't believe him calling all of us incompetent dorks."

"And now i believe that he purposefully tortured me in our way here."

"What's the story?"

"You don't wanna know."

"Whatever. But i don't believe him to be malicious in his intents. Just very blunt without constrain."

"Yeah. He did immediately helped Rei once he saw on how banged up she is."

"And you know what? He's sometimes more logical in his thinking than even me. After all, he lowered his standard for us after he saw your scanti-clad photo."

"Say the cat-obsessed freak."

"Yebisu drunkard."

"Fake blonde."

"Kaji's whore."

"Hey, take that back!"

And so, a catfight began. The crowd was dispersed into two section. The first section was analyzing Shinji Ikari's moves to improve their own coolness factor. The second and last section was busy betting on the winner of the said catfight. Most went for Misato.

 _Meanwhile, in Gendo's office._

"Your son's...quiet different from what you envisioned."

"And yet he's still close to what i want. He still has some vulnerable points in his heart. He still cried against big issues for different reasons. We can still exploit him in some ways."

"It's not in your scenario, Ikari."

"I never intended the scenario to happen exactly the way we set it."

"What...what do you mean?"

"There's too many variable for us to maintain the way our fate flow, Fuyutsuki. Too many power struggles around us, too many free wills waiting for their own chance to regain their love, too many unpredictable events that can change the outcome of anything... But as long as there's still some resemblance to what we envisioned, we can still adapt ourselves to the change of events around us. Our plan...is still a likely outcome."

"I...I see."

With that, Gendo's trademarked smirk, which was patented alongside Gendo's pose, appear at the face of the man himself.

* * *

A/N: Oops! It looks like that not only the younger Ikari that also has the ultimate power that missing from 90% Anime characters which is called common sense. How did this happen? How much of it is the truth? And how much of it is a false confidence? And why's Gendo acts...bipolar? Find out next, on Evangelion Z!

Oh, also, no. SxR is not the couple i intended for this fic. Well, not yet, anyway. Until the seventh angel or so, his attraction for Rei is still in friendship/caring way out of sympathy after he saw her went like that. After that, it will come as either brother love or romantic one, depending on my mood.

Also, yes. Shinji's basically scrawny, smartass Kenshiro with pop culture knowledges. Why else did he cried for Rei's pain?

* * *

IT'S OMAKE TIME!

#1

 _His tear. It was...enjoyable._

And then, Rei licked Shinji's face and eyes to get more of those tears, caused a nosebleed geyser came from Shinji's nostril, knocked him out. He's still a teenager, after all. The video of this accident went viral in internet, which unfortunately shut down after the Third Angel finally managed to get into the Dogma Chamber. Once the angels finally managed to gain the same intelligence as human, they declared it as the fastest viral video that tooked down in the first day it's went public.

#2. Internet Angel 1

Shinji was pissed.

Once he faced the angel, it immediately shapeshifted and covered the EVA, and he blacked out at the instant.

Now, he's stranded on the wood, without any knowledge regarding what the hell he's supposed to do in the first place.

He saw a page nailed on the tree, and he tore it off.

And the static and scary music played.


	3. Soul Education

Disclaimer: I don't own Evangelion and related things, including Anno's life and his depression. Also, yes, i still hate Q with all my life.

Also, yes, i believe that Gendo's not pure evil, since he was still clinging on Yui after all. But some Gendo bashing will still delivered to him. Huehehehehe...

* * *

 _Hmm...unfamiliar wall. Nice corner. Oh, hai, ceillings!_

Shinji Ikari was rarely had the sight of his room's ceillings as his first sight after he woke from his sleep. Whenever he sleep, he usually tilted his head to the side, or just having his entire body facing the wall. Even if he did face the ceillings when he awaken, his head's still tilted enough to have both ceillings and wall as his first sight in the morning. Having his head untilted to any side as he fell asleep without any body movement made afterward was never an ergonomic position. For him, the chance that the first thing he would do in the morning is mumblings about some unfamiliar ceillings is as ridiculous as a pagan tried to negotiate with buddhist terrorist for the price of his buttocks.

As he sat up, he saw the sight of several cards, flower and chocolates in the desk that was placed right next to his bed. After he read all of the cards and ate some of the chocolates, he smiled at the warmness that came from the well meanings of the letter. All of them were mostly about wishing him to get well soon, despite him being only exhausted from all of his fight. They also mumbled at how awesome he was at his first fight, with some of them said that they wondered if he learnt the aikido from Master Race Seagal himself. There are, however, two of them that took his interests more than the others.

The first one was from Ritsuko Akagi. She wrote about her plans to make his next fight much more pleasants than his next one, as well as several forms of apology regarding the incompetency of her fellow colleagues, deliberately excluded herself from the list. The plans from her were including the improvement of EVA weapons (she noted at how ridiculous it is to have to fight apocalypse monsters with a lousy knife and conventional guns when they already knew about the invincibility of AT fields, as if they were already asking for their own death), getting some money from independent contractors like Microsoft or Ubisoft that interested in making a game series from EVA fights, making sure that the EVA pilots would get paid nicely, and something about taming the soul of the EVAs.

Shinji raised an eyebrow at the taming part. Indeed, there are many questions he needs to ask, but he never thought that it would involve something supernatural. But neverless, he was glad that someone finally used their own common sense just like him, even if that person rejected the mention that she didn't use it before despite being so obvious that she did it. Looks like he's going to make some positive change in that place after all.

The second letter was just another admiration letter. What caught his interest is the fact that the sender called himself/herself 'Mysterious Admirer'. In addition to the anonymity, the sender seemed to be in incredible level of denial, as the letter berated and praised him at the same time. It's rather comical to read the letter berated him for taking some of the hits that he could've avoided while talking about how awesome is it to see the EVA did a split like Jean-Claude Van Damme.

Shinji wondered about the identity of the sender. Misato? There's another letter assigned to her name. It would be inefficient and nonsensical to write two different letters with same intention. Rei? She was too banged up on pain to do something like this, and he had the feeling that the blue haired girl was too uncaring to even remotely care about this bullshit. Gendo Ikari, his father? NAAAAAH.

* * *

ACHOOO!

As per any japanese norm, cliches and tropes, someone need to sneeze if someone talking behind their back, preferably embarassing stuffs regarding them.

The man, was Gendo Ikari.

Gendo Ikari was a man with a thousand of different plans, with readyness to adapt himself and manipulate the others that could rivaled even David Xanatos and Satan. Knowing all the weakness, strength, patheticness, and obsession of his personel and even his employee, Gendo Ikari had the whole cards of the game at his pocket. It was a miracle for anyone else to be able to scored on mother and daughter like he did with the Akagis, but for the older Ikari, it was Tuesday.

And yet he couldn't control about the simplest thing that made his heart remembered the feeling that he used to has when he still embraced emotions of humanity.

It's called admiration.

Indeed, the Commander still had the feeling that was steemed from the positive side of humanity, although most of it was reserved for the soon to be not-late Yui Ikari. He sensed worry when Rei's activation test failed, and his...steamy moments with the Akagis would not be worth anything if he couldn't sensed passion, despite it was nowhere passionate and lovely enough to deserves the name itself. He already expected himself to be unable to threw away all of his humanity, and would actually used them at the time when he is expected to show some sympathy, like throwing fake approval to Shinji sometime in the future, just as planned.

What was not planned, was the little humanity that was left in his heart aching so bad to screaming loudly in proud at the awesomeness of his own son.

Indeed, at this time, he was unsure if the anonymous letter he sent was really a good thing to do, but with the negative stuffs he mixed with the admiration, he's sure that he wouldn't get motivated from it in the least, and at least his son would never guessed that it was him. After all, no one there considered him to be a mad, pathetic middle-aged man with deep psychological issues, right?

Neverthless, with the stuff he considered as yet another pointless deviation of scenario now being put down out of his interest for an indefinite hiatus, Gendo Ikari set himself into the next plot to break the psyche of the Third Children.

It's called jealousy.

* * *

Shinji Ikari was confused. Scared. And shocked.

There are things that he expected to not running like it was supposed to be, to be frankly. He never expected everything will be perfect like he planned.

But those few things that outwitted him...in some ways were more than enough to set his mind out of his comfort zone.

First, was his father's reaction to him. He met him in the way on elevator from his attempt to find the bathroom, and he still called him Third Child. That's expected.

When he asked where he's going he said that he went to seek Ayanami, effectively made it clear that he was more concerned about the girl than his own child? That also expected.

When Shinji proceeded to act mopey, looking down the floor with frown as if his world just ended? That's necessary.

His father then showed his patented evil smug grin? Definitely expected.

His father secretly muttered 'nice split' before they parted? That's new, brotha. And very, very out of character. And uncanny.

Second, and final point, was and currently his counter with the First Child.

He was expected her to fake her sleep when he visited her or just acted indifferent, then he talked some things to her, wished her to get well soon, caressed her hair softly like he did when he showed his concern before, and stole a glance of her blushing lightly when he get out of the room.

The fact that the first thing she said was an offer of friendship, was very out of his grasp of savvyness. Hell, the fact that she talked at all was already unsettling for him.

"Why?"

"As a fellow pilot, it would be convenient."

 _Ah, convenient. She is still not sincere or know social skill at all. I even bet that my father ordered her to do it._

Not knowing to either grinned or looking down from her explanation, Shinji decided to lash her with a blunt force. After all, it seemed that the girl need something extra spicy to knock out her icy wall.

"Okay, Ayanami-san. I'll become your friend. But first, how do you feel about me?"

"How...i feel?"

"Well, if you want to be a friend with someone, you need to feel something good about them that made you... attracted to them. If you don't, it will be a fake friendship. I don't want us to have a faux relationship, because it will bring nothing but bad things in the end."

"I...see."

"So, what made you want to be friend with me, outside of being convenient as EVA pilot?"

No answer from her. Shinji then decided to did what he do when he met her first, but even softer and more out of caring intent than impulse. He also caressed her cheek softly, feeling out of her soft skin.

"Well...how do you feel?"

It took several moments from her before she answered. The answer was obvious, and yet still...alien for her.

"I feel...warm." Said her monotonously between his patting and caresses, but with very slight tone that made it clear that she was confused by this feeling.

Shinji then smiled at her. If she was ordered to speak again, she would also said that she felt even warmer from his smile.

"Then i'll be happy to be your friend."

Shinji then set his foot to get himself out of the room. Before he managed to get out of the door, Rei felt that it was her turn to ask him.

"You... cried before. How does it feel?"

It's not took long for him to answer her. With a different, sincere tone.

"I feel sad. To see you like that."

"I understand. Is crying an appropriate answer when you feel sad?"

"Yes. But it can be used for another thing. Like, when you feel happy and glad." Shinji answered. Deep down, he was truly sad at her absolute lacks of social skill in life to not even know the feel to be sad. It was obvious for him that his father was somehow responsible from her predicaments. He also somewhat felt that it was her first time to be truly talkative and delivered more than one question.

"Happy? Glad? Shouldn't you...smile when you're happy and glad?" Said Rei. For some reasons that she couldn't convey, she felt she need to asks more. As if she didn't want the warmth from her interractions to leave her for a while.

"Yes. But you can be so overwhelmed by your happiness that you somehow cried. Human's emotions are complex, Ayanami-san. Sometimes, even i don't understand them." Said Shinji, as if he knew about her lacks of understanding regarding human and assured her that it's not that bad as a flaw.

"I...see..."Said her, half-lied. It's still nice for her to manage to grasp some of the basic outlines of crying, however.

"Well...it's nice to have some talk with you, Ayanami. Let's have some talk later. I need to ask...lot of things with Doctor Akagi and the others."

"Fine. Goodbye then, Pilot Ikari." Said her, with a blush on her cheeks that anyone else could've easily missed.

Shinji then walked away from the room. Secretly, he made a mental note to himself to find out things regarding the blue-haired girl. He somehow felt that there's more to her upbringing that need to be fixed, and it can be used to pissed his father's off, without him knowing the real culprit.

And so, he grinned.

* * *

"Oh, shit!"

"HELP! I've fallen and i can't get up!"

It was not another reference to outdated culture from Makoto Hyuga. It was a sincere plea for help from Lieutenant Ibuki.

The cute bridge bunny was trying to impress everyone around her by did that split from the recently acquired EVA footage. As obvious as the cry, it backfired horribly.

 _Oh, my. I hope sempai didn't notices me._

As she was being helped by her fellow members of trio bridge bunnies, she accidentally took a glance to the door, and she noticed that her sempai, DID noticed her.

She immediately paled so bad that Rei's skin would look healthy compared to her. In the background, Shigeru secretly took another photo for the memoirs.

"Pathetic."

If that word was uttered by the Akagi, the female bridge bunny's skin paleness would beat even a literal ghost.

Luckily, it was her fellow purple-haired friend that made the remark.

"I'll show you how it's done."

Captain Katsuragi then did the aerobic move with grace that's not the same with the EVA, but neverless, it's still good enough to wowed the others. After that, everybody did a split, using Misato's tutorial for this purpose.

"So Doctor, for my first question-"

Unfortunately, the boy that they waited for made his entrance at this glorious moment.

"...Is what the hell are you all doing here."

It was everybody's turn to paled out. And for the Lieutenant, it was her second.

* * *

After their sight-seeing on the city fortress (which both amazed Shinji and made him threw a question at why they didn't do it before since the city's damage was happened. HORRIBLY), they had some talk before their arrival into Misato's apartment.

"Satisfied, Shinji?"

"Yes. Although i'm still dissapointed by my rather low security access."

"Well, you're kinda new, Shinji."

"I guess, but still..."

Some moment of silence came before Misato spoke again.

"So, Shinji, ummm..."

"What, Misato?"

"Well, my apartment has some surprises, so-"

"It's a dump, and has some kind of strange animal in it?"

"How...how do you know?"

"Just some wild guess. I thought that maybe you're some kind of quirky captain who, you know, firm and harsh in the battlefield, but has a softer side in the private life. Also, Ritsuko said that you're a drunkard. And a weirdo."

"Well, yeah...kinda." She was embarassed at the drunkard and weirdo remark. She will get her revenge later.

"So, Shinji, would you mind if we clean it together when we get home?" Said her again.

"You know what, Misato? Don't worry about it. I'll do all the cooking and cleaning for you. I said before that i will be a good boy, right? Well, i'll be a good boy from now on, for you."

"Wow, thanks, Shinji! You're a big help!"

"You're welcome, Misato. Oomph!"

And Misato glomped him at her glorious chest, before he asked for some room to breath, blushing heavily. He was still a teenager, after all.

* * *

 _In the midnight, in some kind of very secret chat room in deep web._

IkariSword: So..how is it going, the research for Rei Ayanami?

0L7: Well, kid...that girl lives in a dump.

IkariSword: Like Misato's?

0L7: Worse. Take a look at these.

Surveillance photos of Rei's apartment popped out.

IkariSword: Holy crap...

0L7: Best parenting in history.

IkariSword: I know.

0L7:We all know.

IkariSword: How did that abandoned complex exist, anyway? Isn't this city just newly build?

0L7: Beats me.

IkariSword: Well anyway, this's more than enough to send my father into the court for child abuse and negligence...

0L7: Want me to do it now?

IkariSword: Nah. They will only send someone with similar agenda like him in this case, and possibly even worse. You know, evil council and all.

0L7: And Rei and some others will break down from it. So, what will we do with him for now?

IkariSword: Just send Mr. Lundgren to 'accidentally' wrecked down the whole building from 'wrong' assignment from his construction company before she returned. And you can order Mr. Gibson to send some crap into my father's apartment as his protest to NERV regarding the monster's Angel code name and all. The photos can be used for blackmails in the future.

0L7: You know, i'm amazed that you still call him father after all this shit he did. Good idea, by the way, kid. I like it. Very.

IkariSword: I still believe that he can be saved, like Mr. Willis said. Speaking of Mr. Willis, how is he doing?

0L7: Well, he's going good with his NERV's sponsorship and all.

IkariSword: Will we get a giant Coca-Cola's ads in the back of the EVA?

0L7: Haha, no. Although i will be glad to play some EVA video game or movie from those sponsors. It's going to be fun.

IkariSword: Speaking of fun, i'm going to school next week, 2-A. What shall i do there? For fun, you know.

0L7: I'm going to send some files regarding your class. Maybe you can get some good idea from there.

IkariSword: Your advice?

0L7: Get some fun. And be a good boy there. ;)

IkariSword: Oh, i will, Mr. Brosnan. I will. :)

* * *

"Okay, Shinji. We'll get you try to tame the soul of EVA-00 now."

"I hope this will be the last, Doc. God, that plugsuit thing was embarassing as hell." Said Shinji. And very justified one. He was...naked! In front of an attractive bottle blond, nontheless!

"I know, Shinji. But it's our necessary protocols. How is EVA-01's soul feel like, anyway?"

"Wild, but warm. Like, having a tiger as your mother."

"...Okay. Just get it with the test, first. We'll talk about it later." Said Ritsuko, not telling him the truth...for now.

Shinji now entered EVA-00's plug, at their attempt to make it bend to the pilot's will. They would not risk the chance of Rei got injured again.

"Synchronization at 44.54%. Shinji, are you on deep meditation?"

No answer from him.

"I guess that means yes. God, what's making it so difficult to control?"

Then suddenly, the prototype EVA broke out of it's restrain.

"Kosu! Oh shit!"

"Shut it down! Now!"

"It still has a minute of active time from the battery power!"

The cyclops was standing on the front of the observatory room, readied it's punch...and then it stopped.

"..Huh?"

"What just happened?"

"Synchronization rate...63,33%..."

The EVA then went down, leaving them to retrieve the Third Child safely. There he was, holding his chest with obvious pain from his expression.

"Uhh..."

"Shinji! Are you allright?"

"Yeah. I'm okay." He answered weakly.

"What's happened there?"

"Revenge...Rage..."

"What?"

"Vengeance...That's what it wants..."

With that, Shinji carried into the medical bay. He only hoped that he will get some good days after this nightmare.

* * *

Shinji Ikari was having a time of his life.

If there is a world record regarding the most influental new kid in the block, superhero stuffs thrown aside, Shinji would set a standard that will be hard to be broken by anyone else in mind.

Both Misato and Mr. Brosnan told him to be a good boy there.

Of course, being a good boy has a very broad definition. And by his own definition, he just needs to be helpful.

First, Rei's apartment got demolished, resulted in her now living next door to Misato. Gendo was pissed, need to say more. And Dolph Lundgren survived his onslaught that Gendo ordered to Sector-2, thanks to some friends in the block. Mel Gibson meanwhile, was stay anonymous from his trashing of Gendo's apartment. Now, that apartment held the permanent mark of very big 'SINNER!' words on the wall, toilet, floor, carpet, and his boxers briefs.

For Rei, her social skills will be less shunned from now on...as soon as she get less confused from all these new things that happened to her. Neverthless, a slow mark of her improvements has been noted.

Second, he made the living fossil that occupied the teacher slot in his class become the most interesting man in the school. By interesting, he meant that the old fart became conspiracy theorist regarding Second Impact after his proponents regarding the logic flaw of the meteor theory hit the mark of his brain. Now, the old man always telling his ramblings regarding his theory about the truth behind Second Impact, from simply aliens to NERV being run by aliens. Kensuke was jealous at his popularity, although he knew the only way to rivaled Sensei's newly found popularity is to find a wig, and declared that 'Angels did it. Why? Because angels, that's why'. In short, even Kensuke was weirded out by this idea.

Third, he was very popular at school. Oggled by girls for being a stud, loved by nerds for unofficially erected the conspiracy theorist club and made it popular instead of plain nerd junk, and popular at the Jocks circle for his cool martial arts move, Shinji Ikari was an idol at his school. After he told everyone that he was, indeed, the pilot robot (he decided to tell it later after he fixed some things first), he was practically a celebrity in his school and the block around it.

 _One day, at lunch..._

"TOAST!"

The stooges then toasted their drink.

"AAAH! This's the stuff!"

"Toji, you reminded me of my drunkass guardian."

"Captain Misato? Man, i still can't believe that hottie is Yebisu drunkard and a terrible cook. Way too hot for her lazy ass."

"Me too, man. Me too."

"Do you guys ever rate any girl outside of your perverted scale of hotness?"Asked Shinji. Those are some nice people, but still...

"Well, this guy do." Said Kensuke with a grin.

"What do you mean, Kens?" Said Toji with death glare.

"Oh, nevermind." Kensuke quickly shrunked from fear.

"Still. I think it's nice for her to act like that around you. From what you said, she sounds like a very different person in her job, always acted irritable regarding some of the antics."

"I know. That means she's very much treated me like a family, as she showed me her side that she never shown to the others."

"Man, Shinji, you're really a smart person."

"Thanks. Say, Toji, how about play-fighting with me? Like, said, what will you do if i didn't give my sympathy to Mari, giving her NERV support for her recovery, visiting her and all?"

Indeed. Shinji was smart enough to visit Mari Suzuhara as soon as he heard that a little girl was hurt from his fight. The fact that she said he actually helped her from being stomped by the evil Angel was the final move that made any anger that still resided in Toji's heart vanished.

"Well, i'll kick your ass to the Mars, that's for sure."

"Oh, you think you can defeat me, then?"

"Well show your move, chump!"

Toji then playfully threw his punches into Shinji, which he countered with his blocks. Toji then grappled with Shinji, which Shinji delicately countered with a not-so-powerful arm snap. After Shinji threw him with his Wushu move, Toji managed to land a kick to his back. Shinji then decided to do a move that he never showed to anyone else.

He ran away.

Or more accurately, he did something that would make any traceurs jealous.

He used all environment around him to escape from the three stories tall building. Wall, Pipes etc, and succeed in his way, before he gave the other stooges two middle fingers.

"Come back here, you coward!"

"Catch me if you can, bitch!"

"Curse you, Shinji Ikari! CUURSEE YOUUUU!"

When the tallest stooge turned around from his dramatic yell, he saw a pale-skinned girl with bandages around one of her arm.

"Oh, Ayanami-san. What can we do for you?"

He asked it, she gave it to him.

A slap. From her good arm.

"OW! WHAT THE HELL?"

"You are not permitted to harm Ikari-kun in any way." Said Rei with authority, sending shivvers to Toji's spine.

If there was one thing that Rei Ayanami sure about what she should do after all things that happened to her in the past few weeks, it was that the First and Third Child were meant to protect each others. She did the research regarding what a friend should do to each others, and since Shinji was her first, thereby logically granted a special place in her relationship, she decided to immediately jump into the stage of close friend. It was logical, after all.

And the next step, was to do some action to show this bond.

Kensuke, shocked at the display of what he can call as Tranquil Fury from the both most likely and least likely source, somehow gained enough confidence to clear the tense misunderstandings.

"It's...it's not like that, Ayanami-san! Toji and him were just...just playing around!"

"Then explain for why he ran away after you kicked him." Said Rei, still stared at Toji.

"We're really just play-fighting, Ayanami! You see, it's... looked like we're fighting, but we're really not. For him running away, i guess he just wanted to show off his catlike moves here."

"...I don't understand."

"Well, let's just say that we didn't meant to harm each others here. Also, he just wants to amuse us all."

Silence was her answer.

"Anyway, what brought you here, Ayanami-san?"It was Shinji's time to ask, shouting at the three of them.

With logical explanation that her voice needed some amplification to get into the hearing range of her fellow pilot, she changed her way of speaking.

"A blue pattern was just spotted in Tokyo-3! We have to move! Let's go!" Said Rei. It was her first time in her life to shout at someone.

"The angel attack again? Hmmm..." Kensuke mumbled, as the pilots ran into NERV.

"No, i don't want to be included in your scheme of getting your own footage of EVA fights, Ken. Shinji's right. EVA is one dangerous motherfucker."Said Toji, looked like the only one who got shocked from the sight of Rei shouting and all. Then again, Kensuke already had his share of weirded out by the girl.

"*Sigh* Fine..."

* * *

Once they went down to their designated shelter, they immediately talked even more regarding what's happened around them in the past few weeks.

"Hey, Kensuke."

"Yeah?"

"I know that Shinji was phenomenal, but i don't think it's even possible for him to-"

"Made Ayanami like that?"

"Yeah. It's...kinda scary, you know. She was like an ice block that forced to endure...a human life since long ago, and when he came, in instant, she-"

"Nah, it's just between them. She's still like her usual self with us and others."

"What's happened between them, anyway? It's definitely took something extreme to made her feel something around him."

"Beats me. I'll just assumed that he did something big to her in their first meeting, and she felt something for him because of it."

"You mean love?"

"Nah. Her brain would melt from trying to make sense of it alone. I mean, she was confused by fake-fighting's concept alone, right?"

"Haha, you're right. She's quiet dumb regarding the way life is going. Oh, by the way, Ken. Who's the guy that asked for your footage of EVA fight?"

"That guy."

Toji saw the guy, and gasped. He was bald, over 6ft, muscular with mean look at his face, like a redneck super soldier.

"No way!"

"Ya, way!"

"Why you don't tell me this before?"

"I don't know that you like professional wrestling, Toji."

"Basket and Wrestling are living in my blood stream, Ken. Anyway, i would gladly help you in this case. Just to have a chance to talk with him."

"Thanks, Toji. Okay. Let's sneak out before she see us."

"The class rep is here?" Toji gulped, as they sneaked out.

"Yeah, and it's not going to be pretty if-"

"Suzuhara and Aida! WHERE the hell do you think you two are going?!"

The boys nearly wet their pants from this experience. Luckily, it gave them an idea for their excuse.

"Je-jeez, Horaki-san! You nearly made us wet our pants!"

"Yeah. You made our need to..empty our bowel movements not needed anymore. Don't...scream on us like that again, will ya?"

"Huh?"

"We want to go to the bathroom! Now!"

"Oh. Sorry, then. But i would like an adult to supervise you. Just in case. Who would-"

"I'll do it."

The raspy voice answered, and both Kensuke and Toji bathed in joy at this.

 _Oh, shit! Oh, shit! He's going to come with us!_

"Don't worry, little girl. I'll make sure that they're going to be safe. 'Cause Stone Cold, said so!"

* * *

A/N: What's Stone Cold Steve Austin doing in Tokyo-3? And what's his agenda behind all of this? You'll see. Just see. Huehehehehe...

Also, anyone else found it ridiculous, the unfamiliar ceillings thing? Because as far as i know, that sleeping position when you faced the ceillings entirely is very unergonomic. Shinji's neck must be hurt. No wonder that he's spineless...

Yeah, my silly mumblings. Just move on. Sorry.

PS: I think i'm going to make it Shinji/Rei story since the story is already went to 1/3 serious, 2/3 silly fic's direction. It's not going to hurt anyone. Also, i'm rather shocked at how many ShinjiAsuka stories compared to ShinjiRei. I thought it would be a bit even, leaned more to Asuka, but Asuka and Shinji's stories are so overwhelming in numbers it's not funny. We need more of the blue haired goddess's romance with her not so related pilot, dammit!

Again, sorry. My silly mumblings. Move out, people!


	4. Expendables 1: You can (not) fight

PS: Thanks for Kagami Arata to point out my mistake regarding Demolition Man and Running Man. God, how could i mistook both movies? Don't worry. I've fixed it.

Also, in case someone pointed that Rei's relation with Shinji went too fast, remember: Not only Shinji was actively tried to make contacts to her, with strong first impression and all, but Gendo ordered her to befriend him too, for sake! Now tell me. Tell me if that's not a perfect formula to quickly made them a friend without made them very OOC. Don't worry. There will be consequences in the future for them.

Wait a minute. Isn't Shinji already OOC? Ah, whatever.

Now, all have been cleared up, it's time for some legal bullshit.

Disclaimer: I don't own Eva. Happy, Anno?

* * *

Two man were watching the sky, drinking their whisky as something on the sky that they had interest for finally became clear to their eyes. They saw problems.

"It's time..."

The Mass Produced Evangelions, were ready to be deployed.

"Hei, Willis!"

"Yeah?" Willis answered, as he was ready to get into the time pod.

"We have a request for you."

"What is it, Sly?"

Stallone wasn't the one who answered him.

"Make us know first." His friend, the Governator was the one to answer instead.

Willis didn't respond back, decided to get into the pod as quick as possible. But it was clear for both of them that Willis would do his deed and made them know first. No form of words were needed for the three friends.

Both man continued their drinking, as if the world was not deserves their service anymore. Of course, it was quiet clear for them that it was. The world, was going to end. All for the selfish fantasy of several man, and as much as they hate it, they knew that their true warrior in the new timeline that they just about to create, was held the same belief here, that world was nothing but pain, and also held a sick, irrational, and yet much simpler fantasy for his own life.

"He's going to make him happy."

"I'm sure...but i hope he knew the root of the kid's problem in the first place."

What Stallone said made Arnie sighed in disbelief at this.

"We all know, Sly. We all know that his father was to blame for all of this. Damn Gendo somehow managed to convince the kid that he was the cause of the rift between both of them, that he was to blame for it in the first place. Foolish boy somehow keep deluded himself and believed it from the beginning to the end, desperately craved for his attention while i would just punch him in the guts and kick him in the groin and moving on after that. Heh...And now, the world will end because of him getting fucked up more and more after the 12th Angel incident."

"And the others were not much better. You know that Ayanami is one hell of a weird girl when our test concluded that most likely, she would give the choice for the fate of the world to him."

"Haha, yeah. Shouldn't she gave it to someone more stable, like...the president? Or hell, even us."

They bursted in laugh as an image of Stallone and Schwarzenegger got cryptic questions from Lilith when they turned into LCL played in their head. And then, they stopped.

"While SEELE deluding themselves now that what they are doing now is for the best of the mankind, let's remember the fact that some people are just content with their life, shall we?"

"Well, i'm content with my life...even if i miss the real quality food that became very expensive after Second Impact. How about you?"

"Almost, Arnie...almost..."

As these two man saw the one they loved the most in their life, popped out in front of them to comfort them, they knew what was actually in front of them.

"You maybe a fake one, girl, but damn... you're really a good fake."

An illusion.

And yet, their heart yearned for it.

"I miss you."

And so, they gave in.

* * *

"Uh...i need to go to the bathroom, too..."

Hikari was nearly pissed. Literally. And it made her nervous that she couldn't find the door to the outside of the shelter.

"Um, excuse me, but where's the door to the outside?" She asked to a random woman.

"Dunno, but why should you? Everything's here. Even the bathroom. No need to get to the outside." Said the woman while shrugged.

The bathroom was here.

The bathroom

Was

Here.

Hikari realized something.

She, the smart, pretty class representative, was tricked by some foolish stooges.

GROAAAR!

The whole building and occupants were trembled in her scream.

* * *

"Popcorn?"

"Here. Caramel flavored available."

"Beer and Yebisu?"

"Here."

"Sodas?"

"All popular variations are here. Even Dr. Pepper."

"Okay, guys, i think we're ready to enjoy a good show..."

At this moment, Ritsuko, Misato and Rei entered the room to observe the second Angel fight in the history. They expected the bridge bunny trio to scrambled around, tried to get everything for the fight right so it would gone in their victory and they wouldn't pissed off their superiors and the snarky, yet logical Third Child.

What they saw instead...well...it's like they treated the battle for humanity as yet another Super Bowl game.

"What's the meaning of this?!" Ritsuko screamed. Meanwhile, Misato's jaw dropped to the floor, while Rei's mouth opened slightly. But it was clear that both were shocked and didn't know how to respond to this.

"Oh, hi, sempai!" Maya greeted her in the most cheerful, innocent way possible.

"Don't hi sempai me, you little-"

"Care for some Sprite?" Asked Makoto, cutted Ritsuko off from her throwing rants at her protege.

"No! I don't require any!"

"Can someone tell me the reason for...whatever happened here?" Said Misato, out of her trance.

"Hai."

"Shigeru Aoba. Talk. Now!" Misato snapped.

"The Third Child spoke to me yesterday."Said him, unflinched by Misato's order. "He said we need to take thing easy, enjoy our life... What's a better way to have some fun than watching our pilot kick some ass? And i thought some food will be needed to further our enjoyment, so...there you go."

The trio that entered the room were left stunned, before one of them talked under her breath.

"That brat...and i already fond of him." Misato muttered. Indeed, she was a party animal in the house, but at work, she was all for business.

"Yeah, but...this is a matter of our survival!" Ritsuko added, but the way she delivered it, it was as if Misato didn't talk at all.

"Relax, Doc! This's just the second Angel, anyway. The weaker one come first, right?"

"URGGH!"

"What is it?"

All voices that would come out were drowned by the soft voice that came from the azure-haired girl.

"It's popcorn, Rei." Maya answered.

"Popcorn..." Rei said, in tone of little curiosity.

"Wanna try some?" Maya offered Rei her bag.

Rei then grabbed some, before she ate them immediately in one take. Since it had word 'Corn' in the title, it would be logical to assume that it wasn't made from diary product, so she didn't hesistate. She gasped at the taste.

"It is delicious." Said her in surprise.

"See? Caramel flavored is the best. Even our ultimate poker-faced pilot loves it!" Said Maya while grabbed another bag.

"Shut up, Maya!"

"Come on, sempai! Try to have some fun here. Don't be such a tightass clown!" Said Maya, offered some beers and sodas.

"I-"

"Rits?"

"Yes?"

"Just...go with the flow." Said Misato, as she took three Yebisu can. She definitely needed more of those soon.

* * *

"That thing's big, isn't it, kid?" Austin asked, his right index finger pointed out at the Fourth Angel.

"Yeah, Mr. Austin. Very." Kensuke understated.

"It's always another experience to see something by your own eyes. I remember when i met Big Show. He's even bigger than in TV."

"Wow."

"So, anyway, sir...what are you doing in Japan, anyway?" Time for Toji to ask.

"Aside from wanting this personal footage of EVA fight?"

"Uhm, yes."

"Well, let's just say that i have some unfinished business here..."

* * *

"Synch ratio, 74,23%." Makoto exclaimed. As his scheduled meditations in the EVA proved, Shinji's connection with his EVA became even better.

He wondered for why the EVA-00 was so hard to synchronize with him. As of now, he only got into 52% at full meditation. With EVA-01, he passed 85% mark already. It's not went berserk anymore, but still...

"Ready to rock, Shinji?"

"Always, Maya. Always."

"Shinji, how do you feel in that plugsuit? Personally, i thought that thing was a design of perversion by the designer..." Asked Shigeru.

Somewhere, an unknown man sneezed at his dirty magazine. And if EVA 01 and 02 could sneeze, they would too.

"Lookin' sharp. The connection hiccups is nearly gone by now, and i got an even clearer feeling of the EVA soul."

"Good to see that fetish suit did it's purpose, after all."

"Shinji, i don't know if i should be grateful or scolding you for all of this..." Ritsuko loudly mumbled, not amused by the attitude of the bridge crews. When she meant common sense, she didn't meant that they should take it like if angel attack was just another soon to be crash site.

"They're having fun, aren't they, doctor?" Shinji said while grinned.

"Way too fun. We're supposed to be the last line of defense on earth, not some soccer fanatics." Said Ritsuko, still facepalmed to make her headache fade away from the whole thing.

"Well, if they're really soccer fanatics, then expect some riot when i lose, Doc."

"Not. Funny. Shinji." She exclaimed in punctuation harshly, made him sweatdropped before he got back into his smile.

"Sorry, sorry. Anyway, is there anything else that's really strange happening in the command room?"

"Not much...if you think Misato get drunk and Rei eating popcorn as normal."

"WOOOHOOOO! That's the stuff!"

"It is really delicious." Said Rei, still munched her popcorn. Her bag was nearly empty, as she really craved for it. Of course, she didn't know that she was supposed to eat it while watching his first and only friend's fight.

* * *

"Austin..."

"Sly..."

Kensuke and Toji had an orgasm at this sight, as well as advanced case of testosterone poisoning.

"OH MY GOD!"

"Stallone is here, too?"

"Yeah. It's me, boys. Since i retired, i become an architect. I was scanning this area, for new shelter bunkers and all, before i found you two, and you..."

"Toji, i don't know that being an architect can be this manly."

"Me too, Kens."

"So it looks like this old lion is still ready for some can of whoop ass. You still looking good, by the way."

"You too, Austin."

"Wait a minute. You two were enemies?"

"Well, something like that. But i want to close the hatch now. This whole mano-mano thing is getting silly. Just one simple fight, and we all done." Stallone explained.

"Wait. So, the EVA fight..."

"We want you to record us fighting, while the EVA fighting the Angel in the background. It's that easy, boy."

Toji and Kensuke couldn't believe this macho bullshit.

"You guys eat too much red meat..."

"I'm going to grow a pair of balls on my chest if these things keep happening..."

* * *

"EVA-01, Launch!"

So, the EVA launched.

"Um, Doc..."

"Yes, Shinji?"

"Am i really going to fight a giant pink dildo?" Makoto snickered at this. "It's like the worst tentacle monster you could ever imagine."

The crowd went into burst of laughing (except Rei, of course), before Ritsuko's death glare struck fear into their eyes.

"Just fight the damn thing."

"Well, at least we know one thing."

"What?"

"God does have a sense of humor."

Even Ritsuko couldn't helped herself to avoid her chuckled at this. Meanwhile, just for trivial matter, Shinji just succeed in confused Ayanami even more. She decided to do more research as soon as all is over, and one of her tasks was to find out what's dildo and tentacle monsters are.

* * *

"The purple warrior has been launched."

"Really, they need a better paint job..."

"Yeah. So, anyway...ready, Sly?"

"Always, Austin. Always."

Stone Cold didn't say anything again, launched a lariat on Stallone as his answer instead, which Sly blocked and countered by his right hook. Austin easily blocked Sly's punch and delivered a nasty blow to his gut, but not without got a good kick to the shin before Stallone fell to the ground out of pain.

"Woah! They really get it going on, aren't they?"

"Just record it, Ken! This is one rare opportunity out of our life to witness and filming a real fight between these two!"

"Rare? More like one life opportunity!"

Just when the bald former wrestler readied it's punch again at the still down former actor, the ground shaked violently, made him lost his footing. Kensuke then looked at the fight between EVA and the Fourth angel. The EVA just judo tossed the angel, succeeded in dodging all it's whip lashes before.

"Oh, man! I nearly forgot about the EVA!"

The angel attacked the mechanical son of Lilith again, but the EVA already deployed it's double progressive daggers from both of it's shoulder pylons, successfully cutted one of the whip. As the EVA struggled with the angel when it's whip coiled around one of it's dagger, Kensuke switched his focus to the fight between both burly man. Sly successfully pinned Austin to the tree, now delivered several punches to the ribs of the larger man. Austin was obviously in pain, but he managed to get loose by elbowed Stallone's face.

"This is way too cool! EVA battle on the east coast, and these two on the west!" Kensuke exclaimed in joy. Meanwhile, Toji was wondering if he would get pregnant at the end of all this machismo display.

As the macho mans wrestled on the ground, Kensuke looked up to the sky to the giant beings fighting. He saw EVA-01 delivered several quick cuts to the abdomen of the Angel, made it bled for quiet some good measures. But she got headbutted at the end of the attack, and got whipped by both of it's energized whips out of panic attack. The EVA stumbled to the ground, her armor was pierced from the attack, caused her to bleeding slightly. As the EVA fell in spin, the crew saw a glimpse of four humans on the hill.

 _In the command center_

"There are people that still not evacuated yet?"

"What are these stupid people doing out there?" Misato asked, somehow sobbered up on the way.

"Maya, replay the scene, zoom and scan their face."

Lieutenant Ibuki threw away her popcorn and soda, for once took her job seriously. The scanner began it's work after she got the picture.

"Hmm...Aida Kensuke...Suzuhara Toji...Steve Austin? Sylvester Stallone? AND THEY'RE FIGHTING!"

"What? Repeat, Maya!"

"Doctor Akagi, i said Sly and Stone Cold Steve Austin are in a mano-mano fight, beating up each others."

The crowd went silent at the sheer ridiculousness of the scene, before our certain drunkard shattered the silentness.

"BOOZE FOR THE DUDES! WOOO!" Misato decided to threw away her little sobberness and get drunk again. It wasn't worth it at this moment, anyway.

"God, so much testosterone in this battle." Shigeru said in disbelief.

"Maya."

"Yes, Sempai-i mean, Doctor?"

"Can we classify Shinji as Testosterone Angel?"

 _In the battle area_

"Come on, Shinji my man! Get up!"

As Toji shouted at EVA-01 to get back at the fight, which luckily for them, the Angel took it's time to take some rest and healed it's injuries, Kensuke kept recording the fight between his employee and his target. Stone Cold was pinning Stallone on the ground, beating up his face with his fist of furry.

Sly surrendered.

Austin win.

"Heh. Looks like the old one running out of gas first, eh?"

"This body's not the same anymore..."

"Yeah, make up some excuse for yourself, old man."

"Shut up. You're not that young, either."

"Well, at least it's all over now."

Suddenly, another man struck Stone Cold out of blue.

"Ouch..."

"Sly! You okay, buddy?"

"Arnie, it's okay. He's not hurting me, really." Said Stallone, despite his swollen face looked worse than his face at the end of Rocky I.

"Really? Well, then sorry, Mr..."

"Austin."

"Oh, it's you. Well, i'm really sorry, then."

"No, it's fine. You really don't know about this, don't you?"

"Nah. Sly just sneaked out on me. I don't know that he had Rambo in him all along." Said Arnold, caused the others to snickers. After some time, Arnie's tone then changed to something more out of concern.

"Now, we need to get out of here quickly."

"Eh, but..."

"Kensuke."

"Yes, Mr. Austin?"

"Arnie knows better than you. Longer than this, and your precious footage may got trashed by the fight. You don't want that, don't you?"

"Well, yeah. Still..."

"No excuses! You already had Stone Cold Steve Austin fight Sylvester 'Sly' Stallone from the beginning to the end in your little cam! That's already good enough for your collection, kid!"

"Okay, i got it." Said Kensuke, slightly dejected. He then shouted at his friend, who got rather distant from them when he got too focused at the EVA fight.

"Hey, Toji! We have to go!"

"Hmm? What? Arnold Schwarzenegger is here too?!" Toji got surprised when he turned around.

"I'll explain later! Just go!"

"Okay, okay." He mumbled.

Unfortunately, he was too far from them to catch by in time. A whip got in the way between him and the others, left a crater between them that's too huge to jump over. Worst, the EVA was again thrown away from the attacks of the angel, narrowly missed Toji by 2 metres. By 2 metres, it meant Toji's life was decided by the length of the EVA's pinky.

Toji was pissed...himself. Literally.

"I'm gonna die...i'm gonna die..."

"Kensuke!" Shinji screamed via external speaker. "Just get away from here with the others! Toji, get in!"

"Shinji, that's against-"

"Don't pull da Chief on me, Doctor Akagi! It's his life that's matter the most right now."

"...Okay. But i hope this's not going to make you less effective in the battle, Shinji."

As Stallone, Sly, Stone Cold and Kensuke ran away from the scene, Toji could do nothing but waiting for the hatch to open up. He cringed at the EVA melted her left hand when she catched both attacking whips with one swipe from the said hand. Meanwhile, the Angel got one of the dagger stuck at his back for his trouble, which caused him lots of pain.

"That's gonna leave a mark..."

Ignored the pain, Shinji threw away the angel to the left side by the sheer strength of his EVA.

Finally, the hatch opened.

"Come on! Get in!"

Toji complied without hesistation. His life was in jeopardy, after all.

"What the hell! Are you trying to drown me here?"

"Don't worry. You can breath on it." Shinji answered in exasperation, since it was so obvious that he was breathed from the said liquid.

"Woah! You're right!" Said Toji in amazement.

"Shinji, your synch ratio dropped to 56%, and you only have 75 seconds left. Have a plan?"

"Ah, yes. The umbilical cord. Why the hell did you name the cable that, anyway? It made me feel like i'm on the womb of the EVA."

"65 seconds, Shinji..." Ritsuko was unamused by his unseriousness at this dire situation. Even the bridge bunnies began to took the battle seriously. Meanwhile, Toji nearly threw up at the fact that the EVA was so freudian.

"Okay, i got it."

With that, Shinji charged at the angel. The angel used it's whip again, only to be dodged by Shinji's aerial maneuvers. Shinji, got into the back of the angel, stabbed it's head with the dagger, pulled the other dagger from it's back, and stabbed the core after he forced the Angel to turn around.

"Keep the faith, Shamshel!" Shinji exclaimed, as he slammed the dead body of the angel to the nearby hills. With 5 seconds left on the screen, he took both his daggers back for a victory pose, which Maya delightfully saved.

The crowd in the command room went into the wildest party ever organized in the whole Geofront after they witnessed the most brutal kill to any squid ever made. Ritsuko, finally giving in, danced with Shigeru and Makoto to their joy, while Maya hugged Rei and brushing Rei's cheek with her own before she popped out another beer. Rei definitely needed some explanations right now, as she felt a warmness to her from not only Maya brushed her cheek, but also from the sight in front of her. This was definitely yet another weird experience for her at this week, from finding out that her apartment got demolished, to the fact that you can faked a fight. Shrugged ever so slightly, Rei decided to open another bag of popcorn and worry about these things later. Perhaps Ikari-kun also hold grand knowledges of tentacle monster like in martial arts, too?

"This one is salty..." Rei said, sighed in slight dissapointment.

 _Meanwhile, in the now idle EVA_

"This smell..."

"Yes, it is. The liquid smell like shit."

"No, Toji. The smell is different. It's like... amoniac."

Toji gulped. He remembered that he...

"You pissed on your pants, didn't you?"

Toji gulped again.

"Oh, fuck you, Toji."

They went into silence after that, waiting for the rescue team to come. Unfortunately, Toji pissed again at the thought that Shinji would beat the crap out of him after he found out that he was the source of the uninvited, unpleasant odor. Shinji simply punched his gut for his problem.

* * *

A/N: Woohoo! Yet another decisive win for Shinji Ikari. Will Gendo force something cruel on his little doll and awesome son? Will Shinji run away because of Misato's unecessary reprimandment like the original series? Will Rei get to eat caramel popcorn again? Find out next, on Evangelion Z!

Also, Gendo will become crazier and crazier as the time goes on, while somehow stay competent in a way. And next chapter will have Rei's fluff and angst with Shinji comforted her! Woo! What a fast development for the half-angel!


	5. Shinji the Tsundere

Disclaimer: I don't own Evangelion, Anno's life, WWE, WCW, and Hollywood. So don't sue me, pls.

* * *

"So, what brings you here?"

The three burly man were just finished their scolding from the purple haired Captain. Even with their experiences with woman, military and guns, a very mad woman was still every man's weakness, for they don't know what kind of wrath they will face from her. They could face the scary but somewhat incompetent Section 2 agents whose forcibly brought them into the NERV without even flinched, but a very aggravated, drunk woman was still a bane for their sanity.

"Aside from the fight and personal footage?"

"Of course, Austin. Duh." Said the man who best known for portrayed Rocky.

"Well, i just want to ask you two something, Arn, Sly. What if Third-"

"Shh." The man who portrayed John Matrix placed his index finger to his mouth and made the sound to silence the former bald wrestler down. "The Section-2 and Gendo will hear us." He whispered.

"No need to worry. The section-2's new leader will make our action here easier. Just...don't speak loudly." Said Austin easily.

"You mean...the bastard really hired Hiroshi Fujioka and Clint Eastwood?" Said Stallone in surprise.

"Yeah. Don't know how, but he really did it."

"Well, Gott damn. Things definitely going easier than we thought. So, anyway, what do you want to talk, Stone Cold?"

"The Third Impact. If i recall correctly, we can control it, right?"

"That's what Gendo wanted to do, and the real purpose of Rei Ayanami. But judging by the thrown, crushed Gendo's glasses from the future Willis's document, i think she lost her faith at the commander just after her second death."

"So in conclusion, we never know." Arnie added.

"Well, i don't know if it's 100% proof, but with current condition, i think this could actually worked for us."

Both the others man were at disbelief at what Stone Cold just said. They were here to stop the third impact, and the guy just said that he wanted to do it for their own gain, instead?

"Austin...are you out of your mind?"

"We're here to prevent Third Impact, not caused it."

"No, no, no. You don't understand. Think about it. The boy, Shinji, is going to change Rei and Gendo into better person, right?"

"Yes. That's his purpose right now."

"Well, like i said, think about it. If Rei has the understanding regarding humanity with her interaction with Shinji and all, shouldn't she be able to control her power when she becomes one with Lilith, and instead of unite the souls into one entity, she fixed the problems in the world, instead?"

Both man were struck at this. They never considered the possibility before, that instead of become the maiden of destruction, Rei could become the healer of the world instead.

"Well...you have a point there."

"But still...our primary priority is to stop Gendo and SEELE." Sly added.

"I know. We have the same objective with all of you after all, to save the world and all. We just think the possibility regarding the power from Lilith. It could be very useful. We can fix the polar cap, Antartica, the axis of the Earth et cetera. And, if Rei had the will to stay fucking alive, which is very likely if Shinji is successful in his mission, she could even return to life once she's done, so nothing to lose, and everything to gain."

Both the other man were on thought about this again, before one of them talked.

"In any case, we just hope Wrestling Humanity Organization will not make stupid decision with the knowledge of this possibility before we decide, Austin." Said Schwarzenegger.

"Or else..."

Both man pointed their finger like a gun to the head of the bald former wrestler, and made a gesture like someone who shot their gun, before they blowed the tip of the 'gun'.

"I understand. It would be unwise for us to fight each others. We're on the same boat, after all." Said Austin, unflinched by the two.

"Glad we can reach an agreement, Texas Rattlesnake." Said Arnie with a warm smile.

* * *

"Just what the hell did you do, Shinji?" Said Misato with venom on her words. The fact that she was still at her hangover state after all those Yebisu she drank still did not make her any less scary.

 _Oh, here we go again..._

"Look, Misato...i don't appreciate these kind of Da Chief talks, you know." Said him, with frown on his face.

"No, Shinji. I'm not repriminded you for being ruthless, reckless, or whatever kind of talk that the police chief in those movies always for some reasons angry for. In fact, i'm very proud for you out there. You fight the angel without making too much destruction around the battlefield, no civilians were hurt, and you managed to take the incentive for the safety of Suzuhara Toji."

"So...what are you angry for?" Said Shinji innocently. He really didn't know what made her angry in the first place.

"Shinji...have you ever wondered, that you might bring the wickedness of the others around you?"

"You called me a weird magnet, Misato?"

"Just take a look around you! You made Ritsuko drunk in the workplace, you convinced the bridge bunnies to treat the angels fight like super bowl match, somehow we caught two teenagers and three adults tried, and succeed, to record their fight in an EVA fight just for the sake of being manly, and now," Misato facepalmed from her hangover state "Rei got addicted to caramel popcorn!"

Of course, at this moment, Misato didn't know that right now, Kensuke was trying to make a deal with the bridge bunnies regarded his Stone Cold vs Stallone's fighting footage...feat giant robot's fight. Or Rei currently asking the technicians about where to buy those popcorn. It was a really surreal situation in the Geofront at this moment.

"Hey, blame the last one to Maya, not me!" Shinji countered with a fact.

"ARRGH! You don't know what kind of trouble you got me into! How the hell did the commander got the idea to make me get Rei off the hook from those popcorns? And how am i going to do that in the first place?!" The christmas cake snapped, as if she didn't listen at his argument at all.

Shinji couldn't hide his grinning smile at Misato's predicament, which made her tone of voice went cold out of anger.

"What was that for?" Said her, sent the chills for the Third Child's augmented spine.

"Um..nothing. Well, Misato...i think i can help you regarding Rei. She's already my friend, after all. And i've already promised to be a good boy for you, right?"

"Ah...already make your move, eh?" Said Misato sheepishly, ignored the latter part of his promise. Her anger subsided for her teasing tendency to ascend and dominate her mind.

"If you want me to be honest, then you should know, that Rei was the one who offered her friendship first to me. And additionally, " Said him, not realized that Misato's face was already on shock. _The ice queen was the one who made the move?_ , she thought. "We were already friend before she moved out." Said Shinji, hopefully that it would made the tease backfired.

"SHE WHAT?" Mission accomplished.

"Beats me. I don't even think she had it in her subsonciousness. I think it's because my father told her to get closer to me...although i managed to make it genuine in some ways." Said him while shrugged initially.

"Aha! I knew even Rei couldn't resist your charm, young casanova! So, tell me. You think that Rei is quiet a looker, don't you?" Teased Misato at the boy. The boy then tried to picture Rei's facial features and figures, which made him realized that Misato Katsuragi, was right.

"Um, i think it's normal for boys to know girls that look good and..." Said Shinji, unable to complete the sentence he wanted. Boy, that one backfired horribly.

"Ha! I knew it! You're a normal boy after all!" Said Misato, feasted delightfully at her first victory in the game that's called teasing Shinji, which she has been failed repeteadly before. Misato:1, Shinji:20 or whatever.

Shinji could do nothing but blushed furiously. Indeed, he thought since the beginning that Rei was quiet attractive for an albino who struggled in living decently like any normal human beings, but he wasn't bothered by this too much until the purple-haired bastard teased him out of this. And he couldn't deny the fact that now, her lithe, graceful, fragile image now printed on his mind like it decided to reside on him for a while, unable to make it cease to exist. And the image only grew stronger with time. _Damn teenage hormone_ , he thought.

 _I just hope my father's scenario would not changed after all of this..._

* * *

"ACHOO!"

Once again, Gendo Ikari proved that Japanese, DID sneeze when someone talked on their back.

And once again, Gendo Ikari was having a bad week.

As if the bickering between him and SEELE regarding the changes of the scenario (bastards too stuck out of their asses to even willing to adapt slightly) was not enough to drive him mad, the whole changes regarding his own scenario that even he couldn't comprehend just added the topping to the rotten eggs he just got showered on from the god.

Now, the bastard king of the NERV had to face the lost of the abandoned building that was necessary to keep Rei in her shell, the lacks of grimness in the NERV working area, with partying, celebrating and all, the suspicious hollywood figures that somehow kept popping out of nowhere without him being unable to pin point the corelations between them, crazy conspiracy theorists from the Junior High school and certain former hollywood actor, and worst of all, Rei just embraced one thing in the world.

 _Damn caramel popcorn, out of all things_ , he said.

Worst of all again, he couldn't blame his son for the last one. The whole responsibility was at Maya Ibuki's shoulder, and he didn't know how to punish the cute lieutenant without making anyone suspicious and/or losing their respect at him. Ah, if only it was his manly son that was... _argh! Stop thinking that your son is awesome, dammit!_

 _This situation is require...a drastic measure..._

Now, Gendo had two files in his hand, entitled:

Easy way, and hard way.

 _Now...which would suit the new changes to the scenario..._

* * *

 **Several weeks later**

Rei Ayanami was a very confused girl.

There were so many changes that was done in her little world that she unable to fully comprehend them.

 _This is all Ikari-kun's fault,_ her logical way of thought that has been hardened to stay like that until her real purpose accomplished said.

And yet, she couldn't bring herself to reject those changes.

Especially the popcorn.

 _And Ikari..._

Now, to explain in short about how many changes were made at Rei's expenses, well, let's just say that Rei now had to deal with new home, new friend, new addiction, and tons of other miscellaneous things that couldn't be easily explained. So many things happened around her, that she couldn't find out the reasons behind many of it in the first place. She was hoped that Shinji Ikari, her new and only friend, could explain some of her problems.

And now, it was impossible because of one man.

 _Why's he wants to break us up? I haven't...found anything he asked for._

From logical point of view, the order to break their friendship was a very illogical one. For one, Rei hadn't found anything about Shinji that could be turned against him. For another one, it meant that the previous order was cancelled prematurely without any good reasons. For yet another one, he was unecessarily rude toward her when he gave the order, meant that he was angry at her for little to no reason at all.

And she didn't want it to end. That's the most illogical thing that she found.

 _He said that bonds to people for me were unecessary, so why i hesistate..._

And then, she remembered how her friend acted toward the new situation.

 _Shinji Ikari...you never trembled when you face the new situation that you never heard off. When you pilot the EVA, you were so confident. When he brought me out, you immediately come to my aid. Meanwhile, i..._

At that moment, the glasses of the commander, a reminder of his kindness at her accident, was crushed by the force of her hands. Tears began to flow from her eyes, as the new emotion took over.

 _Not fair._

Jealousy.

 _It's so unfair..._

* * *

 _Okay, here we go..._

Shinji Ikari was facing the biggest situation any boy could ever face for their first time. At his hand was a bag of caramel popcorn, the only thing in the world he knew that Ayanami really liked. On the other hand was the new sign in card for the NERV personnel, designed for the First Child.

He also had to face the... face of his new crush.

Indeed, the situation did not made sense at all. Shinji already went to Rei's new apartment plenty of times to visiting and cleaning around it, and even brought some stuffs for her to use, like television, books and carpet. And yet, thanks to Misato's reminder of her attractiveness, Shinji found himself to be rather awkwardly not wanting to be anywhere near the girl out of the concern that his macho image will be ruined. In short, he was lovestruck. Ah, but what he could do? He went, she teased. He didn't went, she teased. Lose-Lose situation for him. Everything to lose, and nothing to gain.

Of course, he already cared for her in a way before. It's just the reminder from Misato that made him realized that Rei Ayanami was not only a fragile girl, but also quiet of a looker.

 _Well...it's not like i'm visiting her in the first time, am i not? Also, i'm just delivering her new card. And...it's just a crush! Not anything like true love! Hell, i don't even know why a simple tease made me like this! Just take it slowly, and...got it. Now, where's Rei-oh, shit._

There was the blue haired girl, quietly sobbing in her bed. Her hands were cupped on her face, muffled her sobs that was already quiet enough to not be heard by anyone outside. Luckily, this time, she wore her pajamas. Shinji still remembered when she came out of her bathroom with only towel covered her breasts, thus confirmed that the carpet, indeed, match the curtain. It was thanks to his coordination that he didn't face faulted and fell into her in the first place.

 _I wonder if that was the reason for why i got into this situation in the first place...nah. 80s action movies had more sensual scenes than that. But then again, i never see the lower part of woman directly before, so i...AH! What am i doing! You have this cu...girl sobbing on front of you, and all you do was thinking all those dirty scenes? Come on, Shinji. Be a man!_

As Shinji went into her room, the girl took a glance at the invader. The glance was very short, to the point that even the boy who had been trained in his life to enchance his senses didn't manage to notice the sneaky eye. However, it was enough for her to steal a glimpse of the figure that entered her room.

Shinji, as what he did before, brushed her hair lightly with his fingers to ease her down, forgotten for a while that he did it against the girl he had crush with. This seemed to be working, as the girl began to look up at Shinji's face, stared at it for several seconds before she muttered what she had in her mind.

"I hate you."

If this was another normal boy, Shinji's whole confidence would be shattered, broken, destroyed, and burned in the lake of fire as the words from the icy monotone of the girl struck his heart. But as he was a manly one and already had experiences with the enigmatic girl, he already assumed that she did not know what she was actually felt, so he did nothing but continued to warm and monitored her.

"I also envied you."

 _Okay...maybe Misato was right after all about me being weirdness magnet. Just what the hell is going on here?,_ Shinji said to himself as he tried to analyze the situation.

"Ikari-kun, what's...what's wrong with me?"

Shinji was needed more time to analyze the situation, before he answered her. A wrong answer could meant something bad. Like, getting slapped or something.

"You feel what we call jealousy, Ayanami-san."

Rei only had a twinkle in here eyes as a sign she understood.

"May i ask you, why?"

The blue-haired girl was no longer sobbed, but a trail of tear was still there on her visible cheek. This time, Shinji managed to take a look at the teary eye. He couldn't deny that she looked cute when she cried.

"You...you always know how to react on the direst situation. You always look so confident when you fight the angels, even when you got hurt by it. Even when you found yourself struggle like when they pressured you into piloting the EVA, you simply returned to your old self after some times pass by. Meanwhile, i..."

She sobbed again, this time louder than before, enough to make the young man felt pity against her. Shinji knew that she was confused by the whole things that spiralled around her, and now the emotional toll finally hammered the final nail to crack the icy wall she put against everyone.

"Ayanami-san...i require some more information regarding your problem." Said Shinji, while still brushed his fingers against her mop.

The girl then spoke again, her sobbing had stopped from his question.

"Commander...he asked me to stop our friendship. He was rude to me when he talked to me, and it was just one of many things i found to be illogical from his request. And i...don't want our new relationship to just gone like that. But i have been looked at him with proud, i put my faith and all to him, and he was the only one who looked at me, care for me before you come. I...i don't know what to do, to obey or disobey him."

 _Well, i could say that he wasn't actually care for her, with she lived in crappy apartment before and all. Still...i don't think breaking her further would be a nice choice, so..._

"Ayanami-san...would you like to take an advice from a friend?"

The girl took a glimpse at his face, before she nodded as a sign of approval.

"Ayanami-san...just because you put your faith on my father, it doesn't mean that you need to obey everything he said and order to you if you feel it doesn't right."

Rei could only looked at his face with disbelief.

"Ayanami-san, i also have faith in my father, in NERV, but i don't take everything from them at face value and do what they say immediately. If i feel what they say is right, i will obey them. If i don't think what they say is right, i will disobey them. NERV is not perfect, and my father, the Commander, certainly isn't too. Do you understand, Ayanami-san?"

The crimson orbs still stared back at him with ferocity. The 14 years old boy only sighed from this sheer blind obedience. This was harder than he thought.

"Ayanami...you were jealous to me, because you felt that i was superior to you in a way. I don't mean to be rude to you, but i think the perceived superiority that you got from me, was because i do what i think it's right, not just do things that were ordered to me. I don't do things that i feel not right, and as you see from the previous fight, Doctor Akagi was against my decision to get Suzuhara-san into my plug. And i managed to win against the Angel despite my plummeted synch ratio and the very short time that i had, so i was right, and she was wrong. I think now i provide the evidence, you will have a better perception at your predicament, Ayanami-san. I don't mean to force anything to you. I just want to help, and it's your choice."

Rei was no longer angered by his words. Not only his explanations were logical, he also meant good from the beginning. She then nodded slowly at him, with her teary eyes now nearly dried up.

"So...what's your decision, Ayanami-san?"

"I think...i would like to stay as your friend, Ikari-kun."

The boy smiled at her.

"Ayanami-san...i like to hear that you now able to make your own choice. Now, to add my point so you would be more confident with your choice, you would like to make the Commander an even better person, right?"

The girl was stunned. She never thought that the commander could become an even better person that he already was. But the current events made her realized that he, indeed, could had some improvements in his life. He was not perfect, after all.

"You're right...Ikari-kun. He could become a..."

"Warmer person? Called me as his own son instead of Third Child or Pilot Ikari?" He smirked.

She nodded. Even before she opened up a bit from the realization, she already noticed that the commander was very aloof towards the others, even if all she could do for the comparation was from the technicians around the hangar. Before, she thought it was necessary. Now, she could see him improved even more as both commander and as person. The idea sounded...good for her.

"But, Ikari-kun...how about his order? The consequences would be not good toward us, if i disobey him."

Shinji then went deep on his thought. Indeed, the bastard would did something nasty to her doll if she disobeyed him. And she definitely would, judged from her choice. Luckily, Shinji Ikari was not only a manly boy. He also a very resouceful boy.

"Don't worry. I have a plan." He said with confidence

"I see. What do you need for me in your plan?"

"Just do everything like you do usually, only try to ignore me when the commander is on sight. I'll handle all of it by myself."

"Okay." She said as she nodded. She then noticed something beside him.

"Is that caramel popcorn?"

He then noticed the thing that he brought and nearly forgotten here. He then took it away from her, just before her hand could take it away. He then wagged his free index finger to her face. The cute, very small pout from her face that she unconsciously made gave him a good laugh. Indeed, the girl had opened her emotion a bit.

"Uh-uh-uh! I want something in return for this."

The girl still pouted at him.

"I want you to call me by first name, and i can call you by first name too."

The girl silently nodded in agreement, but before she could take it away, the boy once again pulled the bag away from her.

"One more thing!" Said him like Jackie's Uncle did.

The girl pouted again, which gave him a good chuckle. Her frown deepened as she felt humiliated by him.

"Can you smile for me, Rei-chan?"

The girl then rather quickly made her mouth's corner raised a bit by flexed her side muscles. It was a rather small smile, but somehow, the smile was still a stunning sight to behold. Shinji was mesmerized by what he saw in front of him.

 _Woah. She's really beautiful..._

He was stunned for several seconds, his eyes were unable to look away from her. Blood began to pump to his cheek, reddened it a bit as a result. It took several seconds before his mind returned to the real world, and he noticed that the girl just snatched the popcorn from his hand. He was comfounded by the fact that she outsmarted him, before he smiled a bit.

 _Oh, you sneaky bastard..._

Just before Shinji did or said anything regarded to her newly rebellious behavior, voices made from two young man at his age shouted at the apartment.

"Yo, Shinji! Let us in, man!"

"Yeah! The class rep is going to maim us!"

 _Kensuke and Toji. What the hell are they doing here?_

Sounds of Pen-Pen warking was the only thing the boys heard as their answer.

"Shit! He's not here!"

"Oh, man...oh, man! I can feel her getting closer!"

Just at this moment, Rei asked him as if nobody else was there.

"Shinji-kun...what is tentacle monsters and dildo? My net for some reasons...blocked the research result."

Shinji could do nothing but stared at her at disbelief. Just before he answered anyone, the deafening roar of a certain female, which is followed by whimpering voices from the earlier two man made his voice refused to get out of his mouth. Loud steps with running like intervals, which is followed by the two sounds of falling objects, which is closely followed by a really loud sound from falling object were the only sounds that came out from the usually calm apartment complex.

 _Misato was right. I'm really a weird magnet._

"You still haven't answered my question, Shinji-kun."

 _Yeah. She's definitely right._

* * *

Misato and Ritsuko were very confused.

Shinji Ikari, the Third Pilot, who was usually calm, reserved, and cocky while somehow polite in a way, now acted like a stuck up, childish youngster.

He called the First Child 'Wonderdoll', pulled his eye lid and sticked his tongue against her and the commander when they were together, and refused to look at her, arrogantly looking away from her.

"Humph! Just because i'm here to tame the soul of EVA-00, it doesn't mean i care for you...Wondergirl!" That was Shinji's last conversation before he got into the entry plug, ended it while sticked his tongue against the blue haired pilot. The girl only stared emotionlessly.

Misato and Ritsuko were at disbelief at the new behavior from the Third Child.

"What's...what's happening?"

"I think...i think i turned him into Tsundere, Rits." Said Misato, which in turn made Ritsuko's wide stare now directed at her.

Meanwhile, the Commander grinned at the newest development. It could only meant that the First Child did something that hurt the feelings of the Third Child, and it definitely meant that she did her job.

Of course, Shinji and Rei knew better.

* * *

"Synchronization at 300% and keep rising!"

"His brain waves keep going erratic!"

"Eject the plug! Now!"

"I can't! The EVA won't budge!"

The EVA went berserk again. It was the first time since the last twenty successful test, and it was worse than before. Shinji's life was now in danger, as he dangerously came close to be disintegrated inside the EVA.

The EVA kept punching the wall repeteadly, as if it went insane. Just when the Captain was about to gave the order to stop the rampaging EVA...

"The synch ratio was at 350%, and now it's steady."

"What's happening?"

"The brainwaves now stable, Doctor Akagi!"

"I have no clue, Misato. But don't do anything yet."

"Commander?"

The bearded man silence for a while, before he nodded.

"Do what she says."

They kept monitoring the EVA for minutes, before the synch rate plummeted into 60%. At this time, the entry plug could be ejected. The rescue team was ready to retrive the stressed out pilot from the plug.

"Thank god. Aoba, release the bake-"

"Don't."

The weak voice from the pilot made Misato stopped her command.

"The EVA...is now ready. Tell Ayanami...the EVA now bore no hatred to her anymore."

"What do you mean?"

"It now...understand..."

With that, Shinji fainted.

* * *

A/N: NOOO! YOU MADE SHINJI GOING TO COMMIT INCEST, MISATO! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE!

Hehe. Just kidding. I have my reasons to not see ReiShinji as incest (outside of Rebuild, since it was obvious that it was the magnificent Anno's decision). You can see those at my profile. And you all will have my explanation in the story later regarding how Rei and Shinji was not related at all. It will be different than the usual explanations like...you know. 1% of Yui DNA yadadada.

Also, don't worry, Asuka fans. She will be awesome in her own way when she appear later.

And what are Kamen Rider 1/Segata Sanshiro and Dirty Harry doing in NERV? And who's the soul inside EVA-00? Will Ramiel attack before Shinji wake up? Find out next, on Evangelion Z!

P.S.: Shinji called Rei Wonderdoll! GYAHAHAHAHA!


	6. Flying brick

Disclaimer: I don't own Evangelion, WWE, AJPW, Hollywood, and Antonio Inoki's awesome jaw.

A/N: Woo! This is the most reviews, follows and favorite i've ever received from one chapter now!

Thank you, everyone!

And to the review!

duskrider: Glad to see you saw it the same way as i am, man! Even though i'm okay with fics that had Rei as Shinji's sister (i even made one recently), i did not saw them as related enough. She's not even pure human, for sake!

Never learned to code: Hey! Even if you dislike Asuka that much, you can't deny the fact that the stunts she pulled off against the MP EVAs are awesome! All she had to do, was to not swallowed herself to her ego, code!

Captiosus- Hyperion for master race!

...You're not going to shoot me?

Captiosus?

Oh my god, Handsome Jack killed Captiosus!

You bastard!

J/K/, lol. Allright. Ehm. Let's begin the fic.

* * *

"So the kid just experienced his first crush now..."

"Ah, love! It was the crowning achievement for Lilim creature!"

"You know, Willis...it's always disturb me on how you much you liked to mock the NERV personnel and the angels whenever i'm around you..."

"I don't have time to hear this nonsense, Jet Li." Said the referred man, now with his fingers interlocked in front of his mouth. "Chan, increase the LCL pressure, and knock him out." Said the former actor, still in the same pose, which in turn made the other chinese raised his eyebrows and furrowed his forehead.

"See, you did it again! What kind of shit did my future self did for me to deserve this?"

"Nothing." The bald man smiled and lied. "Anything else we need to know?"

"I don't think there's anything else. Although this new liaison between him and Rei is kinda...you know."

"Chan," The man sighed. "They're in no way related. Shinji was a normal human being. Rei was a genetically enginereed girl for purpose of holding a partial soul of Lilith to control the Third Impact. With her being modified with Lilith's DNA for the said reason, accelerated in her aging and further modification in her genetic just to make her stable enough to hold her purpose, she is not even related to him, let alone a clone of Yui Ikari. Hell, i would be more concerned with bestiality instead of incest for their romance, with Rei is more like a lab human/angel hybrid experimentation instead of human being. But then again, so does Lois Lane and Superman. Besides...the footage show us better."

"I know. Even if their genetics were similar enough, she's still technically not pure human. Can't be called related, in that case. Different species. But still...it's kinda Freudian, you know?"

"Shinji and Gendo are already freudian enough without Rei and Yui included into consideration." the man answered. "If you look at their photo closely, you will think that Shinji is basically a more handsome Gendo."

The man then analyzed the new information in his brain. Once it confirmed him, his face showed a disgust.

"Jeez, you're right. Man, Ikari family is really a disturbing one when you analyzed them. No wonder they were so unhappy in the original timeline."

"I know." He mumbled twice. "I know."

"So, what you make from this?" Jet Li asked.

"The romance?"

The Chinese nodded.

"The one... that showed us better future is a real possibility." Said the man, as he tried to replace the image of Yui and Gendo with adult Rei and Shinji. He smiled, as they really looked even better than the previous generation.

Indeed, God is with them this time. And all is right in the world.

* * *

 _"Why you still want to help him?"_

"Because-"

 _"Why?!"_

"Because i believe in a better future, including for him."

 _"Even for his crime? Even after what he did to you? To US?"_

"My guardians believe that everyone can change, and so do i!"

 _"Kid...you don't know what he has done to us."_

"Let me guess. He killed you to insert your soul to Unit-00 since it was a prototype model, and it has so many weakness in it's architecture for that reason that it needed the second soul just to make it able to move."

 _"Hahaha. Wrong."_

"...What?"

 _"Unit-00 indeed is too weak to participate in direct combat right now, but all Evangelion need a human soul, not just this one. Although you're right about the fact that he killed us for the easier control of this EVA unit."_

"Then...what do you mean with us?"

 _"Let's just say that we're an amalgamation of the hatred toward Gendo Ikari. And if you smart enough to guess about why we're here, then you should be able to guess who's soul that was inside Unit-01."_

"No...it can't be."

 _"Precisely."_

"My mother...she was inside it all along."

 _"And now you know why we have it hard to still believe that he can be saved."_

"...No. I remember."

 _"What?"_

"It was a mistake all along. She experimented it by herself, and she brought me so she can show 'the bright future'. It was a freak accident, not one of my father's orchestra. My father has done lots of horrible thing, but he has nothing to do with it."

 _"Heh. You're right. I guess our hatred has diluted our memories. Or perhaps it was the soul of the beast. But all matter, is that i remember. He was devastated by it. He was never the same after that...i remember..."_

"So...you forgive him?"

 _"It was a scar that's too deep for us to forgive, young Ikari."_

"I guess so..."

 _"But we won't make it any harder to you. To that girl. Our hatred toward her...was wrongly directed after all. We will oblige, from now on."_

"Th...thanks."

 _"I know you're shaken by this revelation, Ikari. But you still have a fight to go. Show us, that you're right."_

* * *

A bright flash appeared in front of the kid.

 _Uh...crappy lighting..._

He then flipped his head, not care at all for the ceillings. Why should he care for crappy hospital ceillings, for they all looked the same anyway?

 _Oh, Rei is here!"_

"Hi, Ika...Shinji." Rei decided to open the conversation for the first time in her life.

"Hi...how is it going?"

"What do you mean, by is it going?"

"I meant, how are you?" Shinji said, chuckled too for Rei's still rather stunted way and understanding of human communication.

"I'm fine, Shinji." She answered while wondered if he found something funny with her.

"Then...i guess that the activation of Unit-00 was a success."

"Yes. And thanks to you, my first synchronization rate was in the range of 62%." Said the blue haired girl. Unconsciously, she made her first usage for word of gratitude.

"Well, i'm glad then. Of course, since you were already trained for months, you should have a high one at your first time."

 _The fact that...whoever inside it bore no more hatred to you was helping, too._ The boy said in his mind, before his focus shifted to something that Rei held in her hand.

"Say, is that my plugsuit?"

"Correct. The fifth Angel has been spotted since an hour ago. It already made some progress to the Geofront by the usage of it's drill. In 5 hours, it will penetrated the whole armor layers of the Geofront. So far, we only make analyzation toward it without any direct confrontation, since EVA-00 was not suited for direct combat yet."

"I see. Then...i guess i have to pilot the EVA again." Said him with disgust in his tone.

Confused at the meek behavior from the male pilot, Rei neverthless knew what she should said in this situation."I can pilot it in case you do not wish to anymore. Doctor Akagi is ready to rewrite the personal data files. Remember, Shinji, the choice is always yours. If you refuse to pilot the Unit-01, then someone else will. Since i'm the only one who's available of doing so, it will be me in your place."

Shinji only looked at her at disbelief.

"I have to go now, if that's-"

"Come on, Rei. You know that i'm not the type to run away."

"Then why did you hesistated?"

"Nothing." He lied. "Just give me some time. I'll be in command center in 5 minutes."

"I see. But i think i will waiting here." She then said another word she never used before. "Sorry."

"It's okay, Rei. Just another smile will make it up for me."

She then smiled to him, bigger and even more beautiful than before. The boy returned her smile, which in turn made her as the one who felt something warm in the stomach this time.

* * *

"SEGAPENN PENSHIRO!"

"WARK!

"SEGAPENN PENSHIRO!"

"MEOOOW!" *BOOOM!*

"SEGAPEEEEN PENSHIRO!"

"WARK! WARK!"

The sight of a media player played a clip of a Penguin judo tossed a cat, which in turn exploded once it hit the ground, with a heroic instrumental from 90s, complemented with very off-tune singers composed of two males and one female sang the very artistic lyrics as the background music, all over the Geofront was...very refreshing, to say the least.

"Lesson Number one: Always bet for The man with No Name and the original Rider."

"Oh, shut up, Makoto!"

Indeed. A certain pair of Doctor and Captain just bet something against the newly recruited leader of Section-2, and now they had to pay the price of humiliation.

 _I knew everything's better with penguin and cat, but this is ridiculous!_

Fortunately, Misato Katsuragi was in a better mood, and even smiled at the fake commercial. Then again, her pet was in better predicament in comparison to the poor Doctor.

Once the poor little remains of the kitten exploded again, with the aquatic artic bird walked away from the explosion without looking or even flinched, the whole crowd were in verge of awe and hilarity.

"Holy shit! It exploded twice!" One of the man holding his stomach, now on pain from holding his laughter.

"Just like the old commercial. Then again, nothing is really changed."

"I know. They're not even creative enough to change the lyrics. What's Sega have to do with Pen-Pen? And both animals were not even white for sake!" One of the random technician ranted.

"Hey, penguins and kitties are awesome!" The one with glasses countered.

"You got a point."

"Curse you Katsuragi, this is all your fault!"

"Hey, who said that these old man's days were over in the first place?" The shaplier of the two countered.

"And who said we don't need no rifle? Just your trusty Walther PP and HK?"

"Bottle-blond!"

"Minmey!"

"Hey, take that back, bitch!"

A huge, thunderous slap against the face of a Doctor who was too busy to dyed her own eyebrows, convinced the female bridge bunny to join the attack against the Captain in a tornado handicap match.

"Oooh! Catfight!"

In that chaotic situation, both pilots made their entry.

"Um...what's going on here?"

The sight of three woman in catfight was weird enough, but the fact that one of the woman and two of the males wore Judogi and victory fans, with a flightless bird and yellow small kitten in the room, also wore the said uniform, just accentuate the situation. The wrestling trio immediately stood and acted as if nothing happened.

"I thought we had an angel to dealing with."

"Oh, we just take a break. As you can see, we have enough time. 10 hours of preparation, baby!" The one with long hair answered. "Besides, we were bored. Took you long enough to wake up, kid."

"Well, it's not my fault in the first place." He eyed his fellow pilot, both back to their own mask."So anyway, what's the plan?"

"We're going to destroy the angel by the prototype Positron Rifle, which we just borrowed from JSDF." Ritsuko explained, and then she continued. "It's AT-Field is too strong to be destroyed by direct combat, and it will attack anything that moves from certain radius with it's powerful energy beams. The positron rifle will borrow it's power from the whole Japan. In short, we're dealing with some crazy shit right now, we're using some insane strategy right now, and we're in deep shit right now."

"I see." The Third Child said, undermined the conflict inside his head.

 _This is getting more dangerous as the time goes on. I think it's the time to know the future from Mr. Willis...even if i have to risk the new changes that could potentially happen. If my theory that the Angel's power really scaled with each iteration, we're going to be doomed when the seventh come._

"Shinji," The purple-haired captain took her turn." You're going to try get yourself closer to the Angel, and once you pick your best shooting position, get ready to take a shot. We already found the signature of it's core, so once you locked on your target, you pull the trigger."

"Okay. Wait. How about my protection?"

"We already built two shields from a space shuttle. With the combination of it's strength and coolant modification from our newest contractor, we expected it to be strong enough to hold it's beam attack for at least 25 seconds. Rei is going to protect you when you're going to take a shot, while you take the other shield for protection in case it somehow detected you before."

 _Contractor? I guess i have to give my gratitude to Sly and Arnie. Man, they really know everything, don't they?_

"What's with that grin?"

"Oh, nothing." Shinji said, before he realized. "Hey, if the targetting system is automatic, isn't the Wondergirl and her EVA are sufficient enough?"

"Shinji, can you drop the wonder and doll things for Rei?"

"Hey, since she was so obedient to the Commander, and the first one to be chosen, it was a fitting nickname!"

"Fine, Shinji. If that's your wish." Misato concluded. In her mind she was still wondering if Rei was attracted to this Tsundere shit.

"So anyway, the reason for why we chose you, is that while Rei's EVA is now ready for some actions, it's still not combat ready, since some of it's function are not installed yet, including the automatic targetting system."

"Riiiiight. I'm still right about you guys being not competent."

"Shinji, in that case, you have to remember that in all your EVA-00 tests, you were not even allowed to make it move at all. The reason for why we haven't installed everything for the EVA in the first place, was out of safety concern for you and Rei. Once Pilot Ayanami tested it enough, we will install the combat system, including the targetting system and removal of it's muscle restrictions. Is that cleared everything for you?"

"Yes, mam. Sorry for see it in wrong way."

"Glad you see it in my way." The doctor grinned. For the first time, she won her first argument out of the Third Child.

* * *

"So, people! We have a very special guest tonight."

"Bah. You can bring nothing but stupidness, Suzuhara." The freckled girl said.

The kids were on the rooftop of the school, waiting for the fight between the EVA and the octahedron Angel. The two announcer has successfully cooled down the rage from the certain girl with only bandages all over their place without any broken bone as the price, although she was still upset with them.

Then again, these two somehow convinced everyone to watch the battle in the rooftop of the school, and she couldn't resist the invitation since some of her friends forcibly dragged her out of her room. She had all her reasons to be upset.

"Oh, really? Well, class rep, is this guy look stupid?"

A sound of shattered glass, followed with a song from Disturbed, was the prelude for the entry of the guest.

"Holy shit! Stone Cold is here! Stone Cold is here!"

"Wait a minute. There's someone else."

"Two, in fact." Said someone with thick Austrian accent.

"It's...it's Arnold Schwarzenegger!"

"And Stallone!"

"It's not all, boys and girls." The bald wrestler said, before a silhuette of another man joined them.

"No..."

"It can't be..."

"INOKI!"

"ALL HAIL ANTONIO INOKI!"

The class rep was left with her jaw open, as the other kids embraced the heroes of the 60s, 80s and 90s.

"See? I've told you we're good for something after all."

"What? How did you-"

"Well, since my footage was cut short before the EVA finished it's opponent, i did some bargain with Mr. Austin, and the result, was this." The bespetacled boy answered.

"So, class rep? I think we're even now."

At the bright sight of the smiling class jock, the girl tried to hide her blush. She then shyly spoke.

"Yes...yes we are."

* * *

"Really? They put a gun trigger in a giant rifle, of all thing in the world?"

Shinji Ikari, The Third Child, was understandably awed by the sheer insanity around his world. Giant robot, giant monster, drunkard captain, drunkard penguin, bastard of a father, emotionless girl who got addicted to popcorn, and now...

"Man, i thought i'm going to pull the trigger with the computer, but nooo! They had to put the gun trigger of all thing! Who they're expecting to pull this giant trigger, anyway? A Gundam?"

"Pilot Ikari, is something wrong with the trigger?"

"Uh, nothing, Rei." Shinji gulped. He looked stupid with his sole rant, and he had not anticipated someone to popped in soon. "I just had a rant. Don't you think it will be more efficient to use computer instead of manual trigger?"

"Perhaps, Shinji. But computer still had delays for it's command." She said. When Shinji called her Rei, it meant that it was safe for them to conduct a normal conversation.

"I think i got it. But with this fact, i don't think i can left the rifle to shield it with my own."

"Shinji, why do you plan to left the gun and shield it by yourself?"

"Because i don't want you to take the blast, Rei. I care for you."

Not stunned at all, for she knew that he cared for her, the girl with crimson orbs neverthless knew what she had in mind. "I see. But i don't see why it's your concern, Shinji. I am replacable. You are not."

If Shinji's mind was on caring mode, he would caress her hair and ensured that she was special, and no one would be able to replace her, even if it was another Ayanami. Since his mind was on the mode of analyst, he had something else in his mind, instead.

 _Oh, great. My first crush is a walking spoiler on God green earth!_

"Shinji, what's wrong?" She got him out of his musing, as she saw him got out of his mind yet again.

"Eh, nothing, Rei. But regardless of what you think about yourself, Rei, i would not let you die. Just like your objective." Said him. He decided to throw away the negative thought. After all, he knew it was a bad thing to cut someone's relationship in any circumstences without any very good reason, and Rei did nothing negative to him consciously so far.

"I see."

"It's just between friend. We protect each others, right?"

"Right. I've learnt that friends meant to protect each others, just like you said."

"Good. So, don't die on me, Rei. Okay?"

The girl nodded as a sign of understanding. Just before she left, she spoke for one last time.

"Shinji," She said, which in turn made the boy turned to face her. "Thank you for everything."

She then left, just said her first true usage of words of gratitude. The boy was smiled at her back, without her knowledge.

And then, an idea sprung out.

* * *

"So, Ikari...what do you make out of this?"

"My son's conflict with Rei?"

"Yes."

"Either he's in incredible denial with his love, or she really pissed her off."

"Your pick?"

"The latter. Either way, Rei is not the one who got attracted with this bad boy acts." He said with smirk.

 _Oh, sure she is..._ Said Fuyutsuki in his mind, rolled his eyes out of sarcasm. He already knew the truth.

 _Shinji maybe a Tsundere. Rei, however, is definitely a Kuudere! Once you ordered her to break her relationship with him, she had it all set! Oh, it's the youthful spirit of the shadow of Yui Ikari that give me the spirit to stay alive after all!  
_

Or maybe not.

 _Ah. Silly mumblings. It was Shinji who had something in mind, after all. Shinji...i hope you can succeed, even with future changes in his scenario._

Oh, definitely yes.

* * *

"Ready to give up, boy?"

"AH! NOT SO HARD, MR. INOKI!"

"P...please, Mr. Inoki! Don't get so hard on him!"

"OH GOD! I...I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!"

The girl had few knowledge regarding wrestling, but she knew that Figure Four Leglock, despite never brought Ric Flair a cent of victory, was actually a very painful wrestling hold.

"Hey, girl! If he really want to break your boyfriend, he would done it long ago." The bald wrestler answered.

"I'm not his girlfriend!"

"Yeah! I'm not her-AAAGH!"

"I don't like liar, Toji Suzuhara. And i know that this girl brought you a lunch some time ago. Before she going berserk on you, that is."

"IT'S TRUE! I'M NOT HER-AAAGH!"

"Tell me the truth, girl!"

"I...i..."

"Hey! The fight is about to start now!"

With that, both Toji and Hikari were out of their predicament. Indeed, Antonio Inoki's way to make someone realized their love was...unique.

"Two EVA unit? The other one must be Ayanami."

"Yeah! Go for it! Beat the angels!"

Just for a moment, one of the EVA unit turned it's back into the Tokyo-3 Jr. High School. The boys anticipated the EVAs to get closer to them.

They did not. And the crowd sighed in dissapointment.

However, they stopped again. And after some more moments, both EVA turned around and raised their shield, and in EVA 01's case, as well as the rifle for a badass pose, ready to be photographed.

"WOOO!"

"Kick the angel's sorry ass!"

"Good luck, Ikari! Good luck, Ayanami!"

* * *

"Shinji...that felt nice. I feel...prouder now."

"I know you will find it that way, Rei."

An intercom from the command center opened up for them.

"Okay, listen up! You only have at most two chances. So don't waste it up!"

"Roger, Captain!" Both pilot answered.

"And Shinji...i want to know. Why did you made a string to the rifle with the extra cable?"

"Heh. It's obvious, Misato. We're going to need extra protection, and i can't leave the rifle with the manual trigger. And beside, if i'm lucky...i'm not going to share the glory with the doll once it's all over."

"Shinji...could you please stop your hostility toward Rei soon?"

"Only if she proved herself, Misato."

"Huh?"

"See you later, Capt!"

With the connection stopped, Shinji returned to their private communication.

"So, Shinji...how would i be a use for you now?"

"The same like before, Rei. You're going to protect me, in case something not going according to plan."

"I see." She said monotonously, which prompted Shinji to say something else due to his worry that she was dissapointed from the fact that she may not needed after all.

"Hey, i will share the victory with you even if it's turned out that i don't need you in the end! And beside, in other case, we're not going to act distant anymore after this battle! Win-win situation for us!"

"Huh? What's your actual plan?"

"Just watch, Rei. Just watch."

* * *

"Okay, Rei. You're going to wait here. Stay out of the sight. I'm going up the hill alone. In case i have to take another shot, you're going to climb the other hill. Got it?"

"Okay. I understand."

"Anyway, what's the reason for you to pilot the EVA?"

"It's my connection to life. To people."

"Ah, but now you find the other way to connect to people, right?"

"Yes. I found it...in some ways. The Commander, you, and..."

"Caramel popcorn." He joked.

"Perhaps." Somehow, she felt funny. And she let a chuckle in the end."It's time. Good...luck, Shinji." She said, knowing that it was ridiculous to say goodbye after all his ensurement that he would protect her.

"I hope i don't need one."

With that, the EVA climbed up the hill.

"Pilot Ikari is ready to confront the enemy. Pilot Ayanami is stationed beside."

"Roger. Tell us when you have deployed the rifle."

It took some minutes for Shinji to prepare for everything, but finally, he's ready.

"All ready!"

 _Mother...let's do this...if you can hear me.  
_

A sudden warmer temperature from the EVA's plug was all he needed for the prove.

"Initiating power transmission from all districts!" Makoto sounded.

"Voltage is rising!"

"All clear, no anomalies detected!"

"Ready to fire in thirty seconds!"

 _It's quiet...it's too quiet..._

"Huge energy is rising inside the angel!" Maya said in horror.

"Twenty two seconds before the rifle ready!"

 _I knew it! It would find me all along!_

"Seventeen seconds...sixteen seconds..."

"It fired!"

 _I hope they're right about the strength of this shield..._

With that, the pilot readied it's shield for the soon to arrive attack.

"URGH!"

"Ten seconds left!"

"Come on...come on..." Shinji said in his mind, as the heat from the Angel attack began to make everything worse for him. The hill began to crumble from the sheel intensity of the attack alone.

"Five seconds left!"

"The shield is begin to melting away!"

"FIRE!"

No command was needed, as Shinji pulled the string and in process, the trigger, which in turn shot the Angel right in the core.

"Yeah!"

"Thirty percent of the shield was destroyed, but no real damage were done to the EVA!"

"...Did i make it?" Shinji said. The hill was no more, destroyed by the deflection from the shield.

"Yes, Shinji! You made it. You...did not."

The horror from the face of Ritsuko Akagi was very justified.

The Angel, was not dead yet.

And it began to change it's shape.

"What...what the hell is it doing?"

"It...it blossomed!"

The blossoming octahedron...it's new pointy bits began to glow.

 _Run, Shinji! Run!_

Every pointy bits were attacking the Test-Type EVA, as she began to run frantically for her survival. As the EVA run for the other hill, the orange one began to climb the said hill, getting ready for it's purpose.

The running EVA deflected one of the beam attack just after it discharged the used fuse. Her other hand still holding the rifle. As soon as he deflected another beam, Shinji realized that he had to take a risk...

"Misato! I'm going to use the double fuse!"

"What? That's insane! We don't have time left!"

"Ten seconds left!"

"We have no other choice! The damn thing just survived a blank point shot! And it began to regenerate!"

"Fine! How much time we have, in this case?"

"Thirty two seconds!"

"Okay, Shinji! I think you can make it. Permission granted!"

"Hai!"

With that, Shinji changed the power mode of the rifle to double charge, as he inserted another fuse.

"The main energy core is recharging again!"

"Rei, you got the front covered! I'll protect the side!"

"Hai."

"It's firing again!"

The worst case they wanted, happened.

The attacks, was from all sides but the backdoor.

As Rei held the shield, protecting the rifle and Shinji from the main laser attack, Shinji was busy deflecting the smaller but much more annoying death beams. Shinji did it without any flaw, as his EVA quickly moved in grace to deflect the attacks, despite the frantic mind of the pilot told otherwise.

"Ten seconds left!"

"The main beam's power intensity is weakening!"

 _I hope that's a good sign._

"Rapid beam attacks from left and right side!"

 _Shit!_

The EVA now faced a very high amount of beam attacks, as it now had to timed all of it's parry right.

It failed.

Just before the final beam was deflected, the shield finally gave in, broke into pieces with the last parry. Shinji, had no other choice, decided to use his own EVA's body to protect the rifle from the final beam attack. He already knew the price, which could meant death.

But the Commander has ordered someone to protect him.

And she did it.

"REI!"

The orange giant took the last remaining beam, as it left the planted shield to take care the weakening main cannon. It fell from the hill. Time was like frozen for Shinji, as his concentration broke down from the shocking new event. But it wasn't.

And thank god, that it was on his side.

"Fire now, Shinji!"

The man obliged. And it was a success.

"Angel neutralized!" Said Makoto, as the octahedron Angel fell with blood reaked from the wound hole.

"YES! Thank god..." Misato sighed in relief

But he was not happy about it. He did not deserve for it, nor he wants to anyway.

"Rei! I'm coming for you!"

"How is Pilot Ayanami's status?"

"Her vital signs is fine, Doctor Akagi! Some sign of trauma detected, which is expected!"

"Thank god. Shinji..Rei is okay."

"I have to check it by myself!"

"Shinji..."

"OW! HOT!"

The feedback to the pilot did it again, as Shinji felt the heat of the armor that was touched by the hand of the EVA. The prototype EVA itself was not in good condition, as the heat was so severe that it's shoulders now colored brown like a heated meat.

"Shinji, as soon as you eject the plug, use the coolant from your shield to cool off her plug!"

"Got it!"

With that, the purple EVA ejected the plug manually, took the canister that contained the coolant fluid from the remaining shield, and smashed it into the plug.

"Come on, come on!"

As soon as the plug hatched off, Shinji sprayed the plug with the little remains of the coolant. Once he felt it's enough, he ran for the plug, opened the hatch without any care for the still very hot plug.

"Rei! I'm so glad that you're okay!" Shinji said, before he unconsciously hugged her out of relief.

Tears were falling from his face, as the girl returned the embrace weakly.

"Shinji..."

The man then whispered.

"Rei...open the communication link to the main comm."

The girl obliged.

"Rei...i'm so sorry for treating you so badly recently. Calling you...doll...wondergirl and all. I'm stupid, Rei. I'm so stupid!"

The girl only stared with a bit of concern in her face. The whole crowd, meanwhile, were waiting for his next words. They knew he was in deep shock right now, as he was in verge of tears right now.

"Rei...i shouldn't done that in the first place, even if the Commander ordered you. I knew that he was the first one in your life, and he mattered the most for you, while i'm only the new guy. Yes, you're too obedient to him, like a little doll. But Rei, i shouldn't done that, for deep down...i still care a lot for you. While i insulted you...it was me who hurt the most."

The crowd now knew the truth...or at least half of it.

Gendo somehow managed to ignore the thousand eyes that indirectly stared at him.

"Rei...i would like to be your friend again..."

Some of people on the crown groaned for some reasons.

 _Shinji, you numbskull!_

Meanwhile, Rei had another thought.

 _I see. His plan was to have me saved him in one of the Angel battle, and come to me once it's all over, thanked me in the process and renounced his friendship toward me. It would make sense, for the emotion was too huge for both of us to ignore. Although the announcement that it was Commander's idea was...actually, it was necessary._

 _It was necessary to make him know that i'm not going to oblige to him blindly anymore, in spite that i still hold respect for him._

"I would like to be your friend again...Shinji."

As soon as the girl smiled, and the boy grasped her hand, the crowd went in joy. Surely, it was not the romantic fluff stuff that they expected, but it was a close one. Meanwhile the Commander's room temperature went down a few degrees.

 _The harsh scenario...is a failure._

 _Good job, Shinji. People can change, after all._ The older one had something else in mind.

Meanwhile, as Shinji and Rei walked away from the debris, she asked him a question.

"Shinji."

"Yes?"

"When you cried there, were the tears..."

"No, Rei. I truly cried. You nearly died out there, you know. I cannot take it."

"Yes. I guess so. I'm sorry. I shouldn't ask this in the first place."

"It's okay, Rei. I knew you're not have a bad intention in the first place."

For the first time, Rei smiled for him without him asked her to do so.

He smiled back again, which resulted in both pilots felt something funny and warm on their chests.

Both then sat down in one of the more comfortable looking place, as they rested and waited for the rescue team to come. The girl fell asleep first, unconsciously nuzzled the cheek of the boy before fell to his cheek. Shinji enjoyed the warmth from the blue haired beauty, as the embarassment from her nuzzles died down.

And then she fell to his lap.

Shinji now frantically tried to stop the blood that flowing to three certain places without wakening her up...

 _Damn you, teenage hormone! This is all your fault!_

* * *

A/N: Uh-oh! The Angels began to change and adapt now! Will more bad possibility happened next? Will something changed to Jet Alone as well? Will Toji get a lunch from Hikari again? Find out next, on Evangelion Z!

I decided to make my own take at Rebuild's cooler, but more stupid fight between Ramiel more actiony and sensical in a way. I hope i succeed. For the reason... i mean, did the space shuttle was made from adamantium? It still held as good as the original episode, despite it's beam now strong enough to destroy a freaking mountainsides. Surely, Shinji had to submerge the Cyclops EVA to cooled it down, but still...

Oh, and why's the trigger is manual and THAT BIG, anyway? I mean, what's the purpose of JSDF to make a gigantic weapon with equally gigantic trigger that can only be used by giant robot? Jet Alone and Evangelion were not JSDF's, dammit!

Again, my silly mumblings. Moving on.

Wait. Hold up.

In case you didn't found out, yes, the soul inside of Unit-00 was both from Naoko and Rei I. I wrote it like that because while both theory were strong, they had great flaws; Naoko was in no way related to Rei, and as the first EVA units needed human soul that's related to the pilot, it would be illogical to put her inside the EVA. But there's no reason for Rei I to hate the other Rei, and it's obvious that Rei's synch rate suffered because the EVA bore hatred toward her. So i had an idea: What if the soul of EVA-00 was made from both souls instead? And there's a reason for why they can merged into one soul: Rei I hates Naoko Akagi. Naoko Akagi hates herself for being such a fool toward Gendo. And death muddled the memories, as Rei III showed, so the only thing they clearly remembered was their hatred. With that, Rei I and Naoko become merged.

...Okay. Silly theory. Move on.

AAAND IT'S OMAKE TIME!

* * *

Omake 1.1- You can (not) convince all.

"Rei...open the comm link."

The girl obliged.

As soon as the comm link opened, the boy stood away from her.

The blue plugsuit began to depressured.

The white one soon began to follow.

In a minute, the whole Geofront, both male and female, were layed down on the floor, passed out from massive nosebleed attack. Sounds of both pairs screaming at the intensity of their... activity was the only sound that still rang in the underground complex.

The exception to the former fact, was the certain commander of NERV.

For he was stuck in his famous Position.

 _The Third Child...is very well equipped...and Rei is a natural cowboy. Just like Yui..._ Was his last thought before he passed out.

1.2- You can (definitely) convince all.

"Rei...open the comm link."

The girl obliged.

As soon as the comm link opened, the boy stood away from her.

The plugsuit began to depressured.

The white one soon began to follow.

In a minute, the whole Geofront, both male and female, were layed down on the floor, passed out from massive nosebleed attack. Sound of both pairs screaming at the intensity of their... activity was the only sound that still rang in the underground complex.

The exception for the latter fact, was the certain commander of NERV.

For he was dancing happily in his office.

"WAAAAAAH! MY SON IS SO MANLY!" He screamed as he cannot hold his feeling anymore.

Meanwhile, a certain lone woman in her house sneezed.

1.3- You convinced them all.

"Rei...i love you."

The crowd went in joy, and whistles filled the screen for the embarassment of the plug suit inhabitant.

But one of them managed to build his courage, as he began to get closer to the girl.

As soon as he planted his lips to her...

"CONGRATULATIONS!"

They were now floating on the sea.

Willis, Gendo, Stallone, Arnie, Yui...all people that important to Shinji, were now surrounded them, giving both new lovebirds applauses.

"Wait...what happened?" The boy removed his lips out of shock.

"You see son, when the pilot of Unit-01 did something physical and direct to convey their love to someone who happen to be a genetically enginereed test tube baby that was made from their mother and an Angel...third impact happened."

"What? How did she-"

"WAAAAH! MY SON IS SO MANLY!"

The last thing he saw, was the sight of her mother glomped at him with velocity of 300 mph.

2.1 You Can (Not) Borrow it

"For the last time, no!"

"Really?"

"YES! First, we're not going to lost the most expensive weapon we have to someone else. Second, we still not trust you enough and we knew you're not going to give it back to us. And third..."

"What?"

"I can handle it by myself." The man said with smirk, as he held a very fancy lens.

"Huh?"

As soon as the man faded into the blistening light, the purple haired Captain knew who he actually was.

"Ultraman Tiga..."

Three Angel battles later, NERV was disbanded because Tiga stole all the glory.

3.1- You Can (Not) Back, Allright!

"Hei, Toji! I have new information!"

"Hmm? What is it?"

"The Third EVA just arrived today!"

"Is the pilot a chick?"

A certain freckled girl bashed his head for his trouble.

Toji lost a few worth of working brain cells as the result.

"Yes! Oh, here they are!"

"The EVA Pack!"

"Oh, yeah! Give the angel hard, baby!"

The EVA trio then turned their back.

"Hey! Come here!" One of the boy screamed. Hey, it's worth to try something, right?

The giant bio robot obliged to the very surprised boy.

And then, they possed.

"BACKSTREET'S BACK, ALLRIGHT!"

Kensuke could only cringed as the EVA Pilot tried to revive an old internet meme.

 _Meanwhile, in the plug of EVA-00..._

 _Pilot Sohryu was right. This experience is...intriguing, but i found it to be highly disturbing too. But in conclusion, it feels...awesome!_

Then again, the fact that the EVA sang the song together in their deep growl would disturb everyone in sight.


	7. Shinji finds out

Disclaimer: I don't own Evangelion, Hollywood, WWE, and WCW.

Oh, i forgot to pointed this before. Shinji knew the nature of Adam and Lilith and some smaller scenes, but that's it. Willis didn't want him to know the truth immediately until it's the time, or he found out by himself. Just a small detail, nothing that important.

P.S.: No real action in this chapter. Sorry, for JA fans!

*cricket!cricket!*

Um...i guess not many people here really apreciated the nuclear powered robot.

Warning: Tons of mood whiplash moments happened here.

* * *

"Well..."

"That was new." A certain Aikido Master said.

"You think this is going to deviate more from the scenario, Willis?" Said the Muscle from Brussell.

"There were already many deviations from the original scenes and scenario, even without concerning the Fifth Angel. For instance, Unit-01 was supposed to protect Shinji from the failling debris, which did not happen, and Shamshel's fight took the place in the city, not the meadow." The man answered.

"Ah, i see. Do you think SEELE's going to like this?"

"The red scrolls are vague in it's description, and i don't think they covered the events in details, so it should not be our concern." The bald man answered.

"Good for us."

"Then again, they never take serious action against the kid."

"You got that right, Van Damme."

"Well, now we know that our knowledge regarding the future may have something to do with these changes, which one of them came as something bad for us, do you think we should tell him, shall he asks?"

"Of course." The man who portrayed Mclane answered, and continued,"Even with the risk, he still deserves to know better. All their problems in the first place, was caused by their lacks of communication"

"You got a point. Always trust the Japanese to make Romcom looks pale in comparison."

Deep inside, Bruce Willis grinned. He still remembered when he took his first clue for his memories when he landed in the past; the photo of NERV staff. Had he didn't know better, he would thought that he was looking at a photo of supermodels posing as scientist. As he knew better, it became even more ridiculous.

 _Who would thought that NERV is a place for nutties hotties? All those weird sexual tensions now make some sense..._ He mused to himself.

"Still, i would rather know for why some of the events are rather...ridiculous, to say the least. I still can't get out Segata Pen-Pen out of my head."

 _Oh, you would not want to know._ Their leader mused in his head, as he stay silent for the rest.

* * *

"...And so that's my theory on how the whole NERV was and still is infested by aliens. Which is why we have to take more care in approaching the pilots, and which is also the reason for why i put Ms. Ayanami and Mr. Ikari standing on the outside of the class, carrying buckets with a form of punishment as an excuse. Should my theory be the truth, soon, they will abduct the buckets and turned them against us. This time, i will found the truth. Hehehehe. Mwuahahahah-Cough! Cough! Ehm. Now, what's the theory you have, Mr. Aida?"

The boys and the girls cringed at how the teacher's old ramblings became more and more ridiculous with time goes on. Last time, he claimed that Aliens has took over a whole propane company and used the stolen propanes to create a life in Mars. The other time, he claimed that Sachiel is Jesus, and Gendo is Anti-Christ. No one took him seriously, but he still talked like everyone believe in him. Worst of all, there's a reason for why NERV and Section-2 never tried to brainwash him: He was already too loony for his own good.

Meanwhile, in the outside, Shinji could not help but blamed himself for the hell his current class currently being unjustly experienced for. Without moping around, of course. Rei, meanwhile, was not showing any sign of stress from the activity inside the class. However, inwards, she slightly cringed at how close the teacher came to the truth. Well, regarding her, anyway.

"Um, sir...i think even i cannot comprehend and verified this one, sir."

"And so why, Mr. Aida?"

"Because..." He hesistated, which prompted him to take a look at his instant messenger app in his laptop before he spoke again. With all courage he had, he shouted:"Plot twist: The buckets are the aliens!"

The whole class sweatdropped, facefaulted, and suddenly had a very big lump on their head. Even Shinji who tried to eavesdropped them cannot handle the sheer wickedness of the situation.

Except Suzuhara, who currently had a big smile like a maniac. After all, he was the one who made that shit. As for the blue haired pilot, everybody in the class now knew she's very capable of not showed her emotion. Her interaction with her fellow pilot showed that she did had emotions. She's just pretty damn good at hiding them unless she felt the necessariness of it. In short, she was excluded from the list of people who would be weirded out by the sensei, or at least showed it. The list showed the whole damn class.

"Oh my god, Mr. Aida! You're right! How can i miss them all this time! It's no wonder i always stepped on them whenever i'm mopping my house! All this time, they were trying to abducts me! My man Kensuke Aida, it's the reason for why i trust you all this time! Thank you, my favorite student!"

"Eheh. Thanks, sir." Kensuke said, ignored the whole glares that spoke 'Are you insaiyan?!' that were directed to him and the lunatic sensei.

"Mr. Ikari and Ms. Ayanami, you can join us again! Your punishment has been overrided." Said the sensei cheerfully as if nothing happened between him and the poor pilots. Needless to say, it didn't help to make his image better.

"Shinji-kun, we need to get up now." Said Rei, not even fazed at the current predicament her fellow pilot and friend currently experienced now.

"Huh? Oh, yeah. Just give me some time, Rei." He said nonchalantly, tried to ignore his bare skin.

With that, Shinji and Rei went to the class. Shinji ignored the glares that goes for him, either due to the fact that he was very wet from fell over at the teacher's praisal at his fellow stooge, or the fact that he created this whole fiasco in the first place.

Of course, for the third option, some of the girls were affixed at the fine muscle he now showed from his soaked shirt.

Ignored his predicament, he then opened his join grup chats, which is currently consisted of his fellow stooges. He was surprised that Rei has joined the group. It looks like she decided to follow some of his advices to improve her social skills.

 _AikidoMaster has joined the group_

 _AikidoMaster: Now, where did i go wrong..._

 _Jock55: Don't get that sappy, Shinman! This class is more awesome than ever!_

 _AikidoMaster: For you. I don't know how long i can last before he decided to shoot me and Rei because he thought we are aliens..._

 _NerdTruth: 0mg, m3 700! 1 d0n'7 kn0w h0w l0n6 1 c0uld m4k3 7h353 cr4zy r4mbl1n65 b3f0r3 1 run 0u7 0f 1d345!_

 _BluesClues: ?_

 _AikidoMaster: Damn it, Kensuke! We don't speak leet in this room!_

 _NerdTruth: Sorry, man._

 _AikidoMaster: Anyway, we have to do something with the teacher before he decided to do something stupid, like nuke the whole school or NERV. What if we dump him in the sea, Cement shoes style?_

 _Jock55: Shin-man, don't go Yakuza on us, man._

 _NerdTruth: Yeah, man! We have enough nutties in this school!_

 _AikidoMaster: Sorry, sorry. Anyway, anything else you guys want to talk about?_

 _BluesClues: I don't appreciate the way he and you talk about NERV being run by aliens, Aida..._

 _NerdTruth: What's wrong, toots? Too close to the truth?_

 _BluesClues has left the group._

 _Jock55: WTF?_

 _NerdTruth: I was just joking, and she took it like that? Now, where did i go wrong... Shinji, you know something about this?_

 _AikidoMaster: No idea. Seriously. I have no idea._

 _Jock55: Well, that sucks for us._

 _NerdTruth: Say, you don't think she's actually a real...you know? That could explain some things about her weird behavior._

 _AikidoMaster: As far as i concerned, she was like that because of her upbringing, all thanks to my old man._

 _NerdTruth: Yeah, but...blue hair, red eyes..._

 _AikidoMaster: This is getting ridiculous, Ken. I'm getting outta here._

 _AikidoMaster has left the group._

 _NerdTruth: Damn. I went too fast._

Meanwhile, Shinji was on his own thought. He really needed privacy after Kensuke's remark, especially after he remembered the fact that Rei said that she was replacable.

 _Kensuke, Kensuke. Sometimes he cannot learnt to stop himself before it was too late for him. Rei as alien. Heh. Rei cannot be a non-human entity, right?...or is she?_

He decided to get the truth later. After his monthly ritual.

* * *

Shinji just found one of the clues regarding the truth of Rei Ayanami. It was out of accident when he got into one of his monthly ritual, out of respect for his parents.

Especially his mother, as he realized that she was still on Earth, after all.

And he was baffled by it.

 _Rei...she looked like my mother. No wonder she always look so familiar. Am i having an Oedipal syndrome? Oh, man. I hope the EVA can't read people's mind...  
_

And then, the realization gave in. That Rei was TOO familiar to his mother. It terrified him.

 _Oh shit...oh, shit! I fell in love with a clone of my mother!_

And he decided to do it for the first time.

He ran away.

* * *

"Shinji, wake up! You promised to make me your special pancake for breakfast!"

If there's one thing the purplehead beauty really prided in her fellow roommates without hesistation, is the fact that aside from being a very manly boy, he also a damn good cook. It was one of the few skills he gained without any kind of teaching from his fellow guardians, since unlike the movie, Seagal doesn't cook.

"Huh? A note?" She said, as she opened the unlocked door. Said note was on his desk, lay there in haste, very contrasting the clean room that he occupied.

 _Dear Misato,_

 _I'm out of here for a while to find the truth. Don't call the Section-2. I already told them the details. Don't worry. We will meet again in Jet Alone's presentation._

 _With love,_

 _Shinji._

 _PS: The pancake is in the microwave. Not the special one, though. Sorry. Have no time._

 _The truth? What the hell is he talking about?_ Misato sweadropped and cringed as she finished her reading.

 _Oh, well._ She shrugged and walked to the dining room to get some of that delicious pancake. Cross the room, and you'll get a certain Penguin just finished it's imitation of Misato's beer cry.

CHAAAAAAA!

Yup. It was all a good day for him. Especially after he was chosen as the new mascot for SEGA's new console. Some of the executives were really impressed by his impersonation of the judo and gaming maniac that was last seen sacrificed himself to save the about to be nuked SEGA headquarter. And NERV needed the money. Badly.

Life is good for the penguin. And he hoped that their cooking god had it as smooth as him.

Too bad that was not the case.

* * *

Shinji Ikari, Third Child, was now in the same room as his former guardian and the one he was the closest to.

Bruce Willis.

"Shinji! Long time no see." He said with enthusiasm, gave him a hug in a process.

"It's nice to see you after all this time we've drifted apart, Mr. Willis." Said Shinji, not forgetting his manner despite his current predicaments as he returned the hug.

"Well, time is not very kind to us recently."

"But it did saved my ass out there week ago."

"Haha, i guess you're right. So, Shinji. I think with current events, you must have something in your mind, eh?"

"Lots of it. I need to know the truth."

"Well, let me guess first. The thing you concerned the most is...your mother and Rei, right?"

"How did you know?"

"Well, let's just say that i just have one of conversation regarding them recently. Well, shall we?"

And so, Bruce Willis opened his laptop, and clicked on some of the old footage from GEHIRN, the former NERV.

"When your mother got trapped in the Unit-01-i assume you already know by now-, Gendo tried to save her by the salvage operation. However, they failed. The body they retrieved was souless. They used the remains to create the pilot of Unit-00, who is known as Rei Ayanami." Bruce Willis explained, as they watched the EVA salvage attempt about to start.

"So, Rei is kinda like my sister or...my mother..." Said Shinji, now disgusted at the fact that he once thought about stole a kiss from Rei when they eat ice cream together. Deep down, he wanted to deny the truth. But the proofs lies clear in front of him.

"Well, not exactly." The sentence from his mouth shocked Shinji out of his predicaments.

"But you said-"

"Take a look!" He pointed at the result of the salvage attempt. Shinji nearly blanched as the disgusting image finally fully digested by his mind.

"What the hell is that?"

"I don't know what thing is that, Shinji, but as far as i know, that bloated flesh thing is in no way your mother." The man said sternly.

To say that the body was an insult to the existance of the Yui Ikari would be an understatement, for it not even looked humane enough. Carcasses of unknown animal would bear more resemblance to even the ugliest human, let alone the beautiful scientist that entranced Gendo's cold heart. How on earth could Rei Ayanami, another beautiful girl was made out of the thing was beyond his comprehensions.

"So, why did she look like-"

"Rei was in no way related to you, Shinji."

"Sorry, Mr. Willis, but next time, can you let me finish first?" Said Shinji, slightly irritated in his tone.

"Sorry. Go on."

"Well, Rei is kinda look like my mother. Well, if my mother is an albino and have blue hair. So, how is she's not related, even when she should be?"

"As i said first, Rei was made out of that...thing, not your mother." He said in disgust,"Also, she's an albino. Your mother was not. Even if she is related, she's not a direct clone of your mother. And finally, do you think it's really easy to meld both entity from different species in the first place?"

"Huh? What do you mean?"

"Rei is a half-angel, Shinji. Her soul was extracted from Lilith to control the Third Impact. As she was needed to carry the soul that strong, Shinji, she was modified genetically to such extents that her original donor now only make up the one third of her genetical structures. From Lilith, other human...i don't think she's even related to any human beings by now. As for her familiarity, no idea, but perhaps the Commander did it out of act of longing. Or maybe the salvaged body did contains her genetics, after all. But at the end, she had no genetic relation to you, or your family for that matter. Too many variables from all aspects has changed her."

Shinji could only stared at shock and disbelief from this new fact. As if Rei had the face of his mother was not enough, the fact that she was not truly human just put a stake on his heart.

"...Shinji?"

"I'm sorry. I really don't know what to do in this situation."

The man sighed for a moment. He knew that it was a bad dillema the boy was facing now. "Just go on like usual, Shinji. Don't let this new fact cut your relationship with Rei."

"But now i know she's related to the thing we're fighting in the first place...how can i even face her again?" He said with evident fear in his trembling voice.

"Shinji," The man sighed again. "You showed her compassion, and i think...she's become more human with every contacts you have with her. I think that showed us, that she's still human after all."

"Still, i'm scared and maybe, disgusted to her now, that i now know she's a bringer of apocalypse..."

"Shinji...you don't need to take it that fast. I don't order you to do so, nor i even want it in the first place. I just want you to not break your bond with her. You may even not act like her friend anymore for a time, but at least, don't avoid her. Don't hurt her. Rei is a very tortured soul, Shinji. She was raised to not care about her emotions. She was bonded to no one, and people in NERV only saw her as a tool, even Misato. A very lonely soul she was, until you come into her life. You remembered how her apartment like was before, right?"

Flashes of the dirty apartments's images now came to his mind. Not even care was given, like if she was only enduring living, not enjoying through of it. He then realized something.

He would not want her to revert back to the way she was before. In the end, he still did care for her.

"...I'll try."

"Good." He smiled. "Now, let's have some fun, shall we?"

* * *

"Well, you guys look like have some fun here."

The short, but very muscular man said grinned, as he saw both Shinji and Willis playing FIFA 16. So far, the boy won 3-2.

"My, my. Shinji. I was afraid i'm not going to see you until later."

"Oh, hai, Mr. Van Damme!" Shinji greeted him with fake enthusiasm. Soccer, or in the rest of the world, football, was one of Shinji's favorite sport. And he didn't want to lose the game, even the virtual one.

"What are you doing here?" The man asked.

"Oh, just finding out the truth."

"That's all?"

"Well...i also on some kind of coverage mission. For NERV's funding." He said with his face sticked on the screen. He just managed to clean tackle Messi inside the penalty box, saved him from a possible goal for the opposition.

"Oh." The muscle from Brussell said in such understatement as if he didn't care."So...you're going to join us in one of our theatrics?"

"Perhaps." He said, as the game ended in his win. "What kind of theatrics, anyway?"

"Oh, you'll see." He grinned. "Just see."

* * *

"As we said before, the Jet Alone project was initially for, well, you can say a competitor for the E-Project..."

"But at the insistance from one of our founder..."

"We decided to do a joint collaboration, instead."

With that, Ritsuko Akagi and the chairman of JA project, Bruce Willis, shook their hands like every newly joined businessman do.

"And, what kind of collaboration you would like to do, sir?"

"Oh, we have some tools that's ready for demonstration. Mr. Seagal?"

"I think we have to wait for a while, sir." The said man answered.

"I thought you guys are the most efficient in business." One of the journalist sneered.

"Oh, yes we are. But sometimes, we decided to...have some fun with our toys." He said, as he snapped his fingers.

With that, the trucks that was supposed to be the one that carry the demonstration tools. However, that was not the one that attracted the crowd and the press.

Two man, short in stature, were doing split between both trucks.

"The hell?" One of the man muttered to himself, not loud enough to be heard between the chattering from the others.

"Hey, Misato...is that-"

"Shinji?"

As soon as the two man were close enough to be investigated, they realized that one of them was, indeed, Shinji. The crowd exploded at the sight of the Pilot and Van Damme's sheer awesomeness.

"Yep. That's our Shinji." Misato said to herself with both proud and shame.

"...Why am i not surprised?" All Ritsuko could did was blinked twice.

* * *

"So, what kind of truth you wish to seek here, Shinji?"Misato asked.

"Oh, nothing. Just a talk between my teachers and myself."

"Teachers? You mean...Van Damme and Seagal were really teaching you out there?" The Major now had a disbelief written all over her face.

"Yup! It was purely coincidence that we met in one of the mall and had some talks. My teacher who took care of me initially hesistated when they offered to take me under their wings, but he finally gave in after some mano mano talks." He lied.

"Well...now i can see where did you get some of those skills."

"I have to go now. The presentation should be started soon." Shinji said, as he began to run for the locker room.

"Take care, Shinji!"

* * *

"So as i said before, they'll pay any amount to stay alive. Any other news?"

"Well, there's another good one. Except for the states, all member countries of the council have approved the budget for EVA Unit 4 and 5. I think it's only a matter of time before they approved as well." Said the man, now struggled to stand. For some evil and petty reasons, Gendo decided to not give him any kind of seating, and now, he only wished that a small scale of Third Impact would destroy the office where he stood now for the punishment of this bastard.

"Employment is always their first priorities...rather stupid, don't you think? I mean, we don't want another Second Impact, don't we?"

"No, sir. Which is why we already decided to participate for the construction of the next EVA unit."

"Good." Gendo said behind his interlocked fingers. "Good." He grinned."

Meanwhile, the man just added his mental note for 'yet another reason to hate Gendo Ikari, part 2'. The entry said 'think he is so cool with that beard and pose.'

* * *

"Okay, now we'll show you the basic of AT field technology. In short, AT field cannot be penetrated by conventional weapon, except the very powerful one, like Positron Rifle. I'll demonstrate it to you."

Bruce Willis with layers of body armor now stood ahead the hexagonal field, holding his trusty Desert Eagle. Now with aim, the former musical and broadway actor shot the hexagonal field with his gun that left such a very loud bang behind that the crowd who were at least 50 yards away from the demonstration place. The bullet reflected into the designated floor, thereby spared the potential accidental victim from the wild bullet. Of course, it also showed Willis's skill as a gunman.

"Well, even one of the most powerful gun in the world cannot penetrate this, as you can see. Not even a scratch or dent." He said, as he pointed at the artificial field, which made the others nodded weakly in turn. "There's a reason for why conventional weapons are not working on the Angels. Now, the pilot of Unit-01, Shinji Ikari, and Mr. Seagal are going to show you the weapon that can penetrate this bionic shield. You go first, Shinji."

Shinji, with special gloves, now holding what would be called a futuristic looking staff. The staff was vibrated in such a frequency that it looked like it's not moving at all unless someone put a slow motion on the recorded footage, which meant that on live, it was impossible to truly monitored the equipment. The boy then delivered several blows to the AT field, dented it as a result. He then pressed a button on the lower part of the staff, turned it into a spear with a knife now protrounding on one of the side, which then easily penetrated the AT field. The orange hexagonal shield immediately shut after due to the nature of the programmed defensive shield.

"So, people...this, is what the anti AT-field weapon capable of." He said, as it's Seagal's turn to kick some ass on the inanimate object with his progressive batons."The weapons's unique material and technology make it capable of damaging the field to such extent. And with enough strikes," He paused, as Seagal stabbed the barrier with the sheer force of his index finger, "Even the weakest AT-field could penetrate this seemingly...unbreakable barrier. Any question?"

Many people raised their hands, waiting for the man to answer.

"Yes, you."

"Sir, you said before that even the weakest AT-field could penetrate the AT-field. What did you implicate by that?"

"It's simple: The angels. We are actually the same as them." The crowd began to murmured loudly. "Living beings with our own barrier;the AT-field. Our AT-field is what's actually keep our physical appearance intact, what's keeping us apart from the others, what's make us able to touch the others, what's make us able to hurt, comfort, and look at the others. Good or evil, handsome or ugly, it was our AT-field that made us whole."

The silence engulfed the crowd as they digested the information...

"Just joking."

And popped with laughter and sigh of relief from the same pile of humans.

"He got us there." Purple haired beauty said.

"Yeah." The doctor agreed, but inside, she knew that he nearly nailed the truth.

"The point is, while the knife, daggers, and the likes of it are meant for penetration, the batons and the other blunt weapons are meant for weakening and neutralizing the AT-field. The purpose, of creating the bludgeoning weapons is to support the EVA to break the AT field down. Two EVAs are required for this purpose. One to hold the thrusting weapon, while the other one have the blunt weapon. You get the picture."

"Next question? You?" He pointed at a woman nearest him.

"We heard that there's another giant robot in Japan. Not another EVA. The original purpose of Jet Alone project."

"You mean, the Jet Alone robot?"

"Yes, sir. Where is it, and why did you not use it for the demonstration?"

"Well, we want to use the Jet Alone robot to demonstrate the EVA sized weapons," The man pointed at the giant sized weapons, "but unfortunately, we found error in both interface and the hardware of the nuclear powered robot. Such a pity, that the sidekick to EVA couldn't did it's debut today."

As Bruce Willis keep answered the questions thrown at him, Ritsuko Akagi couldn't help herself but thinking that the man knew too much. Not only he acknowledged the nature of AT-field, but he talked too much around it. And the fact that he even found out that there was something wrong with the robot made it seemed that he knew the events around him, and decided to manipulate them around his own knowledge.

As Van Damme smirked at her, she didn't even know what's right, and what's control anymore.

She just hoped that no one knew that Commander ordered her to sabotage it.

* * *

A day after the events of JA joint project with NERV, the boy who demonstrated first, lost in his own thought.

 _Rei Ayanami...a memoirs of my mother...and yet not her, or even related to her. And me, for that matter.  
_

 _Rei...what are you?_

A door opened behind him, and the source of the sound showed him which door is it.

The door for the entrance of the apartment of the First Child.

Shinji tried to ignore it, as he tried to find his feeling behind her. Mixed with fear and disgust, the more positive one slided in. Pity. Attraction was still there, only buried behind things he considered more important.

"Shinji?"

The boy still tried to ignore her, as he didn't want to face her until he solve his own dillema. It was too tough for him.

"Shinji?"

The same word again. His name. But he couldn't even dare to look at her. So close, but so different. She was perfection. This one, was impure.

"Shinji?"

He gave in, as he looked straight into her eyes. The girl knew that they're not the same confident eyes he showed to everyone in everyday of his life. Those eyes were different. Confusion, perhaps? As she made her own deducion.

No words from him. And then, she realized that there was something else that he rarely done with his mouth.

A frown. Disgusting frown.

So she did the only thing she knew that would ease him down.

She smiled.

* * *

Shinji couldn't believe it at all.

Not the fact that she smiled, nor the fact that she did it without anything positive done from him in the first place.

He couldn't believe that he ever forgotten that smile.

 _Beautiful...All for me..._

And then, a more negative thought crashed down to him.

 _How could i..._

In out of sudden, he embraced him.

"I'm...i'm sorry, Rei."

"For what, Shinji? You never harmed me." She stammered.

The sound of whimpering then came from his mouth, as she felt his warm tears fell down from his face.

"Why, Shinji? You crying...why?" She asked. And for some reasons, she could felt some of the sadness rubbed of from him. At this instance, she returned the embracing gesture.

"I'm...happy...and sad..."

"Happy? And sad? For what? From what?" She asked, both out of curiosity for the mixed feelings and out of concern.

"You." He stated simply.

That did not cleared up anything at all for the girl. As the sobbing became more frequent, she decided to do the thing he did to ease her down, as she ran her fingers through his hair.

"Sssh, Shinji. It's allright. You can tell me anything you want to."

It took some time for the man to compose himself and talked, but feeling much better as a result from her touches.

"I...have the thought...to make myself hate you."

Her eyes widened slightly at this remark.

"Like...the way i did before?" She asked him based on her own experience of jealousy.

"No, Rei. Something worse. Not jealousy. Disgust."

"From what? For what?" She said, tried to be oblivious for a while. No one should know her secret. Not now. Especially him, her only friend.

"It's..."

He stammered his answer, as she waited for it.

"It doesn't matter anymore, Rei."

"You can talk anything to me."

"No, Rei. It's really not important."

"How did you know?" She said, insisted for her to know.

"You're here for me. You smiled for me. That's all matter. That's what's make me believe it is..."

 _That you're human after all._

Then they not said anything again. It took several minutes for Shinji to stop sobbing and came back to his common sense. Unfortunately, his common sense also said that he hugged her way...longer than he should be. So, he tried to release her, but her voice stopped his progress for a while.

"Um, Shinji?"

"Yes?"

"Can we...stay like this for a moment? This is...acceptable."

Shinji slightly blushed at the mention that she liked his embrace. But he said nothing about it. The silence was too good for him, for her. No one wanted to break it. Not now.

The only thing he did, was to not release her at the moment. As she said, it was acceptable.

Finally, he spoke.

"Yes. This is nice."

* * *

"Well?"

"Fuyutsuki."

"Yes, Ikari?"

"Who should i make an amend first? Rei, or Shinji?"

Fuyutsuki gasped. The bastard of NERV wanted to beg for forgiveness to the two souls that he tormented the most?

Such a shocking revelation, that he called the Third Child by his first name was missed by the older man.

"I think...Rei would be the better choice first, sir. She still respected, and bonded to you."

"Good. I have the same thought." The bearded man said, as he smirked behind his thought.

"So...what do you intend to do with your son now, Ikari?" Fuyutsuki said.

"My son, for now would be treated the same as before. No real bonding moment for now on. Same purpose, same treatment, same everything. Until future events changed the necessety of our relationship, whether it's went with my current scenario or not."

"Scenario. How could you change it so often?"

"I have plenty of it." He smirked again. His glasses glinted.

"...Are you treating this as a game, Ikari?" Fuyutsuki said with worry on his voice. Can't handle the danger of apocalypse with this kind of mad man.

"Perhaps. But it's a game that can change with any moment. I acknowledge it as soon as the changes on my son were apparent, and once the Third Child changed things around here, it only become even more prevalent."

"Interesting. I know that you can be very ruthless, Gendo. Why did you decide to adjust, instead of forcing your way, in this matter? I know it's not your usual method."

"Let's just say that Yui would not be proud of me should i done horrible thing to him again."

For the first time in years, Gendo Ikari shuddered from his own talk. That horrible nightmare after he decided to never write the secret admiration letter for the Third Child again never dissapeared for many reasons.

Also, the fact that he was capable of focusing his mind inside the EVA made it clear that sooner or later, he would find out the soul inside his EVA.

"I see. So, if i may know, what's the best outcome from one of your scenario?"

Commander Ikari then pulled one of the card inside his desk. There was the name of the project; Blue goddess.

"A paradise." He smiled genuinely, for the first time in years. He knew he could pull this off. Perhaps he could get her back without hurting anyone, after all.

The problem is, can he control it? Or it's she? Was in his thought.

* * *

"Is the embryo ready?"

"Yes."

"So, what's the plan?"

"Let them have it." The man with blonde handlebar mustache said. "We already have one. For our own use, should the time come."

The vicious grin was something else to be seen.

* * *

Woah! Gendo wants to be the good guy? Or is he had something else in mind? Will Shinji got something more from Rei? Will the Jet Alone finally become something useful in the end? Find out next, on Evangelion Z!

A/N:There. The final nail to the coffin regarding why Rei was not related to Shinji in my story. Really. Why's no one ever tried to make the salvaged remains of Yui Ikari wasn't her remains at all? Not only it respected the canon, but also more down to earth and believable compared to the fake science stuffs. The only story i've ever read that touched the subject is Prime Protection, and it involved time manipulations and biosynthetic tissue, made the point moot.

Wait. I also use the Yui Ikari DNA yadadada stuffs. AAARGH! I'm such a hypocrite!

*took some chill pill*

Allright, listen. I have self worth issue like the pilot trio, and you guys never said anything about the WAFF moment i tried to create. So review this shit, and said anything constructive about the more serious moments of the fic, dammit!

LOL, just kidding. But seriously. I want to improve. Just say something about the weakness in my writing. I'm still struggling in writing on english due to difference in structure (Indonesian way of writing is simpler and yet more expressive, so it's easier for me to make people laugh), and sometimes i cringed at my writing, especially since i have so many ideas that i felt wasted in execution.

Also, Asuka fans, she's arriving in the next chapter. And as i said before, she would be more awesome in a way. So buckle up, everyone! This is gonna be a wild ride soon.

P.S. No cookies for guessing whoever the guy that have the Adam.


	8. Asuka Layeth the Smackdown

Disclaimer:I don't own Evangelion. Although i would like to make Anno redo Q. LOL, redo.

Also, i believe i own you Asuka fans for her slice of awesomeness. Well, here you go! The longest chapter yet! I've done it to compensate for ReiShinji, which won't change for a long time.

PS: It's not Incest, dammit! Well, if you read it the other way, anyway...

* * *

"Well..."

"What do you think?"

"Look, i don't think it would be nice if we just left Asuka and Rei on their own."

"Asuka, maybe. She's a non factor in the long run. But Rei? It's impossible to do anything with that bastard around her. Shinji's here for a reason and purpose."

"Even after the deal with Bruce Lee?"

"Yeah. Still cannot believe that he really transcended into the beyond realm and made us really as competent as our fantasy counterparts. But he 'fixed' him by making him more aware of his situations, not by making him a nicer guy and all. Gendo's actually not a bad guy. He's just a coward who decided to run away and hurt everyone else in the process because he did not want to cause them true pain. How ironic. And as i said, Shinji's here for a reason and purpose."

"Heh. Gendo is not a bad guy..."

"If he has the spirit to at least trying to not run away, he could be a decent man. That's why i asked to make him more sensible."

"I guess we're dealing with the most dangerous coward in the world here."

"Yeah."

"Still, we can do something with Asuka..."

"You mean, like Shinji? I knew the girl well from her psychological reports. She's one hell of a tough shell to crack. Her ego, even if it was fake, was unbelievably hard to erase. And once we broke the shell, she'll crumpled down once she realized she's not that special."

"Well, i think we should do it, still. Asuka in your world was a college graduate. She should be smart enough to analyze her situation once she got the tool, and we can provide her."

"Yeah. You're right. But what shall we provide her with?"

"Savvyness."

"Like Shinji, eh?"

"Well, what else? She's basically Shinji who pushed others away instead of running."

"And her hatred of boys? Her desire to be seen as adult?"

"Those were the effects of her upbringing. Many of her problems would not existed had someone did their single fucking job. I can't believe they thought that making someone broken a perfectionist would be the right thing."

"Heh. Looks like the Third Impact made people lose their common sense."

"You got that right."

"You think Kaji's enough for that task?"

"Nah. She's too infatuated with him, and Kaji has his own personal issues to deal with for years to come. Besides, we need to get someone who has the skills to train her well. That way, she can be personally trained and treated at the same time."

"So, who's your candidate, Willis?"

His answer was a paper, just like before.

"Well?"

"Looks good enough."

"Nice inside, but cocky at the outside. Just like what she needs. Good job, Willis."

"Oh, i can't say it better to myself."

Both bald man chuckled at themselves.

* * *

"This is so COOL!" Said a bespetacled boy inside a helicopter.

"Yeah, yeah. 8 battleships and 10 carriers. I still don't think they should do it in the first place. I mean, the EVA was here for a reason, right Misato?" Shinji said, which made Misato stared at him for his own remark.

"You mean, there would be an Angel attack, Shin-man?" Toji said, gulped as a result.

"Well, it's a possibility, Toji. And Over the Rainbow would never be able to stop the angel, right?"

"Conventional weapon would never have a chance against AT-Field." Misato sighed. She already expected the worse to come out in the trip. "Which is why we have the EVA to be equipped with E-type equipment for emergency purposes. Then again, i'm surprised that old relic is still floating until now." Misato answered. Ever since Bruce Willis talked about AT-Field, it became a not-so secret anymore for people to be hold, which is why she spoke about it with civilians like the stooges so non-challantly.

"It's vintage of pre-second impact toughness, Miss Katsuragi! If it can stand against the harshest of time, time will not be a challenge for it!"

Shinji couldn't believe it. Soon, he would see Kaji again. Ryoji Kaji. Someone who had been taken care off by Bruce Willis while he's still a deliquent after Second Impact took his family away. They had been quiet of a friend for a while, and he would like to make everyone surprised that they had been knew each others for a long time. But not for now, until the agent decided otherwise. After all, he picked some of his tendencies to prank someone from the suave agent.

And Rei? Well, too bad that she could not come with him, as a personal test was scheduled for her. Shinji could already guessed the nature of the test, which should be something involved with her nature as a clone of unholy combination between human and angel. Her nature was nothing troublesome for him anymore, as he already accepted that she was human after all, but what's the new trouble for him was how Rei saw herself, knowing all of her origins. Did she saw herself as a real person, or nothing but mockery of his mother, even if she's technically not related? Did she saw herself related to him or not? Did she really wanted to end the world, or is she even know about it?

Shinji could only took a deep breath as a sign of being troubled. In truth, he still had his troubles, mostly correlated with nature of Freud. As if piloting giant robot who hold the soul of your mother that made you feel what it feels was not strange enough. And the robot...he still hadn't tried to reached in further for now. He still couldn't believe that her mother was truly trapped there. _Mother_...

"Hei, Shin-man!"

"Huh?"

"You look troublesome. I never see you gazed away. What's wrong?"

"Oh, nothing, Toji. Just my nerve shimmered in meeting the girl." He lied, before he continued his explanation."I heard that...she had one hell of an ego. Also, it's strange that she refused to be photographed for us."

"Well, she's quiet of a big talker, that's for sure." Misato said. "But ever since the man took over her custody, she sounds more...cheerful on the phone? Well, don't know for sure, but...perhaps she was not as troubled to her past anymore. And you know? I think she wanted to surprise you guys."

Deep down, the raven haired boy grinned. He actually knew this Gaijin. Well, at least from what he read. Asuka Langrey Sohryu. Your typical fiery redhead in Tv. Beauty with attitude. Blue eyes, red hair. Opposite of Rei in virtually everything. Had they met each others, it would not be very pretty. It also quiet coincidental that she was left as an orphan like him, only instead of being tortured slowly by the dissapearance of his father and mother after he left him with an acquaintance of an indifferent teacher, she got it in much more shocking way. Her mother commited suicide after she went insane, and the father run away with his new mistress, left her with the military and someone on custody. One of them was, coincidentally, Kaji.

Hoped that the new man who held her custody treated her well, Shinji wished that at least, he made her truly strong, just like her supposed ego.

"Well, here we are!"

"Man, too bad we're going to left this MIG 55-D baby alone..."

"Oh, get a room, you two." Shinji snickered.

"Hei! I'm not that perverse!"

"Oh, sure you are."

"Not you too, Misato..."

All but Kensuke were laughing at his misfortune, made his face flushed in anger and shame. Unfortunately, Karma decided that it was Toji who need to take the punishment of their sins for some reasons.

"HEY! My hat!"

Said hat was fallen into the figure of a young girl.

"Well, excuse me, Miss..."

However for Toji, the girl snatched the baseball hat away from his hand, and decided to wear it instead.

"Hey, what was that for..."

Toji was awestruck at the girl's beauty. Wearing her sundress, the fitting dress complemented the redhead's fine figures quiet well. Bright yellow, just like her healthy fair skin and dashing blue eyes.

"You can put me in anytime..."

Of course, a well deserved slap, preceeded by a face of disgust by the woman for that remark was delivered in immediate time, resulted in his face contorted back into annoyance.

"Pervert...just like all boys."

"Hey, Asuka!"

"Oh, Misato! Well, excuse me, jock boy!"

Toji didn't want to do, witnessed, or anything perverted happened around the girl anymore. He could tell that the girl was still holding back, but damn, that swing was still hurt as hell. How did she managed to do that to him, a talented athlete in the school who was built well?

It was at this time that he noticed her toned arms, her shapely legs, her cute feet, and her-

 _AAAAH! She had the modesty shorts, dammit!_

Asuka grinned at the boy, knew that he was looking and admired her figures. She loved the attentions, but she still held her own sense of modesty. Which is why the wind failed to expose and tell the world about the panties she wore today. If you wore a dress that short, you would need to do something extra to safe your dignity. Sorry, boys, but this girl knew her status as a beautiful girl and potential provider of fanservice well!

Speaking about the boys, the other two now were in front of her. One of them cried over his lost of potential picture that will sell like hotcakes. Pure nerd. One of them was quiet well toned and with a confident look at his face. Easy. Very easy.

"Well, Third Child Shinji Ikari. I always want to meet you since i saw the footages of your fights. Name's Asuka Langrey Sohryu, by the way." She said, as she offered a handshake.

"Ah. I assume you already know me?" The boy responded positively to her gesture.

"Of course, Dummkopf. What kind of idiot who doesn't at least try to find the information about their co-workers? Especially the famous one, like you."

"Well, thanks for the complement."

Suddenly, her face came too close for his own comfort.

"Enjoy your fame for now, Third Child, 'cause i'm going to prove that i'm better than you, and i will make the world focus on me." She said, as she poked his forehead with her pointy finger several times, punctuated her words with each pokes.

"I'm not going to back down, if that was meant to be a warning or something." At this moment, the girl smirked at the challenge. He was even better than she thought, from what was expected as the top pilot. Of course, as soon as her first fight come, she will prove that she's the actual ace around here.

"I'm impressed, Third Child. You're not even flinched. I guess this will be a start of a beautiful relationship, eh?"

"That's depend on what kind of relationship."

"Why not? As fellow Children, it would be convenient for us to be friend."

Shinji feeling slightly well. No one here wanted to become a trophy boyfriend, even for someone as pretty as this girl. Well, maybe Kensuke would. Toji perhaps would too, but with that slap, perhaps his opinion changed.

"That's what she said before. The First Child."

"Oh yeah. Speaking about the other Pilot, where is Rei Ayanami?" She said as she looking around her.

"Some personal test in NERV. Undisclosed information." A purple haired woman answered instead, slightly half-jokingly pouted.

"Ah, Misato! I nearly forgot that you're here as well. Too busy talking to the famous Third Child." She assured her former guardian, as she gave a hug to Misato that was returned.

"Jeez, Asuka. Did you got a case of love at first sight for my deserved attention to be taken away like that?" She said

"WHAT? NO!" It was a lucky thing that she decided to not say that the boy was very interesting.

"Calm down, Asuka. You're just as easy as Shinji to tease, sometimes." The purple haired Captain grinned.

"Well, you're the one who talk, whoresato! Look at you, wearing short shorts in military base..."

"Say the one who wear a low cut sundress."

"GRRRR!"

"Um, Soryu."

"What is it, nerd?"

"Um, can i-"

"Hug you too? Fucking hell no!" She said as she stuck out her tongue at the bespetacled boy.

"No, no! I just, want to introduce myself, and my friend that you just...gave the red mark there."

"Oh, yeah. Well, tell me about yourself. No, not even a handshake." She retorted as Kensuke offered his hand."Consider that as the fee for trying to take my dignity away with your camera."

As Toji and Kensuke introduced themselves, Shinji could only summarized what he viewed from Asuka: Bright, smart, egoist but with enough control to back down and appreciate something she should be. Now, he thought that she was right.

It really could be the start of a beautiful friendship.

* * *

"Jeez, is that captain a moron from the lowest hell on earth or what? Making everything harder than necessary."

"I know. I mean, fucking toy? Really? 136 feet robot is not a toy or a doll! That thing's maintenance worth the GDP of small country, for sake! Now i'm sure i would face that cliche situation where the idiot will stay stubborn when all hell break loose!"

Somewhere deep inside the Third Child's mind was wondering if it was really wise to give Misato a dose of movies from all kind. All began to get crazy once Misato began to comfort and understand around the term of tropes and cliches. Then again, the purple haired beauty was fumed after she found out that it was Running Man, not Demolition Man. Either way, she would learnt more, forcefully or willfully, sooner or later.

"Don't be so gloomy, Misato!" Kensuke said in high spirit.

"Yeah! You look cool out there!" Toji quickly joined his friend in consolidate the purple beauty.

"Thanks, boys. That meant... a lot for me."

The last words were spoken so seductively, with lowered cleavage and all, that only Asuka that was not experienced a nosebleed from the woman. Of course, if she swing that way, no exception would be made.

"And he was so stubborn to relinguish his command" Said Shinji, quickly gained control over his body. Damn woman still snickered at the other boys, and he could felt something began to rise on occasion."...Say, you still remember when i asked Ritsuko about the Second Impact?"

"Yeah. You said that it's so stupid for people to belief that a meteor alone can do that, with needed velocity and yadadada, you know it."

"I guess Second Impact really lowered people's common sense, eh? I mean, people already know about the nature of AT Field, and yet he still called a biomechanical robot a childish toy."

"You're the one who always say that, Shinji. About Second Impact made people idiotic beyond relief."

"I guess my opinion is right, then."

At that time, an unshaven bum, um, agent made his first appearance to the boy and woman after such a long time away from both.

"And you know what's the scariest part? I began to think like you. I don't know if that was a blessing, or a curse."

"Well, Misato, i guess you get some sort of agreement with the Third Child, finally."

"KAJIII!" The redhead immediately glomped to the unsuspecting suave.

"What...what are you doing here?" Misato said with obvious irritation in her voice.

"Well, i'm a guardian of Asuka, so of course...i'm going to be with her for a while." The man said that while trying to get the said redhead off of him.

"Did you say that right? Because as far as i know, you're no longer her guardian." She said with venomous intents.

"Um, Katsuragi. Slow down..." The man began to get scared by her advance toward him, all the slow steps made her scarier and scarier.

"If you're here because you want to get me back..."

"Now, now. Asuka, um...can you help me?" The agent pleaded as he saw the Captain reached behind her back. Fistcuff or gun, he didn't want either.

"Fine, if only you kiss me like that time before..."

All in the room who heard that couldn't believe what they heard.

"Is there something going on between you two?"

"Kaji, you sick, low level rat..."

"Kaji, you lucky bastard!" The jock and the nerd cried.

"Well, look at me. Either dying at the hand of a furious woman, or going to jail for being mistaken as trespasser and pedophile. Man, what a day of misunderstanding." He said to himself, scratched his hair before panic appeared on his face.

"Look, why don't you just talk about it. Just both of you, personal in private." The raven haired boy suggested. He and his friend had a look of concern on their face. There was a reason for the panic;the gun was on her hand now. Oh boy, this is going to get nasty soon.

"Uh, i think she's not going to believe anything i said, by the look of...it..." He responded in it. His eyes still painfully pleading at the younger girl, caused her to finally shrugged and decided to play the savior role without any benefit.

"Oh, well. Nothing to gain if she really beat you up. Misato, what he said was true. He still hold the custody on me. The new man decided to do a joint with him instead."

"And the kiss?"

"...A part of stress theraphy. No. Don't ask me for why." She said. For the first time, she sounded so gloomy.

"Oh, i'm sorry, Kaji. I shouldn't jump into conclusion in the first place."

"That's okay, toots. Say, why don't we go into the cafetaria to get something to eat?"

 _Kaji, you really have changed._

* * *

"Don't touch me there!"

"We can't help it!"

Oh, man. The jock and the agent really can't get out of their predicament, don't they? Anything they did around the babes were always ended up in some sort of embarassment.

"Well, everyone." The raven haired boy who coincidentally used the free elevator walked to the sandwiched crowd. "Looks like this is going to be a start of beautiful relationship."

"Oh, shut up!"

* * *

"So, Shinji..."

"Yes?"

"Is Katsuragi still wild in the bed?"

Everyone but Shinji had shock written all over their faces. With Misato, it was with fury in addition.

Said boy? He grinned. He knew what should coming out next as a response from his mouth.

"Oh, yeah. She still sprawled all over my bed, everytime we do it." He smirked with such a confidence. Misato 10 just shut down at the moment from fatal processing failure.

"WHAT?" Asuka screamed.

"SHINJI, YOU SLIMY BASTARD!" The other boys cried.

"Just kidding, guys."

Both raven haired man in the table chuckled after. The others catched their breath with their face in fury as they realized that this man and the boy just pulled a mean joke.

"Damn you, Shinji! This is why i cannot tolerate you at times!" It seems that Misato 10 just rebooted.

"Woah, slow down, Misato!

"And you, Ryoji Kaji!" She said as she ignored the plea of the boy. "What the hell are you saying, in front of children nontheless!"

"Well, looks like the boy is not that innocent, anyway."

"Shut up!"

"And yet i did not complain when you almost made me sound like a pedophile..."

"Just shut up!"

"Fine, fine." He slumped to the bench back. "Let's just change the topic. So, Shinji. You are very famous around my cycle. For very good reasons. Right, Asuka?"

"You got that right, Kaji-San. An EVA pilot who oblirerate his enemy without training. Only his might and attitude at hand. Popular in school, with Aikido and several other martial arts on his belt. My, my. Shinji, i would be very proud once i took over your spot as the best EVA pilot."

"I won't make it easy for you, just because you're a girl."

"Slightly offensive, what you just said, isn't it?"

"Oh, i respect all woman, Asuka. Especially the one who use their brain like you." The girl only smirked.

"Woah, woah! Shin-man, are you wanna make some kind of harem out there?" The jock interrupted their lovely chit-chat in abrupt.

"What?"

"First Misato, then Ayanami, and now Sohryu. Shinji, you sly!"

"What? I haven't done anything with Rei, Kensuke! What the hell are you talking about?"

Too bad that the boy did not know that somewhere, not too long ago, a bespetacled boy took a picture of both pilots hugging each others. Oh, he really did not know what kind of rumor he would spread once he decided it's time.

"Oh, got bored with Rei, huh?"

"Misato, not you too!" He began to flushed.

"Oh, Shinji! You are too easy to be teased at times."

* * *

"What do you think about Shinji, Asuka?"

"Oh, he's a very interesting boy. Very interesting."

"Just like the profile said."

"Yeah. And quiet of a looker, too. Too bad he seemed to be rather shy around females once things getting personal. And besides, my eyes're only on you, Kaji-san." She began to glomp at his left arm again.

"Uh, Asuka, i thought i already established it for you that i-"

"Can you wait until i reach the legal age?" She pouted to him cutely. It made his intent to break her heart even more difficult.

"Well, um..."

"Sweet! I'll show you that i can be a woman!" With that, he left them on trail.

"Oh, crap. As if my love life is not weird enough as it is. Oh, well. Time to introduce him."

* * *

"Now, we're talking about the real deal." Asuka said with proudness in her voice, after she dragged him to the front of her EVA. "Your EVA is Test Type, and the First has the prototype. Mine, is the production model. Really meant for fighting. Advanced model with replacable daggers, bigger and faster, and designed to be fitted with all kind of equipments for different purposes. What do you think?"

"Nice color." He answered simply.

"...Is that all you could say?"

"Well, what else? I can't see any real difference outside of the horn and being anything but purple." The girl only blinked twice.

"Purple? What a shitty paintjob you got out there."

"Hey, purple mean death in Japan! Although it's kinda crappy, i must admit."

"So why don't you change it to something better, then?"

"It's...a complex story. But in short, me and my father couldn't change it out of respect."

Asuka was puzzled. What he said, could be meant that someone important for them died in accident from the EVA, and whoever that was, it was something important for both Ikaris. Could it be...

No. Not yet. She convinced herself and shrugged her head. Time for another topic. No need to get sappy for now.

"Well, anyway, i heard that you got around 80% right now, and the First Child got 62% in her first try, thanks to your meditation inside the EVA."

"92% on deep meditation."

"No need to rub it, punk."

"Can't help it." He smirked.

"Well, can you believe that i got into 65% without all that spiritual stuffs?" She said proudly, and then smirked as she saw a shocked face from the other pilot.

"Really? Well, that's nice. But kinda expected for someone who has been trained for life like you. No, that's not negative point at all." He said as he was afraid that he invoked her wrath accidentally, despite she did not show any reaction at all. "So, um...do you want me to meditate inside your EVA now?" He was surprised when she shook her head. Was she really that stubborn?

"I appreciate your offer, Ikari, but right now, i want to prove that i can do it by my own hands. I promised to myself that i'm going to be the best, and i'm going to show it. Especially since i've done this since long ago. I'm not going to lose myself to a rookie."

"Really? Well, that was quiet reasonable of a reason. I thought you rejected my offer because of your ego won't allow you to do so. Well, you kinda do it right now, but at least you're not going to be that stupid to...you know, reject any kind of help?"

"Hey, i'm a prideful girl, Third Child, but i'm not stupid. I know that in the end, our job is to kill the Angel. All means are necessary to save the world."

"Well, i usually try to get some fun in my heroic stuffs...I don't think we need to be that stuck up."

"Well, you can show me how to...get some fun..."

Shinji gulped at this seduction from the girl. As if her foxy voice was not enough, she also shaked that booty with such a swing. Oh, baby. This girl's really an opposite of the reclusive blue haired girl.

"Ha! You're really that easy to seduce, Ikari! I knew all boys are pervert!"

"Fuck you, Asuka. Not all boys are pervert."

"Oh, sure they are. Which is why i have my eyes only at the mature man, like the sweet Kaji."

"Isn't he...twice our age or more?"

"In love, age is not important, baka Ikari."

"If you said so. Anyway, tell me what do you want to know about the EVA."

Asuka hesistated a bit. Wow, this is new.

"Well...is it really has a soul? An intelligent one in that, like they rumored?"

"I managed to reach conversation with one of it, so yeah."

"Mein Gott." She was really shocked by the revelation, showed by her grasping her hair like a maniac. "This is not a doll like i used to think. This is really a living being."

"Shocking, isn't it?"

She didn't answer, decided to ask another thing related instead.

"So, who's inside your EVA?"

"I don't know." He shrugged and lied. "I still need more time since i was focused on making Rei's EVA controllable. And if you ask me, the only thing i know that became the soul of Rei's EVA, is that it has a hatred toward the Commander."

"Your father, you mean."

"Yeah. My father's quiet of an asshat, you know." He said while chuckled in the end.

"You can say the same about me." She chuckled behind her sorrow. "So anyway, it's time for you to ask."

"Asuka...who's your guardian."

"Oh, he's a very nice man. He showed me the truth."

"What truth?"

"That it's not hurt to get close to someone you want to." She smiled bitterly, as she knew that what is past is the past.

* * *

"Well? Quiet surprising, isn't it?"

Misato's jaw still dropped. Except for the other two stooges. They were rather indifferent in their situation.

"Meh."

"We've seen crazier stuffs."

"Oh, really? Like what?"

"Stone Cold Steve Austin fighting Stallone. Not far away from the angel war."

"How about Antonio Inoki put a Figure Four on me?"

"Um, how did you get to know them?" He was really surprised. These boys have known more superstar than him at his age, which meant none.

"I blame Shinji."

"Finally you get out of your stupor, Misato." The woman looked slightly less focused. "And what did you say?"

"I say, i blame Shinji. That guy keep making crazy things happened around him for some reasons."

"Like what?"

"You."

Not deciding to pursue it for now, Kaji only shrugged in defeat and joined their walk to the man they're supposed to meet. His voice became clearer and clearer. And then,

"...And then, The Rock says, hey you! Yeah, you sissy cop. You know that right now, you're talking to The Rock, the Great One? Well, here's fifty bucks for you. Buy yourself something nice, maybe the biggest creamy donut, from Dunkin Donut. And then you hold it like this, and then, you squeeze the hell out of it. You squeeeze it. Squeeze it until all the cream are out. And then, you turn that sumbitch sideways..."

"AND STICK IT UP, YOUR CANDY ASS!"

So yeah, The Rock was trash talking all around here. Really, the fact that the crowd were eating his old catchphrases without criticism told people about how electrifying man The Rock was. Which is an understatement, as The Rock was really the most electrifying man in sport entertainment.

"Well, look at what we got here! Hey, you"

"Huh, me?" Misato gasped as The Rock pointed at her.

"Well, yeah. You, the woman with red beret. Do you want to test, what The Rock is cooking tonight?"

The crowd consisted of UN soldiers were whistling and howling at the hot babe, resulted in her blushed from embarassment.

"Well, what are we waiting for? Come here, the lovely one." He said as he raised the people's eyebrow.

Blushed even more, the christmas cake neverthless got into the stage. The stooges followed her closely.

"Well, lady, do you like-what in the blue hell are you two doing here?"The Rock's tone were very different as he switched his perspective to the stooges. It was as if they were very dangerous toxic that should be rid off the face of planet earth as soon as possible.

"Um, Toji?"

"Don't know, man. I only following my date."

"Oh, a date? Hmm. Don't you think...you two are too young, to have a date with a very beautiful lady, like her?"

"Well, Rocky, i think-"

"IT' DOESN'T MATTER WHAT YOU THINK!"

The fact that the crowd were exploded in both laughters and cheers were not helped Toji to hide his embarassment at all. In fact, he did not know if he ever been this red before.

"How dare you two young creep following this elegant of nature, with this...defined, and refined figures, like a leech without knowing the concept of age and humiliation, and you don't even have the class, to introduce yourself? What is your name?"

"Well, my name-"

"IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT YOUR NAME IS!"

If Toji was embarassed for life, Kensuke's embarassment would have an extension to his time at afterlife. How could he fell to the same trap like his friend before, just after a few seconds?"

"Well, lady? What is your name?" The Rock continued. His tone was much warmer, just like before.

"Um, Misato Katsuragi." Her honed savvyness told her that he would not make fun of her like he did with the boys here, which is why she answered.

"Ah, Miss Misato. Katsu and ragi. Delicious. You know, all this talk about food make The Rock hungry." He said, as he patted his well toned belly that was hidden behind the tanktop. "What's your favorite food?"

"Um, i like Yebisu, and-"

"Let me make an offer. Would you like..." The pause was necessary for The Rock to move his crotch and The People's eyebrow seductively. "The People's strudel?"

Unfortunately, the method acting was too much for Katsuragi. So much that she forgot about the line between fake and real, between wrestling and reality. As soon as she layed a smackdown to The People's jewel, strudel, or whatever it is, The Rock knew something was wrong.

"I smell...what Katsuragi's cooking..."

Even before he fainted, he still sticked to his character. What a dedication. No wonder he was one of the few wrestlers who made it into Hollywood's A-List.

It was fortunate for him that Misato did not catch the accidental double entendre. In short, both sucks.

* * *

"Well, Misato..."

"What?" He stammered a bit by her backlash. Neverthless, he continued.

"You know that Wrestling's like live soap opera for man, right?"

"Yes! I know!"

"So why did you hit The People's jewel?"

"He was so infectious, dammit! And stop referring his junk with something ridiculous like that!"

Instead of scared, Kaji became more annoyed instead. What did made his former beloved so serious like this?

"Jeez, Misato. You become more upstruct ever since we broke up."

"And why i did it in the first place?"

"Because-"

The very powerful stare was an answer that she did not want to talk about it right now. Sighed at his robbed chance to get back again, the man then decided to chat with The People's Champion instead.

"Well, Dwayne...how do you feel?"

"Uh...don't ask."

"Don't say the same thing like her, Rocky. The last thing i need is another friend turned cold on me."

"Sorry, Kaji. But-urgh. Man, that really hurt." He grunted as he felt very sore, and he knew it was for the wrong reason.

"I think i owe you an apology." Misato said as she flinched, imagined if woman could have experienced the same thing.

"It's okay, beauty." The Rock accepted the handshake."I'm not a man who harbor bad feeling. Just...don't do that again." She nodded. "Say, is that Asuka and the Third Child?"

"You got that right. Hey, Shinji! We're here!"

The pilots, who were talking about their new 7 figures salary now complied to the man with rough chin. Needless to say, Shinji was in for the surprise.

"Woah! I don't know that Dwayne 'The Rock' Johnson is your current guardian."

"Of course! Best man for the best interest in the world! You can't get anything better than A-List celebrity that also know how to kick some ass!" The girl flocked her hair proudly. "And a nice father figure, too." The man smiled at her, which she returned. "Say, where's the jock and the nerd?"

"They're getting some ice for The Rock's strudel." Kaji answered, intended to annoy Rocky. It was the other one who got annoyed instead.

"Will you cut that off?" Misato glared at Kaji.

"That's definitely hurt." Shinji cringed, showed his sympathy toward the manly samoan. "What happened, anyway?"

"Some stage accident." The Rock said as he looked at the embarassed Misato. Shinji could already guessed the details, but decided to not pursue the truth for now. "Well, Shinji Ikari, i guess we haven't shake our hand. Although i would like for you to offer it first instead."

"Oh, sorry. I forgotten my manner."

Just before their hand even touched, they and the rest of the occupants of the fleet felt the shock wave that came from somewhere. It could only meant one thing...

"The angel..." Everyone had the face of horror written on their face.

Except Asuka, as she knew

"I guess it's showtime, eh?"

* * *

"Dammit! What the hell is going on here? Why we can't even hit it?"

If only the dumbass read or watch the latest big press conference...

"Hello! Nerv and Smackdown Hotel's delivery service here!"

"You!" The Captain pointed at The Great One. "I've told you to stay away from the command bridge!"

"Poopy pebbles, it's not time to argue to The Great One."

"And looks like we have an angel attack here. Care for some datas and countermeasures, sir?"

"I've told you that-"

"Ah, AH!" The Rock interrupted. "Captain sorry excuse for the sake of jabroni piss moose from the blue hell, i don't care if you have the juridiction here. You have an unidentified object wrecking around your fleet. You have your jabronies soldiers's candy asses dangerously close to crossing the line to hell. You have Uncle Jimmy Jack with iron lung's life at risk. If you don't want to look any more moronic, which you already unbelievably is, you need to shove your ego up your throat, your highness, and let us launch the goddamn EVA, because if you're not, i'll make sure that hell would taste better than what The Rock is cookin'. Do you understand?"

The Captain was speechless. Despite the speech being filled by ridiculous catchphrases, he could feel that the man was truly pissed off. Needless to say, he didn't do anything, even with his mouth.

"I'll take that as a yes. Come on, cutie pie. We have a pilot and an EVA to be launched off."

"You'll pay for this humiliation, Dwayne Johnson."

Said man only smirked, lowered The People's sunglasses, and lifted his trusty eyebrow. The People's Eyebrow.

"Just bring it."

* * *

"Evangelion Unit Two, start!"

It was a lucky thing that Asuka already changed the interface into Japanese, for Shinji never had obligation to learn German. Indeed, she knew her situation well.

"Well, let's see how good your seven years of training, Asuka."

"Hey! What's Shinji doing out there?"

"I brought him in, Misato! I'm going to show him what a really trained ace pilot can do!"

"Shinji's presence could've disrupted your synch rate and-"

"I'll just doing my best to hide my life essence's presence here, Misato." Shinji cutted Misato off. "Besides, if Asuka needs help, i can give some inside."

"I guess you hold some truth there. Okay, Asuka, Shinji. You're clear to go."

"Wait! Don't-"

It was clear who's the dumbest person in the world at 1:32 PM, 22 May 2015. It was also clear who got the worst layeth of Smackdown at the exact time, as The Rock did The People's stomp over and over again at the egotist captain who tried to break his promise and comprehended the Chief Tactical Operation of NERV with blunt object. Strangely enough, no one tried to help the poor old man, even his adjudant. Perhaps they knew that unlike the other wrestler, The Rock was a real deal.

"Never...try...to hurt her...again!"

"That's my mentor!"

Had they knew that the girl grinned at the whimpering sound, they would have sweatdropped. As for Shinji, well, his position made it not possible to look at her.

* * *

After nearly wrecked at least 7 ships by her jumpy EVA for her landing spots, Asuka finally attached the power socket. It was very fortunate for Kensuke that he already took a photo of the red EVA when it had the tarpaulin wrapped her body while she stood still. All you need was to put a giant sombrero, and you would have the biggest cowboy you ever seen in your life.

"What a waste. Oh, but it was so worth it..." Kensuke screamed and cried in both joy and pain at the sheer destruction that Asuka's EVA made. His trustworthy camcorder was really useful at this situation.

"Where's the progressive chainsaw, Misato?" Asuka said. Oh, yeah. This red baby was ready to kick some candy asses.

"The chainsaw is on the other carrier, Asuka!"

"Well, bring it in, then! We need something special to catch something as big as that!"

"We can't! The ship sunked thanks to the Angel's attack!"

"Aw, shucks. Well, i hope this can work..."

With that, Asuka opened her EVA's pylons and reached one of it. What Shinji saw is not impressed him one little bit. In fact, it was very embarassing.

"A cutter? You're going to fight the Angel by a fricking cutter? I knew that NERV's scientists as a whole are rather moronic on developing their weapons, but this is ridiculous!"

"This is the only best thing we got right now, Dummkopf! The daggers are not ready yet! And i've told you that i don't have that much faith in this thing, either. Now shut up and give me that synchro rate boost!"

"Well, sorry, then, but i don't see how this can help our matter at all. Fricking cutter..."

"Just give me that damn boost, dammit!"

"Hey, Misato!" Shinji ignored Asuka, which made her blow off some steam in return, but no punishment for Shinji now. "Is there's something useful in this carrier?"

"Well, we have the parts of the experimental jetpack here, but we haven't assemble it yet."

"Well, sucks. Hmmm..."

"What are you grinning at?" Asuka asked. She was rather creeped out by the smug Shinji.

"Asuka," Shinji got out of his stupor, "What's the advantage of progressive cutter?"

"Well, for one thing, there's replacements inside should the blade got broken. Up to three replacements."

"Perfect. Just what we need." His lips now even curled upside more.

"Just what the hell are you planning now, Shinji?"

"Where's the jet pack?" Again, he ignored her. Asuka's patience began to run out.

"Um, on that two helicopter cargo."

"Good. Asuka, let's go."

"Don't ignore me, baka!"

"And you, you just have to listen to me! Can't ruined the surprise now, are we?"

Fumed in defeat, Asuka neverthless listened to Shinji, as she began to make her run to the copter. She just hoped that this guy's really the big deal and as smart as his smartass attitude like people and docires said.

"Good." Shinji appraisal her when Asuka picked the thruster. "Now, you break the cutter twice."

"Huh? For what?"

"We need something to attach the ship with. What else can we use?"

As soon as Asuka catched on, she also wield the same proud, wide grin that the boy had.

"Ah, i can see what you're going to do here. Shinji, you fucking patheon of crazy awesomeness."

* * *

"What's wrong, Kaji?"

Kaji never, or rather, rarely lost his cool. The fact that it was gone right now showed that some problems really happened and rather serious in that.

"I can't find the Adam."

"What in the blue hell? You can't lost something that important."

"I know-Hey!"

"What?"

"There's someone suspicious on that corridor. He was carrying the similar suitcase that i brought here."

"Well, what are you waiting for, jabrony?" The Rock said, as he began to run for the thief.

"Wait! You put that thing first, in case..."

* * *

Shinji's plan really worked for them.

The jet thruster now became an attached part of the ship, significantly boosted the ship's speed by tenfolds. One of the thruster was held by Asuka, using it as both additional boost and a way to make a turn for the ship.

"This is so cool!" Kensuke and Toji screamed. Of course it was fortunate for all people in the ship that Asuka didn't use the full boost, or else the ship would be virtually uncontrollable and they had to hit the deck and gripped something stronger than steel just to get a hold. But the sight of giant robot holding a large, activated jet was indeed, really cool.

And now...

"Someone arrest that guy!"

"Hey! What's Kaji doing out there?"

Despite being faster thanks to superior athleticism and the lacks of additional weight, Kaji still nearly failed to abrupt his attempt to get to the jet. Luckily, he did. And he layed a good one at the thief, as he began to pummeled him.

The thief may slower than Kaji, but unfortunately, to compensate, he was bigger, stronger, and most importantly, tougher than him. He only took 5 good punches, as he began to ovewhelm. A headbutt was delivered, as Kaji began to get his bruises from the big fists.

Misato screamed for someone to help his former beloved one, as the dere-dere part began to take over, even after Kaji managed to deliver several of his own blows to his opponent's abdoment that gave him enough time to breath. Whatever the hell happened between the two, Misato still did not want him to die. Not until she can decide whether to love him again, or to wreck the hell out of him for the last time.

And then...

"The big fish is coming! Embrace yourself for potential impact!"

All people were trying to grab something to hold, except for the fighting duo, and Kensuke who decided to risk whatever potential footage he could get, as they began to prepare for whatever the fish could've done to them.

And then it came...

"Holy shit! It just leaped off!"

The ship and it's entire occupant was in trouble, as Gaghiel put it's whole weight to completely oblirerate the ship.

"Jetpack, max speed!"

As the thruster was set on max speed, everybody in the ship began to feel the G-force that took them down to the ground further. Except Kensuke, as the lanky geek stood still through his sheer will strength. Even if he wanted to, he could not move at all for he gasped at the sight of gigantic flying monster fish As the ship began to get into safety zone away from the angel's splash, Asuka directed the fire that was resulted from the thrust's combustion into the Angel, incinerated some of fleshes in the process.

"Holy crap..." All that Kensuke could said was that.

"The suitcase!" Both fighters screamed at the now sliding holder of Adam.

As both began to make their run, Kaji got pummeled by the kick of his opponent. It was not a wise move from the man, though, as he was not fast enough to grab the suitcase, as it began to reach the edge.

And then...

"Give back that thing!"

Perhaps it was not wise for anyone, no matter how big they were, to punched another very big man.

Nevermind the fact that said man was at least 6 ft 3 inches, wore an exoskeleton suit, just pulled an inhuman speed to grab the nearly fallen suitcase, and carried a determined look on his face. Also nevermind the fact that the futuristic suit was as hard as steel, proved by the fact that knuckle that was used just got cracked.

Unfortunately, he had no time to learn from mistake, or apologized for it, as The Rock simply pulled a bitchslap on him, put him into sleep in the process.

"Well, all rights is in the world."

"Well, Katsuragi...it's very cool, huh?"

No one responded, as they were awestruck at the cyberkinetic Rocky.

"Well, i guess it's time for us to go."

That was enough to pull Misato out of her stupor.

"Wait, what? Oh no, you don't, you two! Stay here, or i'll put you into the jail with NERV's juridiction, you cowards!"

"Well, Rock?"

"No need to hide it anymore, then."

"Well, sorry, Misato. But we're working for NERV now."

Misato was awestruck again.

"Well, we have an urgent business with the Commander, so ciao!"

With that, The Rock left his exoskeleton suit and joined Kaji in his fighter jet, leaving the crowd who still had their jaws dropped.

And then, the boys spoken.

"Toji?"

"Yeah?"

"We should begin to hanging out with Shinji more..."

"I don't know, man. This is too much for me. And i thought i already got immune to his antics..."

* * *

"Allright, Shinji. We have to get ready, now. Put your best effort to raise our synch ratio."

The giant robot was now on the deep ocean, just grabbed their chainsaw. And man, the chainsaw was awesome. Not only it was at least twice the length of the EVA, it also double bladed. Doubled the pain, any Angel should be thinking twice before they attack the Geofront again.

"Synch ratio at 70%!"

"Damn it! It's still barely changed!"

"Well, maybe we have to do something else."

"Like what?"

"Like...having the same thought?"

"Sounds good enough for me. Let's give it a try."

And soon...

"145%? Holy shit. Shinji, Asuka, whatever you do, don't stop!"

Had they knew that the duo were thinking about 100 ways to kill the Angel, Ritsuko would have to pull a test on them. Very painful tests. But then again, their synch ratio would guaranteed that painful trip even without some people think the stress finally gotten to them in the first place.

"And...here we go!"

The double chainsaw sliced the Angel with such ease as if it only sliced through a thin door. The Angel was split into three different parts, now as good as dead. What's even more impressive was they managed to avoid making an even single scratch to the core, leaving the Angel as good as dead. This was all thanks to Shinji did a flip right before one of the blade hit the Angel's orb.

"Good job, you two! We're going to pull you back in."

"Thanks, Misato."

"Oh, and Mr. Kaji and Rocky would not be there now. Urgent business, they said."

"Don't worry. I know they had reason to run away. Kaji and Dwayne Johnson can't be cowards."

Especially Shinji, as he knew what Kaji carried all along.

"First fight with perfect score, and you managed to do the bonus objective as well. I must say that i'm very impressed, Asuka." Shinji said, after Misato closed their communication link.

"Well, it's all thanks to you, too. I wouldn't done it without your help."

"You know, Asuka...you're much nicer than i thought you would be."

"Thanks." The third-quarter Gaijin blushed at his compliment. "Say, how did you imagined i would like to be, first?"

"Oh, it's actually the same like what you showed. Only i thought that you would be much less...tolerable and not capable admitting the need for other's help."

"Really? Well, you would be 100% correct if you met me three years ago."

"And i would be a spineless wimp that would be pushed back by someone as assertive as you. I guess we have someone to thank for we ended up as like this now."

"Yeah."

And so they waited for the others to pulled them back into the ship, as they drifted to sleep. The last thought in Shinji's mind was what would happen to Kaji, The Rock, and his father.

* * *

"Well?"

"What now?"

"We're both Triple Agent, right?"

"So?"

"What are you working for?"

"The safety of the world."

"Is that what your boss wanted?"

"Perhaps. Maybe there's something more personal too, but..."

"I would like to believe it, but Hulk Hogan was..."

"He's not that bad of a guy. Just don't put too much power on him."

"That's what i'm afraid for, because he has the power now."

"Well, is SEELE that trustworthy as well?"

"Looks like i'm the hypocrite one here."

"Anyway, who's that guy that tried to steal Adam, anyway? And who's he working for?"

"I don't know. But i hope it wasn't him."

"Who?"

"The Joker."

"You mean, that unknown actor who went nuts and began to imitate Joker, right down to the mannerisms?"

"Yeah. Him."

"That blow. Anyway, talking about joke, do you think it's funny to see Gendo sneezed in front of us?"

"Japanese always do that."

"I know. Which is why i found it even funnier."

"I never said it was not funny."

"I never accused you, either."

* * *

"You don't think this is wrong, Ikari?" The older main said, as they looked at the sneaked photo where Shinji and Rei embraced each others."I mean..."

"Fuyutsuki," Gendo sighed. "If whatever...that thing we retrieved from the EVA was really her, i wouldn't do all of it in the first place. As far as i concern, that disgusting tumor flesh is not Yui. And besides, i could've just grown Rei to adult, said to everyone that her albino skin and blue hair was side effects to her salvage attempt, put fake memories on her, and voila! I have my Yui back."

"That sounds...sick, Gendo."

"Which is why i did not do it in the first place." He smiled a sick grin and slightly chuckled after.

"Well...i think technically, she was way too manipulated genetically to be called as related even if the genetics were Yui, anyway. Still, i would call it Freudian, still."

"I don't care. They deserves happyness after what i pulled for them. And Shinji should be the one who realized the Freudian factor and decide whether it's okay or not, not me."

"You know...you changed alot since the defeat of the Fifth Angel, Gendo."

"Oh, i have my thanks and blames for the Third Child. Which is why i feel sorry for him for what i would done to him soon or later."

"Gendo?" Fuyutsuki began to get scared.

"To create paradise for us...my son have to know what it feels to be inside hell first."

* * *

Now that Asuka just arrived in Japan and made her fight debut, what will happen to the world? Will she rob Shinji's heart? Or will the actually-not-a-clone-of-his-mother still triumph in the end? What's The Rock's actual allignment? Will Gendo get his paradise, or a layeth of Smackdown from Yui instead? Will Pen-Pen rivals Sonic and Mario in popularity? Find out next, on Evangelion Z!

A/N: Well, how do you like my version of Asuka? After i read and watch what's actually happened to her in her youth, i found it rather ridiculous in context if you see it in one way. You got this girl who was not in grasp of Gendo and SEELE, and yet they still had to broke her down into perfectionist bitch? For what? Even funnier, she was in Germany and one hell of a child prodigy, and yet she still suffered from Japan's pride problem while you can get therapy there in West where there's less social stigma, with Asuka's grandparents still alive and all. Really, Evangelion is actually quiet crappy in logic and lore (why's there a Dead Sea scroll in the first place? Did Lilith get bored and write stuffs to help her destroy the world?). It's the analyzation of the plot and characters's clues from even the tiniest details that made it a genius work, and even some of the acclaimed parts were accidental. I think now i know why Q was so crappy. Brrr...

Also, you know the funniest part about The Rock became Asuka's guardian? The Rock's persona was very similar with Asuka's bitch mask. They both experienced depression after strings of bad things happened to them (When The Rock was still Rocky Maivia, he was booed despite being the good guy and the IC champion. And in real life, he also got a real depression after his failed Football career.). And then, they changed their persona into someone who's extremely cocky, being jerkass to generally everyone, and had one hell of an ego. The difference is that The Rock succeed and a nice person in real life, while Asuka failed and still extremely defensive to show her feelings even before her trauma (although compared to Stone Cold, The Rock was not that dominant, so in kayfabe, his ego still costed him a lot.). This is why i chose The Rock to be Asuka's mentor, because he knew how to face reality when he had to. And she had a large synch rate because unlike her canon, she learnt to open her heart.

And finally, for a prodigy college graduate, Asuka was surely quiet of a dumbass. Rei and even Shinji often looked much more sensible than her at times. She also made some boneheaded decisions that someone as smart as her should never do in the first place. It's justified since it fit her inferiority superiority complex, but still...

And why did then not used the jet thruster instead? Well, simply: AT-Field. Continous use of it would be blocked by the AT field later.

Well, that's the end of my rant. Sorry for the lacks of Ayanami, but until later...good night, everybody!


	9. RomCom for Albino

Disclaimer: I don't own Anno's life, nevermind him as a whole. Therefore, i don't own EVA, Gainax and Khara. Happy, everyone?

Also, i would like for a beta reader to beta read my fics. Or someone who can guide me in building an evil character. I'm weak in writing those...

* * *

"Mr. Lee."

"Mr. Willis."

At a monastery, a man was talking to a man who cannot be seen within our spectrum color. Unfortunately, Bruce Willis was and never will be one of the bees, so he cannot see the true form of the flower, Bruce Lee.

"I just want to say thank you for helping us in everything, in this holy war."

"It's nothing, Willis. All i did was causing the disturbance in Yin and Yang, which i couldn't have acquired the power to do it in the first place without your arrival."

"Well, that's the truth, sir. But still, i would not expect that become a time traveller would caused an awakening of physical God himself."

"Oh, please. I'm still human being. I'm just...transcended into higher plane."

"Which is good enough for me to consider you as God."

"Would a God had to wait for a time traveller for him to wake his eyes?"

"Assuming that Evangelion itself could be called as God, i think the world's description of God itself is very vague at best."

"You got that right. I think, now you put it that way, i AM, a God." Had Willis could did more than heard the voice of the most influental Martial Artist in 20th Century, he could seen the astral form of Jeet Kune Do's founder smirked.

"Shall you have more than sufficient power to face the EVA, in that case?"

"Of course...not." He tried to make a joke, which made the other Bruce let out a chuckle. "Well, even if i could, i cannot be exist in mortal form."

"Whatever you said, man." The still alive Bruce snickered, ignoring the fact that he was massively inferior in power to the already ascended Bruce. "Anyway, this Yin and Yang problem...how much long until you have to take a rest?"

"Sooner or later, my friend. As i said, i'm not a literal God. I cannot hold the dark power of Yang to seep into the world for much longer. The balance shall be restored sooner or later. If only Yip Man is here..."

"Well, that proves about his addiction being his own undoing." He said darkly. Lee did not appreciate his lacks of respect towards his teacher, but otherwise decided to stay calm. "You know, Mr. Lee. I think i know the perfect time when you can take a rest."

"When?"

"The angel after the next one. The eight and ninth Angel, respectively." He answered, "Both the Angels are the weaker ones. One was still in embryo state, and the other one had pathetic AT Field. The pilots can do it by their own. And besides, their attacks occured when the pilots were at their happiest point, and now they're much more adjusted than before, so..."

"It would be the least harmful time for them."

"Correct."

"Well, i'll take it into consideration. Is there anything else you want to tell, or ask?"

"Ramiel. What happened? He became...stronger than he should be."

"Ah, the flying octahedron." Lee said in hesistation, for a while. "I was on my own investigation, so i got a bit sidetracked for a while."

"For what?"

"A big power surge from another dimension." He replied quickly. "The thing was huge, even more powerful than the laserbeam Octahedron."

"Perhaps you're talking about the Penguin with Toilet Papers for hand Angel."

"Zeruel, you meant?" The martial artist asked while chuckled to himself.

"Yeah. It's incredible that such a ridiculous monster in concept can held a tremendous power."

"I know. Perhaps it is him. But until later, we'll never truly know. I just say this so we can prepare...in case it's something worse."

"I see. Still, you don't want to say sorry for neglecting your job out there?"

"Of course. I hope you accepted the apology from the God himself."

Had he could saw the Hong Kong martial artists mockingly kneeled over him, the laughter that came from the gaps of his lips would be even more uncontrollable than ever.

"Man...is becoming a true badass post Second Impact made everyone around here sarcastic bastards or what?"

"A design by choice." The man smirked.

"Yeah...i guess. Still, it seems that it would be fine if we let him for a while."

"Perhaps. As i said, i already took it into consideration, my friend."

The sounds of the Gong suddenly heard towards the whole temple, shuddered Willis's body, as a sign that a certain passage of time have been used for their information. For that matter, their time was up.

"Looks like it's time for me to go. I'm sorry that our planes of existance can't be together for eternity."

"Nah, it's okay. I just hope that i can talk about you more outside of my Hong Kong and Chinese's martial artists friends."

"Yeah. Damn restrictions. Hey, say hello to Jackie Chan, will ya? Say that i don't hate him for being one of my copycat."

"USED to be copycat."

"Yeah, whatever. I know that he used to hate being seen as nothing but Bruce Lee copycat #245. Say to him that he did not have to feel bad, in case he did that self pity shit that Asian drama famous for."

"I'll say your hi to him, then. Goodbye, Lee."

"Goodbye, Willis."

* * *

Rei Ayanami was very tired.

Despite she had nothing to do but floating in the tub of LCL for the development of the Dummy Plug, Rei's mind was exhausted beyond relief. In addition to the memory backup for herself, she also had to share her basic developments for her clones. 8 hours of nothing but imprinting her basic thoughts to the clones was both boring and taxing to her mind. Now she began to think that the reason for her lacks of entertainment stuffs in her apartment was not only for her to solely focus on her job, but also to make the Dummy Plug program much easier to do, since it used to be only 3 hours at most without her became distracted.

Some moments lately, again, surprised and left her incapable of fully understood them. The Commander not only gave an approval for their relationship. He also gave her permission to be teached by Shinji for many things, with martial arts being her main focus, even after she said that she would not blindly follow him anymore, despite her respect remain high for him. This was both satisfying and logical to her, as her piloting would improve from the result of her further interaction.

 _Shinji was right...he really became a better man because of our changes. Commander always said that sometimes, in right circumstances, people can change. That was what he said when i confessed that i desire for nothingness so i can focus solely to piloting..._

His name made her minds sidetracked into remembering the time when he held her tight, sobbed at her chest. The memories of all his touches then came back into her. Not ounce of them were something that brought unpleasant feeling for her.

 _Shinji-kun's touches...they make me warm..._

She could felt her blushes, prompted her to reach for her warm and reddened cheeks. After reaching for it for several seconds, she concluded her new emotion as similar to embarassment, something that was relatively new to her that she just experienced when Kensuke somehow nearly deduced her true nature. However, the embarassment was coated with approval of her thought, which she could not comprehend at the feeling of such an amalgamation.

 _I like his touches...and yet they make me embarassed. This mixed feelings again...What does it mean? How could i get embarassed from the thing i liked?_

A thought that Shinji could've teached her more about her new behavior sprung out of her mind, but her more emotional side decided to not do so.

 _I think...it would be better if i search the meaning of this by myself..._

With that, she went into a dreamless, peaceful sleep, but not before have an imagination of him running his fingers through her hair while wrapped his arms around her waist. At this, she began to realize on how attractive Shinji was in many means, both conventionally and unconventionally. She blushed for a minute before she drifted into her much needed sleep.

 _Shinji..._

* * *

 _I just realized something..._

Shinji just realized something.

 _Isn't that Rei is, at most, technically only 10 years old? I mean, mother was sucked in by the EVA in 2004, so Rei should be..._

He then just realized at how screwed up Rei's life and the concept around her was. Not only she was made from the remains of his mother, she also has been genetically modified to such extent that everything about her was out of her control, even her own age.

 _Well...at least that make another point about her not genetically even close to Ikaris anymore. It's funny; without the Angels and mother's death, she would not exist in the first place. It's like what they said;you can't make an omelette without breaking some eggs..._

The young man who was lying on his bed then flied on his own thought again, remembering all those smiles that she gave to him.

 _Rei...i will never forget all those smiles you gave to me. No. It's not because they reminded me that you're human after all. It's because..._

 _They're just...so beautiful...  
_

Blushed uncontrollably at his self-admitance, he then inwardly cursed his love life for having to pick such a weird and mixed divine creature, so breathtakingly angelic and creepy at the same time. Her nature should've creeped him out to claim her love for him, and yet he did not.

 _Love is really weird..._

And with that, he went into sleep. Gone was his doubt and fear that she was not human. For him, she was Rei Ayanami. Nothing more, nothing less.

* * *

"Hei, Shinji!"

"What is it, Misato?" He asked as they chewed on their food.

"I'm glad to have you here."

"Of course." Shinji said before he swallowed his omelette. Talk about irony. "You get to eat real food here with me. And...not everything's mess here, i guess."

"Haha. Very funny, Shinji. No, Shinji. What i meant is...i'm glad to have someone where i can act more like myself."

"Wow. I'm flattered, Misato. Are you...being sincere?"

"I truly meant it, Shinji. You're...like a brother i never had."

The situation was too sentimental to Shinji. It was such a weird situation to have a sappy story in your early hours. He had to defuse the awkwardness that came from the dialogue, so he asked.

"So... the strongheaded Misato in battlefield was a fluke?" He snarked.

"As much as you being the manly man." She retorted.

"Are you saying that being an EVA pilot and martial artist are not manly enough?"

"Not that, boy! I'm talking about your love life with Rei!"

"Wh...what?"

"Ha! See? Deep down that macho bullshit, you still act like a child whenever love is brought into the table! Look at you!" He poked Shinji's warm, reddened face, "You look so red, you can rivaled my jacket!" She pointed at her iconic jacket for emphasis.

"Sh...shut up! Look at yourself! You get someone like Kaji, and you blew it up!"

"Hei! I never said anything about Kaji!"

"Oh, it was so obvious, Misato! The thickness from the unresolved sexual tension was so high, Rei would got a sunburn had she went with us!"

"...That was not a good analogy."

"Whatever. All i said is, you could've become happy with him."

This made Misato muted.

"Misato?"

She did not answer him. The cheerful room suddenly became bleak.

"Misato?" He asked her again.

"Um, what?"

"Kaji-san. What happened to you two?"

"Oh, um...we just broke up, that's why!" She said as she tried to mask her sadness, which did not work at the savvy boy.

"Well, you seemed rather sad by that remark. Why?"

"It's...it's because you're right." She sounds gloomy again, but much sincere in return. "We can be happy together. We really can. But i pushed him away. And i lied to him for the reason. And to tell you the truth...i still think of him highly."

"Oh." He said as he fully understoon now. "I'm...i'm sorry, Misato. I don't mean to hurt you by opening the old wound."

"No, it's okay, Shinji. I just...i just need some times to deal with him."

"I see. I'm sorry that i cannot help you, Misato. I'm just a boy without experience in love. But if you want to just talk so you can, um...spill it out, we can talk about it later."

"Shinji...thank you. You always know when to become the responsible one."

"You're welcome, Misato."

"Well, now that's all cleared up, pass me that Yebisu, Shin-chan!" Misato ordered as she wiped the about to fall tears, tried to sounds cheerful again like her usual self. It worked better, but Shinji could still see the sadness behind her mask.

The boy then made a mental note to himself to talk and confront about this to Kaji later. They haven't talk personally like he intended to on the ship thanks to the angel attack being unpredictable, so they had to sooner or later.

Trying to cheer himself up, Shinji made another mental note.

 _Note to self: Check all NERV personnels for potential traumatic background. Yes. Even the penguin and Ritsuko's cats. Wait. The penguin was the last on earth, so of course it will be._

In his freezer, Pen-Pen sneezed. He knew that the temperature was perfect, so it had to be someone talk behind his back. Either Sony decided to revitalize Crash Bandicoot's franchise again to counter the potential of his new popularity, or one of Ritsuko's cat ployed something for revenge for their loss at the contest for the new Smash Bros DLC character. Damn cats cannot accept the superiority of penguins...

* * *

"Man, i'm glad that we'll never see the red devil again. Hot bod and talent, but man, what an ego. And her strength...man, she's not human. A true devil!"

"She's not that bad, Toji. She's quiet nice once you get known to her." This prompted Toji to rolled his eyes.

"Did you already forget that Sohryu chick said all boys are perverts? Seriously, Shinji. I would not be surprised if that girl attend a feminist organization somewhere in Germany, where she held an important position there. Man, that girl would be the ultimate dream of every feminist; Strong, beautiful, and not willing to take any boy's bullshit. She's all boys's automatic sworn enemy, Shin-man." He countered. Had Kensuke was there, he would have more points to make and showed Shinji that she's an asshole, even with her redeeming qualities. Perhaps asshole with heart of gold, but still, an asshole.

"Except unlike the extreme feminists that you described for her, Sohryu could actually took suggestions from the boys." The boy retorted. "And she seemed like she had something bad to her in the past. Perhaps...she's used to be the same like me?"

"Yeah, yeah, whatever."Toji shrugged. Outside of being badass, he could not see on how she could be the same like, in his opinion, the more honorable man in front of his own eyes. "She's still a bitch, and that's da fact."

"I agree that she's quiet annoying, but-"

"Guys! Guys!"

The sight of a bespetacled military fanatics running frantically toward the class was something amusing to say the least. But it did not ignite the laughter from their friends, as the horror on his face showed that it could be something serious.

"TOJISHINJITHEDEVILISHEREAND-"

"Woah, woah, woah! Take it easy, man! Breath for a while! Chill."

"Here. Take a sip." Shinji offered his thermos of water, which the stereotypical lanky nerd took immediately.

"Kensuke Aida! You're on clean up duty today!" Hikari Horaki, the class representative repreminded him. Despite the fact that the class sensei always picked up the one who had to take the duty, she felt that she had to take an initiative this morning. It was justified, by the fact that Kensuke gagged and spilled the water from both his mouth due to his carelessness spilled the classroom and accidentally hit two students, who unfortunately for him, were neither Shinji nor Toji.

As he still coughed from his now sore throat, Kensuke had the feeling that he had to hire Shinji as his bodyguard for the remainders of the day.

"It's okay, man. We'll take care of you for the rest of this day." Said Shinji, who understood his predicament. It was quiet obvious for everyone to see, as two set of eyes glaring with murderous intent on Kensuke.

"Well...hehe. Thanks?"

"Nevermind that. Just spill it out, man."

"Well, i have two news. Both are bad news, or a good and bad news, depending on how you see it. I..." He decided to whisper so no one else could heard him "I just found out that this class is used for easier control and surveillance of the EVA pilots when i hacked one of the Section-2's computer."

"What?" Toji loudly whispered.

"Not surprising." Shinji whispered with a relaxed expression on his face. "Me and Rei are here. Coincidence? I don't think so."

"You and your savviness, man. I really envy you sometimes."

"Glad to see someone singing praises about it again." He smirked.

"So, anyway." Kensuke continued as he did not like to get distracted from the true issue, especially in expense of him."There are two possibilities from this news, which are the news i was talking about. First, this class's true purpose is to gathering the most potential pilots from Tokyo-3."

"...Fuck." Toji cursed. Even if he can learn to become the best EVA pilot and ignoring the pain, the very freudian nature of the Entry Plug is more than enough to make him disgusted from the concept of becoming an EVA pilot. Nevermind the disgusting stench from the blood like LCL.

"And second, with that set, there's a possibility that-"

"Stand!"

The stooges were frantically running for their seat, induced some chuckles to the other students, especially the sight of the mighty Shinji Ikari frantically tried to get back to his seat before the mad sensei managed to get into his desk.

"Bow! Sit!"

With that, everything went back into normal again.

Except for one announcement.

"Ehem. Class, we have a new student here. Girl, introduce yourself."

The said girl then entered the class. Needless to say, two guys traumatized, two students were rather indifferent (coincidentally, they all pilots), and the rest immediately took their interest at this pretty sight.

"Hi! I'm Asuka Langley Sohryu! Pleased to meet you!"

"Oh, fuck. I forgot about her." Kensuke muttered to himself.

"Allright, calm down everyone." The sensei mentioned to everyone on the class. "Allright, Miss Langley. You can sit right there." He pointed to the chair besides Shinji, made everyone else groaned 'lucky bastard'. "Now, let's discuss about theory on how much Mary Jane responsible for the Second Impact..."

The class groaned at yet another hours of insanity.

* * *

 _Love mails...another love mail...bah! Boys. Wait. This one looks like written by a woman...wait a minute...i don't swing that way. Meh. Her business._

Shrugged to herself, the quarter Japanese then decided to join one of the chat. It was not that the sensei was boring. In fact, he was so entertaining...in a wrong way that Asuka finally decided to throw a big rock out of nowhere to the maniac sensei that promptly knocked him out. The fact that he somehow linkened the pilots to the horseman of apocalypse was more than justified reason to...knock some senses to the poor thing. Luckily, no one complained, or even reported her to the office. They were too tired to his bullshit. So tired, that even Hikari got enough (although she still had enough responsibility to at least make the students do self study without getting out of class). Well, that one guy who entered his group without hesistation wanted to, but the great Shinji Ikari stopped his track before he managed to do so with his roundhouse kick that also knocked him out (and in process, was also not reported because the said random student was also too much indulged into his bullshit). In the process of giving him her gratitude, the boy gave her the access to his chatroom, which she decided to use it now.

 _You have joined MOOOOO!_

RedFire: WTF?

Jock55: Wait a minute...

RedFire: What kind of name is MOOOOO?

NerdTruth: Just random name, sweety. More important matter is; Who are you?

RedFire: The transfer student. Who else?

NerdTruth: OMFG DEVIL HAXXORZ!

Jock55: Shinji...

AikidoMaster: What?

Jock55: Why you...

AikidoMaster: Well, i want to prove it to you, right?

NerdTruth: Prove what?

RedFire: That boys are pervert? Like Jock55?

Jock55: See? This is why i don't like her in the first place.

DoubleH: Suzuhara may acted like what you describe, Sohryu, but from what i learnt, there's always something deeper inside someone's heart.

RedFire:...Is Ayanami struck in lovey dovey with that jock?

Jock55: WHAT?

DoubleH: No-nononono! I'm not in any kind of...thing with him. In fact, i'm not even Ayanami-san.

RedFire: Then, where's Ayanami?

 _BluesClues have joined the group._

BluesClues: Hi.

NerdTruth: I believe you just met what you're looking for, Sohryu.

DoubleH: Well, i'm leaving now.

Jock55: Me too.

NerdTruth: Me three.

RedFire: Now just wait a minute!

DoubleH has left the group

Jock55 has left the group

RedFire: Sigh...well, at least it's not that crowded anymore. Hey. Why are you still here, nerd?

NerdTruth: Oh, nothing. I just changed my mind.

 _Fire vs. ice...unstoppable force vs immovable object...what will happen, ladies and gentleman? Will a catastrophe equal of Second Impact happened to the class? Stay tuned, on Kensuke Channel!_

RedFire: Whatever. So, First Child?

BluesClues: Yes, Pilot Sohryu?

RedFire: Let's be friend!

NerdTruth: OMFGSHEATTEMPTTODOTHEIMPOSSIBLE!

AikidoMaster: Now this is getting interesting...

BluesClues: What for?

NerdTruth: See?

RedFire: Shut up, nerd! Well, i think...it's because it will be convenient for us, the pilots? I mean, we need to know each others so we can work together better, rite? So, wat do you think, Ayanami?

 _Meanwhile, in another chat-room for pure personal purposes of the three stooges_

DaTrut: 5 bucks that she will not take it.

IkariSword: 5 bucks that she will. My sense of anti-savviness...is tingling.

23Toji:What are you guys talking about?

DaTrut: Just join the other chat again, and you will see it by yourself...the biggest truce in history of Tokyo-3.

 _Back to the other chatroom_

RedFire: Well?

Jock55 has joined the group

BluesClues: Shinji once said that friend should not be based on convenience, and i believe he's right.

RedFire: Well...at least we can try.

 _Back to the stooges chat room_

DaTrut: Looks like i won this one, Shin-man!

IkariSword: It's not finish yet, man.

 _In the other chatroom_

BluesClues: Very well, Sohryu. I will be your friend.

RedFire: YAY!

NerdTruth: HOLY SHIT! SHEACTUALLYDIDIT!

Jock55: The ice wall of Stalingrad just melted! The hell just froze over!

RedFire: Oh, screw you perverts! I'm outta here! Well, see you later, Ayanami!

RedFire has left the group

AikidoMaster: Well, guys? Pay up. 5 bucks, people.

BluesClues has left the group

AikidoMaster:...Crap. This is not our personal chat room.

NerdTruth: OSNAP!

Jock55: Your bride is hurt, Shin-man!

AikidoMaster: She's not my girlfriend!

NerdTruth: Congratulations! Your Shinji just evolved into Tsundere!

AikidoMaster: Shut up, Kensuke!

Jock55: Well, you'd better run for her, Shinji.

AikidoMaster: For what?

NerdTruth: If you don't, we'll spread the concrete evidence, Shin-man.

AikidoMaster: What prove?

Jock55: Dont play dumb, Shinji! We know that you went cuddly with her two weeks ago, hugging her while both of you running your hair with your fingers and all in balcony...

AikidoMaster: You two are sooo dead once i'm done...

With that, Shinji left the room, both virtual and reality, without even logged off or looking at the now laughing out loud Kensuke and Toji that, ironically, became the center of attention, stole the attention of the class from the now slightly annoyed Asuka to them. Shinji knew it took more than that to hurt Rei's feeling, nevermind the possibility that she did not even know the implications that she just became an object of pool betting with the stooges. But he did not want that photo to spread. And some of his parts did not want to accidentally hurt her.

 _Love is definitely weird..._

* * *

Shinji found Rei in front of the bathroom, just getting out. It was a pure luck for his second deduction to guess that she just wanted to go to the bathroom. He decided to ask her, nonetheless.

"Shinji? What is it?" The girl asked in confusion to the now gasping Third Child that was trying to catch his breath.

"Rei...do you know what we-Me, Kensuke and Toji were talking about earlier?"

"Yes." She said as if it was matter of fact. "You three were talking about your bet."

"You're right. But...is the matter of the bet just, um...made you mad and left the chatroom?"

"No." Again, blunt to the point. Rei's trademark of personality was being gentle and banal at the same time."I really need to go to the bathroom." However, this matter left her curious. "May i inquire the truth behind the gamble between you three?"

"Um..." Shinji became hesistant at her request. This was not unremarkable for Rei, as her expression changed to the one that showed more curiosity.

"Is it something bad, Shinji?"

"Um...short of..." Shinji answered while he scratching his back. Again, this was not left unobserved by Rei.

"You don't have to answer this immediately, Shinji."

"Um, okay-No! I have to tell you!" He conflicted himself, caused her to even became more confused. "Rei...i feel sorry because i used you for our bet."

Somehow someway, Rei's heart shattered.

"Rei, i'm sorry to use Asuka's attempt to befriend you as the betting object. But, um...to be fair, i said that you will accept her, so...i know that you have changed to be a better person, Rei. So...no hard feeling, right?"

It was at this time when Shinji should have wished for Bruce Lee and Yin to have a better sense of humor.

For 'i used you, i used you, i used you...' was all she heard from his mouth. Her bright world suddenly became darker than ever, even before her resolve to not desire for nothingness anymore.

"I see. You can go now."

"Huh?"

"I need to go to the cafetaria."

"Ah. I see. May i accompany you there?"

"No. I can go with myself."

"Ah. Then...i'll see you later there." Said Shinji, as he entered the bathroom for females, but stopped once he realized it. But rewinded back as he urinated, he knew that she somehow sounded...hurt.

As he entered the cafetaria and he did not find a trace of that blue haired mop, he knew something was wrong.

And so, the search was restarted again.

* * *

"Doctor Akagi."

"Yes?"

"What do you think about our new partner, Bruce Willis Inc. that will control the marketing department and drone weaponry?"

"He's very..." She still searching for the appropriate word. "Suspicious, sir."

"Care to explain?" He said with softness in his voice. Somehow, it scared her instead of easened her, the woman that had an illogical, unrequited love with the bearded man.

"Well, for once, he had the knowledge about AT Field, and managed to build an artificial one. Even if it was still weak, it's still...a breach of information for us."

"I see. Then i did the right move." He smirked.

"S...sir?"

"If you can't defeat them, join them." He explained. "They will provide us additional weaponry, and his star power will provide us with more necessary funding support. Whether they stay as our enemy or not, it will be their choice to make. All going according to plan..." His eyes glistened, made the woman almost tremble in fear. "Is there's something else you want to say, dear?"

Her heart that was darkened with fear suddenly melted with that word. Finally, he noticed her. "Well, um...he's, um...he somehow managed to avoid the sabotage by not immediately activated the Jet Alone robot."

"Pure luck." He immediately deduced. "Anything else?"

"Um, no sir. So...tonight, 8 PM?"

"No, Doctor. You take a rest tonight."

"Y...yes, sir!" She saluted before she exited the room, felt both relieved and dissapointed at the same time.

Gendo then took another glass of thought as he became alone again. So many scenarios were made by him to anticipate the deviations. As soon as he failed to retrieve Yui from the cloning attempt, he knew that things would not went to his way all the time. So he prepared the scenarios, had everything prepared. He even managed to talk Rei out of her suicidal thought, and prepared to make her desires for nothingness again in case his defaut scenarios went accordingly. Now, everything became clear to him. Now, Yui's salvation was not his priority. The paradise for humanity was. Pain was not the foundation for paradise, so he began to act nicer towards everyone. He still put distance towards other. In fact, he still manipulated them. Only in different way.

 _Yui...i'll make you proud. Your true self may never came back...but in paradise, everything is possible._

Of course, something had to be sacrificed.

 _Yui...your son will make you proud. I just hope that you will understand and forgive me, for why he had to bear the responsibility, for why..._

 _I have. To hurt him._

 _Shinji...that will be the last time._

* * *

 _He...only used me...  
_

Rei Ayanami was an enigma of the world. Even she often did not know what she feels, or how she should react at times. Even with her recent experiences, she still did not know what she should describe at times. However, she knew what her heart felt.

It hurts.

The new feelings kept flooding to her, which would overwhelmed her had there was something more than the pain in her heart. Her heart felt stabbed by the word of being used by her first and only friend (Asuka's was just barely started). Her logical thought did not even recognized what he used her for that driven her with sorrow. Even the illogical thought that made her feeling sad in the first place, where it somehow linkened what the Pilot of Unit-01 said with that soap opera she just saw earlier that week did nothing but fueled her sadness. Okay, perhaps the fact that said opera had the main antagonist admitted that he only used the female protagonist for his own gain made her subconsciously ignited the part of her that feared something called betrayal. But...

All she knew, that it hurts.

It was at that time when Shinji made his appearance in front of her, as he managed to deduce where she went.

"Rei, i-"

"Ikari... Leave. Pl..please." She said between her sobs, barely managed to put her cold mask again.

The cold words were an extremely gutwrenching blow to his heart, but he knew that miscommunication would lead to more broken hearts and pain if it was left alone. So he disobeyed her. Of course, since the central conflict was set in Japan, seeing him disobeyed her only made her sobbed louder, this time every of it were audible for Shinji to pierce his heart with every sadness that come from her voice.

The manly young man could not stand this. He then wrapped his arms around the girls, but she pushed him away weakly, shocked him and resulted in him did not retaliate. Shinji did know that perhaps it would be the better option to left her now and talked about this later when she managed to gain her composure, but her reddened face that was failed to be covered by her hands showed how much she was in pain. So he wrapped his arms again, but this time ensured that she would not be able to push it away. As she increased her pressure to his arms, he then pushed her chin gently instead, so he could see how much he hurted her. All for a simple misunderstanding.

The face tried to betray the emotion, but it fail, and it only hurt the male even more to see the pain from her pretty face. Oh, he wanted to kiss it so much as his lips were only a few centimeters away from her, but he did not want to cause any more confusing feeling for her. He knew how fragile she was, deep down her ice mask, how it held a tortured soul that did not own even herself. So he did what usually always relaxed her. He then began to nuzzle her hairs with his fingers, caressing her with such care. But nothing was changed from her. Did not know what her true reason, whether she felt it was not sincere or something else, he finally spoke.

"Rei, i'm sorry. I'm truly sorry." He said as his voice sounded hurt as well. This made Rei finally responded to what he do, despite her face still did not betray any changes inside her, "Perhaps i said something wrong back there. Perhaps i did not make myself clear. But Rei...i'm truly sorry for using you, even if it was only for a lousy bet."

Finally, Rei's logical part was used after minutes of being neglected, prompted her to asks. "Shinji...what did you use me for?"

"Um, Rei...i told you that i used you for bet about whether you will accept Sohryu's wish to become your friend or not."

"Oh." She said flatly, contradicting her embarassment. "I see."

They then engulfed into silence for minutes, only to be broken by her sobs again. Shinji about to ask her what went wrong, but then she began to chuckle, and then the chuckle becoming small laughs. It was something so weird to him. It was already rare for Rei to smile, but to laugh...

"Rei...what's wrong?" He scared by her laugh.

"It's just...oh, Shinji. It was all clear to me now."

"So...what became clear to you?"

"Shinji...i believe that i did a selective obliviousness back then when you explained everything to me." This mindblowed him, as Shinji began to imitate a dying fish.

"Wait a minute." Somehow, he managed to spoke while maintain his imitation of fish. "Did you say that all of this was because you misheard me? Because you blocked what i actually said?"

"I...i believe so. If you put it that way."

Both only stared at each others awkwardly, but not for long. They began to laugh, as it was clear on how ridiculous this situation was. All because of misheard dialogue.

 _Love is absolutely weird..._

"So..." He said as the laughter died down, "I see that you forgiven me. Is that correct?"

"Yes, Shinji. I forgive you." She said as she began to give him that small smile that he always adored her for. This made him unconsciously said something in his mind.

"Rei...your laugh is magical."

Again, Rei's attention was held firmly by Shinji's words, as she realized that at least, he likes her laughs. This could be meant something more for them. And so, she asked.

"Shinji?"

"Y...yes?" He stammered, as he began to blush at how close they were.

"Are you...attracted to me?"

Shinji knew he was trapped. Either he has to be sincere and faced the possibility of her turned him down or said something like 'i still did not understand what you called love, Shinji. Maybe...you can give me some more times.', or he had to lied and faced the possibility of her became cold to him after or even cry again. All were unpleasant for him.

 _Fuck you, fate. This is all your fault_ He cursed his bad luck.

"I see. I am too hasty. I have offended you."

"Oh, fuck." He muttered to himself, once again cursing the fate before he finally spoke out loud. "Yes, Rei! Oh, god, yes! You're the most beautiful girl i've ever seen! Even after my meeting with the Second Child! Even more than Misato and Ritsuko!"

It was her turn to be mindblowed. He did not just admit that he was attracted to him. He said his opinion that she was the most beautiful girl he has ever seen in his life.

"Is...is that true, Shinji?"

"Yes, Rei, yes! You're beautiful! No! You're stunning! Mindblowing! Out of this world! Do i need to say more?" He blurted out, and as a result, both of his cheeks reddened profusely, so much that he actually matched Rei's, despite her albino skin gave her advantages.

"No, Shinji...i believe you. Even if i found myself not for being...different."

Rolled his eyes at her admition that she found herself not beautiful, ignoring the alternative perspective from...different angel, eh, angle, Shinji nevertheless spoke "Well...i guess beauty is in the eyes of the beholder, right?"

"What do you mean?"

Slapped himself mentally for talking with idioms with a socially hindered teenager, he then explained to the girl with crimson eyes. "I mean...that each person have their own views on what can be considered as beauty."

"So i am not beautiful in traditional senses..."

Once again slapped himself mentally, the Third Child then corrected her once more. "No, Rei...i'm sure that plenty of people would at least find you pretty. In traditional sense of beauty for human's general culture...you're really beautiful."

"I'm...glad to hear that." She felt her cheek reddened.

It was time for the boy to ask. He cannot hold it anymore.

"Rei...what do you think of me?"

It was her turn to get shocked by his question. She did not know on how to express it, so she decided to do

"I...found you...attractive too. But what i like the most out of you...is your touches."

"My touches?"

"Yes." Surprisingly, she then asked rather meekly. "May i...touch you? Somewhere we...never touched before?"

Tried to clear himself out of any dirty thoughts, Shinji nearly had a nosebleed. But his self control was superior, prompted him to accept her instead.

"O...of course, Rei. Anything for you."

"Okay. Close your eyes..."

Shinji gulped, but nevertheless, he obeyed. No. Rei was too innocent for that. Did she mean...

As their lips touched each others, he knew that he was right.

 _My first kiss..._

Unlike anyone else with that thought, he was pleased with what he got.

 _Love is wonderful.  
_

 _I think...i know what i feel from Shinji now._ The girl said as she felt something wonderful from this new touch. She already saw some people kissing from both media and real life, but she never found out why. And now, she knew the reason for it, was a way to feel love.

 _Maybe...this is a lucky day after all._

Oh, don't tempt your fate now, boy.

* * *

Some benefited more from the awakening of Bruce Lee, more than just revigorated like being young again.

One of them was Sammo Hung.

Thanks to the healing power of Bruce Lee, one of the most important figure in Hong Kong and China's movie industry had a flat belly again that was made impossible due to his injury in his academic years. This, of course, made him unrecognized as a result in one of the more unfortunate and unexpected twist of fate, resulting in people not even knowing what happened to him. Not wanted to consider it as 'bad blessing', he found another purpose that was made possible with his new look.

Spying.

The man now sneaked around the city of Tokyo-3 for the surveillance of the Expendables, currently posed as one of the janitor of Tokyo-3's junior high school. Mind you, the janitor duty sometimes more special than it sounds, and he, indeed a special, almighty janitor. He had done many ridiculously impossible tasks for his employers and friends, included assisting Mel Gibson in tagging Gendo's apartment and helping Dolph Lundgren's escape from Tokyo-3's city.

And yet, the sight of Shinji and Rei kissing in Janitor's closet was still a shock for him. Nevermind the fact that Rei's blouse was...sticking out. Partly because she became a mess after that misunderstanding part, and partly also because Shinji tried to soothe her later. But as they said, Evangelion's conflicts were built on miscommunication. And this one, is very usual to happen recently, but only Shinji himself who knew what kind of misunderstanding. Either because of Shinji's lucks or unlucks, all that Mr. Hung got from the sight were dirty idea involving teens making out in closet that would led to him thought that they...they...

"Sorry, fellas." He said as he awkwardly get out of their sight.

Blushing, Shinji immediately got himself out of the closet while holding Rei's hands. He did not want to wait for anyone, especially Rei to ask for why the janitor looked so awkward toward them. He did not even realized that the man was one of the most famous Martial Artist from Hong Kong.

'Man, they really growing up fast these days. Willis will be smiling at this. Although i doubt that Keel and Nicholson would...Man. I'd really hate to see those clown raging at yet another unforeseen meddling in their scenario...'

He then continued his duty, grabbing his trusty broom without even have a thought about the newest event. The rest of day was nothing unusual for him.

* * *

Triple the triple Agents, triple the new power, triple the problems! First Kaji, then The Rock, and now Sammo Hung! First Bruce Willis, then Hulk Hogan, and now Jack Nicholson! Who's the good guys, and who's the bad one? What will happen now, that love already blossomed between Rei and Shinji? Will Rei accepted her human nature and finally break the string, or she will resign to her fate of being another doll of fate like the Angels? What will Asuka do with Rei to show her how to acts like a normal girl? Why's she still so bitchy towards males her own age? Will Pen-Pen get his own video game? Why's Shinji still live with Misato in her apartment when he had seven figures salary? Find out next, on Evangelion Z!

A/N: Do you like it? My mockery at Evangelion and basically most Japanese angsty entertaiments's misunderstanding that caused conflicts? It's also had something to do with cliches in ReiShinji's fics. I always noticed there's always cliches where Rei misunderstood Shinji's dumbstrucked reaction from her advances as Shinji got upset from her action instead of merely didn't know what to do. It's sweet, but...cliches, you know? Also regarding the misunderstanding.;While most of it in EVA were well done considering the fact that the cast were pretty much fucked up, some of those were just plain unecessarily cruel. Kaji claimed that Shinji did not deserves to be happy when Zeruel attacked in Manga and Misato chimed Shinji out after the fourth and last (Kaworu...) Angel's attack were pretty much pure guilt trip, which in case of Misato's, were simply boneheaded beyond relief. I mean...what kind of person who would say to a kid that his friend was weak willed when the guy pretty much sacrificed himself? Now i know why some defended Misato's actions in Q...

Also, seriously, guys...why you never use Rei's actual age as an evidence towards her being not that much related to Yui? I mean, do you guys even do math? 2015-2004=11. That alone was a great evidence that something was seriously not right with Rei for her to even still be considered as human being. Hell, considering the fact that 'Clone' was a term for something made out of dead remains like the EVAs from Adam, it's alone was an evidence towards genetic tampering considering the fact that EVAs have different physical features (different eyes, for example).

In real life, baby with accelerated growth would have resulted in the baby became autist, and yet Rei ended up fine. In fact, she was the only one of the pilot who did not make any kind of boneheaded decision (outside of when she hesistated to shoot Toji, which was more for her character development and shown her moral instead of psychological issues). Seriously, if we talk with grounded reality, Rei must have some serious alteration in her genes to ended up still alive and healthy. Alien mutation (blue hair yadadada), accelerated growth, living in crappy, unsanitable room and apartment for years without getting sick...Man, she's more resistant to germs than your average hobos.

...Wait. Rei is not a hobo! I was just explaining about explanation towards Rei's genetics! What the hell am i talking about now? Is that...Ode of Joy? AH! STOP INFECTING ME WITH YOUR YAOI, KAWORU! NOOOOOOOOOO!

...Allright. I survived Kaworurael's attack and live the day, so good night everybody! And yes. There will be fanservice later!

P.S.: Do you think Mana should appear in the fic?


	10. Shinji's Luck

Disclaimer: I don't own Evangelion. If i do, i would make an EVA series where the fans get what they want. Basically the one where happy ending, ShinjiRei and/or ShinjiAsuka did happen in the end.

Also, EVA 3.0+1.0 better be have Godzilla in place of Giant Naked Rei. That will automatically redeemed what Anno had done with 3.33. Reidan running with toast in her mouth for the win!

And by the way, in case you haven't read it yet, go and read Vengeance by Devil Boss. It's basically had Shinji ripping NERV a new one for their gross incompetence like what i did with the chapter 'Misato needs a freaking drink', but with darker, MUCH darker consequences. Basically what happened if this fic was a darkfic instead while having a smarter but more pragmatic and heartless Shinji. And of course, no Bruce Willis. And while i'm disagree with the author's assessment of Yui (Yui, imo, was not a secretly evil person, but rather someone more like Kaworu;genuinely nice person with strange agenda that only themselves can grasp the true meaning behind it, but their intention was good...in their own way. Now i know why Kawoshin was canon in Anno's eyes...), it was still a very good story for being merely pointing out what would happen if Evangelion was truly realistic.

Also, should i make this fic into Israfel special? You know what i meant *winkwink*.

And the story will have a little lime here. Small lime, but still, a warning.

* * *

"Bollea."

"Yeah, my brother Bischoff?"

"Whose side you're on?"

"Me." He said simply.

"It's always about you, isn't it?"

"Yeah. But i do not wish for uneccesary mayhem. I just wish to have my young body back. Whose side i am on, is the side that will give me the most safety as well."

"Well, Hogan. I think everybody wish for that as well. The safest way for youthness back. If Vince was still alive, he would too."

"Oh, but i know how. And once Rei Ayanami appreaciate my help for her, i will have my way."

"And how about Callaway? Sting? Or even Jericho and Goldberg?"

"As i said, i only want my safest way to become young again. Screwing them or saving them, our opposition, as long as we're safe, it's a good deal for me."

"So you're not concerned with Johnson's possibility of become a true double agent?"

"The Rock can..suck it, when i ran him wild. With Lou Thesz's spirit behind me, we can do...everything we want."

An evil laughter was heard from the office of WHO, as he ran wild on his imagination.

* * *

"Hi Mr. Stallone! Hi Mr. Schwarzenegger!"

It was a very cozy afternoon, a good time for everyone to have a good time to rest your body, take an afternoon tea, take a walk with your friends or anything you see fit for today. Which is what both man were doing now when they were greeted by this manly boy that they successfully raised since a long time ago.

"Oh, hai, Shinji!"

"You know..." Stallone said with his iconic slurred impediment, "Haven't we established before, for you to refer to us as Sly and Arnie, Shinji?"

"I know, but sometimes, my politeness overrided my sense of judgement, Sly."

"Whatever." He responded non-chalantly. "What are you doing here, anyway? Aren't you supposed to...snuggling with Rei like two big cats right now?"

This got a very interesting feedback from Shinji.

The boy returned into his meek, stuttering wreck persona.

"How...how do you know?" He rest his case. He knew battling the unwinnable battle would be useless, especially with these two. Of course, his wit came from the big three; These two and Willis, and Shinji knew better than arguing with the adults.

"Now this is getting interesting." Arnie said wryly.

"Sh...shut up!" Of course, sometimes you can't help yourself but to stay fighting.

"This IS getting interesting." Now he chuckled.

"Ah..." He surrendered. Damn those old guys who always making fun of their young wads, "Yeah, we's couple now...sorta. Rei is...you know, very sensitive towards unknown emotions. We have to take it...slow. I believe that she had to take the initiation by herself, so...i think."

Sly did his best of mocking pout to annoy Shinji more. Had to do it with what he said next was; "That's not what Hung said when he saw you two making out in the closet."

"S..Sammo Hung?" Now it was clear for him why that face looked familiar. He mentally slapped himself for making such a fatal mistake to both not recognized or even greeted him, "He must be mistaken! We...we're just kissing! I swear!"

"Shinji, it's been a long time since we saw you stammering your speech all over again..." He said, feeling amused with all this old things happened again. Ah, such a nostalgia to raise such a meek brat...

"Can you guys not mocking me and my miserable love life for a second?"

"We can't help it. Teenager's first love life is always a hilarious topic."

"Well, excuse me for alleviating that cliche."

"Allright, that's enough." Sly raised his hands for the sign to stop, "I think we'd better know what do you want, right?"

"Well..." He took a deep breath before he spoke his thought, "Do you know why mother get into the EVA? I want to know first, before i attempt to communicate to her."

"We don't know for sure." They shrugged. "All we know is her life was in danger."

"From what?"

"From SEELE. I don't know why she chose to hide there, but perhaps she wanted to protect you inside here, or she has her own agenda," Arnie answered for Shinji for the first time in this conversation.

"...Fuck. My mom's crazier than i thought she could be."

"Oh, but Willis knew your mom well," Sly retorted, "and he said nothing but pleasant things about her. I don't think that in the end, Yui was the bad guy. Perhaps she had something hidden under her sleeves, but i think it's for the better end rather than selfish one."

"Still, i vaguely remember that me and dad watching her experiment goes awry. How the hell did she thought that showing her impending doom would be a good thing for her weak husband and child?"

"Dunno." Sly shrugged, "Perhaps she did has her own selfish agenda after all."

"Or someone 'hide' something from Gendo." Arnie offered an alternate look on the things, "Her notes, or something like that which could have straightened and ammended some things for you and him."

Shinji began to boil in anger...and scared. Now, he knew the possibility of something much worse than he could have thought off. That someone not just accidentally caused a poor communication skill between his family...but also used it, on purpose.

"...SEELE must be stopped."

"Agree. Mad people with power never satisfied with what they got. Because..."

"They will only want more. Lust and greed are what power attracted the most."

"Precisely." Sly said, "And by the way, is this all you want to clear up things with us?"

"There's one more." The boy answered, "It's about Rei."

"Ah...love advice, eh?"

"No...not that." The Third Pilot answered, flushed was apparent on his face. Once again he cursed his string of bad lucks that keep happening recently, "It's just about...why i did not recognize that face when i saw her. Mom's face. Man, i nearly bite the bullet back there."

"Well...what's your concern now?"

"...Did i lose my touch?"

This could be problematic for them. The last thing they need, was Shinji went back into his own insecure ego. Nothing could've gone worse than that, especially with bigger things began to unravel themselves soon. Shinji's biggest weapon was not his skills in martial arts, but rather his savviness, nerve of steel and confidence. Lose one of those, and he would began to relapse back to his worse self. This is not what they had in mind.

"Well, it's not that i began to doubt myself, " Shinji reassured the older man as if he just read their minds, "I just want to reaffirm myself, after all these crazy things happened to me, you know? I just wonder if i'm not that savvy, after all."

"Well, Arnie?"

"I think i have the answer for that." The man that nearly run for the governor of California before Willis offered him for a grand, epic adventure that's not unlike his own movies answered positively.

"Let's see. Hmmm..." He muttered to himself as he began to picking up some of the necessary pictures. He then grinned to himself, drawing ire from the other two.

"Well, kid...look at this! I think i just found why, and how, you did not recognize that face."

Shinji then take a look at the side by side photo, and his pupil began to constrict themselves. Despite looking very similar, there are some subtle differences between Rei and Yui that's enough to make people got fooled unless they saw them side by side themselves. And some of those were not explained by their different pigmentation at all.

First of all, Rei has that sharper, more piercing eyes, contrasting Yui's more motherly, calmer and soothing eyes. The crimson eyes were helping Rei in that matter, but even then, her sharper eyes were not just from their aura, but it also came from their different shape, again with Rei being the one with sharper edges.

Then, their hair. Yui's was longer, reached her shoulder. Again giving her more motherly vibrants. Rei's short hair, meanwhile, was pretty much unremarkable aside from her unusual hair color.

Then of course, how aging could've make things different. Yui had reached maturity unlike Rei of course, and in the course, gave her differences enough.

But the most concrete evidence for the Third Child, was their smile.

Their smile soothed his mind, eased his state of psyche in the process. But Rei's was, ironically, angelic. Something that was beautiful and alluring in the process. Meanwhile, his mother had a more down to earth, but still no less beautiful than what the blue haired girl had. Again, the only word he could use to his mother was something related to her being related to him in maternal sense. Motherly.

Yes. Now he saw everything.

"Well? What do you think?"

Shinji's easened mind now suddenly took a darker turn.

"I feel like those stupid Metropolis's citizens..."

"Haha! Kent-El syndrome, right? Something that should be so obvious, and yet no one figured it out...justfiably."

"Like elephant in the room. Except that elephant reasonably shaped like your usual standing lamp." Rambo added.

"If you can call that. Man, i feel stupid..."

"Hehe. Don't feel down by that, kid. I also did not think anything even remotely resemble this until now." The terminator reasssured him.

"Me too."

"Well..thanks guys. I owe you alot."

"Don't mention it, Shin. We're just one of your guardian. It's our job to help you in dire need."

"One of many!"

Shinji only nodded, and then, he left them both for their own business. It's good enough for him...at least for now.

 _Mr. Willis once said that i should not ask too much regarding their secret, or else something bad will happen. I just hope that this justified the worth..._

Meanwhile, between the two...

"Well?"

"He began to asking more and more."

"Yes. He once said that he should not be told too much unless the absolute necessary, or he simply asked for it. Can't lie to him after all."

"But at what cost?" Stallone wondered, "The more he knew, the chance that Yang will sipped into our world more will be higher."

"Ah, but we have our footing at NERV now," Arnie responded, "We should be more than prepared for the worst by now. With great power, comes great responsibility, right? And i think we have it covered good for our cause."

"Indeed. I'm just feared for the worst." Sly uttered his worst concern for the situation.

"In that case, we just have Norris to do his job."

"Which for me, would be too soon."

"Perhaps." Arnie agreed secretly, "But i have hope in Shinji. Don't you?"

Sly only nodded weakly. And with that, their conversation ended.

"Hei."

Or, perhaps not.

"You think it's still wise to hide him so many things?"

"For now, yes." Arnie answered immediately, "Shinji's a smart boy. It will only take a short time for him before he asked more and more to the point of nearly everything."

"Still, world balance...Yin and Yang. This is something i still call a bogus."

"Bogus? We have seen it in effect. You know it, i know it."

"Youth effect, i know. But what

* * *

 _Ayanami sure is weird._

Unknown to Horaki and Sohryu, they sang the words in unison on their respective mind.

While they already expected the blue haired girl to be rather awkward and timid on their shopping spree, they did not expect her rather...unusual traits.

The girl with crimson eyes had a knack for caramel flavored snacks, preferably popcorn. This along was rather weird, but the fact that said obsession had to be done in theatre was even more surreal. Luckily, they already decided to watch a movie in their way.

Right now, the girls were in video store...with Rei still munching her popcorn. Audibly. Needless to say, Asuka was already tired and unamused at Rei's unintended antics at this point. Especially with the way the other customers looking at their way weirdly.

"Ayanami, be quiet." Asuka reprimanded the albino beauty.

"Bwut wer nut un thiater ur libreri." Said Rei with her mouth full of popcorn. She liked to munch her popcorn loudly, and there's nothing that even make her remotely wanted to change this habit. Well, there were those weird glances from people around her, but she dismissed it as merely a consequences for have an unusual pigmentations. For Asuka, however, it was a different case. She was more embarassed at the other pilot than the First Child herself. The fact that there was a kid asked his father if all albino are always like the girl only helped to make Asuka even more aggravated.

"Listen, wonder baka. Loudness is not just something that we consider as something improper. Lewdness also something you had to consider too, and talking while chewing your food...vigorously like this is one of said lewdness. Got it?" Asuka said to her while sounding exhausted. She knew the girl was very introverted and untrained in social customs from what she read, but she did not expect something as extreme as this girl. She began to regret for even thinking about befriending the azure haired albino.

Rei nodded, and planted this new information deeply into her brain. While she has learnt some things that could be considered as improper, she never learnt the whole out of it. So far, only some basic things like indecency from lacks of clothing has been ingrained into her basic thought to interract with people. But with what Asuka said, she realized that public lewdness was much more complex than just being properly clothed and quiet in appropriate areas.

 _I believe Shinji-kun would be more than willing to explain this matter to me._ She said to herself, and unconsciously blushed as the result.

"Man, you're weird, you know? See, why don't we go separate now? You go wherever you want, and i'll go wherever i want as well. You okay with that?" Asuka said, and prompted Rei to nodded.

Have nothing else to do, Asuka asked to Hikari after she went separated from Rei instead.

"Hei, Class Rep! Found something interesting yet?"

"There's one, Asuka." The freckled cutie answered, "'Curse of Hollywood: The definitive documentary.'. Have you heard of it?"

"You don't know?" Asuka exclaimed, "This is something so big and controversial that's still a hot topic even with recent Angel attacks. You really don't know?" Asuka said to reassure herself. The girl only nodded, "Well, it's okay if you don't know after all. Curse of Hollywood is a supernatural, and still unexplained phenomena that affected many people in entertainment industry, be it actors, wrestlers or even singers. It happened exactly three years after the Second Impact."

"Ah, i see. But why they called it Hollywood?"

"Because Hollywood Action Heroes were the first documented case of this so-called curse." Asuka further explained things to her second new friend at school, began with something much more obvious, "Have you ever wondered why Stallone, Arnie and Stone Cold are still able to kick ass so much?"

"Wait a minute." Now the girl began to get VERY interested, "You mean that Curse of Hollywood is the thing that caused those washed up action actors still barely aged at all? I thought they just had some sort of advanced plastic surgery and Yoga!"

"Precisely," Asuka said to the girl. She knew that everyone actually knew about the curse, just some did not know the name, "And it's not just their age. Those guys gained their ability like their fictional counterpart."

"Wait a minute!" The girl got even more aggravated, "You meant that rumor about Seagal beaten up 30 sambo guys that wanted to prove that he's a fluke was a true story?"

"That is correct." Asuka answered positively. This made the girl frozen. "I still remember when The Rock and Kaji pummeled 10 former football players in the club. That was when i...Class Rep? Hikari?" She shaken her, with no success, "Hikari Horaki!" Still no response, "Damn! I broke her!"

"What's wrong, Sohryu?"

"GAAAH!" The blue haired girl unknowingly surprised the red haired pilot, "Don't scare me like that!"

"I did not try to offend you. I'm sorry."

"It's okay. I just did not like people surprising me like this." Asuka tried to make sure that she did not make the meek girl down, "Say, Rei. How about you going anywhere you want from now? I have to...take Hikari to her house."

"Anywhere? I...i don't know what else i can do here."

"Jeez, Rei. You're really even worse than i read. You must be fun at parties." The last part was sarcastic...

"I don't know. I haven't attend any party yet."...Which the blue haired girl failed to catch.

"Whatever," Asuka shrugged, knowing that pursue things more would be useless, "Rei, why don't you just buy something from here that you like, and go home?"

"I already have."

"Really? What did you bought? Arithmetic for High School Jr.? Physics for dummy?"

"Takeshi's Castle and Benny Hill show." She said dryly.

"...What?" That caught Asuka off her guard. The girl was, really, an enigma of mystery.

"I know that some people found talking to me as something... rather dull, so i believe that i have to make some changes around me. I found that humor was one of the easiest attempt to warm people up, so i decided to start with improving my wit first. Do you have any objection, or suggestion?"

Asuka did not answer at all, as she was frozen just like the freckled girl. This caught the blue haired beauty's interest.

"I found this rather...amusing. Is this one of attempt at humor, Asuka?"

The red haired girl still did not answer. This drew a chuckle from the second set of Ayanami series.

"I believe you rested your case, Asuka. I'll see you later next day."

With that, Rei strolled her way into her apartment. It took 5 minutes before Asuka broke her silence.

"PHYSICAL COMEDY IS NOT A WAY TO COMMUNICATE!"

Her scream resulted in some people did their silence gesture, with 'SSHH!' to make further their point. Asuka could do nothing but took Hikari away, but not before she rented the documentary. Perhaps she still interested in the Curse of Hollywood after the...

* * *

 _Well, what do you know? I'm still a very lucky guy, after all!_

Finally, a good day came for Shinji Ikari again after string of weird and bad lucks.

The boy just received a very generous gift of a house from Sega representative, which was a part of the bonus for the waterfowl penguin Pen-Pen. The Penguin that just went viral again after the video where he went Rambo against Stalin's clones and lookalikes, courtesy of the new president of SEGA America, Mel Gibson. The video, directed by Toshiki Inoue, had the waterfowl Penguin escaped from the Stalin army (but not after gunned down 50 of them), but when he got back into the resistance army, he got into some big misunderstanding with his fellow socialist resistance and penguins, resulted in them beaten him and finalized by the act of throwing the poor artic fowl into the deep river. Poor little bird cannot take the poor stench of the stinky water that well...

And the mighty Shinji saved him from the danger of drowning.

With his super breathing technique, Shinji Ikari saved the mighty penguin from his doom by the virtue of simply ignoring the super disgusting stench. Now, all they needed was to get a new crew for the neo-resistance unit. And they started by the bridge bunnies trio...

To be continued.

 _It's a good thing that NERV began to get more transparent with public. Can't hide something as big as giant robots and angels, after all. But what will they do with Sonic? Oh, wait. Pen-Pen and friends are the mascot for more mature audience. I think the hedgehog will stay on job..._

*DING DONG!*

 _I wonder who could that be..._

As soon as he opened the door, he found the girl with smurfian hair in front of him. He soon smiled at the crush in front of him.

"Oh, Rei! What can i do for you?"

"Is Misato home yet?" Rei asked. It took her some time before she began to refer the Captain by her first name, but she already get used to it now.

"Nah. Still at NERV. Why?"

"May i come in? I wish to have a conversation with you."

Shinji was taken back a bit from Rei's sudden advances, but then he remembered that she was bold enough to initiate their first kiss,"Well, sure. Come in."

Rei did not say anything but simply walked in.

"Well, what's up, Rei?"

"The roof." Rei pointed to the top, either tried to make a joke or simply missed a point there. Whatever the cause, it made Shinji chuckled a little.

"I mean, what do you need here?"

"I have a request, Shinji." She stated simply.

"A request? For what?" Shinji asked with curiosity in his voice. When Rei blushed immediately at his question, he began to prepare himself for something big between both. He, unlike most clueless Shonen heroes, already knew or at least suspected that Rei began to take a liking on him. Even if

"I...i began to take a liking in you since i...since i began to start enjoy myself in watching television. When i saw a girl began to take a liking in a guy she considered to be attractive, i...i began to see you in a different light."

Now all have been cleared and shown, Shinji began to have mixed feelings from Rei's confession, visualized by many fun sized Shinji. Some screamed in joy, some cowered themselves from the new problem, some wanted to do that kiss again, perhaps with even deeper intentions, and some wished that he should've delayed the demolition of the girl's old residence until the later time when he sees it fit.

The only thing the chibis agreed upon, was Rei looked very cute when she blushed. Which only further augmented their own reaction.

"I...i see...so, um...what do you want now?"

"I...i wish to see you shirtless."

Now this really surprised Shinji.

"I...i'm sorry?" He asked to reconfirm what he just heard. He did not want that blush was merely for something misheard, like what happened between them three days ago.

"I want to...check you out? I think that's the...term for what i seek. Or, is it? I mean..."

 _Oh my god. Is she stammering her words?_ Shinji asked to himself as he could not believe it. The most poker faced and forward person in Tokyo-3, who can ask and do the most embarassing things without even asked twice, now hesistated? Never mind the fact said request could be considered as rather perverted, this was came from the most forward person you can ever find after all.

"I...i'm sorry, Shinji. I don't know the proper words to speak my reasons."

"It's okay, Rei." Shinji reassured Rei who now looked down the floor out of embarassment. Deep down, he resented the fact that somehow he regained the courage he usually had outside of romance area. Perhaps he should've played more with Weaver and Linda more... "I...i'll do what you asked Rei."

"Thank you, Shinji." Rei said, finally not stammered.

With that, Shinji took away the fabric that covered his upper body, showed the whole gloriness of his well trained body to the girl where the liking he took in her already grow to big proportions. And for the first time in months and even years, Rei's eye pupils grew in size.

Stood in front of her was a very chiselled body that belonged to Shinji Ikari. Not big, although still very muscular for the kids on his age, but rather very toned and delicate, something that was more appreciated in female's opinions rather than the more secluded body builder-likes body. Rei, despite her unusual upbringing, had an usual taste after all, and she cannot help herself but to gazing appreciately at the sight of such a well trained body.

Shinji, both blushed and prideful at the sight of Rei obviously admiring his physique, couldn't help himself but asked, "Like what you see now, Rei?" with a husky, slurty tone, which in prompt made Rei shyly nodded and even became redder than before. Deep down, he and the more timid Shinji's chibis mentally slapped himself for asked such a...'foxy' question.

And what Rei did now only made him even more grateful and angry at the same time for the sheer luck and unluck he possessed.

Rei undid her buttons, and now only had the bra as her upper garments, brought Shinji into become as red as her as a result of her bold action.

"...What?" Was all Shinji could say.

"I...i just repay the favor," The first Child said as if she could read the meaning behind his question, "We both have told each others about our...attraction with each others, so would it make us...even?"

Shinji, still admiring her form, could do nothing but nodded weakly. Inside his head, he told himself that the plugsuit really did not lied; Rei was really 'well developed' for a girl at her age. His very pragmatic self, however...

 _She's only eleven. She's only eleven. She's only eleven..._

His more logical self, however...

 _She...she's really an Angel..._

Shinji just broke the world record for both cursing and thanked his lucks for god only know how many times this day.

"And...i have the final request for now...You can reject it if you don't want to." Rei said, as she began to blush even more.

The Aikido child now began to prepare himself for everything but the most banal form of intimacy.

"May i..hug you now, Shinji? With our...lacks of upper clothing? Like, when you cried last time."

Shinji, once again questioned himself if he was the luckiest or unluckiest guy in the world right now for falling for such a beautiful enigma, knew only one thing from his situation.

He can't run away. Yes or no, that's the only thing he could say.

"Su...sure, Rei. Anything you want." He said, not even know why he trusted his instinct to say whatever he needed to answer the question that beauty in front of him uttered. One could say that he pretty much shutdown, but instead of his logical thinking, it was his desire that took over him at the moment.

Rei now getting closer to him, with intention to do what is called a simple hug. Only with their skin would touching each others. But Shinji could tell that despite her being very forward with her intentions, she pretty much just as nervous as him. Once again trusted his instinct, Shinji became the one who first wrappen his arms around their desired one, eliciting a sigh of relief from the young woman as she returned the gesture.

Both felt the sensation of their opposite sex's skin, enjoying the warmth of each others as they tightened their hug, as if they afraid that they would dissapear if they even momentarily let go their embrace. Unconsciously, Shinji released one of his arm and began to ran his fingers through Rei's flock of hairs, caused another jolt of sensation for the azure haired girl as she began to wraps her arms around the boy's neck.

Shinji began to lose control as the sensation of Rei's smooth skin touching and rubbing with his skin became too much for him. But he still held her tight, not wanted to end what he had so soon. As the girl whispered his name into his ear when she gave in into the sheer sensation, he began to realize that he had to relish control as he shuddered from the warm breath. Yes, they had to relinguish control. He then lifted Rei's chin softly, prompted her to look deeply into his eyes. Blue orbs meet red orbs. So much desire in those, as they lost into each other with each seconds passed by.

"Rei..."

"Shinji..."Rei whispered back after him, still looking at his orbs with her. As with him, her desire to locked his lips with her again become stronger and stronger, "I...i like you, Shinji. More...more than your touches. More than your look. I think...i like you as a whole."

For the first time, Shinji did not have a conflicted feelings, as he simply felt one thing from her realization.

Happiness.

"I realized this...when i kissed you." Rei continued, "What...actually do i feel?" The girl said, which did not answered directly by the boy. This lacks of action made her grew impatience, but before she spoke again, Shinji finally spoke.

"Remember Rei," He said finally, after minutes of silence after her question, still holding and staring at her. He was fighting his urge to touch her lucious lips with his own, which he know he cannot fight it much longer., "when i said that sometimes, i do not understand my own feelings?"

Rei began to remember. And confused at the meaning of his words.

"I...i do not understand the meaning of this feeling as well, " The boy further explained, only made her confusion grew more, "The only thing i know...is that i feel the same with you."

Questions.

So many questions she wanted to ask. So many things she wanted to know. But is that what she really wanted? About what she felt. Perhaps yes, but especially no more. Yes. Not with his lips closed her with it's warmness, closed her out of her reasonings.

She already understand.

* * *

 _Finally, i have my time to talk with Shinji..._

Ryoji Kaji was now in an elevator, about to reach the floor where Katsuragi and Ayanami residence were. On his hands were blu-ray disc, courtesy of Benny Hill and Takeshi's Castle collections.

 _Spy work here, spy work there...finding the truth left Kaji with no time to play. No wonder Katsuragi left me. I'm too busy for my own good. Still...it'll worth it in the end. Especially for her...  
_

When he stepped out of the elevator, he saw a blue haired girl who wore a jacket stepped out of the door he intended to step in.

"Thank you, Shinji-kun. There are so many things i want to tell you, but i believe it's not time yet. But one day, we shall. And thank you for sharing your time with me. See you later, Shinji." Rei said, got a muffled response from behind the just closed door from all her talks.

 _Well, look at that. Rei Ayanami. An enigma of life, just like what they said. I mean, you don't close the door before you say a goodbye. Still, like Asuka said, she's definitely more outgoing than her dossier suggest. Well, i can see who changed her. Hehe. This's gonna be good..._

Making sure that the girl did not noticed him, the super spy then stepped in the destination without even knocking first. Talk about hypocrite.

"So, Shinji, i believe i owe you a talk-"

He was stopped in track as he saw a shirtless Shinji Ikari, sniffling a blue shirt that no boy would ever wear. The boy in question was stopped from his action of enjoying the scent of the shirt as well.

"...And i believe you owe me as well." He finished with both grin and concern on his face and tone.

Time like this reminded Shinji for why he hated his luck for keep making fun of him. Unconsciously, he copied Hikari Horaki, who still freezed out by the revelation regarding the truth behind old school entertainers.

* * *

A/N: How Shinji will explain things between him and Rei? Will SEELE finally make their appearance? Is Stone Cold the good guy or not? Is Hogan a heel, or tweener? How did McMahon died? Why Jericho and Goldberg teamed up? Is Shane, Stephanie and Triple H still alive? What happened to the real WWE? Will Hikari recovered from her shock? What's Yui Ikari's true purpose? Is plastic surgeons still needed in the post Curse of Hollywood's world? Find out next, on Evangelion Z!

In question regarding Rei and Yui's 'Clark Kenting' thingy, this was just a jab to how the animator drawn Rei and Yui in both original and Rebuild, not an attempt to beat the dead horse regarding the related thing. While definitely lookalike (duh), there are actually some differences aside from colorations like i mentioned. Is it the effect of they simply drawn Yui to be more motherly, or a subtle hint for ShinjiRei's fans that it's okay to paired them, or another part of Master Anno's plan, or simply the animator's mistakes? Find out next, on-Oh, wait. Wrong section. Ehem. Another topic. Keep in mind that EVA's fanbase always able to pick even the tiniest clues, so why is this flied pass their mind from discussion? Hell, the whole anime fans that at least heard Evangelion once are convinced that Rei is a clone of Yui even when it's never directly stated in the original series, so why they never talked about this as well? Why, why? AAAAAAAGH!

Ehm. Let's finish this.

Mad by the revelation for why the oldies still kick good old asses? Hei! If a writer with such a calibre like Anno could did something as shoddy as Curse of Eva, then there's nothing that could stop a mere fanfic writer did the same with Curse of Hollywood!

Well, there's my lame explanation for this lame plot device, so good bye until the next installment. Ciao!


	11. The Plot Thickens!

Disclaimer: I don't own anything in entertainment's world. Happy, everyone?

Also, thanks for all the favorites, reviews, and follows, guys! I'm grateful for all feedbacks!

Also, i decided to insert some of OC later. Don't worry! They're basically are the same with the likes of Sakura and Mari, in that they have the background with other characters to begin with. Just read the story to get the idea which would become the OC.

And finally, who would be the stronger guy? Goldberg with Kayfabe power that worked in reality as well? Undertaker and Kane with super powers like their kayfabe persona? Or Sting with literal crow power?

* * *

Bruce Willis became more and more concerned with his success, or lack thereof, regarding his task of preventing the Third Impact in the Angel war.

Outside of saved Kaji's gang from the harsh reality of post-apocalyptic world, and found the footage of Yui Ikari's salvaging attempt incidentally, he and his hollywood gang had done nothing really big in progress. Saving Misato Katsuragi from her lab rat days were proven to be next to impossible and nearly costed Jet Li's life, and they cannot unveil their findings from the future out of the combination from the lacks of evidences and fear of plunging the disordered world into further chaos out of the mad revelations. Even saving Kaji's friends still did not prevent him from being traumatized as the prospect of him nearly sent his friends into their imminent death was something his young mind cannot handle, as he put it the best; 'I nearly killed my brother and friends just for a loaf of bread. A monster like me... do not deserve man's pity..'. Kaji's dillema only make Seagal's argument that saving Misato would, as he also put it by his way, 'still required tons of work and patches to wash away all her torments...that is if we managed to make it in the first place'. With that, it's only make their problem obvious.

That they were fighting an unwinnable war.

 _At least i would not be concerned regarding incest potential anymore. I always thought Rei would be the better one for him. Well, at least Stallone agree, unlike that Austrian bastard..._

As he heard the news of Shinji Ikari got sent away to his teacher, Willis knew that he had to make their move fast. Shinji was the key to all of this. If they were late or even unsuccessful, it would be even more difficult for them to carry on with their goal. Without him on their side, there would be no key player on NERV that was left to 'play' for them. Misato and Rei were left out of their question, and Kaji+Asuka's impact were too small to make a big difference inside.

 _What should i do? NERV and SEELE's security are tougher than i thought. If i just barge in, then we...Are we really doomed to repeat the same mistakes like before?  
_

 _Do not fear, Willis._

Willis gasped. There really a spirit inside this old monastery? Perhaps an act of desperation like a pray was really needed after all. Perhaps he should not considered all to be lost at this point.

 _Well, Bruce. I don't think it should be wise to just surrender to fate. Especially for a chosen warrior like you._

"Chosen warrior?"

 _Yes, Willis. To be more specific, you're the warrior of time. Your arrival act like a catalyst for the ascended spirits like mine. Also, i can read your mind, so watch what you're about to think with that cynical mind of your. Some of us are really believe and succeed in a pray, you know._

"Well, i can't help it in this situation. Being from the place like that. But...why now?"

 _Your cynical mind did not believe in a pray. That's why we cannot do anything after your arrival immediately.  
_

"Well, sorry for being such a cynical man, Lee. One could only wonder what an apocalyptic event can do to a man who do not have a good faith to begin with."

 _Especially when the alien monsters were designated as Angel._

"Yeah. It's like those guys who named them those do not believe in such a thing as well. Jesus, you must see by yourself on how helpless are us back there. It's either pure destruction by SEELE or annihilation by war again."

 _I know what you mean. Humanity in your time do not have a fair chance for a decent fight to begin with. But now...  
_

"What?"

 _My awakening opened that chance for you. And humanity. But beware-there will be new danger that will cross paths upon yours._

"Jeez. Next thing, you're going to say that i also triggered the awakening of evil powerful spirits as well."

 _That is correct as well._

"...I should learn better to avoid tempting fate..."

 _I think learn to speak latter after thinking first would be a better option._

"...You know my failures as well, don't you?"

 _Correct, too._

"...Fuck."

 _But fear not. You're not alone anymore, and unlike before, you can advance._

"...Is that some kind of references for your planned movies before you died?"

 _It is not, but it sounds like a cool idea, THAT, i agree. Just add some pretentious symbol like bracket and you're set!_

"...Oh, please. It wouldn't catch on."

 _Yeah, right. The possibility in entertainment world is endless, my friend. Just like you, a comedian turned into action movie star._

"Hey, i earned it!"

 _That was not the point._

"Fine." He mumbled, before said something, "You said everything is possible. Like what?"

 _The movie could be everything! Psychological drama, intense action robot, Alien's invasion, or even a school drama! It could even be the title for reboot movies! Only instead of reboot, it's a different and some sort of continuation altogether!_

"...Okay, Lee. You make me confused here."

 _It's easy, you know! It's like 'Rebuild of Game of Death', where i went against the final enemy; a giant with fighting skill like me. Only instead of me, it's Sammo Hung who tried to fight first. And instead of Kareem, it was Shaq. And he's not just beaten; he was brutalized! Then, i got angry at the death of my friend, and i beaten the guy, but the pagoda exploded because of me! And then-_

"Alright. You barely make sense then, and you definitely do not now."

 _You like it?_

"Like it? You think i would even come close to like it? That's the worst story only writer from shitty Galactica ripoff could even think about it! It's the equivalent of McClane bombed the whole FBI just to save his illegitimate daughter! It's all nothing but shock value!"

 _Ah, but like the former meat seller from_ _Minneapolis said, Controversy Creates Cash!_

"Please, Lee. Don't keep throwing your dignity like this."

 _Ah, sorry, my friend. But to put it lightly, being stuck here sucks! Some people here won't stop talking about my Green Hornet stuffs! Now i know what Norris said about ascension's side effect. You can only go so much for a time before crazy thoughts began to fill you up._

"You know...i always wonder why you died at such young age. And you keep talking about this ascension thing. Is that the reason for your death? All so you could become a wandering spirit?"

 _Come on! No sympathy for the old folks here?_

"Judging by the sound of it, you seem to brought it by yourself. So why should i?"

 _Well that's true, but...Ah, forget it! Back to the topic in hand!_

"Can't argue, eh?"

 _Shut up!_ Lee said before he established himself again to prevent more accidental self-mockery. _Ehem. Like i said, i'm here to help you out. I will bring you into the path where your plan could come into fruition. _

"That's why i'm here all along."

 _Well, glad for me to be here, then. But beware. The path will become hard at one time, and i cannot held the Yang forever._

"The Yang?"

 _Darkness. It's the force that bring the world into the inevitable destruction like we all know now._

"Em...wasn't it supposed to be Yin?"

 _It was the new designated name after it's betrayal for principal. The world is supposed to be a balanced world, where suffering is one way for people to change. Yin is supposed to be a way for humanity to learn. Not to suffer._

"So...why you just switched the name instead of chaning it?"

 _Not my decision. Yeah, i know. Crap creativity. And so, Willis. As i said, the path will still not be easy. I will just make it possible for you to succeed easily in the beginning of your path. Soon, when more powers come into the table, both good and evil, you have to fight. Your mission now is feasible, but by no means a simple journey._

"I'll take the chance. Better than nothing."

 _Good. Now, for the first step..._

* * *

Willis just awakened from his slumber.

The man remembered all he had to do to achieve such a success right now, and granted, like all actors needed to success were came down to a single breakthrough. Lee has been helping to shove the unrelenting darkness of Yang from his world, and the result was phenomenal. Now he has links to everything, and he, alongside his fellow action friends became just as badass as their movie persona. He still remembered when he pulled Shinji into his world, thereby turning his own world as well. He was glad that he able to give the boy a happiness he deserves in such a bleak world.

He also remembered the action he had to took to make it possible.

 _His silent screech when i'm about to hit him...it will be always a reminder for me about the risk i have to take for this path, past and the future..._

The man then took off his bed, readied himself for the next shift. He had to deal with the Akagi soon. The woman had her suspicion with him.

 _It's amazing on how love can blinded someone. Ritsuko, you're smarter than this. I know deep inside, you know how he used you up..._

He could only hoped that the older Ikari was really more lenient in this set of time. Judging from what he seen, it seems to be the case. Although the time when he ordered Rei to break her friendship also serves as a reminder for his ability to be ruthless.

 _I wonder what's Shinji doing right now?_

* * *

"Achoo!"

Once again, an Ikari showed the world that Japanese always sneezed whenever someone talking about them.

"Well...where do we start, young love?"

Shinji hates that smug grin. The grin that reminded him that fate always have a way to screw with him.

 _Can't i have a good time without something ridiculous happened here?_

"Well, boy...How about the...fun time."

"F..fun time?" He asked. The Spy's wiggling eyebrow signaled him that his suspicion was right, "N...no. We did not get that far. We're just...hugging...and kissing." Shinji's voice becoming lower and lower with each words spelled.

"Unclothed?"

Shinji nodded shyly. The grin became wider, as well as Shinji's hatred toward it.

"So...tell me about the kiss."

"It was..." Shinji was cornered to tell the truth, just like always. "Good."

"With tongue?"

Shinji stiffened once he realized that he unconsciously touched his lips with his finger, remembering how soft her lips were on him. The fact that the spy chuckled at the sight made him knew that he blown it up, "It...it wasn't my attention! She slipped it into my mouth when i opened my mouth for another kiss!"

"Is it good-no. Is it fantastic as well?"

The boy could only nodded. Kaji knew to not embarrassing him more or else he would melt. But he could not resist.

"Well...i don't know Rei's the type to be so forward." He wiggled his eyebrow again.

"Trust me, she is. She's so full of surprise." Shinji silently cursed The Rock for making this spy picked his habit as well.

Somewhere in a town, a 6'3 foot man sneezed. Perhaps a gaijin can picked up Japanese's habit as well.

"Well, i can see that." Kaji still remembered the bluray boxes for the blue haired girl. Soon, he had to take it to her. Could it be... _Nah. She won't even understand half of my teases_ , "I'll take that she's also the one who asked to exchange clothes?"

"W..well, yeah." He said at the question that's more like a statement. "Wait. How do you know that?"

"Oh, i saw the jacket Rei wore out there. A few sizes too big for her. I caught you up, and soon, i know how and why. Is she smells good?"

"Wh...what brought you here?" Shinji said as one of many damage control he pulled against the unshaved bum. Although, he agreed. She smelled good.

"Well, boy...i just got a special delivery order for the First Child. I just used it for a chance to have a talk with you. I know you want to." It was a lucky thing for him that he did not decide to pursue the thing more.

"Well, yeah. Just...not at this time..."

"I can see that as well." He slyly smiled. The Third Child muttered explicits in his head for the grin that would not go away, "So, Shinji...what do you want to talk?"

"Misato." He said confidently for the first time in the conversation, "What do you know about her?"

"Well, she was the survivor in Katsuragi expedition. Sole survivor."

"I knew there was a link between her and the Adam's accident somewhere," He muttered, "So...why's no one helping her?"

"Willis tried. But it was too hard for him to get her out of there."

"Is it before his meeting with Bruce Lee?"

"Yes." He said, "And the failed attempt blacklisted his name from the organization as the result, so..."

"I get it." The boy said as he put on his shirt. "Is there anything else?"

"Well," The man shifted his seat, "You know something about Marduk Group?"

"I know. The organization that picked up the Children, right?"

"That is correct." He picked up his glass of water that he poured by himself when Shinji still froze out, "Well, my investigation just picked an interesting revelation. Out of 108 of them, 80 are dummy corporations. You know what that means?"

"Yeah." The Third Child said. "We're really strangled by fate. Except there's no fate. It was their game all along."

"True. You, Asuka and Rei, are nothing but their puppet."

"I am more than that." Shinji said with confidence in his tone and eyes. But he bore no malice at the man in front of him, despite the harsh words he said. "As soon as he picked me from the street, i know that for once, i could finally have that happiness i seek. And i won't let the puppeteer take that away from me. I am no longer, bounded by them."

"Good." Kaji said while smiling at him. Deep down, he agreed with the boy in front of him. "Because the other children will need your help to cut their strings."

"I know a thing or two about Rei, but what about Asuka?"

"Her mother became crazy with her accident, in a similar experiments like yours." He could see the shock in Shinji's face, "To make it worse, she saw her strangled, lifeless body in front of her. And his father...well, he committed adultery. And she saw him...making out with his new mistress."

"God," Shinji got sick at the thought, "She really got it worse than me."

"More shocking, yes. But not more painful. To put it, she got the whole shit dropped on her immediately. You, on the other hand...was tortured slowly it, by your thoughts."

"I know." Shinji dropped his head, "I still remembered when i screamed at people's face when they gossiping about my father. It took him months to get me out of my self-pity."

Kaji took a sip again, before he spoke his thought.

"We all in debt for him."

"Yeah." Shinji agreed as he put a weak, yet sincere smile. "Yes, we are."

For the first time, both man smiled with each others.

* * *

Somewhere, a bald man somehow felt proud to himself.

* * *

 _The next day.  
_

"Alright, Shinji. We're going to see this new AT field manipulation you proposed. Ready for this?"

"Yes, Doctor Akagi."

The test was to see if the EVA could do more for it's own AT field than just protection shield, like the Third and Fifth Angel pulled. In proposal, Shinji wrote that he needed to put more concentration inside the EVA, meaning that he had to break the triple digit threshold.

In actuality, it was just his way to trying to communicate with his mother.

"150% synch rate, and holding steady!" Maya shouted. In actuality, she was the only one who worked, as the other bridge bunnies were discussing about Pen-Pen's newest commercial, where they finally made their cameo.

"I still can't believe Inoue still believe that crap worth gold!"

"Yeah! I thought he parodied himself out there. Looks like that's not the case."

"It's a good thing that Fujioka was there to...filtering things out."

"Yeah, and-"

"Would you cut that crap and get back to work?"

"Yes, mam." Both man slowly turned around and get back into what they worked with at the shouting sight of Ritsuko.

"Jeez. The nerve of some guys...Okay, Shinji. Are you ready?"

"Always ready, Doc."

* * *

 _Mother?_

He finally reached into the soul of his own EVA.

 _Mother. Is that you?_

He instinctively got himself closer to the source, trying to find the truth for himself.

 _No. You're not my mother._

But his mood not dropping as it should be, as he knew she was still somewhere. He can still sensed the warmth of his entry plug.

This creature on the other hand...was cold.

 _Where is she?_

As soon as he pulled in, he knew that the answer's not going to be easy.

* * *

 _Not so long time ago._

"Four separated AT-field detected from the EVA! Center AT-Fields are stronger than the sides!"

"Amazing..."

While the others gasped in awe at the ability of the EVA, Ritsuko had altogether different reaction.

 _My god...what the hell did we built? What kind of beings are we copied them from?_

And out of sudden...

"His connection going awry! Synch ratio just passed 250%!"

"Pull him out! Now!"

"We...we can't! The EVA rejected it!"

"Not again..."

"It's...it's just like that time again, right?" Makoto said nervously, "He'll just pull yet...yet another return out of nowhere! Right, guys?"

The lacks of response reminded him that no one was as positive as him, which is not by much.

Ritsuko, on the other hand was on other thought.

As she saw the First Child prayed in front of the purple beast.

* * *

 _You're what used to be me.  
_

 ** _Used to be you, yes._**

 _Yes, i am. We're used to be same._

 ** _So then why? WHY do you interfere? Why you want to take what can give me something in my nothingness?_**

 _I'm no longer...you. I no longer seek the nothingness. Not like you._

 _And you can't._

 _You can't take him away. Don't take Shinji-kun away from me._

 _Give him...back..._

* * *

 _R...Rei?_

* * *

While the rest of the crew were sighed in relief as Shinji once again saved himself from the rampage of the bio-mechanical robots, Ritsuko's green orbs were transfixed at the real hero of the bout.

The First Child, Rei Ayanami, who now dropped on the ground out of exhaustion.

She then remembered another creation at NERV. And she remembered the cause of her first death. The death that initiate a lost of life from the replacable shell.

Naoko Akagi's death.

And just as she about to reached the pale neck of Rei Ayanami, to futilely squeezed the life of the monster, the Angel alarm rang. As Rei Ayanami stared at her reaching hands, she excused herself from 'one of my bad jokes'.

The blue haired beauty did not bought it.

* * *

"Okay, Asuka. You're the only one available here, so we're counting on you. Got it?"

"Yeah, Misato."

"Don't get nervous, Asuka."

"I'm not, Mr. Kaji."

"Well, The Rock believe in you, and you believe in The Rock. So in conclusion, you believe in yourself, right?"

"Wrong." The fiery haired girl joked in one of the most famous Aryan's one-liner.

"Well, good to see you have the confidence, pilot. Now rock out!"

* * *

Reckless actions. One after another.

After Asuka sliced the angel in half, the thing just simply jumped back in battle without even winching from the painful slice from the chainsaw. And soon it became apparent.

Two angels, were simply too much for the second child.

In the act of desperation, 10 seconds away from deactivation, the armless red beast drop kicked both orbs of the opponent out of desperation, cracked them in the process. This action bought the time for the other EVAs to make their appearance as the monsters winched away in pain. As Rei's still not battle ready EVA dragged Asuka away from where the battle was hold, Shinji tried to emulate the same effect that Asuka did, only with more force to put them out of action.

Unfortunately, it soon became apparent that controlling an unusually erratic EVA was harder than anything.

NERV had no other choice. They ordered JSDF to drop three N2 mines on the site as it became apparent that they cannot win the battle.

Shinji, ignored Misato's order, held the angel in place by his sheer will. Ignoring the pain that come from the EVA, he held the Angels with his own AT-Field, using the new technique he just created. The AT-Field was strong enough on the side to make sure they won't escape, while his AT-Field would protect him and the EVA.

"Shinji! Get away from there! Now!"

"I can't, Misato! You saw them used the chainsaw, didn't you? These Angels are too smart to not avoiding the N2 mines on them!"

"But..."

As the bomb dropped, they all could only hoped that Shinji Ikari would survive the bout. They left speechless, at the sight of the bomb detonated point-blank at the three monsters. One of the EVA, was stared in shock as the bomb engulfed both gigantic figure in explosion.

 _Shinji..._

* * *

"Come on, Rei. We have to go."

"But..."

Shinji Ikari brought many things into Rei Ayanami's life. Two of the most important things she regarded were to smile, something the boy found to be the thing that made her beautiful for him, and the ability to be independent.

The latter ability, at this time, made her not wanting to leave his unconscious state at this moment.

"Rei, he will be fine. No physical injury were done to him. We don't want to make the commander angry, do we?"

Rei nodden hesitantly, and against her will, finally leave the room where the boy slept inside.

"Where's the Major?"

"Ah...she's left with paper work. The bombing did...nasty damages to people's property."

"I see." The girl went silent before the other spoke again.

"Well, Rei. Do you trust me now?"

"I never have the need to distrust people unless i see it as necessary. Why do you ask, Doctor?" Rei said, try to be oblivious to her obvious murderous intent earlier. She had to play her more innocent nature toward the higher figure of NERV more often. This made her had to resist her want to give a goodbye peck to the sleeping figure of the Third Child, the boy who made him did so many things she wouldn't even think about it once before, including lying, something she did plenty of times to them, including now.

"Well, um..."

"Hmm?" The girl stared intensely as she looked directly at the doctor's face, made her attempt to make a justification moot.

"Just...forget it."

And so Rei was left to talk with the other in the room, as Ritsuko excused herself once again.

"Pilot Ayanami."

"Vice Section-2 Director Fujioka." She nodded in return for his gesture.

"At 11:30:01 AM the N2 mines from UN Secondary Force failed to kill the Angel." Kaji explained in the conference room. Ritsuko asked him and Maya to explain in place of her for some reasons he did not know yet, "Both Unit-02 and Unit-01 received moderate damages as the result." Maya continued. And again, "The angels are still alive, as mentioned earlier, and now...in a week, only Pilot Ayanami's EVA that will be ready for any actions.

"We cannot take another risk." Fujioka said, "From today, Pilot Ayanami will receive martial arts lesson to help her in the choreographed fight that Agent Kaji and Johnson just planned."

"I do not seek to inflict violence to people." Rei said to the man. She never liked the thought of harming people unless it's necessary.

"I know." The first Kamen Rider reassuringly said, "When i retaliated against my bullies and nearly killed one of them in the process, my mother furiously ordered me to grovel in front of my ancestor for forgiveness, without any chance to explain to her. That was the day when i realized how terrifying it is when martial arts used in a wrong way. But do not fear it, Rei Ayanami. You're going to learn Martial Arts in a way to self control, just like what we japanese used to call it; 'Budo'. The true martial artists, are the one who used it for the way of peace, not the way of violence."

"I see." Rei responded. She never thought it that way. Then again, the only action movies she saw were the unusually violent ones, like Showdown in Little Tokyo, or Out for Justice. She still remembered the bad guy screaming 'you took my fucking leg!' over and over again...

"Well, Rei...meet your teacher."

The door opened, showed one of the most prolific action actor from Asia to Hollywood.

Jackie Chan.

"Hi."

"This is uncle Jackie, one of the best Kung Fu actor from Hong Kong. He's going to teach you some matter in martial arts in addition to choreographed the attacks as well. Jackie Chan, like you, dislikes violence, so i think his style will suits you the most."

"He's also known for his comedic Kung-Fu. He definitely fit you the best, in case you still want to learn comedy." Kaji whispered to the girl in an attempt to tease her. Judging by her twitching eyebrow, he perhaps succeed. Perhaps.

"I hope we can be a good friend, Ayanami-chan." The man who also a singer said as he offered a handshake, which the girl robotically shook. This slightly creeped Chan out, although she seemed more...shy instead of simply being a creep this time. Indeed, the girl still did not like wide audience and greeting a stranger.

"Try to work with her gently, Chan. She's not... very well versed in sport. She's...kinda scrawny, isn't she?"

"I do participate in physical activity, S-2 director." She rebuttal at him. Somehow, the mark was kinda...annoyed her. Especially the fact that his words contrasted with Shinji's words on how beautiful her body was.

"Oh, i don't know, then. Sorry."

"Well, what is your sport, Ayanami-chan?"

"I swim, Uncle Jackie."

"You can do butterfly style?" She nodded at him, "Well, i think that's good enough for our task. Still, perhaps...you want more, after this? I mean, i can't teach you more than basic with your conditioning now. But if, you... want to-"

"I do not seek more than necessary, Uncle Jackie. And for now, martial arts is not on my task outside of my life as an EVA pilot."

Jackie Chan scratched his head. He forgotten on how wooden the girl could be at life, and it showed now.

"Well, let's just...see what will happen next, okay? I'll teach you for a week or two, and you can decide whether you like my teaching or not. Just give me the time to show you how good martial arts is to your body and mind, okay?"

"That will be..." She stopped as Kaji whispered at her, "That will be...appropriate, Uncle Jackie."

"Good! Now, if you excuse us, i want to see how good Ayanami-chan is on swimming. May i?"

Fujioka nodded at the leaving martial arts, leaving himself with his own task.

The living legend has to deal with the fact that a penguin's about to become a new action hero in TV.

 _Kamen Rider Pen-Pen? Aren't they going to oversaturate him at this rate? Oh, well. At least kids are going to love this.  
_

Shrugged his shoulder, he answered 'yes' to the question at hand, but adding his own stipulations.

* * *

"Asuka?"

"Uh, go away, Rocky." She said weakly.

Her pride was shattered by the utter failure of her battle. Not only she had to be saved by both pilots that had their EVA barely worked, but she had to screw up her first fight where she's the only reliable pilot out there. Adding to the insult, the guy whom EVA tried to rebel did far more damage than her. She wanted to be the reliable one, not the one who made mistakes here and there. Now they won't even consider her as the second best option out there...

"Look, Asuka...i know you're not feeling well from the...failed battle."

"I know. You're not rubbing the salt at wound, do ya?"

"Of course not! Why would The People's champions wants to hurt his little girl? People won't take a champion who hurt people close to him just for their failure. Besides, without you, we won't even know the way to hurt the twin behemoth, right?"

"Well, um...look, i'm just not in the mood Rocky, okay? I'm not blaming you at all. I mean...God. I feel sick..." Asuka said as she slumped back to her hospital bed.

"Well, i'm going to leave you alone from now, but not after you meet your instructor for our plan to defeat the angel."

 _Instructor?_

"Asuka...meet the Muscle from Brussels."

"Hi."

Asuka's eyes widened at the sight of the Belgian movie star. Ever since she learned Kickboxing and Wrestling, she always wanted to meet this man. And now...

"See that we still trust you, Asuka?"

For the first time since her awakening, Asuka's mood lightened. She then smiled.

"Now that's the kind of smile The Rock will dying for."

"I have to agree, Rock. You have a nice smile, Asuka-chan."

Her mood brightened even more.

Looks like this is not a bad day, after all.

* * *

"You think this is wise, Hogan?"

"Taker," Hogan glanced at the taller guy, "The Joker Gang's going to attack soon. The expendables planned to teach the pilots sooner or later, so why not now? We're just...pushing them in the right way."

"I know, but seriously...using the power now?"

"Hey, it's not like the power of intelligence is going to be something useful for other Angel without being too dangerous."

"I can see your reason, then. Besides, we still can't let them know the activities outside their own. We're still haven't...established yet."

"Good." He grinned, "Because if something's not going according to our demand, we can still have another use with this imperfect embryo."

"I just hope Vince appreciate it."

With that, an evil laugh echoing in the chamber.

* * *

Rei become Jackie Chan's protege! The plot DID thickens! But who are The Joker's Gang? And how's the power for wrestlers actually work? How is it different from the protection of Bruce Lee? Where's Gendo and Fuyutsuki? Is Pen-Pen did become a Kamen Rider or not? Will Kaji's gang become useful at one point? Find out next, on Evangelion Z!

Also, off-topic, but don't you think that Kaji's a walking plot hole? I mean, the guy didn't realize that Lilith is not Adam, even though he brought Adam's embryo in the first place, not to mention that Gendo spoke loudly about it's identity in front of him as well. Also, the sub-plot of his intel for Misato totally forgotten in the EoE. If it wasn't, we may get something like some rebels from JSDF attacking their own comrades in the attack, or Misato tried to put Shinji out of the battle before. Or hell, Misato tried to shoot Rei/Gendo because of Kaji's intels. In Manga it's even worse. He investigated the whole Marduk things and nothing come out of it. He's much more useful, and he still waited for his death like a bitch.

Also, i found it's hilarious that whole Gainax and Khara staff are gay for Kaworu. Anno, Tsurumaki, Sadamoto...all write that Shinji fall for him. Yes, even Sadamoto. Hell, just look up at episode 24 draft. It's unbelievably gay as hell. Even fricking Rei knew that Shinji's gay for Kaworu in a scene. As Ruthlessreviews said in it's infamous review for Commando, man fucking is straighter.

Moral of story from Evangelion: You will only get hurt by the beautiful woman around you that you trying to get comfortable around them for years by their nature and origins, but you can completely fall in love for a guy you just met far earlier, even if you're a Tsundere for him! Anno, you sly dog!

No offense for gay people. I just found it's funny that the whole higher staff for Gainax are closet gay for Kaworu, especially since the anime suggested that Shinji's admiration for Kaworu actually showed how low his sanity was at this point since the other found him creepy instead. Are they disillusioned themselves as well in the process of writing Kaworu? So...the whole Gainax are actually Shinji?

And...back to the story. So, why i decided to use Jackie Chan as Rei's mentor? Well, in addition to his nature, both in person and his more pacifist movies like i explained earlier, Jackie also had tons of injuries in his career. Things he did are unreal in nature, and he also keep it real (AKA no stuntmen). Meanwhile, Rei got injured alot as well, and she was pretty much banal in her approach toward things. Jackie definitely fit the most in comparison to the other actors.

And as you can guess...the next chapter will have martial arts and dancing antics! Yes! Rei and Asuka will learn ballet and Peking opera!

And...that's all my explanations. Until next time!


	12. Love Blossomed, and the plot as well!

A/N: When it comes crashing down, Gawker hurts inside!

OOOH YEAH!

You gotta take a stand, it don't help to hide!

IF YOU SMEEEEEELLL

I AM A REAL AMERICAN! WOOOOO!

Spoiler alerts: Thanks to Hulk Hogan body slammed Gawker, not only now he regained much of his dignity, Terry Bollea gave me the much needed way to pave his way for become the villain of this story.

Now excuse me while i tearing apart my shirt. GRAAAAAAAH!

Disclaimer: I'm with the force of the Hulkamania! Disclaimer meant jackshit to Hulkamania! What you gonna do, when Hulkamania, take over Kotaku!

And sorry for not updating in such a long time, but...shit happens, you know?

* * *

"How is my record, Jackie?"

"Not bad." The Hong Kong martial artist said as he simply stared at the stopwatch, seemingly impressed by the recorded time that was made by the albino, "Not bad at all. You're definitely more athletic than you look."

"I see. Then does that means that i'm adequate enough to do the task?" The girl simply asked, as she catching up her breath.

"Of course, Rei-Chan. Well, even without your being fit enough, we can still do this, with some more training of course. But it does help a lot for our case." Jackie nodded with a big smile on his face, not long before he showed his thumbs up. "At the very least, you wouldn't be a hindrance toward Asuka and Shinji's training at all, so you should not feel bad at all for taking Shinji's role, in case his EVA is deemed to be too dangerous."

"I see. Then my fear is not needed at all. Is there something else i need to inquire?"

"No. Not at all."

"Then i believe we're done here." Rei said monotonously as she left the pool to get her belonging back.

"So soon, Rei-Chan? Is there's something with me that you do not like?"

"No." The girl said simply as she began to undressed herself, prompted the mentor to look away. In spite of detected some uneasiness from the older man, even from her cold earlier action, the girl did not even try to change her attitude toward the man, in spite of his friendliness, mainly due to her experience from adults came from the older Ikari and Akagis.

"Well, that's cool. That's cool. Good for us." Jackie Chan said as he sweep his sweat away from his drenching forehead, "But...can we have some talk, to know each others better first?"

"Haven't we had one already when we walked before?" Rei gave the man a glance as she began to button up her shirt.

"Well, that's true. But...we still have many things to discuss, Rei-Chan. We barely know each others, i'm quiet interested in you...well, anyone are interested in knowing EVA pilot better, you know what i mean, and we're about to have a...student-teacher relationship, so..." Jackie said frantically. It was really hard to talk towards someone who can give such a cold glare, especially when he knew that he talked to a real life example of ubermensch.

"I also take an interest in you, Uncle Jackie, but i have an urgent business with the Third Child that i must done as soon as possible."

"Shinji?" Mr. Chan simply scratched his head as the girl used the code name for Shinji. Either she actually did not trust him, or she simply take extra precaution towards strangers, "Is it have something to do with the phone call you picked earlier?"

"Yes. It was from Commander Ikari. The Commander wants me to send his message for him. And i do not wish to make him wait any longer." Rei said dully as she began to make her exit.

"Ah, i see. You can go now." The man with born name Chan Kong-Sang gave his permission, which Rei did not even bother to give her bye. This made Jackie feel somewhat...bitter. And gave him the idea to have fun around the girl for the first time.

"Is the Commander's will the reason for you to go so soon, or Shinji's the real reason?"

His question stopped the girl on her track. As he walked towards the girl, which began to blush, he knew that mission was accomplished.

"Haha! You blushed, Rei-chan! I knew that you're a normal girl, after all!" He said before he glanced away slightly, afraid that he just angered her for implying something about her. When he looked at the girl again, she still blushing and looked at the ground, thereby make it clear that she did not caught the unfortunate implications.

"Well, i..." The girl was lost at words, as she got caught in act. For the first time in her life, she cannot used her coldness to outwitted anyone out of her way.

"Hahaha! Don't worry, Rei! I'm sure that you two are going to make a cute couple. A beautiful girl like you deserve a good man, and i believe that Shinji is a perfect gentleman for you. And i think that Shinji would like to be with you."

"You...you embarass me..." Rei blushed even harder, and her attempt to hide it went futile thanks to her albinism.

"No need to get embarassed, Rei-Chan!" The situation was reversed. Jackie Chan's the one who held the high ground of superiority now, "I said that you two are going to make a cute couple, and...well, i guess you wouldn't want HIM, to wait, right?"

"H...hai..." With that, Rei simply ran away from the still smiling man, who watched her ran.

"Ah, young love...such a cute thing." Before he added to himself, "Well, a rather awkward one in that. I just hope that Shinji's totally okay with the oedipal implications."

* * *

"ACHOO!"

Shinji awakened from his deep slumber by a very powerful sneeze, caused him to immediately going face to face with three NERV technician that covered themselves from his snoot.

"Hei! Watch where you sneeze, Shinji!"

"Ah! Aoba and Hyuga! I'm sorry! Gomen!"

"Aw, man! I just got this cleaned up." Shigeru simply removed the icky goo with the hospital gown,

"Nah, Shinji! It's okay."

"Y..yeah." Maya simply added her bespectacled friend's statement

"Huh? Maya? What are you three doing here?"

"Man, is that how you greet people who want to visit you? How rude. Perhaps we shouldn't be here in the first place..."

"Said the cynical one..."

"Ah, you two, don't make Shinji feel bad! He just got two near-death experiences in an hour!" Maya scolded her two male friends, "Now, Shinji, how do you feel?"

"Well," Shinji rubbed his head, "I've felt worse before."

"Good, then!"

"I guess i can take some of the candies, then." Shigeru said as he about to snatched his favorite snack.

"Hush! Buy your own dairy milk, guitar freak!" Makoto said as he catched his friend's hand away.

"What did you say, you camcorder jackass!"

"You two!" Maya scolded the two man once again, before she looked at Shinji with her caring look once again, "Now, Shinji, say aah!"

"Eh? Aaaah-" Shinji's obeying Maya's order was rewarded with the girl shoved a chocolate candy into his mouth. As he closed his mouth out of reflex, he inadvertently caught Maya's little, smooth index finger and thumb. The action caused both him and Maya to blush. Although in Maya's case, she seemed like she expected it.

"Eh? Wh...what?"

"Is it taste good, Shinji?"

"Y...yeah." Shinji said and gulped. What the hell was she tried to do here?

"I'm glad, Shinji. Well...let's just say that i'm sorry for not visiting you in the other time in flesh, but we're so busy! Is that okay for you?"

"Su...sure. But you don't need to do that, Ms. Ibuki." Shinji said as he tried to be formal to ease up his embarrassment. All of this just to make up for that?

"That's because we care for you, Shinji." Maya said as she kissed Shinji's forehead. Needless to say, his blush amplified tenfold. "Now get well soon for us, and the world, okay?"

"Y...yeah..."

As Maya turned around, she saw a crying bespectacled man, and a long haired man looked at her with mock disgust.

"Oh, man...out of all time, i forgot to charge my camcorder."

"Maya, Maya." Shigeru shook his head, "Are you really that willing to get married before you hit the christmas date?"

"WHAT?"

"Well, Maya, you're about to hit your 25 next February, and i get it that Shinji's a fine young man, with steady job, but...isn't he's a little too young for you?"

"OH, cut your bullshit, Shigeru!"

"My, aren't you getting a little too fierce here, in front of a sick young boy as well?"

"I don't need to-" She cut herself as she realized that she just did something wrong, "Oh, i'm sorry Shinji! I didn't mean to make you feel uncomfortable! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! Please forgive me!" She said quickly before turned her gaze towards her coworkers, "But not for those two bakas." She said coldly.

"Hey!" The two man protested.

"Forgiveness given. And for you two, as well." Shinji said, as he knew that he had to cherish this opportunity of superiority before something embarrassing came to him again.

"Really?" Maya said as she held Shinji's palms with her hands.

"Y...yeah." Shinji knew that he was right all along.

"...Thanks to you, too." Maya said awkwardly, as she released her grip on his palm, realized that she did not want any further embarrassment. She did want to say something more cheerful in tone, but the two guys behind her made it impossible for her to do so.

"But seriously, Shinji." Makoto suddenly said out of blue as he inserted the plug into a socket in the hospital room, "You're really one lucky kid, you know? You're a giant robot pilot, you got paid well for it, you're well known across the city, and you have a...beautiful woman taking care of you." Makoto said with hint of sadness as he spoke the last part of his sentence. This did not get unnoticed by the young boy, but he decided to not pursue further out of it, even if he rightfully deserved to do that.

"And with Maya, perhaps you have TWO beautiful woman taking care of you." Shigeru slyly added. This made both Shinji and Maya blushed, although Maya tried to counter it with her anger.

"Wh...what are you trying to do here, Aoba?"

"Oh, don't be so serious, Maya! Say, Shinji. Don't you think that Maya's a pretty girl?"

A sense of de ja vu came across to Shinji as the question rang in his ears. Knew that he had no way to come out of it without sounding like an asshole, which he did not want to sound like, either from blatant lies that she's not, or by simply pushed his way out of this, he simply said, "Y...Yes." This made him blush harder. Maya as well.

"Man, you sounded so weak, Shinji." Said Makoto in mock disappointment. "You don't sounds like a young man who told NERV to suck it for their astonishing incompetence."

"Hehe...i have to admit that you're one hell of a badass, Shinji, but when it comes to woman, you become a young clueless boy like your age supposed to." His long haired friend added.

"Stop that." Shinji tried to retaliate, and hoped that Maya would joined him as well, who's unfortunately not following his example. Either she's too embarrassed to say anything, or she simply gave up at this point.

"I'm sorry, Shinji, but we can't. We also experience the same young love like you're right now. It's all part of advantages of being an adult, Shinji;We get to mock the inexperienced kids for their life lesson, and we're doing it to you now."

"It's natural's cycle, Shinji."

This only made Maya and Shinji sighed hard. They're going to have weeks of mockeries to face now, and they knew they had no way to get out of it.

"Well, to say something...perhaps Maya's actually the third."

"If the rumor was right."

"Huh? What rumor?" Shinji rightfully asked.

"Well, the passing rumor said..."Makoto stopped himself, as a grin came to his face, "Well, what do you know? Looks like your little girlfriend's going to make a visit for you!"

"R...Rei?" Shinji cheerfully said, before he saw the three young adults grinned at him. As his blush intensified to level he never knew he had it before, he knew that this time, he totally blew it off.

"Well, well...i guess the rumor was right after all."

"Confirmed straight by the man!"

"Aww! I always thought that you two make a cute couple!"

"Don't you should feel jealous right now instead?"

"Oh, cut it out, Aoba! Can't you see my silence as a way to see that i had enough?" The only girl in the room finally retorted. This drew a sweatdrop from Shinji, who thought that was a rather weird way to shut someone up. Regardless, he had to say something that may finally made them break it.

"Please. Can you guys leave my love life and be a responsible adult for a moment?" Shinji desperately said.

"Well, young love's something wonderful and embarrassing, Shinji, so you're not going for it."

"Please. I just need some rests..."

"And you're going to get it. Come on, you two. You don't want to make Rei feeling uneasy and decided to not visit Shinji because of us, don't you?"

"Well, i...damn. You're right."

"Nobody here want to ruin the new lovebirds, agree with that." Makoto agreed with what Shigeru said.

 _Take it easy Shinji...take it easy..._

"Well, see you soon, Shinji."Makoto and Shigeru said, as they walked away from the room. Out of sudden, Makoto turned around and said, "Oh, and be careful, Shinji. You don't want to be a father at such a young age, right?" Said the man smirking, not knowing that he just drew the last straw from Shinji's already very shortened patience.

"Oh, i don't know, Mr. Hyuga. But i'd figure that Kaji would be much better for Misato. Well, he has wild life, unlike...a certain Otaku who currently trying to relieve his old hobby when he was a kid." This drew the man out, looked at the boy in disbelief. Knew that he had them in his pocket, Shinji continued, "Oh, and whoever that guy who always played that guitar in lounge every single day at 1 pm, man, he's absolutely sucks."

It worked, as both man were looking back at the kid who made those scathing, yet unsubtle remarks. As they saw Shinji showed his playful grin, they could do nothing but smiled a bit and give him the finger. This made Shinji felt relieved as he at least managed to retain a bit of his dignity. He then fell back to his bed, waiting for his first girlfriend to walk into his room.

 _Makoto was right. I have a good life right now. Surely Misato's sometimes a bit of a drunkard or too tense for her own good, a similarly drunkard Penguin may even too weird for my own taste, my life going to weird way after i realized on how many zany schemes that happened around me, piloting the EVA can hurts at times, and i'm probably have a little oedipal complex. But who cares? My guardian's a hot woman who totally care for me, i'm a giant robot pilot who's paid well and have wonderful coworkers around me, i'm popular in this city, and my pet penguin's going to be international famous soon. And who cares about how Rei was created, and god know how many bazillions things that's wrong with her? I've fall in love with a beautiful girl, and that's all that matter to me now._

With that, Shinji soon tried to make him fall into his sleep, waiting for whatever thing Rei tried to do this time. Girl sometimes had little knowledge on what's proper, and somehow, the boy wanted to capitalize it this time instead of being ashamed for it.

Little he knew that it would brought him trouble this time...

* * *

"So, Rock..."

"Yeah, Willis?" The Rock looked at the other bald man from his computer.

"Is there something we should be worrying about? From your...former coworkers and all? That we haven't know?"

"No." The Rock simply said without any hesistation, "Not at all. Everything is going according to our calculation. Unless...Jericho found something in one of those dummy corporation. Although, i don't think that they would put something that could bring SEELE down in such a place."

"I see." Willis said as he rubbed his chin, before he talked again, "Can Jericho defend himself? I have some people out there who are...out of job."

"Well, The Man's there for his protection, so i doubt he really needed it. But," He pondered for a while, relaxed his arms for a while, "The Rock think that extra protection would be nice for his little Winnipeg's ass."

"You mean the little New Yorker's ass."

"Yeah, whatever. You know that i just like to defend some kayfabe here."

"Regardless," Willis said as he slumped back into the wall, "I would call Norris and Brosnan for that...extra protection."

The Rock did his people's eyebrow to show his confusion, somehow functioned in the opposite to what the eyebrow usually do, "Shouldn't Lundgren and Seagal would be the better choice?"

"There's already enough fighter to protect him from close range. What he really needed, is someone who can do things from all area."

"Well, Lundgren could do explosive well, and wasn't that Norris is a martial artist as well?"

"Point taken." Willis said as he pointed at Rocky. "Either way, a certain someone will join them as well. That being said, do you know anything...about Hogan that we should taking care of soon?"

"Are you going to talk about this in...this very room? The Rock wouldn't want to send himself into his Smackdown Hotel for any stupid action we would do."

"No need to worry, Rock." Willis assured him, "You know that i have...friends that will keep us safe." He said as he smirked toward one of the security cam in the room, which was being monitored by Clint Eastwood. The Dirty Harry simply stared at the list of the cameras, before he began to focus on the room 316, where the pilot of unit one was being taken care of.

* * *

 _It's been five minutes or so. Where's Rei?  
_

As Shinji began to looked up over his blanket, he saw his blue haired beauty talking with Maya Ibuki. It was one of the first time that he saw Rei being comfortable in talking with the other.

 _Well, can't see why it would be shocking at all. Maya is one of the nicest person in this whole complex. Of course, Rei is going to be comfortable in having a normal conversation with her. Although...it is nice, to see her looked so...normal._

It was at this time that Shinji decided to look around him. Nothing he found not in the same list of ordinary, although it seemed that Makoto forgot to brought his camcorder with him.

 _Well...better brought it for him latter. Oh, here she comes!_ Shinji said in his own head as he saw Rei began to walked into his room, before Maya made a gesture out of her hand.

As Shinji fell back into his bed, he began to run his scenario with Rei again. He knew that Rei was currently being interested with tales from the past, so he would tried to get the chance to have a kiss with her again. If there's one thing that he loved more than Rei's smiles, is when she touched his lips with hers. It's one sensation that he would never forget.

 _Man, her lips are so soft! I could kiss them all day!_ Thought the unknowingly very smitten Shinji, who faked his sleep as the part one of his step. Soon, he heard her soft voice called him, before she continued.

"I...i've been pondered about what we have done last week. The intimacy when we hug each others...it was very pleasant." Said the now blushing Rei, who unknowingly made the boy she loved blushed to the same degree as well.

"And then, you said that you have the same feelings as i do, before you kissed me...just like what we did...in that janitor room, before the janitor found us. It was even more pleasant than before." Said Rei, who was still not looking at the boy, who now drew the blanked to cover his crimson cheeks that came out of embarrassment. For reasons unknown, the intimacy concept was much more embarrassing when being talked instead of being done.

"I...still want to say sorry for when i...slipped my tongue into your mouth. I just wanted to do what was showed in a movie i saw recently. You said to me that it's okay, and you said that you enjoyed it as well. But i still felt that i'm being too hasty with you. For that, i'm sorry."

 _That reminded me...we still have each other's shirt...oh, man. We're really a little bit too...intimate for 14 years old kids._ Shinji thought as the blush intensified again.

"Shinji...you said that you don't know what you feel for me...as i do. Shinji, i really don't have much knowledge about human's emotions, but perhaps the word and emotion we're looking for is..." Rei looked on the ground as the blush in her soft, porcelain like skin intensified into impossible level, "Love."

 _Oh, man. Is she really going to say it?_

"Shinji, i..."

Shinji could felt the nervousness in her voice, something that became more common for the girl to experience lately. He also felt the same, perhaps even more, as the girl still struggled and confined a bit with her emotion unlike him. He began to frantically looking around his room, looking for a way to ease up his embarrassment.

Unfortunately, he found something else instead.

"I..."

As the voice of Rei began to broke out of uneasiness with what she would say, so does Shinji's face.

"I..."

At this point, Rei began to touching her fingers and shifted her body unconsciously, unable to contain her lacks of preparation for what she would say today. Shinji also began to shift his body uncomfortably, but for different reason.

"Love...you..."

Rei finally said that, and now she looked away from Shinji, unable to see his face at all. Shinji's the same as well, but for different reason.

Makoto Hyuga and Shigeru Aoba was there, having witnessed everything that happened in that room, and now showing their appreciation toward the lovey dovey scene with their thumb ups.

And Shinji realized the true horror.

The Camcorder, was set in record.

"So, Shinji...are you going to wake up now, after i confessed my love for you?"

Rei's question was answered when Shinji get up from his bed, run for the camcorder, and frantically tried to stop the damn thing and erased the latest record from the thing.

Both Makoto and Shigeru tried to stop Shinji from doing anything stupid with that recorder, but all they did was made Shinji looked so angry. He was about to rip them some new one, but he stopped as he saw something he would never wanted to see again.

Rei, in verge of her tears, ran away from the room.

It took Shinji a few second to try to catch with the girl, and all Makoto and Shigeru could say was.

"We screwed up."

* * *

"Have you visit Shinji yet, Willis?" Said Kaji.

Both man were walking in a small but important proof, that even in the grimmest of time, there would be a hope exist. Inside the grim Geofront palace, which was very complex and devoid of colors that defined what were considered to be colors with positive connotations, lies a beautiful gardens, filled with beautiful flowers and trees that surrounding a fountain in the middle of it. Both double agents were walking near the fountain.

"Not yet. Although i would done so soon or later. He could wait for me."

"My, my. Looking at how you treat him lately, it would seemed that you two are not that close. What happened?"

"Duty calls. I'm very busy lately." The man simply replied, "And i had to mask my involvement with him. I don't like it one bit, i assure you."

"Nah, i understand. Is Shinji-"

"Shinji definitely understand why i do this." He said sternly, not that he thought that Kaji being not, "And besides, i think he's-"

"Rei, please. Listen to me."

"You found my presence unpleasant, didn't you...Ikari?" The girl with azure hair said. When she called him by his last name again, he felt his heart stabbed.

"No, Rei, i..."

The two grown man now found themselves sneaked around the two young teens who yet still not noticed that both were not alone. Willis was recording the whole thing with his phone, while Kaji simply listened carefully to whatever they said.

Not that a single word came from either's mouth, as they went silent. Finally, Rei broke it.

"Don't...look at me. Please..."Her voice betrayed how much she was hurt, and after a little more moment, she finally blurted it out, "Just go away."

That was the catalyst. Shinji decided that he had enough. Enough of the misunderstanding. Enough of the hesitation between the two. He knew that he felt the same way as her. He had to do something to make it out, all to make her knew what he felt for the girl as well. But how?

Cannot spill it out, or even knew what he should said in this situation, Shinji decided to take the initiation this time.

He hugged the girl in desperation, as if it was a matter of death or alive. Rei's eyes widened in shock, but then she returned the gesture as fierce as possible as the desperation made her lost her composure.

"I wish for this to happen more often." Shinji finally said, after long silence that engulfed both teens, "So how could i hate your presence, Rei? For i...love you as well as you do too." He said as he lifted her chin. He saw her bright eyes in verge of tears again, and nearly asked if he did something wrong again in return. But her smile showed him that he did nothing wrong at all. She was happy with what he said.

"Shinji..." The girl simply said, as she brought herself closer to the boy.

"Rei..."

And with that, their lips brushing each others again for the third time.

"Shall we interrupt them?"

"Nah." Said the man who recorded the whole thing, "Don't want to lose this little gem. And besides, don't you want this cute little scene happened a little longer?"

"Yes, sir." Kaji said. "Yes i do."

* * *

"Uh...my head..."

Fujioka rubbed his head in place where it hurts.

The poor old man was being taken down by the crying blue blur when he was reading the new podcast by Hulk Hogan, the current owner of WCW. As the man who called himself 'the savior of wrestling' recalled his story on where he managed to bought WCW from AOL that desperately wanted money after they disputed the ownership of WCW that was bought outrageously cheap by McMahon (only 7.5 Million dollars!), which made the court keeping their eyes on WWE before they finally ordered WWE to release their ownership of WCW back to their owner. Fujioka was jokingly muttered that 'the highest paid porn actor of all time saved American wrestling industry, of all people', before Rei knocked him out cold of his feet, and somehow went undetected by Shinji in his quest to catch up with the pale skinned beauty.

 _That's it. All this Penguin business is really getting out of control. First he became the next Kamen Rider, and now Sonic The Hedgehog is real?_

Suddenly, he caught something interesting in his vision path.

Two suspicious man were monitoring the facility.

In spite of his inability to caught the identity of the two man, he still blurted one of the possible candidate for the two.

"T...Tom Cruise?"

As soon as he muttered the name, both man withdraw themselves from his vision fields. As soon as they were gone, Fujioka was left on his own to wonder what purpose they have in this place.

* * *

A/N: Sorry for the lacks of action in this chapter, guys, but i figure that it's already being too long already. I initially wanted to insert the scene where Toji, Kensuke and Hikari visit the Katsuragi residence where Asuka, Rei and Shinji were being trained by Jackie Chan and Van Damme, but it's already 5 thousands words for this fic, and i don't want to make it too long for you guys. Besides, i figure it out that it would be better if the fight scene was not separated from the ridiculous training scene. So see ya soon!

Oh. I almost forget!

Who are those two mysterious guys? Is Maya had a crush for Shinji? Has Shinji successfully erased the recorded clip of Rei confessed her love? Who's The Man that The Rock and Bruce Willis talked about? Find out next, on Evangelion Z!


	13. Tag team match vs Israfel part 1

Disclaimer: Don't own EVA. Also, aside from a year of training in Silat, i don't have any knowledge to fight in real life. So don't mug me in case that some artistic license ensued.

Oh, yeah. Just to make sure: Most people who were already died would just, well, died. So no Piper, no Bronson, no Benoit, no Bruce Willis in ghost form fighting professor Snape v.2, no Ultimate Warrior and Macho Man fighting Spock and the First Doctor etc. How they died in this universe, well...Let's just say that Second Impact...wiped some of the poor souls and caused long suffering for some as well. Although for my absolute favorites, they would either appear as flashback characters, or spirit advisor like Bruce Lee.

Also, this chapter's veery long. Yeah, it's true. It's damn true.

Well, let's get into the story, shall we?

PS: GOLDBERG IN WWE 2K17! OH HELL YEAH! THE MAN, IS HERE!

* * *

"Uuuhh! This is unbelievable!" The purple beauty screamed as she. Indeed, all those paper about the destruction and demand for compensation from all places in Tokyo-3 would make anyone going insane from the sheer amount of work for the thing, even the hardest worker who would went overtime every night without complaining at all. And consider the fact that the one responsible for it was a woman with total lacks of self-reservation and regards for her own liver, and yet another fact that the one who was doing all the cooking and cleaning was a boy who's half her age, who admittedly has done a great job so far, the task became even more monumental to her.

"Indeed, Katsuragi." An unshaven man made his unneeded and definitely unwanted appearance. "If what i assume for what making you irritated as yet another bunch of papers for claims and rants for property destruction that the EVA and Angel caused as correct?"

"Uh...go away, Ryoji Kaji." The woman simply groaned, not wanted to waste her energy on her anger at all.

"Well, is that how you treat your longtime friend? And...former boyfriend."

"The last thing i need now, is an unneeded, disgusting distraction. And you, Ryoji Kaji, distract me so much that you make me want to puke. Just like this: Bleeeh!"

"Ouch. That's harsh, Katsuragi." Kaji obviously stated.

"Indeed. Now, go away! Shoo shoo!" Misato shooed off the annoying lecher like some flies that tried to get some of Shinji's home-made steak that he made for their little celebration of going to school. Damn, Misato really liked that. Almost as much as she liked her Yebisu, although she would prefer if he made it tasted like curry. Oh, yeah. She could still felt the taste of it. It's like a-

"Well, i'm fine if you don't want to talk about personal stuffs and past, Misato." Kaji simply said without flinching, made the woman who sat in front of him stopped her thought and flinched at his successful attempt in became the more mature one in that room."I just want to give you something from NERV security."

"Uh...not letters of complain from those public jabronies again..." Misato slumped into her desk out of annoyance.

"I'll get those sorted out for you." Kaji said as he get around those paper to take care of them by himself, slightly grinned as he heard Misato used one of trademark trash talk word from wrestling that got popularized by The Great One, but not invented, "I just want to give you the ticket for Fozzy band's concert that would be held in three weeks in Tokyo-3 Trade Mall Center, courtesy from The Brahma Bull himself."

"Never heard that name before." Misato said in monotone, showed her lacks of interest for such an event.

"Well...is the name of Chris Jericho ring the bell?"

"...What?" Kaji just got a bingo. "You mean, that wrestler who keep going on and off in WWE? Is that really the name of his band?"

"Yeah. And he can dance, too."

"My Kami-sama. What's with all those action celebrities and wrestlers that keep popping out in this city? First Stone Cold, Stallone and Arnie. Then Hiroshi Fujioka and Clint Eastwood. Then...It's like there's some kind of conspiracy going on here!"

"Only God who know, Misato. Only God who know."

* * *

"...And i like your face. I found you to be...handsome, Shinji-kun. But most importantly, i like your...kindness. And touches. Is my explanation adequate enough?"

"Mmhm." Shinji simply mumbled and nodded at Rei as he nuzzled Rei's head with his own. "Those are good reasons, Rei. Definitely plausible and understandable."

"And what about you, Shinji?" Rei crooned into Shinji's neck as she said that, "What do you like from me?"

"Oh, where do i start?" Shinji said as he sighed, "If i have to be honest, i will say 'everything' about you attracted me. But let's list some of those things, just for Your pretty face, your red ruby eyes, your porcelain skin, your soft, blue hair-"

"I do not understand why you would take my coloration as something beautiful, Shinji. I'm quiet...unusual in that regard." Rei said those words lowly, somehow sounded less confident than usual. "I don't consider myself to be beautiful. In fact, i...i hate red. I hate how my eyes looked."

"But you're really beautiful, Rei. Even if it was that time Misato teased me once about your look that made me realized it, it doesn't make you any less beautiful, Rei. If anything, they just make you stand out even more. If i could find the word to describe you...perfectly, it's probably...exotic. And your eyes, Rei? I think they're beautiful. I don't see any reason for why you would hate your beautiful eyes."

"Th...thank you, Shinji-kun." Rei said with red tinge in her cheek. She knew how the boy made her felt things that she never did, which for most of time, made her felt good.

"And even if your personality is sometimes far too forward for me to handle, you're still a nice girl who cares about people around you. I like that too." Shinji added before he gently shifted Rei's face so she faced him, looked at her ruby eyes with determination, "But you know what i like the most?" Shinji asked, which Rei shook slowly in response.

"Your smile, Rei. I don't think that i ever see any smile more beautiful than yours."

"Th..thank you."Rei said those two words while blushed, while acknowledged to herself that words of gratitude became more common in her usage ever since she contacted him. "I...i would like to smile more often in front of you...if that was the case." Said Rei in gratitude, and felt something wrong when the boy she loved frowned.

"Is something wrong, Shinji-kun?"

"Rei," Shinji said as his frown disappeared, with sweet tone that took Rei by surprise as she prepared for the worse, "I would prefer it if you would smile for everyone rather than just for me."

"But," Rei retorted, "I intend my smiles to be yours only, Shinji-kun."

"Well, if that was the case, then i give you the permission to use your smiles to the others. And i would recommend you to use them as well. Is that clear, Rei-chan?"

"...Crystal clear...General Shinji." She responded, tried to use these kind of jokes that were based on sarcasm, but she still had her question as well, "Why you don't want to be the only one who see my smiles, Shinji?"

"Well, there are two reasons. First, i want to see you become more sociable with people, and what's better than to start with a smile, especially with such smile like yours? And second, well... i just want to see your beautiful smiles more often."

 _Alright. When did i get so eloquent with girls? It's just a few hours ago when i stammered with smallest implications from Maya, and now i talking sweet with Rei here, smoothly as well. What the hell is going on here?_

In the mid of their bliss and confusion, the two teenager were so lost into each others that they had no idea that they were being recorded by a certain bald man, accompanied by his newest partner in crime. His previous partner already left him, and right now, he was split between wanting to record more, or cease his snooping around as he felt

"Ugh...i think i already had enough sugary sweetness from these two..." The bald man said to the Hong Konger beside him, sounded like a sick animal. "One more moment from these sickeningly sweathearts, and i will have my diabetes."

"...Why would you get diabetes?"

"There's only so much sugar that a man like me can handle, Jackie." Said Willis, intended to make the man besides him even more confused. Who to blame but himself for having such a poor grasp in English language after years of acting in hollywood?

"...If it's about sugar, then why you always want some extra sugar for your tea on the headquarter?"

"...Jackie, your grasp at sarcasm and english leave something to be desired."

"...Are you talking about my english again?"

Both guys were nearly unfortunate that Rei took a glance at the place where they hide themselves, but in a twist of fortunate fate, Shinji lifted her face before she could caught something suspicious in her eyes. He gazed at her eyes with such intensity that the girl felt her blush deepened even more. She could felt much love into it, all for herself. They were lost into each others for a moment, each were mesmerized by the gaze in each other's eyes. Finally, after a moment that felt much longer than actual, Shinji broke the silence.

"Rei...i think i actually know something that i love more than smile."

"Wh...what is is, then?" Rei's heart sank. There was something that he loved more than her. She had to find out what it was.

"This." Shinji said as he tilted his head and kissed Rei gently. Rei's eyes widened, but not for long as she closed her eyes and began to kiss him back. They smiled in their kiss as their arms began to entangled each others, Shinji in Rei's hips and Rei on Shinji's neck. After a minute or so Shinji began to tickle Rei in her ticklish spots, made her giggled that would soon turned into full-blown laughter.

"It's very sweet." Jackie said. His own remark was not lost on him as he looked at his friend who reacted like someone who just ate some salty cakes, "You know, i think i begin to understand your remark about the diabetes."

"Well, that's good for you." Willis said as he gave his phone to his fellow Hong Kong friend.

"Um, what?"

"As i said, just one more moment. Damn, that Kaji. Running away because he knew it would come to this. Here. You can record them with this...if you want to." He said as he began to left the palace.

Jackie stared at the diminishing figure of Bruce Willis before he shrugged and decided to continue the recording.

* * *

"Uh, Kaji...why must you make thing even more confusing to me?"

Misato had her reasons to get angry at the inconsistent suave agent. Sometimes, he would act like a proper gentleman, made her thought that he would change for the better, like just recently when he took some piles of her paper to take some of her burden. Sometimes, he would act like a total sexist jerk that would flirt to every woman here and there. It reminded her of yet another relationship of her that depended on how much the male annoyed her, with...

 _Wait a minute. Wasn't that Shinji and Kaji got together far too well in that ship when they pulled that joke? Like they have been know each other for..._

"MISATOOOO!"

"GYAH!" Misato yelled in shock as someone screamed in front of her. It was one of her former child under her guardianship, Asuka Langley Sohryu. "Jeez...A, Asuka. You almost gave me a heart attack here!"

"Misato, you were daydreaming and so out of it. Is something concerning you?"

"Uh, nothing important, really. Hehe." Misato lied. "Well, what is it, Asuka?"

"I'm just want to demonstrate on how great as master-planner that Kaji and The Rock were." Said Asuka in proud.

"Hu-uh. Yeah. Really." Misato said, obviously disinterested. "I knew all about it. Synchronized dancing with Rei and Shinji for a week, right?"

"Not just dancing. Look!"

Asuka exited the room and soon she was back, dragged a man from Brussell into the office.

"I got the best martial artist that also will dance to teach me! Oooh! I'm sooo going to beat that so-called ace pilot Shinji! I'm soo going to wreck those two Angels, beating them like a drum, smashed them, crushed them, and...Misato?"

Misato simply slumped into her desk out of shock and frustration.

"Misato, are you okay?"

"Uh, Asuka, i think it would be better if we just leave her alone. I don't think my presence is appreciated here."

"Jeez, what kind of girl who wouldn't want a man as manly as you, Mr. Van Damme!" Asuka said. This elicited another slump from Misato.

"Asuka, i think it's obvious that it is, and we shouldn't ask her the question for why."

"Well...jeez, fine."

With that, they both left the woman to mumble to herself alone, cursing her little manly maid that was under her care for making the world around her so surreal and unnecessarily full of manliness. She began to mumbled about the new world order, the cliques conspiracy, and something about it was Mr. Miyagi all along.

 _Perhaps i should just go along with it and became Pen-Pen's agent..._

* * *

Somewhere, in an apartment, a certain famous Penguin who was watching his own commercial where he and his sidekick Shinji were blasting those pesky zombies with their shotgun for the newest Resident Evil/House of the Dead crossover experienced his rare sneeze. The poor little penguin then looked around him, before shrugged and began to watch the commercial again to wait for his favorite show, Penguin of Madagascar to start again.

* * *

ACHOO!

"What's wrong with you two? Are you two not feeling well?" Asked the man with biggest nose in the room.

"Nothing, Hunter. Just a funny feeling in my nose." Said the biggest guy in the room. It was clear that age did him a good favor.

"Same with me." Reciprocate the other man with toothpick in his mouth. If someone knew him, they would said something about how age was a cruel thing for the poor guy.

"Well, good then. Now, we just have to wait for Waltman and Cruise to tell us about the situation in NERV, and then, we can plan to-"

Suddenly, the man's big nose tickle, and he did the same with his contemporary.

* * *

ACHOO!

"What's wrong, Terry?"

"Uh, nothing, Inoki. Just gettin an itch in my nose."

"I guess that i worry for nothing, then. Just like how you're worry for nothing for the Children."

"You know how much i cared about the kids, Inoki. Just like how i care for my Hulkamaniacs."

"But i already gave that tall kid the Inoki's spirit slap. Not just a simple slap, or even a punch. But the mighty, spirit Figure Four leg Lock from the man himself. And lastly, that sounds a little bit hypocritical from a guy who abused his power in discreet and endangered them so he could make the training for pilot Sohryu and Ayanami a little faster than schedule."

"It can't be helped." Hogan said, "I need her trust only. I don't want to work for those guys, Willis or Nicholson. I work alone."

"So you don't need my help, then?"

"Actually, i'm looking for a little independent help. And as far as i concerned, you're working for yourself as well. So how is it, Muhammad Inoki?" Hogan said as he offered the man who put him over in Japan a handshake. Inoki then accepted his handshake.

* * *

ACHOO!

"Shinji, are you ill?"

"Uh, no, Rei, i'm fine." Said Shinji, who knew that someone must be talking behind his back, "But still, Rei...love make you acts more erratic, don't you think?"

"I...i believe so." Rei answered positively, "With you, i...i began to worry about how i...represent myself with you. I often felt my cheeks warmed, it's like there are...butterflies in my stomach, and i often think on how do you feel toward me. But most of all," She paused, trying to find the correct way to represent her thought, "I...for some reasons, sometimes i imagine some...negative scenarios that came from you."

"Really?" Shinji was surprised. Never thought the girl to have a rather wild imagination, "Is that why you thought i don't want you when i panicked in the hospital because of...you know."

Rei positively shook her head, obviously nervous. "I...i'm sorry, Shinji. All of these feelings are...very new to me. The lacks of control...make me scared. In fact, i thought that i was ill...until i found that some of my symptoms, can be found in case of someone who..."

"Who's in love, or crush." Shinji finished Rei's line for her.

"Yes, love." Rei said, before for some reasons, she felt that she had to repeat those four words. "I love you, Shinji."

"I love you too, Rei." Shinji responded and kissed her forehead. Both felt good at each other's confession again. Their heart flutter at each other's confession"You know, Rei...i wish that we would never have these kind of silly misunderstanding again. I don't feel like i would like to chase you again while you shed some tears." He said while chuckled.

"I...i don't know if i could..." Rei answered, feeling unsure with herself regarding the task, nor she found the same ground that made Shinji thought the whole deal was quiet funny. _Humor is really subjective, i presume_ , "But...i will try. I don't want to hurt your feeling, Shinji-kun."

"I appreciate it, Rei. I really need your trust. And i don't want to" Shinji said as he began to stroke Rei's hair, calming both of them from the intimacy as he thought about how he needed her trust with all crazy things happened around him. Then, a thought crossed into him. "Say...i don't think you're the kind of girl who would run into a beautiful garden like this whenever you feel bad with yourself."

"It was...one of my cherished memories with Commander Ikari." Rei began to explain, "When i was younger, he used to bring me here to have little things...like a lunch, or some little games..."

 _Father..._ Shinji began to feel a bit jealous, knowing that his father gave his little project more attention and affection than his own son. Even if he knew that much of it was a mask for his old man's insecurity...

"It gave me perspective towards life...and make me know that even in the darkest hour, hope would remain to exist." Rei looked at Shinji with determined look, "Can you see for why i respect the Commander so much, Shinji-kun?"

"I can see that, Rei." Shinji said, visibly looked hurt. Some of them were acting, but he indeed felt the jealousy.

"What's wrong, Shinji?" Rei said. She looked at him after she heard the changed tone of his voice for the worse, and it was obvious to her that he was...hurt.

Shinji heavily sighed, and responded, "I don't want to say it Rei, nor i can believe it, but...i'm jealous with what you have. I... wish for my father to give me that kind of kindness, even for just a moment."

"...I see." Rei said, somehow felt the sadness from the boy reached her as well. The thought to make him feel better crossed to her, and suddenly, she remembered her previous task.

"Shinji?"

"Yes, Rei-chan?"

"I... i forgot my task to give you the message from the Commander." She then paused for a while to collect her thought, "He said that he's proud of you for what you've done to the NERV, and he wished to have a talk with you in the anniversary of Yui Ikari's death, soon after he returned from Mexico."

Shinji's heart fluttered at this. His father wanted to mend some thing with him? No trick, no douchbaggery that would ensued? "R...really, Rei?"

"Yes, Shinji-kun. Have i lied to you?"

"No, Rei. But..." Shinji couldn't say anything again, and suddenly, he pulled Rei so she was face to face with him, and tighten his hug into her, almost as his life and Rei's were depended on their intimacy.

"Shinji?" Rei asked as she was surprised by the wetness from Shinji's eyes that dampened her forehead.

"Thank you, Rei. This...this is the best day i've ever had. I'm happy, Rei. I'm so happy. You make what otherwise the shittiest day i've ever endured to be the most pleasant instead.

"Shinji...i'm glad. I'm so glad that i can make you happy."

 _And here's your reward, my little literal angel._ Shinji slyly thought to himself as he kissed her lips for the third time that day, gently caressing her tongue with his own. Soon, Rei followed him, both moaned from their kiss as their appendage gently frolicking each others, absorbed themselves in the intimacy as their hands began to gripping each others as well.

Meanwhile, from a bush, a certain Hong Kong action actor smiled at his pupil and soon-would-be pupil's happiness. Now, all he had to do was getting away from them, and-

Oops. Looks like Jackie just slipped.

Jackie Chan didn't get the necessary grip from the slippery fountain, and now found himself juggling Willis's phone to make sure that the phone is safe. At the last juggle, he actually made the fountain fell even further to the center of the fountain, and now he found himself jumped to get the phone back and...

He got it.

Well, sort of. Well, you see, he failed to retrieve the phone by both his hands, and at the last moment of desperation, he successfully stuffed the phone...into his mouth. Now, he was hanging between his life and...well, actually, between getting himself wet or not, and his friend's phone was getting slippery slowly but surely. Now, he had to...

"Is this a part of your training, Uncle Jackie?"

Well, he created a ruckus there. Of course, the pilot had to rush themselves to the cause of the noise.

"No, Rei...i think it's a simple accident. So, i suppose you need some help, Uncle?"

Jackie Chan nodded fiercely.

"I see. Well, it should be obvious from the start. Wait. Why's Mr. Willis's phone is in your mouth, Uncle? Hmmm...you're not supposed to spying us from the start, eh?"

Jackie Chan shook his head so nervously the phone began to fall even more.

"Take it easy, Uncle! I don't want to wreck Mr. Willis's phone. You know how important it is, and how much we want to avoid his...true anger, don't we?" Shinji said as he tried to hide his blush at the thought of his intimate moment being recorded.

Jackie Chan nodded slowly to Shinji. But he began to panicked as the phone slowly getting itself out of his mouth. Shinji began to reach out for his mouth when the phone rang and vibrated, shocked the poor guy who released the communication device to simply plunged into the death inside the body of water.

"...Shit." Was all word that came out of Jackie's mouth.

* * *

"Oh, i can't wait to get trained by you and Jackie Chan, Mr. Van Damme!"

"Woah! Hold your horse, Asuka!"

"But i'm really so excited! The Rock maybe is the most electrifying man in sports entertainment, but in real hand to hand combat, he's only good, but you two...oh, god! WEEE!"

"Haha. You're really easy to get excited, Asuka. Like a child waiting for the gift from their parents."

Suddenly, Asuka's excited expression turned into something much sombre.

"What's wrong?"

"It's...it's nothing. It just reminded me about my father and mother, and my problems with them."

"I am sorry, then. Would you like to talk to me about them?" Van Damme kindly asked, even if he knew what exactly going on between them.

"No, Mr. Van Damme. They're too personal for me. But things are definitely better for me now. Let's just say that past is past, and the future is bright for the mighty Asuka Sohryu!"

"Good. Now that's the spirit i want to see from the EVA valkyrie herself!"

"Yeah." Asuka positively reciprocated the man, gave him the manly handshake that came out of the manliest horror science fiction movie ever, Predator.

"What's wrong, Jean Claude? Too many years of pencil-pushing crap from the Kumite?" Said Asuka in the strangest and yet appropriate Schwarzenegger's impersonation ever.

"Not a bit, kid." Said Van Damme as he flipped Asuka over.

"Wow. I just got hip tossed by Van Damme."

"Yeah, you did. I don't hurt you too much, right?"

"It's nothing. I already had my martial arts training back there, so i can take some hit and bump. Just like the Third Child. Speaking of Child...where are those three? They're very late."

Soon, the trio that Van Damme and Asuka had waited for an hour finally appeared. Asuka stood in front of them, holding her hips as she looked at them with incredulous and pissed look.

"Well, look at you three. Late as fuck. Talk about professionalism..."

"We are sorry, um...can i call you Asuka-chan?"

"You can call me anything, Jackie." Asuka answered as she dropped the tough girl act.

"Well, it's...look. Bruce Willis, have a task for me." Jackie said, left the bit of details about how the task was self-inflicted, or how long it was for them to find the replacement phone in the first place, "And when i, am finished, he...had some...what is the word to say that you're in a hurry?"

"Urgent?" Shinji offered to answer.

"Yeah. Urgent business." Jackie said as he got his eureka moment. "So we have to wait, for a moment, until he's finished. And, that's why we are late."

"Well, i guess we can forgive you all if there was another business to attend first. Come on. Let's get in." Asuka began to walk back into her apartment in NERV as she finished her talk.

The apartment was rather small. It was clear that The Rock was not living with Asuka as there was only one bed in the room. There were many unopened bag, showed that the apartment was not adequate enough to hold Asuka's properties.

"You know, i think we all know why we all here, and what we're going to do. So let's just skip the stuff we already know."

"Ah, yes." Van Damme said as he stood up, fully understood what Shinji meant by his words. "Well, let's just say that we have two kind of training in mind. Training that would be sufficient for a week preparation."

"Yes. We all know that full grasp on martial arts training in a week is simply impossible, so we have to crunch it as good as we can. So i'm sorry, Asuka, but no advanced technique, as we speak for now."

"Well, that's fine by me, as long as i could train with Van Damme. What kind of training are you talking about, by the way?"

* * *

"It's been four days since we saw the three of them."

"Yeah, i know. It's kinda common for Rei to not attend school, but Shinji and Asuka as well?"

"NERV stuffs, class rep. Kinda obvious, you know?"

"I can see that, but for what?"

"The angel, duh. The body's still regenerating until now, you see?"

"Oh." Class Rep said as she stopped. She never followed the news regarding the angels and NERV. For some reasons, they creeped her out.

"Hey, don't freeze at us again, Horaki!"

"Yeah. I don't want to haul your butt in front of your father again, Hikari! I still want to live, you know!" Said Toji. The incident where Hikari's father hunted him when he found out that Hikari for some reasons just froze out of shock after Asuka brought her home and left her without explained anything, possibly because he thought that the poor jock was responsible again for her misfortune, just like when he had to bought her out of prison for her infamous rage in the evacuation shelter. He managed to get out of the situation alive by claiming that he knew how to brought her out of her trance by...

"Really, Toji?" Said Hikari as she pulled her best 'you betrayed my heart' look, "So you're my knight in shining armor for that time only..."

"Ah! Don't pull that sad puppy look at me, Class Rep! I care for you! I really do!" Said Toji as he desperately begged for her to shake out her negative thought.

"Your words are not enough for me."Hikari said, still in her Tsundere B mode on;being a nice girl who was only act as a hardass for her beloved.

"I really do, Hikari. I really do." Toji said as he reached her cheek. The girl tried as hard as she can to held her blush, and she somehow succeeded.

"Toji, do you forget our agreement already?"

"Oh. That agreement?" Toji asked as a wide grin smeared his face. He figured out her little game, and he knew where this game's direction would went to.

"Yes. Suzuhara Toji, we have an agreement that we can kiss anywhere and anytime we want to, just like what you do to me when i froze out that time. If you really care for me, then you should...appreciate our agreement."

"Don't need to say it twice, Horaki." Said Toji as he pressed his lips agains hers. They almost forgotten that there was someone who...

"Well, as you can see here, in Tokyo-3, we have plenty of these kind of lovebirds that would screw at every moment possible." Kensuke mimicked the voice from hisas he mischievously grinned at the two, "Man, man. I don't know that you're really this lusty, Class Rep. Soon enough, you two would be doing it in front of me, freestyle show and all!"

"Kens!" Screamed Toji, who was as red as his girlfriend.

"Jesus, Aida! What kind of dirty mind do you have in that thick skull of yours?"

"Oh, just a mind of someone who's selling the pilot's hot photos for their own safety. The lesser of the two evils, or even a necessary one."

"What? You mean, those photos of the NERV pilots in their clad plug suit and swimming suit that i confiscated last week were from you?"

"Me too, Class-Ow!" Shinji flinched as Hikari pulled and pinched his ear against his will, "We really meant that it was necessary evil, Hikari! We really do!"

"And what do you have to make that even sensical, you two perverts!"

"Beat me." Kensuke said as he avoiding the pinch of doom from Hikari after she released her boyfriend, "But when we sold that photo of Asuka changing in locker room to that gloomy guy, we found out that he became himself again."

"Of course that pervert would become happy!"

"That was just a small example!" Kensuke said as the class rep finally stopped, "You know that Shinji's fangirl club's plan to kidnap him from NERV so they could have him for himself, right?"

Hikari nodded as she waited his explanation.

"Well, they actually still planned that...love heist, and they actually planned to torture Rei and Asuka as well to get rid of their competition. When we found out, we offered them Shinji's photos from the security camera, and they immediately ceased their evil planning."

"And we found out that Asuka and Rei's fans clubs were doing the same as well. Thanks to that Chinese janitor." Said Kensuke, who still did not know that he just talked to Sammo Hung.

"Wait a minute. Asuka already had a fans club? And how on earth did Rei got fans club? That girl had to be the most antisocial girl i've ever known! I don't even think that most people knew about her in the first place!"

"Easy: Both are easy on the eyes, with great assets to boot. Coupled with the fact that both are giant robot pilot, and you got yourself the instant babe of the school."

"Yeah. Man, those two are so hot in their plugsuit!" Toji exclaimed as he began to drool, only to shriek in horror as Hikari's enlarged head hovering around him, "Gyaah! But my heart's yours, Hikari! I swear by my lineage and my mom and-!"

"Pervert." Hikari simply said as she coldly past him.

"Busted." Kensuke grinned to Toji who just got henpecked again.

"Fuck you, Kensuke."

The three then walked in silence to catch some time. When they about to enter the apartment complex, they saw an oriental man walked away from the apartment.

"Is...is that Jackie Chan?"

"I think so." Toji said as he tried to clarify the man's identity. "Man, NERV have a tremendous record of encounter with famous actors, don't you think?"

"Yeah...wait. Do you think that Jackie Chan's really teaching the Children some Kung-Fu?"

"Woah...if that was really the case-"

"Come on, you two. We're not here to meet the rich and famous."

"Ah, come on, class rep! Can we wait 'till Jackie return?"

"I'm afraid that i don't have the time, Suzuhara. Kodama and Nozomi-san are waiting for me in the house. And you know how cranky my father get recently after someone stole his piles of battery stock."

"Yeah, yeah. Jeez. I always wanted to meet Jackie Chan..."

When the door opened, they were in for the shock.

Rei and Asuka, dressed in a very tight work out outfit that only came out from an old and very sexual music video in the same vein of Call on Me by Eric Prydz.

"Wh...what the hell!"

"Gyah! Rei and her evil negative zone counterpart in the most awful and sexiest outfit in history of humanity! Cleanse my poor soul, Toji! I beg ya!"

"It's not like that! It was Kaji and The Rock's idea to prepare us to fight the angel!" Said the two poor pilot in unison.

"N...no way!" Hikari Horaki said as she kneeled. "The Rock...my favorite wrestler...he...he endorsed you two to live in a sin! How awful!"

"You get it all wrong! It was Misato's idea!"

"It was?"

"Yeah, Ayanami!"

"Oh, yes. It was Misato's idea to live in pattern."

"In short, this is all a misunderstanding!" The two said in unison again. The fact that both of them were speaking in the same volume as well creeped the three, especially in Rei's case.

"Woah! Misato really want her lad to get laid!"

"Shinji, you lucky dog, you!" Toji said as he barged in to the apartment, "Living with two hot chicks in skintight suit all day? Man, you really...hey, where's Shinji?"

"Um, he's out, and-"

"He's in the kitchen." Asuka said as she covered Rei's mouth with her hand.

"Well, well, well. What's he doing in the kitchen, anyway? Treating you two for dinner? With candles?"

"Oh, get your mind of the gutter, Suzuhara. Me with Shinji, we're friend, but we're in here straight for business! Nothing more, and nothing less."

"I...i would like that dinner, though." Rei whispered to herself, but somehow Toji caught it in the ear. The grin in his face made it clear for Rei that he heard it.

"Aha! I knew that something's already going on between you two!" Kensuke said as he caught the whole thing in the camera, including the incredibly rare Ayanami's blush.

"Shinji, congratulation!" Said Toji as he began to walk into the apartment. "You get to live with two, no, three fine lass, and already hooked with one...man, you're really..."

"Something...else..." The word was finally out of Toji's mouth as he still trying to process what the hell did he just saw.

Shinji, was not just in some sexy 80s work-out suit. He wore a tutu. A bright pink tutu that made the manly boy looked like a pink flamingo.

Come to think of it, there was a literal stuffed flamingo between his crotch as well. The fact that his well toned muscles were visible just make the whole thing even worse for Toji's poor mind to comprehend.

"Toji! What the-"

"Toji! Where are you?"

As soon as the other two entered the apartment, all they saw was a shell-shocked Toji, with no Shinji in sight. It was clear that it was Horaki's turn to repay the favor.

* * *

"Still no reaction?"

Hikari took a moment before she pulled away, "No...but i believe that we're making progress. He just returned my last kiss."

"Not fast enough." Asuka said as she pulled something from the freezer, "Put the whole thing in your mouth."

"Wh...what? Are you trying to kill me, Asuka?"

"We have nothing else. What if Jackie and Van Damme came soon and-"

"Hi, you guys!" The Muscle from Brussell entered the apartment as he greeted them, "Oh. You must be, um...the friends from the school."

"Woah! The real Van Damme!" Kensuke swooned.

"It's nice to see that the pilots have some friends to care for them." Said Van Damme as he smiled to the kids, before his attention turned to the tallest kid in the room, "Say, what's wrong with him?"

"We don't know, sir. We found him like this in the kitchen."

"The kitchen?" His attention then turned to Shinji who just entered the apartment from his room, now wearing the same clothes like Asuka and Rei, "Ah, you already changed." Somehow, this brought the attention from the jock.

"You mean...he really wear...that..."

"Well...he lost the bet last night."

"AAARGH! It's true! It's so damn true! Kensuke, i tell you man! I tell you!"

As soon as Toji goes into an incoherent rambling, Rei and Shinji mentioned Van Damme and Asuka to know their role and shut their mouth. Asuka was less obedient, but after she looked at the sheer trauma that Toji get, she reluctantly agreed to be quiet regarding the whole situation.

* * *

"So, the two are working on the Angel to hit their weak spot?"

"In short, yes." Van Damme answered as the group were looking at the two female pilots who were working on on their training dummy, "Both Angels have that usual weak spot in the middle of their torso. We just need to kick them real good, and then conclusion: Angel goes kaboom."

"Why don't you get Shinji to work on it, though? I mean, no offense to the two, but Shinji's the best pilot we have by long miles."

"I will surpass Shinji Ikari! You'll see it, Kensuke Aida!" Asuka screamed at the inoffensive remark that she perceived as an insult for her.

"Gaah! I've told you that woman's a banshee!"

"Dare to say that again, Aida?"

"Asuka, focus!" Van Damme glared at his student, prompted the very enraged valkyrie to return to her business, but not without letting off some steam by kicked the dummy in the crotch as strong as possible. The slight crack from the butt made Kensuke cringed at the imagined pain from it.

"The thing is, Shinji's EVA is now very unstable. The robot had to be powered down considerably, and Shinji's spending most of his time in NERV everyday meditating inside his EVA. We don't even know how long it would take until it would be safe for him to ride it again. Hell, he's not even trying to meditate deeper than how he used to because he feared that he would accidentally unlocked the EVA's power."

"I see. Anyway, how's the progress for the two?"

"Oh, they're good, but we still have some teeny bit problem." Van Damme explained as he clapped two times to indicate the two that they just about to start an entirely new training regiment. "High kick!"

Both pilots kicked at high synchronization.

"Jab, jab, and uppercut!"

Same level of synchronization.

"Wow! They move at the same pace! What's the problem, then? They seemingly cooperative enough."

"You'll see." Van Damme said as he punched a button in his remote, "Alright, you two. Let's try this dummy training again. Prepare to counter it."

The girls were waiting for their perspective dummy to make it's move first. As soon as the dummy began to launch it's attack on the pilots via a right jab, it was clear what the problem was.

Rei countered the robot by getting around it's arm, and proceed to kick it's mid section by a side kick after she rounded the dummy. Asuka, by contrast, just simply shook off the jab, grabbed and pulled the robot, and punched the hell of the dummy.

"Not again..."

"So, the problem is..."

"Their way of thinking." Shinji said as Van Damme stepped to stop the bickering between the two and sighed. _Same as always. Asuka would blame Rei for being weaker than an animated turnip, and Rei would attacked Asuka's ego by...well, by claiming that her ego prevented them to get their act together._ "They're the exact opposite of each others."

* * *

"See? It's all Ayanami's fault! Why the hell would you pulled a complicated counter just for a simple jab?!"

"So it's Ayanami's fault, then."

"I disagree, Class Representative Horaki." Rei said in her usual monotone voice, somehow her glares felt more piercing than usual "The more brutal and direct way of Pilot Sohryu's martial arts also presented problem itself. It was very inefficient to counter a low roundhouse kick by trying to pin down the feet and kicked it's midsection instead of simply countered and attacked it by a jump kick."

"Well, for your information, Wonder Girl, trying, is an incorrect verb, because i always succeed in pinning down the damned kick. I never failed, and you know that's the fact."

"It was still very illogical."

"Say the girl with only three days of experience in martial arts training."

"I'm a fast learner."

This aggravated Asuka even more, and she about to attack Rei when Shinji stepped in.

"Hai, that's enough." Shinji said as he pushed both girls who were in high aggression, "Asuka, this is not a tournament to see who's the best. You know that in real fight, you would win against Rei. You have been training for years and have some experience in real fight as well, while Rei is just a beginner. Not to mention that you're better trained in physical training as well." This made Asuka smirked, while Rei stared at Shinji with high intensity, "But as i said, trying to prove who's the best, is not what we wanted, or we needed here. So don't try to provoke yourself into anger so easily, Asuka. Got it? And Rei, stop using your snarky remarks at Asuka. Wit's not the best way to get yourself popular."

Asuka reluctantly backed off from Shinji, knew that he could easily kicked his ass. Damn his meditation crap.

"Okay, you two. I think Uncle Jackie knew what's the problem with you two." Jackie Chan said as he mentioned both of them to listen him carefully, "The problem is, is that you two, have total opposite way of understanding in martial arts. Rei, you are like water, blending with the elements around yourself. You used your opponent's momentum against themselves, or you just trying to get yourself around them, and your movement are fluid. Never in your moves you tried to overwhelm your opponent. Asuka, by contrast, is like a fire, an explosive force, trying to make it's own way. You always trying to force your opponent to get into your rhythm, pulling them into the momentum that you wanted. And your moves are explosive. You put so much power into it, almost to the point of...excessive force."

"And i think someone who's clearly have understanding in both kind of mentality. Shinji."

"Yes, Van Damme?"

"Why don't you take a reside at the next apartment, so you can train the girls by yourself? It would be better to have some...privacy with them."

"Hai." Said Shinji as he getting up.

"Getting lucky tonight, Shinji?" Kensuke grinned slyly at him.

"Oh, definitely better than you will ever be." Shinji thrown back a jab at him as he walked away, which made him both hurt and laughed as he was the only guy in the room without a couple.

* * *

"Oh, what do you want with me, master Shinji?"

"Sit down, Asuka." Said Shinji as he ignored the remark.

"Well...nervous? First time ever in become the teacher?"

"For a record, i already trained in several martial arts, Asuka. And i'm nervous, yes, but it's because i'm afraid in how my friends...looking at this situation."

"I know." Asuka said as she began to sit in front of him. "Damn that pervert Toji and Kensuke. Kids."

"You are a kid too, Asuka."

"Well, you as well, and i know that you're very different with these boys. Perverted, always trying to get into your pants. Short-term planners. I always like the kind of mature boys like you who at least, think with their... proper head first." Asuka said as she did the head pointing.

"Stereotypes of young teenagers and their uncontrollable libido. Sure."

"Oh, you don't know what i endured in my previous school, Shinji. So anyway. What do you want to teach me here? Because...no offense, but you know that your girlfriend is the one who needed more lesson, right?"

"Nothing." Shinji said simply. "I just want to have some talk with you. I notice that your relationship with Rei has been deteriorated since you two got hooked into this, and your aggression toward her's not helping at all."

Asuka simply stared at Shinji, "Look, if you want to blame me here-"

"I'm not blaming anyone, Asuka." Shinji said, "I knew how cold, and how rude Rei could be. I've been knowing her longer than you, and while i think that she's a very compassionate girl-"

"That you loved."

"Shut up." Shinji said as Asuka snickered, "She's not perfect. No social skill, sometimes lacks decency...but i'm not going to talk about the personalities of you two. I want to talk about how, perhaps, Rei is not that different from you."

"Rei? Rei Ayanami, the ice porcelain doll from Japan NERV, have similarity with the fiery autumn valkyrie from German NERV? HA! Yeah, right." Asuka responded in sarcasm.

"Is it?" Shinji said as his expression growing even more serious. If it was Rei, she would noticed on how similar his facial expression with his father, "I know how many dissimilarities between you two, or how even your hair and eyes's coloration are straight inversion. But in a way, you two-no, all of us, are the same."

"I'm listening. And Mr., if you're trying to pull some crap like how the whole USA presidents are descended from King John of England, i'm going to kick your ass."

"Asuka," Shinji said, "Do you know, that we three, are bonded to the EVA, and each others more than we would ever admit?"

"Why? By become the very first, best candidates?"

"No, by how our primary goals in life are from, and for the EVA." Shinji said as his words struck straight into Asuka's head, hit the precise reasons. "We have EVA, and nothing else."

"I have Rocky, and Kaji. And if my family's rebuilt keep going like this, Papa would be close to me again." Asuka vehemently denied.

"But it should be the EVA only, right?" Shinji said as he hit the precise topics again. "Before Dwayne 'The Rock' Johnson came to your life, EVA is the only reason for you to go, isn't it?"

"I...i..."

"I'm the same too, Asuka." Shinji said as he began to explain his story, "Before i met Bruce Willis, i live for nothing." Shinji said as he reminded himself on how dark his life was as a kid, "My teacher...he's taking care of me, but he gave me no love, no affection. My memories on when my father left me always haunted me, and i always wanted to prove myself to him ever since. My mother died when i was young, and the only memory i got from her, was that i knew, that she died...in an incident in NERV that i still don't remember the exact detail. I thought that i did something wrong that made him abandoned me. And when he...we met Mr. Willis," He changed his story at the last moments, "and began to talk with him, met and got taught with his friends like Seagal, became some sort of mentor for me, things began to change. I became a better person, i no longer thought that i have to please my father to make him forgive me, and i became what you know now. Even when i found out that my father loved his doll, if you keep calling Rei that, more than me, in his own very twisted definition of affection, i'm still the guy who's proud of himself." Shinji finished his story as he weakly smiled.

 _Mein gott! His...his story is nearly damn similar to me! Papa betrayed me, mama loved her doll more than me and hanged herself, my own resolve to become the best for her...Even how Misato and Kaji treated me sounds like how his teacher treated him...  
_

"Asuka, something wrong?" Shinji said as he noticed that Asuka became more uncomfortable with her own skin.

"Dis ist...Mein Gott. This is so wrong." Then something stuck her, "Wait. You still haven't explained on how Rei's so goddamned similar with us."

"Well, what else? Her existance's depended on the EVA, and so do we. She proved herself by the EVA, and so do we. She used to have EVA and nothing else, and so do we." Shinji said simply.

"Still not sounds similar enough, at least compared to our story." Asuka said as she began to leave the room.

"Asuka," Shinji said as he knew what would be the final blow to her misguided confidence, "I know who's inside my EVA. It's my mother."

Asuka stopped her track as she about to stepped out of the door.

"Asuka...do you always feel warm, inside your EVA?"

"Liar."

"Do you feel safe, inside your EVA?"

"YOU LYING!"

"You know that the EVA is more than a robot, Asuka. You already knew from me that the EVA has something like us, a soul. Don't you think it's all too convenient? Three EVA pilots, all without living mother, piloting an artificial creature?"

"It's all coincidence! Nothing but coincidence!"

"Can't you see it, Asuka? My mother was killed by the EVA accident. Your mother, Kyoko Sohryu also used to work in Germany branch of NERV before her death. There are definitely some connection out there."

"My mother went insane! The EVA had nothing to do with it!"

"Oh, is it? Maybe they just needed a certain part of the human mind. Perhaps it's why your EVA's berserk mode, is controllable? Because they figured out that you only needed a certain part of human mind to control it? Just the part of the Id, Ego or the Superego?"

"YOU KNOW NOTHING!"

"Yes, Asuka. I know nothing. I don't know anything about the EVA, or how they even work in the first place, but i know well, that everything is too convenient for us. Look at how secretive they are! Look at how distrusting they are, to even their goddamn Chief Misato! As far as i know, that Geofront building maybe have even more fucked up shit down there. Asuka, they're using us. They using everyone."

"You know nothing. You..you know...you don't know...Mein gott." Asuka curled as she began to turn into a wrecking sob, unable to admit the truth. Her cries soon turned into uncontrollable bawling in spite of her attempt to hold her tears.

"Shh, Asuka. It's alright." Shinji attempted to console Asuka as he pulled her closer into his embrace. "It's okay if you want to cry."

Shinji's words had it's effect, as Asuka began to cry loudly as she let out her feelings of being betrayed, being used like some fiddle...or dolls. It took many minutes before she began to regain control of herself, while Shinji tried to sooth her as best as he can, stroking her long hair while rested her head to his chest. She then asked Shinji;

"Why you want me to know the horrible truth?" Asuka asked.

"Because you deserve better, Asuka. We all deserve better than this."

"Mama. My mother...can i talk to her? Can i really talk to her?" Asuka asked with hope.

"I don't know, but definitely not now."

"WHY not?" Asuka said as she getting aggravated again.

"Look, Asuka, as i said before, i don't know anything. And i've been meditated inside my EVA for months, and i still can't find her. Maybe it would be easier to find her because of the different technicality, but until then, you can't reach her. So sorry, Asuka."

"Mama..." Asuka said as she began to sob again.

"Look, Asuka, i'll try my best to get into her, but until then, you have to act like you know nothing, okay? The last thing i wanted, is someone on NERV brainwashed us because we know too much. Got it?"

Asuka simply nodded slowly.

After many more minutes, Asuka finally regain her strength, and finally stood.

"I think i'd better go." Asuka said as she simply left, but before she reached the door, she looked at the Third Child with her bloodshot eyes.

"Shinji?"

"Yes?"

It took some moment before she spoke again, "You're the second person that made me cry freely after mama's death, and make me feel better after that."

"I see. Is it The Rock?"

"No. It's Kaji." Asuka said, before she smiled weakly at the raven haired boy, "I guess that proved that i'm not some sort of girl who has an old man fetish, eh?"

"No. That makes you a girl who has an old man fetish for a good reason." Said the boy as he chuckled alongside Asuka.

"Heh. I suppose so. Well, see ya later, Shinji. And...thank you, for everything."

* * *

"Wow. He really tore you a new one there. What did he say to make you bawl your eyes like this, Asuka?"

"It's...it's nothing, Van Damme."

"Oh, come on. It take someone special, to make the mighty Asuka looked like he just narrowly avoided death herself. What did he said? Did Shinji said that you're a bed wetter? Or that Rei's much better in bed?" Toji said as he leaned his head to the left side to avoid Asuka's mighty punch throw.

"Asshole." Asuka said playfully, still smiling weakly.

"I'm going to talk to that jerk." Hikari said with determination as she began to stood.

"No, no, Hikari. It's fine. No bad feeling. Really, Hikari. I'm fine."

"Well, it's still not proper for a guy to make a girl cry. Especially a girl who's happen to be my newest friend."

"Really, Hikari. It's fine." Said Asuka as she pulled the girl to mention her to sit down again, which made her reluctantly agree.

"I wonder what Shinji's going to say to Ayanami..." Said Kensuke who just had a session with Jackie, who somehow just beaten him up with Pen-Pen's fish in one of his improvisation moment.

"Heh. Must be nothing but sweet talks." Asuka joked before she noticed a certain Penguin who just walked into the crowd. "So you're Pen-Pen, the newest Sega's mascot for their Sega Neptune's console. How does it feel to become the most sensational penguin in the world right now?"

A very loud squark was heard from the arctic bird as he waddled into the red-haired girl's arm.

* * *

"I see. So you tell Sohryu-san that we're not that different, after all. And then she bawled because for some reasons, it reminded her of her late mother."

"Yes, Rei. That's the whole explanation."

"I can see for why Pilot Sohryu would cry, although i still did not see the reason for why we are same after all."

"Well...technically, our concept's the same; Children who piloting a giant robot and just happened to be motherless."

"I'm fatherless as well." Rei said as she scowled.

"Well...my father's taking care of you."

"He's still not my biological father." Said Rei as she get herself up, but not before Shinji held her back.

"Rei...please. Sit on my lap." Shinji said, which Rei obliged to do so. Shinji kissed her cheek in gratitude before he began to speak.

"Rei...i know you're not exactly normal, or even human, for that matter." Shinji said, made Rei's eyes widened in the process, "I knew that it was you who saved me from my EVA's rampage, and i remembered how my mother used to look, and she looked like...you. So Rei...what are you?"

Rei began to shiver. She feared that this day would come. That Shinji would find out what was exactly wrong with her, what made her looked so different with human beings. When she looked at a mirror for the first time, she noticed how her eyes looked so different in comparison with Commander and Doctor Akagi. That was one of the very few memories that her second alteration shared with her first, and that was her most hated moment that made her hate red, the color of blood...the color of meat.

"Rei-chan?"

"Ikari, let me go." Rei said with no proper response. "Please, let me go." Shinji did the opposite instead, caused her to buckle until she knew that he wouldn't just let her go.

"Shh, Rei, it's okay. I'm not going to hurt you." Shinji said as he stroked her hair with his own head. "I knew it was so soon, we just being a couple for days and all, but i can't bottle it up anymore." Shinji then shifted her so he would face her, only for her to turned away, not able to meet his gaze.

"Rei...i already knew that something is wrong with you since long ago." At this confession, Rei's eyes once again widened, meeting his calm gaze with her shocked one.

"Since...since when?" She asked, still trembled from the shock she received.

"Since the Fifth Angel." Shinji answered as he gently running his arms to sooth her down, "Your comment about you being replacable kinda giving it away. One careful look at you, and i knew something was not right. Remember when we hugged for the first time in balcony, when i cried because i almost going to past the point when i would hate you for seemingly no reason? I just figured out what was the deal with you there." Shinji explained further.

"Then...then why...why do you still want me?"

The Third Child then smiled at his girlfriend, and leaned in to kiss her in the lips, "Because you're no less human than anyone else in this planet, Rei. I learned that when i see you smile for me in that exact moment, and you're not my mother, Yui Ikari. You're someone else, an entirely different person. You're Rei Ayanami, the girl i loved then, the girl who i still love now, and the girl i would still love in the future." He carefully explained.

"Shinji..."

She then leaned in to engaged in a kiss with her boyfriend again, tears of happiness flowed as she gave him the most passionate kiss she ever gave to him. Both have a hazy look after they spent many minutes in their mind-blowing kiss, now content with themselves as Rei rested her head into Shinji's chest, listening into his calming heartbeat as both took their well-gained rest.

* * *

"I still can't see on how we're so similar and how it would helps us, Ayanami."

"I agree, Sohryu." Rei reciprocated, "The words Shinji gave to us did injected some moral boost that we needed, but i still cannot see his reasons to do so."

They had agreed that until she's ready, Shinji would still be held back from hearing the whole truth. He was okay with the whole ordeal he struck with Rei. After all, what he seek at that time wasn't the truth behind her origins. He just wanted to tell her that he loves her regardless of what she held inside her closet.

"Yeah..." Asuka mumbled, before a realization hit her, "Unless..."

"What is it?"

"Jeez, that genius bastard." Asuka said as a grin smeared her face, "Damn you and your little game, Ikari. That sly dog..."

"What are you talking about?"

"He didn't just make us understand why we're similar. He's putting us in similar situation so we could understand each others even more as well. That bastard...playing us like pawns..."

"Similar situation?"

"Oh, you know. He make us cry by told us a horrible thing, and then he make us feeling better as well. Understand what i'm talking here?"Asuka asked as she waited for Rei's affirmation, which she did by a nod. "Good. So, Rei...care to dance with me?" Asuka asked as she get into her fighting stance.

Rei then tried to find the right words to answer from the book or movies she already exposed to. But suddenly, another thought cross into her mind, "I believe that Shinji actually just want us to not fight anymore. I still don't find it helping to amend our difference at all."

"Maybe...but still, Rei...wanna fight?" Asked Asuka, still in her stance.

Rei smirked, and get into her own, "With pleasure."

* * *

"Okay, you two. Here's the drill. Plan A: Asuka going first to fight the two angels, and when the time come, Rei would join the fight, and...you kick their ass. If it still not enough, then we're going with plan B: You two would lure the angels into the designated position, where the artificial AT-Fields from JA Project would held the Angels. You will be cooperating with Austin, Stallone and Schwarzenegger in plan B, as they're the one who are controlling the three mechas. You got that?"

"Roger, Misato."

"Affirmative, Major Katsuragi."

"Good luck, you two." Misato said as she cutted the transmission. After that, Asuka began to talk in German, where she attempted to talk with her mother. The more warmth she got from the EVA was all she needed that she was there all along. It was a lucky thing that the LCL washed and masked away her tears, or otherwise someone would catched what she just done. Meanwhile, as Rei got into the EVA, she blew off a kiss to Shinji, caused the unprepared technicians to faint and fell into the floor far below them. Their dropped jaw gave the solution for the cushion they needed as their bodies hit the floor. The only thing Shinji could do after being speechless for minutes, was blowing a kiss as well, although for the first time, it looked like Rei had more grasp in human's gesture than Shinji had.

* * *

"Finally, we have some of these toys, made for the adults."

"Yeah...but maybe we're not going to see the action for ourselves here."

"Ah, don't be such a pessimist, Sly. I can see that even, if those two dominated the Angel, they wouldn't mind to give us some time to test our toy and-

"Austin, "Stallone looked at him in disbelief, "This is Asuka we're talking about. She's not a showoff like Shinji, and she wouldn't share her spotlight with anyone else. That girl would just blow the shit out of the angel if she had the opportunity to do so."

"Well, good point there."

Soon, Arnie joined them, telling them that the system is ready. And then, both readied their control for their own version of giant robot.

* * *

"Okay, Asuka, the angels soon's going to be here, and...what's she doing there?"

It was clear what her intention was after she grabbed her object of attention.

An EVA sized megaphone.

"Welcome everyone, Asuka's here to give some bunches of class to the show! Asuka's show, the EVA Smackdown!"

"Pilot Sohryu, what the hell do you think you are doing!?"

"Hey, you bottle blond, shut your mouth and know your boulevard! The great valkyrie's here, her attention is clear, and it's to...lay the smackdown, on that splitting image angel's candy asses!" Asuka's words put the Doctor on her place...for entirely different reason. When Misato looked that even Shinji's smiling at the whole ordeal, she knew that she had to have a drink. Soon. And lot of it.

"Israfael!" Asuka pointed at the still charging Angel. "You two think that you are so great, just because you cut the mighty Asuka Sohryu's arms by bertha? Well, Asuka's back. She's harder than ever. She's better than ever. And she's faster than ever. You think that you can take Asuka down forever, but obviously you're not." Asuka taunted the duo who's now getting closer and closer to her.

"Is she's for real, Dwayne? Rock, do you have something to do with this" Willis asked The Rock.

"Well, my little **Süße** learnt from the most electrifying man himself, Willis." The Rock proudly stated. "Hey, Misato! Throw me that Yebisu, will ya?"

Misato somehow threw the beer for The Rock with whoever used to throw Stone Cold his beer in spite of being already incapacitated with the six pack she drank. Damn, that woman's good.

"So Asuka says, you take that Yin Yang papermask, that cover your butterass face, roll it like a newspaper, turn it sideways, AND STICK IT UP, YOUR MONKEY ASS!"

It was at this exact moment that one of the Israfel charged itself at Asuka, attempting to shut that mouth of her. The sheer force it exert made Ritsuko thinking about conducting an experiment that would confirm if whether the Angel actually understand human's speech. But Asuka kept her promise to her people. In short, she's ready.

Asuka hit the angel with her EVA-sized megaphone again, and again. As she beaten up the Angel, the second Angel appeared in form of surprise attack by uppercutting the EVA from the underground, barely missed the evasive bio-mechanical robot. Asuka grabbed her trusty chainsaw and began to swing it at the two angels.

When the angels grabbed the chainsaw and attempted to overpower Asuka like what it did before, Asuka gave the signal to Rei to make her move. Rei silently approached the two angels that's soon going to overwhelm Asuka. Unit Zero then disrupted their movement by kicked both angels in their legs, and then she pushed both angels's mid-section into the sharp moving teeth of the chainsaw. It seemed that it would ended in a squash after all...

Until the angel tried to fry Unit Two with their laser beam, blasted Asuka away and regained their control in the chainsaw. Now, the Angels were facing Rei, all alone in her battle.

The girl dodged the first beam that was directed at her lower region, and proceeded to get charged by one of the angels. Rei, who was down now returned the attack by a low kick, made the angel fell down to the ground. As the other angel about to help it's counterpart, Asuka did a kip-up, made the angel shifted it's attention to her. It charged into Asuka, only to get itself lifted by her before her EVA delivered a Samoan drop onto it.

"...Okay. Van Damme, Shinji, Jackie?"

"Yeah, newest appointed Major Katsuragi?" Answered Shinji.

"I might be already drunk as hell, but i can see the action clearly. And here's what we get. We are, supposed to train them in synchronization training, right?"

"That's true."

"Correct me if i'm wrong, but...i don't think that Kung Fu's moves are including wrestling moves like Samoan drop or...whatever was that supposed to be. What kind of synchronization are you guys doing out there?"

"Ah, that. Well...it had to do with their psychology. Misato, you know how different Asuka and Rei in many ways, right?"

"180 degrees, in fact."

"Well, after we discuss the problem, we think that we shouldn't try to make them doing everything exactly the same. Rather, we direct them so they will complement and balancing each others. Like the concept of Yin and Yang."

"Yin and Yang?"

"It's a philosophy about how completely opposite thing are actually complement each others. Like how without light and dark there would be no shadow, or there would be no joy if human don't understand the feeling of pain and happiness."

"Run it to me again, Shinji? And i would've prefer it if you make it straight to the point."

"Instead of compromising, Rei and Asuka using their own traits to help and complement each others. It's like what the Yin and Yang thing supposed to present: That opposite things are supposed to help each others, instead"

"I think i get it. So instead of forcing them to sync each others, you make Asuka and Rei helping each others in hiding their weakness, while emphasizing their own strength in the process. Is that correct?"

"Yeah." Said Shinji, before he continued, "Seriously, do you really think these two can really synch with each others? It might've worked if i'm in place for one of the two, but you know that NERV wouldn't want to risk losing the other EVA because of me as well."

"Well, maybe you just thought a better alternative. Well, at least the one that would've worked."

"This will definitely work, Misato. Believe me."

As soon as Shinji said that, the Angels have been cornered by the unlikely duo, both stood tall against the two Angels. In the reminiscent of their first showcase of their training results to the class 2-A resident, both Angels tried to counter by a right jab, and the pilots countered by the same way: Asuka pulled the Angel closer and punched it hard, while Rei getting around the offensive arm and kicked it's mid section.

"They hit the angels at different time. Are they still remember how we're supposed to the two?"

"Just watch."

Rei proceeded to hit the staggered Angel repeatedly at it's core by her punches, not giving it any chance to counter. Before she hit the final blow, Asuka, who was holding her own Angel steadly, did her own offensive move by pulling the Angel and kneed it at it's core. The result was instant, as the Angel turned into one entity again.

"Great job, girls!"

"I must be honest;" Ritsuko finally spoke, "That was a good strategy."

"Now, for the final blow, girls!"

The two pilot proceeded to do their best impersonation of Rider kick, and they would finish it good...

If only the angel didn't split into two entities again and countered their attack in the process.

"Ah, come on! This is taking cheating into another level!" Misato said as she doing her impersonation of Vegeta's 'over 9000/8000' again.

"No time to talk about cheating and all, Misato! We have another problem here!"

"Speak, Asuka!"

"I only have one minute of internal power remaining! If i'm going to fight them again-"

"You can only fight for 12 seconds. Crap. And you say that 12 minutes of upgrade is good enough, Ritsuko?"

Ritsuko said nothing, not wanted to spill the part about them purposefully limiting the EVA's power. She even hypothesized that the recent uncontrollable state of Unit-01 was caused by the upgrade in the first place.

"I can hold them for you, Sohryu."

"Rei?" Misato said, slightly surprised.

"Unit-zero is going to hold it's position here, while Unit-two going to recharge it's power until it's fit to combat again."

"You sure you can handle this, Rei?"

"I will do my best, Major Katsuragi." Said Rei, feeling uncertain at her self-imposed task. But she held her fear behind, and still sounded as firm and monotone as ever.

"But Rei, we're counting on you still have enough power you're barely-"

"Pilot Ikari," Rei said, her already determined voice became even clear and stern, "I'll do my best."

At this point, the others in NERV knew that they had to give their trust into this girl. Rei then did her fighting stance again as Asuka retreat from the fight, readied herself to fight the angels who're now at the upper hands compared to herself.

* * *

Will Rei stood against the two angels by her own without being full-powered? Will Stone Cold, Stallone and Arnold finally have their hands in this fight? Will Shinji, The Rock, Willis and the other in NERV joined the fight as well? How did Gendo used to be genuinely nice to Rei? Find out next, on Evangelion Z!

Yeah, i know that i'm going too fast with Asuka and Rei, but Shinji has been bottled up his knowledge for like, what? 6 chapters or so? Besides, this work's not 100% serious at all. It's all fun. So no harm, right? Also, sorry for cutting this chapter short, but i think it's already too long for my liking, and i want the fanfic to still be comfortable to read. Yeah, i know the pain of reading fanfics with super long ass chapters.

Oh, yeah. I haven't doing Omake for a long time. So, here you go, guys!

Omake: Stone Cold as Tokyo-3's Junior High School Teacher. (WHAT!)

"You know what?"

"WHAT!"

"You know what?"

"WHAT!"

"You know what?"

"WHAT!"

"You know, that Stone Cold Steve Austin, is replacing your old teacher from now on, right?"

"WHAT!"

"You know, that old fuck geezer, is used to rambling about nothing but Second Impact, right?"

"WHAT!"

"You know, that Shinji Ikari, the wonder boy, and the best damned giant robot pilot from NERV and Osaka, once exposed the truth behind Second Impact, right?"

"WHAT!"

"Yeah, i know you're going to love this."

"WHAT!"

"For your first assignment from me, i want all of you, to create your own theory behind the real Second Impact."

"WHAT!" First genuine 'what' appeared.

"That's right, boys and girls. I want all of you, to give me your theory about what happened behind Second Impact."

"WHAT!"

"I think i don't make myself clear, so look at my eyes, and listen carefully, all of you dumb son of bitches. You know, or may you not, that Stone Cold Steve Austin, think that someone or two or more, who are even more evil than the Devil himself, Vince McMahon, had their hands behind this fiasco, that killed the half of the planet, and make those damn penguin nearly extinct. So unless you guys are some class-A storyteller, i would prefer you guys to write it like some Man in Black shit."

"WHAT!"

"So for example, first, you write the guys who did it, whether it's one guy."

"WHAT!"

"Two guys."

"WHAT!"

"Three guys."

"WHAT!"

"Four guys"

"WHAT!"

"Five guys."

"WHAT!"

"And a Yog Sothoth." The class chattered into their own cliques after the Rattlesnake's last words. He then stomped the floor to make them give their attention to him again.

"And next, write the conspiracy like whatever the hell you wanted. Like, the guy using an Angel."

"WHAT!"

"Or a fallen Angel."

"WHAT!"

"Or an alien."

"WHAT!"

"Or an alien with angel name and theme for absolutely unnecessary symbolism, that angered the likes of Mel Gibson and Shawn Michael."

"Wh...what?" Hikari blurted out at the sheer ridiculousness in the midst of the silenced crowd who didn't know what to say. Jeez, who would've bought that?

"Yeah, true story, kids. So anyway, whatever you do, just write it like how you wanted to. I understand that the previous teacher was a little boring before he went completely bonker, and after that he didn't exactly give you the best time, so i give you the opportunity, to go just as yourself, and get yourself some fun, while unleashing your creative side. And by the way, anyone who completed this assignment in time, will automatically get A mark for their history and lingual class.

Immediately, the whole class cheered and chanting Austin name.

"If you think that Stone Cold Steve Austin, just gave a fair assignment, give me a hell yeah!" Austin said as the crowd chanted 'Hell yeah!'.

Stone Cold then left the class, his glass shatters theme blaring, as he gave the class the opportunity to do whatever the fuck they wanted. Why? Because that's the bottom line, cause Stone Cold said so!

PS: Until i wrote a good, dominantly romantic ShinjiRei fanfic, or that Israfel special did happen, this fanfic's going to stay as ShinjiRei. Yeah, i said that, dammit!


	14. Tag Team match vs Israfel part 2

A/N: I'm so disappointed that Will Smith didn't appear for ID4 Resurgence, all because his project with his son Jaden was a failure. So, to cure my sorrow over his lacks of presence that would've saved that otherwise mediocre X-COM movie, i'm definitely going to insert Will Smith just so i could have a scene where:

A. Will Smith punched Rei,

B. Will Smith punched Kaworu,

C. Will Smith entered and blew Giant Naked Rei's vagina forehead via one of the artificial lance, sacrificed his life in the process on the most epic climax ever made in any fanfiction that contains Evangelion and Will Smith.

D. All of the above.

Also, Will Smith will say 'Now that's what i call a close encounter' in any of these scenes. GUARANTEED.

Oh, yeah. Disclaimer:

I don't own any of this shit.

P.S. Congratulations, Rock for your new official Youtube account! Man, i wish i could have 1 million subscriber in less than a month.

* * *

It was at midnight of a beautiful night when the moon was crescent, just passed the one o'clock mark as Shinji was awoken by the pleasant touches he felt from his lips. The scent gave away the invader that tried to indulge herself into a bliss in the absence of his awareness for her own selfish desire.

Rei Ayanami, who was sleeping with him earlier in the same bed, was stealing kisses from her boyfriend.

Shinji could felt his cheeks reddened profusely. Rei has been getting bolder and bolder with every time they spent together. It was only a day before when she blew a kiss for him in front of the EVA mechanics, and now she was doing this...thing. These kind of impulsive actions were unexpected of her considering her otherwise unassuming nature. Shinji was expecting of something more subtle, like holding hands for weeks and tender kisses at most. Instead, they've went far bolder than that, even before they told their love to each others. Of course, someone must be blamed for her rash behavior and actions that always baffled and surprised him from the sheer compulsiveness of it, and he knew that it was his old man's doing that made her like this; someone who would took her purpose and job very, VERY seriously once she took it. And it made him proud that her newest top priority was to use and spend her time with him as good as possible.

Somewhere in the second branch of NERV in America, Gendo Ikari sneezed.

'Great...my girlfriend is insatiable. Should've guessed it from someone who's very dedicated on her job, then again. She's so brave and ready to sacrifice herself at any whim of time. Even i would hesitate at facing the possibility of giving my own life. Then again, she's replaceable. Heh. What am i thinking? Too soon, Shinji. Too-'

His train of thought was stopped as Rei tried to pry open his lips by her tongue, nibbled on the lower portion and tasting his sweetness. Either she wanted to wake her boyfriend up, or she planned to make him frenched her unconsciously, or perhaps even both. Shinji began to lose control to himself as Rei increased the pleasure by rubbing her right hand against his left side while she running her left hand through his hair, but he managed to hold his own, refused to give her an entry so easily. As her teases and licking began to grow and grow more desperate, Shinji finally returned the kiss with as much passion as he could. Rei's eyes widened as she realized that she got even more than she thought she would get, just when she became frustrated for his lacks of response, but soon she joined the making out session with as much passion as him.

After minutes of making out, with neither managed to gain dominance over their respective partner, they finally broke the kiss, with hazy look covered their face.

"How long have you been up?" Rei asked, still barely recovered from the sensation.

"Hmmm...i don't know. Ten kisses or more, i think?"

"So you have been awakened long before i..."Rei began to blushed even more if that was possible, which was remarkable considering how her pale skin did not mask her face in such situation at all, "Why did you not return my kiss earlier?" She changed her subject.

"Well, quiet frankly, i think that you have been a naughty girl by stealing kisses from me without my consent. So for your punishment, i decided to play hard and not returning your kisses until you decided to give up and go back to sleep in shame of being defeated in your evil scheme. You should be glad that you're such a good kisser that i can't resist you any longer, Rei Ayanami. And i believe that i have to change the punishment to something more appropriate. Like...what if i tell Misato that you're a half-angel? I can't wait to see her going gung-ho at you while you running for your life?"

Rei was stay in silence, wondered if such martial arts did exist, until Shinji stuck up his tongue, prompted her to chuckle as she realized that he was not being serious in this punishment business. She was grateful that she has chosen to wait instead of struck an immediate response, which was to scold him for about to pull a very disproportionate punishment. If there was one lesson she learned from Shinji, it was to never immediately judge someone based on what you thought. They then engaged in yet another passionate kiss that lasted for a long time until Rei broke it off, strangely looked more in line of being thoughtful instead of the usual hazy look that she displayed. Ironically, it looked like what she should be for most of time.

"What's wrong, Rei?"

"I... i know that many of my new feelings are...irrational...and uncontrollable."

"Rei?"

"I...these new feelings...they're pretty much aliens to me...they happened without any experience that allowed me to even remotely remember the feelings that's closely associated with these new emotions...and they always overwhelmed my logical thoughts...and yet, because they stemmed from my...interactions with you, i never thought of them as negative."

"Rei?" Shinji dumbly repeated his question.

The First Child did not answered, prompted the boy to lifted her face, showed a fully thoughtful face. It took a moment before her lips spoke again, "I love you, Shinji."

Shinji sighed as he relaxed. He was afraid that he accidentally made Rei scared of herself and him by their relationship,"I know that, Rei."

"It feel so good to say it...even if it is redundant at this moment." Rei paused for a while, "It is one of those strange feelings i described...that i don't want to let it past...I..." She paused for a moment to thought out of how to express it, "Want to embrace it...with you...it's confusing, and yet..." She stopped as she saw Shinji had a thoughtful face of his own, knowing that she would get her answer soon.

"Well...it's true what they say, that love make people reckless...have i said this before? Um...either way, i think it's normal for you to feel confused by your new feelings. Because i know how it feels, to be both scared and grateful of changes on me." Shinji said as he wrapped his arms around Rei, who now rested her head in his chest, listening to his slow heartbeats. After a while, he spoke softly to her again, "And don't be ashamed of these. I also the same as you in this love business. We're both pretty much, um...newbie in love. And i'll tell you... i'm just as hesitant as you when i realized that i had feelings for you. In fact, i think you're the one who made everything possible Rei, because i know that i...well, let's just say that i don't have the courage to start those kisses in the first place. You're very brave, Rei." Shinji explained, chuckled slightly at how awkward their first kisses were.

After a minute without any response from her girlfriend, who didn't laugh at his attempt to lighten her mood, Shinji was surprised at the damp feeling he caught from his chest, prompted him to lifted Rei's head slightly. Next thing he know, his girlfriend gazed at him with her brilliant, yet teary eyes. Her brilliant smile contrasted her broken, barely audible voice caused by her sobbing as she spoken her next line, "I...love you...my Shinji...i really do...and i wish that i can...always making progress, move forward, together with you," She said as she truly meant it. Never before she even thought about breaking her usual routine and habit, but with Shinji...Rei wanted to keep progressing further and further. For her and for himself.

Shinji then smiled sweetly at her, and then spoke, "And i you, Rei-chan." Shinji said as he pulled her closer, kissed her forehead long, ignoring the hiccups that resulted from her stilted sobs. Their eyes then met each others again, not resisting each other's brilliance. Slowly, Shinji grabbed Rei's hand, feeling the softness of her skins into his cheeks.

"Together...we'll going forward together..."

They rested their forehead, embracing the comforting silence that engulfed them before they pulled themselves closer to each others, ready for another making out session. This time they intended it to be more on the tender side instead of passionate like before, showing how much they care for each others. Their eyes slowly slid shut as the sensation from each other's gentle breath tickled their cheeks. The lips almost met, only inches apart from each other...Almost there...almost...

"WHEN A MOON HITS YOUR EYE LIKE A BIG PIZZA PIE THAT'S AMOOOREEEE!"

Both young teen startled at the loud boorish drunkard from outside their room. Crap. They totally forgotten about toughest drunk SOB in the house, Steve Austin and Misato.

"HEI, STOONE COOLD!"

"Yeah, babe? Have milk this tiiimee?"

"I'm not talking about the jugs and the MILKKK, you stupid son of a-"

"Only Stone COOLD Steve Austin, who can call someone a stupid son of a bitch, you dumb purple biitch!"

"WHATEVEEER!"Misato responded as she struggled to keep her feet from being pushed by the Rattlesnake, "Let's see what the lovebirds up to nooow!"

"You mean... Rei...and Shinji?"

"YEAAAH! Who else it could be? These two are rather...cuties, don't you think? Say, WANNA BET, Stone Cold?"

"What?"

"I say, you WANNA bet, Austin?"

"Well...i don't see why not. What's the deal?"

"There's a reason why i let them to share the same room tonight, and it's more than just for what they've done today...because i want to let them have some fun. You know what i MEAN by fun, don't you?"

"Hell YEAH! I'm betting my ATV that they're cuddling like the sweetest thing from cotton country."

"CUDDLING? Ah! You're no fun, Stone Cold! I'm betting Pen-Pen and his SEGA contracts that they already broke the springs by NOOOW!" Said the woman who now leaned on the Rattlesnake who could barely stand by himself.

"But these two are RESPONSIBLE children, Major! Speaking of responsible... HEY, MISATO! I think we already forgotten why we're here!"

"Oh, yeah...PEN-PEN! WHERE ARE YOUUUU!"

With that, the two barely responsible adults left the most recent lovebirds free once more.

"Shinji?"

"Yeah?"

"Let's settle for tonight. I believe that we still require rest, especially after...such a shock." Rei said as she kissed his lips softly before closed her eyes, snuggled in her sleep into her chest once more.

Once again, though, Shinji did not complied. Instead, he wondered on how the Third Child managed to harness such amount of recognition and reward for himself. Piloting a giant robot, dating a beautiful girl, handsomely rewarded, and more importantly, managed to become his own happy self that did not succumb to the responsibility that he held since the day Bruce Willis picked him from his former house. And now, he had his own mansion that he shared with his guardian and compatriots, who just happen to contain The Rock, Kaji and Jackie Chan as well, he just had a great, wild party where he witnessed Misato Katsuragi and Pen-Pen challenged Stone Cold in beer drinking contest (sadly, they lost), and his father began to warming up to him. It was a sure thing that darker matters would strike his life soon considering how dangerous his job was, but for now, he was content to enjoy all the good thing he had. And most of all, he was ready.

He then remembered that day, where NERV faced their biggest threat by far...

And it happened when he could barely do a thing about it.

* * *

"She wont' make it."

The situation was very dire for humanity. It was very clear in the battle screen what happened on the war zone, as the video feedback showed a battered blue giant Cyborg was down, being towered down by the angels as both walked menacingly toward it.

Unit-00, piloted by Rei Ayanami, was clearly outclassed by the twin Angels.

"Order, Captain Katsuragi?" Asked Bruce Willis.

"Give the JSDF their clearance to launch their support units. Shinji, get changed into your plugsuit. We have to be prepared for everything." Said Misato.

"Misato, you know that Unit-01 is still-"

"I said, we have to be prepared for everything. Is that clear, Doctor Akagi?"

The Doctor said nothing, while Shinji already get into his locker room to get changed. With that, Misato was satisfied.

While an artillery attack was being launched against the twin angels to distract them from the retaliating blue behemoth, the purple haired Captain just realized something.

"Say...wasn't that Rei is the one who memorized the whole support building and their newest formation first?"

* * *

"Damn..." Asuka could only swore as it was clear that Rei had no chance against the twin angels.

After all, if a better trained and better equipped EVA pilot couldn't stand a chance against these two in their very first fight, then what kind of chance do a frail girl with inferior, half-powered EVA could've done against the already adapted angels?

Just when Asuka about to move and luring the two Angels, Misato reminded her that she cannot take a fight near that area because they needed it to charge Rei's internal battery after Asuka was done. The sheer danger from the EVA fight also made it clear that portable power source would be impractical as well, and the last thing they needed was the Angels to adapt and realized the some

"And besides...we already have a plan, Asuka. And what a brilliant one from me." The Captain finished.

"Oh yeah? What kind of crazy, half baked plan you-"

Asuka was stopped as the sight of another giant sized mecha make it's appearance.

With a progressive chair.

"Stone Cold's here, and he's going to raise some hell!"

With that, Stone Cold's Jet Alone joined the fight, landed a chairshot on one of the Angel and managed to land a kick to the other's gut. It seemed that the angels got the ironically deserved hell of a can of whoopass from the Rattlesnake. The rattlesnake then charged at the twin Angels...

...And proceeded to have both it's arms detached before being tossed out of the battlefield.

"...Hell no."

But Stone Cold, much like how Shinji and the rest of the good guy were supposed to be nothing but pawns in the scheme of the bad guys, was really that. A pawn.

Soon, the angels realized that the Blue Cyclops gone from their sight.

"I'm ready, Captain."

And so, the battlefield was changed into something much different. The buildings rise and embracing the sky like they do at night, following a pattern that never seen before. The buildings became unbelievably high skyscrapers, even much more than the two angels and EVA.

Tokyo-3, had been changed into a maze. A trap for the

"...Alright, Misato. This's even crazier than i thought it would be."

"But you know it would've worked, right?"

"Maybe. As smart as those two, i don't think they can really solving out the maze at all. Come to think of it, wasn't that this maze was considered to be far too complex that it's practically useless?"

"That is correct." A quiet, emotionless voice joined the conversation, "This structure maybe useful to trap the enemies, but it has no other use outside of it because of it's unnecessary complex model. Considering the completely nature of the angels, and the double edged nature of the the usefulness of such structures for the Angel wars were practically next to nothing."

"Until we face these two weak, but highly durable, adapting bastards...What are we going to do now? Waiting until these two dying of old age?"

"You know that it would have taken years for it to happen, Pilot Sohryu. And they are too dangerous for humanity to let them stay alive for such a long time. In short, it would be a risk to let the angels alive."

"...Jesus. You need some lessons in snark and sarcasm, Rei."

"And you as well, Pilot Sohryu."

Asuka blinked, as she couldn't tell if Rei really just told a joke or simply tried to save a face. Either way, it's simply told her more than enough that the doll was definitely had more free will and intelligence than she thought. "Whatever. Just tell me what to do."

"I'll take over from here." Misato finally spoke again in place of Rei, "Asuka, we're going to pin the angels down until you two are fully charged. Once you two are fully charged, continue your assignment like before. In case these two managed to escape before you two are 100% ready, use the rifle we provided to distract them and give you two as much time as you can."

"Got it. Man, it's gonna be suck to stay while watching the other kicking ass. Wait a minute..." Asuka realized that something was left unexplained, "How the hell are you going to handle these two?"

* * *

The situation wasn't that much

"Well...there goes McFreeze's stunning debut."

"Fuck you and your ice puns, Arnie." Stone Cold eloquently showed his appreciation towards Arnold's joke

"Actually, i'm more like referencing your awful pre-Stone Cold's wrestling career."

"Alright, you stupid son of a bitch, you know well as i do that i would never appreciate any of it. So to quote my best friend and enemy, know your role and shut your mouth, you barbar."

"Woah, woah! Jesus, chill out, Austin. I don't want any trouble here. Nobody does."

"Good, then." Austin said as a smile began to grace his face, believed than he won the smack talk this round.

And then he realized the ice pun. Again.

"...Allright. I'm gonna let that one slide." Stone Cold said as he walked into the room where Stallone was, not looking at Arnie, and thereby missed the winning smirk in his face that keep lasted until they walked into the room.

And for good reason.

* * *

"Hey, Shinji."

"Yeah, Willis?"

"Come here for a second, kid."

The manly boy simply followed the order, not that he had anything to do around here at this moment, since The Rock and the others were still removing the bakelites from his EVA. It was a good thing that he never wore the plug suit in public, or else the girls would've lose their mind over his body. Come to think of it, it was a good thing that no one ever wore the plug suit in the public, period.

"How is your savvy training come, Shinji?"

"Pretty good. Only one or two slip so far, maybe?" The boy simply stated as he enjoyed the hair ruffling from the bald, old, and yet still very manly man. In spite of being 15 years older than his listed age, he could still kick someone's sorry asses. It was a good thing that age made him more pleasant.

"Hmm. You're right. That's very good. Your training definitely paid off well. See that fighting robot with bo staff?"

"Pretty damn clear, sir. " Shinji said that. Of course it was pretty damn clear. It was projected in front of their goddamn eyes.

"See anything wrong with it?"

It didn't take too long for Shinji to looked at what's making the whole thing seemed off to people with basic knowledge regarding fighting.

"...Mr. Seagal steal the scene again, eh?"

* * *

"Hi, guys."

"What the..."

"Well, as you can see, Mr. Stallone is not here right now. I'm his...to put it mildly, his better replacement."

"First time i witnessed the ego of Steven Seagal." The bald man in the room remarked half-jokingly.

"Well, no offense Austin, but in fist fight, no one here, is better than me," Said Seagal as he once again fended off the twin trouble, once again showed his dominance towards the increasingly frustrated angels.

"Point taken, Seagal." Stallone suddenly made his appearance on the intercom.

"Sly? Where the hell are you?"

"Setting up the trap for the angels, Arnie. What else can i do when that Seagul guy stole my spot?"

"Hey, i've told you that i would not interfere in case that it's long ranged or stealth fight, Sly. That's where you're really good at. But this, is my area of expertise."

"Yeah, but i'm pretty damn good in close quarter fight too."

"Well, you lose to a fake fighter, a wrestler."

"I seconded that." The bald man in the room slyly remarked.

"Fuck you, Austin."

Everyone had a good laugh at the embarrassment of Rambo. Soon, Arnie decided to break out the ice by asked about his and Austin's new assignment.

"Is there anything we can help here, Sly? I don't like the feeling of being left out. Because...you know. You also took my job here."

"You know, i believe we need some, uh...monitoring help here. Why don't you two get into the VTOL to look over us?"

"Not the most glamorous job, but i think we will take it."

* * *

Shinji remembered the details of what happened in JSDF, which was told by Stallone and Schwarzenegger himself soon after the battle was done. It was good to know that they were just as relaxed and serious as people in NERV.

He also remembered how everything went after Seagal took the matter into his own hand. He basically owned the angels bad. It was so obvious that skill wisely, he was far beyond the angel's reach. It went to the point that some people began to bet about whether Seagal could take down the angels by himself, which obviously irritated Ritsuko yet again.

Of course, everything went down horribly soon after...

* * *

"AUSTIN!"

Stone Cold shifted his attention at the intercom in front of him, which showed a very distressed Arnold Schwarzenegger.

The man was shown great deal of stress for a good reason. The angel was proven to be even smarter than they thought. Soon after they figured out that Seagal, while didn't possess enough power to defeat the angels by himself, was too much of an annoyance to take him down here, decided to target something else as their new prey.

It was Stone Cold's VTOL.

"GET OUT OF THE CHOPPER!"

* * *

Of course, the drama was sucked in by his knowledge that Stone Cold Steve Austin did survived the blast by the twin angels. Even with the details from the Texas Rattlesnake himself that showed how close he was to his death in the whole thing, from putting the VTOL on max speed just to have as many important milliseconds as he could get to getting propelled by the blast to the ground. Yeah, the whole thing still sounded cool, but still...

Shinji's thoughts then stopped as his girlfriend snuggled closer to him. He then smiled at her, showing how he's getting more used to how Rei acted. He thought it was unique on how Rei Ayanami was an embodiment of both elegance and crudeness. At times, she showed great amount of mature beauty that he loved, and the other times, she was very forceful at her actions at times and showed poor grasp of the matters in hand at the other, which infuriated and amused him at the same time. It was like she was a virtue of his life; weird, but still a good life.

 _Like a mother with the life experience of a kid..._ He slightly chuckled at the rather dark humor before shook his head to get rid of that kind of thought. Rei was definitely more than that. More than a reminder of his mother, her own person.

He then traced back to his previous thought.

 _Then again, the same could be said about me..._

* * *

The situation was dire.

In the mid of chaos, the angels managed to destroy the trap that would contain the angels after they being united, and destroyed Seagal's robot in the process. The two angels were again fighting the two EVA, and the sequence was stayed the same. The EVAs were overpowering the two angels, but the twin stayed persistent.

It was clear: They needed Shinji Ikari to save the day again.

And the hero...was being dragged by one of JSDF robot that was under Stallone's control, unable to even stood on her own.

"Come on, come on...start, you stupid piece of shit! Fight or...AAAAH!"

Obviously, punching the control never worked every time.

As Shinji was slowly losing control of the EVA, he heard so many things, yet similar in function. Technicians with Ritsuko panicked at the increasing synch ratio, Misato screamed his name, Rei and Asuka as well. Even he could heard the distressed voice of The Rock and Bruce Willis, two man that panic seemed to be the last thing that would've crossed their minds.

Panic. At that time, the battlefield was surrounded by panic.

And yet, Shinji's mind was slowly became nothing but clarity.

As he felt the wicked, torturing pressure from the original soul of the EVA slowly being replaced by the warmth of something he used to feel that even Willis cannot replace.

"...Mother? Mother, is that really you?"

The warmth finally spoke.

"Are you ready?"

Shinji's answer came nothing like from him...had it been his old self.

"Mother...Shinji Ikari's always ready."

The disembodied soul seemed like she was shocked at his choice of words, but she soon recomposed himself, even chuckled as she saw the proud smile on his face.

"Well...that's good for you."

* * *

The angel was shocked.

As it stood tall over the purple mecha, readied it's stolen progressive sword to pierce the orange behemoth. The orange behemoth that it managed to take down earlier was running as fast as it could to catch up with the two, but it was clear that a strike over the motionless EVA was guaranteed.

And yet, it caught the flailing arm of the Angel.

"Not a good day for humanity to die. Not now. Or ever." Said Shinji, who could barely heard himself over the cheering crowd.

The angel was so shocked that it didn't realized the coming of the charging orange behemoth, and it received the biggest impact it got yet. So severe the attack that even with it's rapid regeneration, the angel still took time to recover itself as it began to wobble toward it's other halve, which also received a big impact when it also got distracted.

"Are you okay?" The blue haired girl asked, a hint of concern was subtle, and yet obvious enough to be noted.

"I'm fine, Rei. Really, he did nothing on me."

"Well...that's good for you. And me." Rei responded, with some tears on the verge of her eyes.

Something about what Rei said tickled something in Shinji's mind. Something similar, but also different was said to him. Was it...

"Hey, it's good to see the battle couple finally get in action, but can't you two wait until this end? We have something urgent here, helloooo!"

"O-of course we're ready, Asuka. We always ready." Shinji lied, of course.

"Yeah, right. Listen. We only have 45 seconds left. If we couldn't pull this off, it's just you and them, and i don't think you, or anyone else would like it. So-"

"Lead the way, Asuka." Shinji said as he knew that time's running out.

Realized that time was short as well, Asuka then jumped over the still staggering angel, which was quickly followed by Ayanami. The two cloned behemoth then kicked the two Angels as hard as they could, send the unified body flying over the course. The purple, what they called the death EVA itself then proceeded to readied it's progressive daggers, ready for the final blow.

But the angels recovered too soon.

Soon Shinji found himself about to get pulverized by the two angels. His position was awkward as the angel's flying arms are on the same level as where his EVA neck was. A broken neck was a guarantee.

But Shinji always ready.

And soon, the whole NERV would be reminded why everybody wanted to try the Van Damme split when Shinji first came into the scene.

The angels were struck at the same time as Shinji was a level below them. Both daggers stabbed their core cleanly, but still not enough to make them combine. Their effort to escape was futile as Shinji held them inside with his AT-Field, their beam was too weak to penetrate the one that surrounded him, and their own AT-Field was not even strong enough to break the one that trapped them.

It was obvious; the angels were no match for Shinji Ikari.

"Shinji! Don't finish them now!"

Asuka's commanding voice grabbed everyone's attention away from what Shinji just done, just in time to see her threw a progressive bo staff from the wreck of Seagal's mecha while holding her trusty chainsaw.

"Asuka? What the hell do you think you're doing?!"

"Just what we're supposed to do, Misato," Asuka said to the voice that finally came from the previously speechless crowd as she stood on the bo staff that was being held, "Finished the job!"

"Oh, my goodness!"

"This's gonna be the coolest angel's death yet!"

"Ready, Shinji?"

"Heh." Shinji smirked at her choice of word, "How many times i have to say that before you guys know that i always ready?"

"Then go!"

Rei swing the staff with as much strength as she could have to threw Asuka over the powerless angels, which in process was finally being merged again as one being by Shinji's final blow to the cores as Asuka became close enough to him. Shinji then did a kip-up to kick the Angel to the front, accelerating the process of the death of the Angel even further. Asuka stuck the Chainsaw deep on the core of the angel.

And then, everything went kaboom.

* * *

Shinji still remembered the aftermath of the battle. Everyone were so dumbstruck at the sheer awesomeness on the scene that they ignored Asuka's rants when Shinji and Rei were flirting with each others instead of getting off her and stop sandwiching her EVA. Misato and Ritsuko were so baffled by the absurdly awesome final attack that they asked the three bridge bunnies to replay the scene at least 10 times before they were convinced that the whole thing was real. The chainsaw combos were practically perfect and flawless, so much that the only criticism that came from Misato's mouth was 'Why the hell did you need to do the kip-up?'.

In short, it was clear that this scene would be discussed...and copied in NERV for a long time.

Suddenly yawned, the boy decided to follow his girl into sleep.

As he felt the girl snuggled closer and radiated her warmness into him, he knew it would be the best sleep he ever got.

* * *

Meanwhile, in SEELE's meeting room... chattering was heard.

And then, someone shouted.

"Ikari was right!"

"The whole scenario cannot be fully followed word by word after all!"

"First Ramiel, and now Israfel also showed some changes!"

"Not to mention the Third Child was very different with how he was supposed to be!"

"We thought Ikari's bloodline have been proved to contain nothing but indifference weakling, but this boy is anything but that!"

"And we thought Gendo Ikari's manipulative streak was dangerous enough to our scheme!"

"Our plans are in need of rebuild!"

"Do you even can guarantee that the end would happened as how we envisioned it, Chairman Lorenz?"

"SILENCE!"

The booming voice of the chairman made the room quiet again, as how it was supposed to be.

"Gentlemen, as soon as the...changes became too apparent, i already take some...drastic measurements."

"How...drastic it should be, sire?" SEELE 12 asked.

"Drastic enough to...compromise with some of their demand."

"You mean...you really negotiating with..."

"Yes. I already contacted several high-figures in entertainment world that have...interests in what we're doing. And one of them, already responded...positively."

And as the cyborg man spoke, the communication link with this new partner of SEELE was already made.

"Good evening, gentleman!"

"No way..."

"It can't be..."

"You can have my words gentleman, which i can assure you...that MY CLIENT, BROCK LESNAR, IS READY TO DO, AND CONQUER, AAAAAANYYYYYTHINGGGGGGGGGG!"

* * *

Oh, no! Paul Heyman just turned heel! Everything became even more complex! What will happened next? Will Shinji got to fight Brock Lesnar? Will Randy Orton RKO'd Lesnar out of nowhere before he get to do anything? Or will Lesnar and Paul Heyman controlled Third Impact? Find out next, on Evangelion Z!

...And now, for something different:

Teacher-parent meeting happened! What would happened when the whole Tokyo-3's junior high school get to meet The Rock? Meanwhile, we'll get to see the filming of Pen-Pen's commercial for the first time! And Shinji, Rei and Asuka had to deal with their fan clubs that had been very, very thirsty for some of them since their absence! We'll also get to see the bad guy, Jack Nicholson getting ready for the first big attack on Tokyo-3! Could The Expendables handle it? Get ready and anticipate the next exciting installment of Neon Steroids Evangelion! And there will be fanservice, too!


	15. Visiting Toji's sister with Dirty Harry

A/N: Harembe, #BLM, Brexit, Broken Hardy Boyz, James Ellsworth, Trump got elected...

World, this is our truly...surreal year.

Anyway, sorry for the long break. Business here and there, but with new fuels from the insanity of Hollywood and Wrestling (thanks, Trump and Hardys!), i hereby declared this small loan of a fanfiction will never be OBSOLETE! And never be DELETED! DELETED! DELETED! DELETED!

And thanks to the only one vote, Will Smith would be the good guy here. I guess no one wanted Will Smith to become a Deathstroke. And don't worry, dude. We're definitely going to have some Ring of Fire action here. Who don't love some dragons?

Also, new spoiler:

Scott Steiner will get into a genetic freak battle between himself, Arnie, Shinji...and Rei herself!

...What? Don't tell me that Rei's not a genetic freak...

Also, should i make Vanguard 1, Kaiju-sized goes against the Evangelion themselves?

* * *

"So this is the two intruders, eh?"

"That's right, boss."

"Well, well. I know celebrities are not always bright, but..." The man simply said that as he walked upon the two tied up man, "Such stupidity, to think that you two can just walked up here, the only unchecked Marduk institute, without expecting anyone catching up? Such display of carelessness. I expecting the better from you...

Chris Jericho."

The addressed man looked up at him, simply showed a very smug, prideful grin of his. This is in spite of his very beaten up state, courtesy of his capturer.

"My, my. Such a confidence. Still think that you can get into your Fozzy concert in time, huh? Speaking of concert...where's your personal entourage...Bill Goldberg?" The questioner asked as he looked toward the other man, still basked in the darkness of the room.

"Oh, i don't know, kind sir. Maybe he's just strolling around in this nice city like me? Wondering about some things?"

"Things? Hmmm...like what?"

"Like how Triple H's nose is somehow much bigger than his?"

Needless to say, many people in the room laughed with him.

"And people said he's the biggest McMahon ass-kisser!"

"Hey, i need the paycheck, man! Can't live with just the cash from podcast and Fozzie tour. What's wrong with some ass-kissing, anyway? Ain't you guys also into the same shit?"

One of the man punched Jericho in the face for his trouble of speaking too far to the side of the truth. Soon, the boss joined again in staring at Jericho, wanting

"Maybe you should take a look at your reputation sometimes, Y2J. As far as i concern, you're nothing but a member of McMahon's kiss my ass club who defended all shitty thing they pulled, and then you remove your twitter post when the shit hit the fan."

"Is that so? Well, in wrestling's history book, i will be remembered as Y2J, the first WWE undisputed champion, who defeated Austin and The Rock, not a corporate fuck boy."

"And how are you going to stay like that?"

"As long as i stay away from doing horrible shit, like ring of prostitution or so..."

And the boss slapped Jericho. Just because he could.

"At least i'm not involved in some white-washing history bullshit, son. You know you did more than kissing asses when you defended something not so funny like...Hugh Morrus." He simply stated as he promptly walked to the other interrogated man, but not before he turned around and told Jericho to stop trying to act like he's some old dad who tried to look cool to his kids. And by kids, he meant, the 'smart fans'.

"Willis?"

"Yup." The bald actor simply stated, "It was me...sugar bump."

The man stay collected, even if the appearance of the man that simply Hard to Die was, to put it simply, contradicted every information that he had. "You were supposed to be in Tokyo-3, supervising the E-Project as a part of his partnership with NERV. What are you doing here, putting your own life in danger?"

"Perhaps you really think it's just an act, but sir, i...really love to see happy kids. And soon as i heard the possibility that hundreds of kids have their fate being...predetermined by the so-called fake Marduk Project...i had to see it by myself. I was expecting some trouble would hit me here, soon or later, but i don't know that it would come in the form of some...SEELE's thugs."

"You take care from here." The boss said as he pointed to one of his bigger brute. The big guy made his mannerisms spot on by immediately toppled Jericho's chair over for no reason. Well, perhaps there was a reason, because this man was angry, and pissed. And you wouldn't want to make the big guy angry.

...And perhaps that was the reason for why one of the other man took his place over before he even managed to stare Willis's down.

"Look, Willis," The replacement stated as he began to sit next to him. "We know that SEELE are not exactly the most moral group on this earth, but you must know as much as that...tumbled man that we're more than just some hired thug."

"Ugh...you guys definitely just made the list..."

And once again, Jericho got smacked on his face by the big guy for his trouble.

"Silver-tongued fellas, your friend that is. Also don't know when to shut up."

"Yeah. I can agree with that."

"See, Chris? Even your buddy here agree with you. Perhaps you should-"

"Then again, i thought you guys said that Jericho's nothing but an ass-kisser. Why so flip-floppy?"

The brute now charged his way to face to face with the old man himself. No one really dare to stop him

"Listen, old man-"

"Do you think i really care about my age?"

"Shut up." He grunted as he grabbed Willis by the collar. None of his aggressiveness made Willis tumble, in spite of knowing that he really could hurt him a good deal, "There's one thing that separate us from your usual hired gun, and that's called respect. People, friends and enemies, know how to treat us with the level of respect that we i expect you to at least know better, to do the same with us. Got it?"

Willis nodded at the man. While he still didn't even flinch, this was enough for the man to released his death grip that he had at Willis.

...Before kneed him good in the abdomen. The force was enough to send Willis

"You're really changed, Bart. Your old self would've just punched the man straight to the head and give him concussions...if he's lucky."

Bart only pointed and poked his head, smiling smugly.

"Well," the man said to himself as he lifted Willis back to his feet, "I think we just...clearly made our point to you. It's not hard, it's not that demanding. So, let's get back to the business at hand."

"Mr. Willis, i believe that you have some information that would be useful for us, and our employers. So we're gonna sit here, drink some tea or beers, depending on what's left on the fridge, asking and answering questions...And you're going to cooperate, right?"

Willis simply nodded, still slightly hurt from being kneed by a 6'5 monster.

For his obedience, the henchman untied him from his chair. However, it was clear that Willis was not meant to left the chair, as the boss, who just ended his call, has entered the room again.

"Respect him well, and maybe we can do the same to Jericho as well." The henchman whispered to him.

After Bart set up the table and chair for Willis and the boss to talk, drink and all (tea, just stirren) the man not wasting any time to make his first statement.

"Alright, Willis. We believe that we have a...paradox problem here."

"I can assure you that there's no loop abuse here, sir. After all, there's no Joseph-Levitt working for your future self here, or a rainmaker."

"Haha. Pretty funny, Willis. But frankly, i'm pretty sure that my boys have talked about...respect, haven't they?"

"Just trying to break the ice, boss."

"I appreciate the effort, then." The man said nonchalantly as he sipped his drink, "But we don't have any more time for small talks. We have another business to attend, especially with your...friend here." He said as he looked into Jericho. At least he was sitting in the right position now, "So i will make my question short and clear:

How on earth, Bruce Willis, can sit here with me, in the deserted Marduk institute, searching for clues with Chris Jericho, without any of our man, reporting his departure from Tokyo-3?"

It was Bruce's turn to drink the tea. He appreciated the taste.

"Hmmm...this, is a really good tea.."

"No small talks, Willis."

"I just want to appreciate it. Never i drink such a delicious tea. Is it you who made this, Bart?"

"Yes, it was him who made it. And no, Willis. I don't think Bart needs any more comment about the tea. He already had enough about his anger management sessions."

"Fine, fine." Willis said, and then, a beat. "What was your question again?"

The boss grabbed Willis by the collar, surrounded by his men for extra intimidating value. "Don't try to test my patience, Willis."

"I believe i worded my question wrong, sir." At this, the boss released his grip on Willis, and for the second time, he gasped for breath. "What i wanted to say, was...what do you truly expect from me, sir?"

"Ah, yes. The exact answer." The boss stated. "Who's the real Bruce Willis? You, the one who currently talking with me, face to face, or the Bruce Willis who's still in Tokyo-3, working with NERV and their project?"

For the third time, someone sipped their drink. Once again, it was Willis. "What if i say both? What if i say, that both of us, are really Bruce Willis? What if, there's really two Bruce Willis in the world?"

"...I thought we already talked about having some respects."

"But i'm not trying to prolonged anything here, sir." Said Willis as he enjoyed his tea again, in spite of some of the thugs already surrounded him, "I ain't bullshitting you, sir, and i will say it again: What if, there's really two Bruce Willis, in the world?"

"You cannot be serious." The boss stated in disbelief. "How could there be two Bruce Willis?"

"Oh, please, sir. We're living in a world where some kids have this, veery huge mechas that are stored underground on this zanniest, biggest subterranean, fighting monsters that will make battleships look like boy's toys in comparison, and you can't believe, that there's two Bruce Willis in the world? Come on, people. Don't be so fucking close-minded. And do you guys really believe that the world, is not good enough to have two Bruce Fucking Willis? Like, they cloned Bruce Willis, or Bruce Willis came back from dystopia future, and somehow didn't fucking cause a temporal paradox!"

None of the man there knew how to respond to what Willis said. Finally, the head of the criminal mastermind spoke again.

"...I believe that we need more details, Mr. Willis." The boss said as he walked to get closer to Willis, offering a handshake as he went face to face. "Lots more details."

"Hmm, i agree." Willis said in agreement as he shook the hand of the boss, before he added as one of the thugs came back to get some more drinks, "You know, you guys are really honorable to a good degree."

"I still don't buy it, boss." Bart said as he getting closer to both his boss and Willis, "I mean, have you seen Face/Off, or Die Another Day, sir? This guy could've just...you know, gone to have plastic surgery and shit."

"He's not the brightest bulb in the room, eh?"

"Say that again?"

"Bart, Bart, Bart. I know that you're the kind of guy who get away with muscles instead of brain, and i appreciate that you really trying to change, but i think you just...too hard on yourself."

"What are you implying here, baldfuck?"

"That you just simply looking too hard while trying to be smart? Because let's face it; Having someone gone on super-extensive plastic surgery, and face reconstruction, would be far, far more difficult than simply having two Bruce Willis, existing and functioning in this world. And what kind of insult is baldfuck?"

The insult was more than enough for the man to once again snapped and grabbed Willis by the throat with both of his big, bare hands.

"Now listen here, Mr. Smarty Pant. I don't need you to-"

The man didn't even finished his rant, as Willis pushed him so hard that he was stunned and released his grasping hands that was wrangling Willis's neck.

"Touch me again, and i'll kill you."

It took several seconds before Bart returned to his senses, looked at the exact spot of his chest where John McCLane just pushed him over. He tried to regain his dignity by adjusting his collar, stared at Willis again while doing so before words came out of his mouth again.

"Okay." He said as he turned around, but he changed his mind and decided to confront Willis yet again...

And decked him down. Hard. Wham!

"Yeah! Touchdown! Yippie-Ka-yay! MOFO! How you like that, huh? ." The man said in such excitement while humping the air, " WILLIS DOWN!"

The star, who's by no means a boy scout didn't visibly stunned by the punch, although his body

"And what're you going to do, huh? Punch me in the nose so hard that i die?"

Willis didn't immediately answered him, still stared at his splattered blood from his broken nose.

"Yeah."

And Willis did exactly that.

"Jesus Christ!" An appropriate reaction came out of from one of the henchman. The deafening sound from the knock out punch and Bart who fell to the ground in instant made everyone

"Holy shit! You really killed him!"

"Wait a minute," One of the man exclaimed as he checked the supposedly dead body of Bart, "He's still alive. But it looks like he's got some kind of seizures. That hit must be scrambled his brain, hard."

"Looks like there's no more common sense class for him." Jericho, who has been silence since quiet a time before, decided it was the time to be a smartass again as some of the man lifted Bart's twitching body out of the room.

"Man, i'm really getting old..."

"Where do you think you're going, shithead?" One of the man threatened Willis, who walked to where Jericho's still being held.

"Put your gun down, man."

"What? Are we really going to just let him away?" Said the man holding Willis at gunpoint, at disbelief that their leader really had a change at heart.

"There's no more point in following SEELE's order. I had my suspicions at times that what they're doing are even more heinous than we've been prepared for, and what Willis said just confirmed what i feared about them."

"And what about our jobs?"

"There will be more available jobs at hand, my friends. We may have to take less money than what we earn now, but it will be far more ethical and-"

"FUCK YOUR HONOR AND RESPECT! EVEN YAKUZA NO LONGER FOLLOW THEIR BUSHIDO BULLSHIT!"

"At time like this, you assholes should've know your situation. It's not about how i, Bruce Willis, gonna untied Chris Jericho while beating up you guys at the same time without getting any bruise, because even the most stupid movie script wouldn't have the ball, or less line of sanity, to have that scene inserted. It's not about who's gonna win this standoff; the man who honored their sense of respect by keep holding their...'honorable' alliance, or the one who do it by embracing their common sense more than their own ideology. The one thing that's matter the most is...

"Who's next?"

The line marked the time when the locked door became unhinged, as one of the most powerful man in wrestling, the man himself, made his presence.

Goldberg, was here.

The blasted door launched off it's place for at least 12 feet, knocked several poor man who just happened to be in it's path. Before someone reacted toward the wrecking jewish ball, Goldberg already blasted his double clothesline, knocked two full grown man in immediate vicinity. As he accelerated yet again to hit one of the man with his super spear, Willis slide into the place where Jericho was being held, cut his knot with a stolen knife after he kicked Jericho's guard asses. Jericho soon joined the fight, did a lionsault to one of the man who about to slash Goldberg's gigantic neck, and saved him in the process.

The proceeding fight was one hell of a riot, and it still not described it with all justice it deserved. Jericho, Willis and Goldberg were fighting against a foe without any knowledge about who were siding for them, and who did not. As a result, they couldn't fight without full power anymore as they realized that some of the guys really honored their respect. It resulted in several times when the three man ganged up as they pulled their punches and kicks on their allies. It was a good thing that not everyone were carrying guns here, and those who did already spent their bullets, unable to reload peacefully without being speared or punched by Goldberg and Willis.

Soon, however, the fight was broken as one of Expendable's member, Pierce Brosnan, arrived with his anti-riot squad.

"BREAK IT UP! OR WE'LL DO EVERYONE!"

And so they did... although in the process, they would've missed the whole sequence of Goldberg drilling someone by his military press spinebuster.

Also, Jericho had to release someone in one of his most spine-bending liontamer ever.

The result was quiet...chaotic. While only few truly died, all from the gunshot, many still suffered from injuries. Shattered bones and noses everywhere, some guys still holding their body parts, such as some of the possibly dislocated joints. Many were cut, slashed, and bruised to boot. In fact, several guys suffered concussions from the kick of the borderline superhuman trio.

Seagal would've been proud.

"What took you so long?"

"Good evening." Brosnan gave his greeting, before he addressed Jericho's question, "We had to dispatch anyone else out there to make sure no one would've reported...this particular event."

"Perhaps it's a good thing to have someone running things from the background, after all."

"Looks like i missed the fun here."

"Lundgren!" Jericho exclaimed at the presence of one of the greatest and most legit wrecking ball from Hollywood. "Already gotten away from Gendo's thugs yet?"

"Nah, they found me out. But thanks to Norris and Mr. T's helps, i get away again. Right now, they're in a hell of a wild goose chase for something they thought far more important."

"That's a good thing, then." Said Willis, before his expression became even more serious, and added. "I'm pretty much sure you two have something more than this, right?"

"Definitely, Willis. Come on, guys, let's get to the unoccupied room where we can safely discuss more stuff."

And so they went to the cellar. Unclean like the other room, it was just another proof that they wouldn't have been expecting any trouble had someone not spotted the activity of these agents. There were only a few runaway thugs, who were quickly dispatched as it was obvious that they hide because they did not want to fight to begin with.

"So we got this new intel from the RoF trio; Matthew McConaughey, Bale and Butler."

"So these three were not missing all along..."

"Perhaps they already lost in a way." And so, Brosnan disproved what Willis said already, before he took a letter from his pocket. "Just take a look at the last message that they sent to us."

* * *

"Mr. Brosnan, by the time you get this message, perhaps we're already rendered broken and obsolete. Perhaps we already turned into one of the mule of the seven deities. Poor Jeff... And if we get lucky, maybe we became one of the warrior in the Great War instead. Next time we meet, let's just pray that we're on the same side that against making this obsolete world great again by the imagination of the great king Maxel. But there's one thing, that we are pretty damn sure from all these moments of unnormalcy around Hardy's compound:

Matt Hardy's body, is really a vessel that holding a powerful deity.

P.S.: Beware of the dilapidated boat, for it shall become the biggest obstacle for us. May god save those Subterranean people and their nerves. Fireworks for the deletion of the Third Carter, Ethan. CLASSIFY SEELE AS OBSOLETE!

* * *

It took thirty seconds for the team to...took the broken brilliance of Matt Hardy that Apprentice Matthew already began to embrace. It was Jericho who talked first, obviously as dazed and confused as anyone else

"Dilapidated boat, the one from the Final Deletion match? Great War? Vessel of a deity? What the hell he's rambling about? And are we supposed to really take the Hardy Boyz as serious threat? Seriously?" Jericho ranted at the obviously crazy concept of accepting the fact that Hardy Boyz truly had mystical power from some unrevealed, perhaps even not ever recorded deities in human history until now.

"Whether you believe it or not, this thing's real." Said Brosnan as they began to left the room. "Agent McCounaghey and the other are slowly losing their sanity as we speak now."

"It's not the only thing that they lost."

"Look, Jericho. As much as i hate it like you do, we have to accept the concept that a man with undecipherable accent and big, white-lined afro as our supervillain."

"This's like...Scientology somehow proved their ideologies to be real...and even more bonker than we already thought. And somehow, they're legit dangerous to the world."

"Come on, guys. One of our biggest aides is the ascended soul of Bruce Lee himself. And-"

"No, Lundgren. Bruce Lee's not the guy who jumping on the top of the couch because he's so happy about his wife while always happily aiding their the most bogus, and batshit cruel religion that ever fucking existed in this planet earth...and he's still not reaching the quarter of the madness of... brokenology."

"Brokenology...gotta add that to my thesaurus."

"Either way," Brosnan looked up into one of the surviving bad guy who was in bad pain, helped him to get into his feet, "Our agents is in grave danger, gentleman."

"I see." Bruce responded, before he continued, "So i take it that sending Will Smith and Liam Neeson for earlier extraction as a good decision?"

"Perhaps." Brosnan said as he lifted another man up, just as Willis and co. began to follow. "Just pray that no one's going to be turned...obsolete again."

"Just asking, Willis." Jericho suddenly spoke as he rested one of the man who's been bleeding, applied pressure to the bandaged body part, "What are you going to do with these people? It's not like we can just let them go while holding some... crucial information."

"Ah, yes." Willis off-handedly said that as he rubbed his chin, before he came into his decision. "I believe my previous offer's still up."

"What?" Chris Jericho remarked in disbelief, "That was not a distraction?"

"I believe it's not anymore. So, boss..." Willis spoke as he walked toward the now sitting leader, who miraculously evaded all kind of grievous harms toward his body, "Wanna join us?"

"...I think we need every protection we get. Not to mention that we...need a new job soon."

"I'm glad," Willis said as he shook the still shocked man's hand, "Who were you answering for, anyway?"

"Two of the most powerful man in Hollywood. Especially with their connections." He answered as he took a deep breath. "Nicolas Coppola and Samuel L. Jackson."

* * *

 _Two days later..._

"You see, Ayanami? This is how the most important super-soldiers supposed to live. Our own pool where we can sunbathing, good food-provided by Shinji, our manly boy, of course, big mansion where you can play any kind of ball game in it...Rei, i'm telling you, we don't deserve any less than this, and that's all i got to say about that."

"Agree...Asuka." Rei said, still not used too much in being friendly and close with others. She already learned in how to show respect by her interactions with Doctor Akagi and Commander Ikari, but even with her high intellectual level, adaptation is still not something spontaneous for her.

Talking about sunbathing, there's definitely something...wonderful about Asuka Langley Sohryu in two-pieces, red and white striped bikini and Rei with her white one-piece swimsuit. Talking about how the place became...shinier and hotter. And it was once again clear that our both EVA pilots were as similar as they aren't.

It was pretty obvious that adult Ayanami and Sohryu would've grown up into two bombshells that could've easily fit in into any line of supermodels, and they had a sense of otherworldly by their unique hair color, but their builds were vastly different. Asuka was built as your usual stereotypical models from the West, being a tall girl with longer, shapely legs that further emphasized her height advantage towards Rei, and slim, very fit body with thin waist, but without any visible rib cages that showed signs of malnutrition. Her curves definitely exist and shapely for her age, but she's still by no means possessed a very distinctive ones that would've made her considered as...stacked.

Rei, on the other hand, didn't have the slender long legs and limbs like Asuka's. Not saying that her legs were ugly without shapes by any means. It's just that they're nowhere as long and noticeable as Asuka. But in return, Rei had curves, period. It was clear that her curves came from her genetics, as the albino used to simply eat the rations that were provided by NERV, which while enough in nutrition, they just simply enough. No abundance in proteins, vitamins or calcium that would've provided anyone an advantage in their growth, and yet it was clear that it wasn't just her face and wonderful smile that screamed 'beautiful'. Rei possessed a pair of ample...bosoms, almost C cup, and in appropriation toward alternative universe Shinji's wish, she did has a nice butt. Strangely enough, fitting Lilith's nature as progenitor, it was her hips that were the most noticeable part of her figures. They were very wide for her age, almost as if she was already fit enough to bearing some child...quiet ironic considering her designated final fate. But still, fitting.

Is it pretty damn clear now for why Gendo wanted that booty back so much?

...Okay. We all knew it was her caring and understanding nature.

...It was a joke. Jeez. Get away, all you unpleasable EVA fanbase!

...Wait. I actually fitted in their molds.

So, anyway, um...in short, Asuka was built like Stacy Keibler, while Rei would be your skinny Torrie Wilson that never went to gym.

Now if only Misato decided to hanging out with them as well instead of trying to suppress her last-night hangover, and someone lit a fire there, the whole mansion maybe would've gone supernova. That was the greatest question regarding the situation...well, besides how many sun-cream Rei had wasted to protect her albino skin.

"And i can assure you, that you missed so many thing in life, Rei. You know someone life's sucks when she thought that caramel popcorn is the greatest thing in the world."

"I do not believe that's still the case, Asuka."

"Oh yeah? Well, what you like the most then, huh?"

"I..." Rei said, tried to find the best way to retaliate and showed that she has grown much more than that. It was then she came into a decision to gone a bit further than Asuka perhaps would've liked, "Found kissing and be intimate with Shinji to be the very thing that i like the most."

"...Mein Gott. You two are really hooked up with each other, huh?"

"And i intent in doing many more...intimate things with him. If a french kiss is already mindblowing, what would happen if we get to-"

"EW! Girl, is it really necessary to get so transparent in your sex life?"

"Sex?" The girl said in confusion, "I intend to go in our first official date since we haven't get one yet. Why you have tendencies of linking everything intimate with sex, Asuka?

"Well, i..."

"Asuka already went to college, Rei." Ryoji Kaji to the rescue, directly from the pool itself. "And as much as i can attest to, we can be really...full of nothing sex drive, and i know how to get such an...overdrive. Seven days with Misato and her melons...hmmm..."

"Oh, great. I don't need the reminder of such stories, Kaji." Said Asuka, with no sarcasm detected. "I can still remember some of your...nastiest detail. Talk about fighting fire with fire..."

Speaking of fire...

"Now i don't mean to sound rude, Mr. Willis, but why are you living with us again?" Asked Asuka toward Bruce, who was doing some barbecue grill.

"You want an official reason, or the real one?"

"Whatever you want to start first, Mr. Willis."

"Well, for the official one, as NERV's partner, it is my job to keeping my eyes with the EVA pilots. And since Shinji's going to live with three females by his own, i argued that he and you two need additional...surveillance. As for the real reason, is it not unreasonable for me to live with my protegee again."

"Oh, i see." Asuka remarked off-handedly...and then did a double take. "Wait. Who's your protegee?"

"Shinji."

Asuka fell from the bench as immediate as possible. "WHAT?!"

"I can see why you two have a good sense of familiarity." Rei, on the other hand acted in far calmer matter, although this new piece of knowledge did surprised her a bit.

"It's more like an unofficial one, though. Shinji was just happened to be joining my martial arts class. He was just as much of my protegee as Van Damme's, Chan's, Seagal's and Li's..."

"What? He already trained with Van Damme and Jackie Chan and more? Mein Gott. No wonder he's so confident in himself!"

"You said it as if it was a bad thing, Asuka." Kaji said so as he stretched out, still drenched from the pool where he just finished his swimming session.

"Well, damn me if i don't." Asuka exclaimed as she sat up, fired up from the arguments...secretly as well to take a better look at Kaji's wet, smoking body. "I know how much self-confidence could've been destroyed once you fail. I know the story from The Rock himself, about how devastated he was when his football career had to end, and how devastated he was when Rocky Maivia became utter failure. Yes, he managed to turn himself around and become the most electrifying man in sport and entertainment, but no matter how badass Shinji is, he's still just a kid himself."

"Oh. So you think that Shinji needs some more experience, huh, Asuka?"

"Damn right. And his 15 miles marathon with The Rock would be his first. No matter how badass Shinji is, a kid just don't have any chance against a man. And The Rock is as much of a man as anyone else. He's more powerful, faster, and more durable than anyone you can name him. No way. There's no way that Shinji's going to...NO FUCKING WAY!"

Asuka screamed as she pointed at the source of the disturbance.

Shinji was the first one to finished his marathon.

And he walked in with a very calm, confident matter, almost as if that 15 miles marathon was nothing but a leisure walk to get to Trump Tower from Empire State Building.

"Do you have to scream that loud, Asuka?"

"He...He..."

"What's wrong with her?" Shinji asked to Rei, and instead of an answer, he got a kiss that would've lasted longer if it wasn't for Asuka's protest.

"EWWW! Don't do it in front of me, you two!"

"Sorry." Said Shinji as he reluctantly released Rei, who he wrapped instinctively before. "But seriously, Asuka. What's the big deal?"

"What's the big deal? WHAT'S THE BIG DEAL?" Asuka fumed at the boy. He just done the impossible and yet he..."You outrunned the freaking Dwayne Johnson! The fittest action hero in Hollywood! Without breaking a sweat! And...and..."

"Asuka, calm down."

"ROCKY!" Asuka exclaimed at The Rock, who was drenching in sweat and laboring a series of exhausting breaths, unlike Shinji. "Tell me! Shinji ran away back, cheated so he could claim that he outrunned The Rock, right?!"

"I'm afraid that's not the case, my little liebe." The Rock gave a response that Asuka didn't want at all. "Shinji really went one on one with The Great One, and won the match."

"I...i can't believe it. I just can't believe it."

"Anyway," Shinji suddenly decided to change the topic. "I'm going to visit Touji's sister in afternoon with the other Stooges and Hikari. Anyone want to join?"

"I believe i am free to go with you today, Shinji."

"That's good, Rei." Shinji smiled at Rei before he turned. "Mr. Willis?"

"Well, i have a meeting with someone soon, but i'll see if i can join you before the visiting hour is over."

"It would be fine. Kaji, Rock?"

"Uh...intelligent business, right Rock?"

"Oh, yeah. Sorry, Shinji."

"It's okay." And so, the final person. "Asuka?"

It took a whole 5 seconds for Asuka, who still did her mimicry of a fish to gave a nod.

* * *

"Tell me, Third Child! What's the secret?"

"Well, actually it's only 8 miles since i suddenly remember my appointment with the other and so..."

"NOT THAT! How the hell can you be so good in everything? You're not trained as a supersoldier like me or Rei for years, or even month, and yet you...you're the best pilot here, you have better stamina than The Rock...how the hell can a good boy who don't even know what his father has been doing for years can be this good?"

 _Oh, you definitely don't know..._ Shinji inwardly grinned, before he gave her his 'supposed' answer. "I guess it's because i already had a hand in Chi training."

"Chi?" Rei suddenly spoke in interest.

"Yeah. You know, the whole inner energy thing that we learn from Van Damme and Uncle Jackie."

"I see." Rei responded at Asuka's answer simply before she spoke again. "I guess it's the right thing for Major to make us study martial arts with them, then."

"Yes, Rei." Shinji verified what his girlfriend just said. "Without my spiritual training, you two could've been miles away better than me, and there's no way i can defeat The Rock in straight way."

"That reminds me." Asuka suddenly turned at Rei before spoke. "What's really making the Commander so invested in you, Rei?"

"Is there's something you insinuating at, Asuka?"

"Of course, Baka." Asuka said as she went back to Rei. "Your synch rate is the lowest among us, you also have not much in physical accomplishment aside from being fit enough, and in fact, i don't think that you ever have any combat training before, and yet, it was clear that you have his special attention, no matter how twisted it could be. So tell me; What's made you so special for him, for NERV, Rei?"

Rei did not react at all for seconds, almost made Asuka stomped in her irate tantrum had she did not speak in time. "I was NERV's test subject in the experimentation of making a much more controllable EVA units. The subsequent Evangelion models, their brain and their controls were created after the collected data from my experimentation. Without me, your Evangelion would have gone berserk at so many times already, Asuka."

Asuka blinked, almost as if she expected far more from her. "That's it?"

"Yes." She answered simply, before added. "I also the one who the dummy plug, the self-sustained dummy plug modeled after. That's why sometimes i get called by NERV at times, to collect the necessary data so they can model my likeness to."

"If you really the only working test subject, then why don't they train you better? Why would they wasted such an opportunity in creating a perfect pilot? I mean, you're a very smart girl yourself, Rei. And you're royal to the fault. It wouldn't be so hard to give you the necessary training while they still experimenting on you."

"I once claimed that NERV's filled by morons, Asuka." Shinji barged in. "Perhaps we can simply attributed some of their lack of insight with simply idiocy."

"I do not know why you keep mocking NERV, Shinji. These people have been working hard for the survival of humanity."

"Well, why else i'm the first one who find out that meditation could've helped a huge deal in controlling the EVA unit? Like it or not, they really have done some truly foolish things, Rei. And some of them were truly obvious from the let go."

"I agree, Shinji-kun. NERV's not perfect. But i don't see you give them enough respect for what they've done."

"I do! I just can't ignore some of their obvious mistakes."

" 'Enough', is the word here Shinji. From what i've seen on how you act around her, i do not think you even think too high of Major Katsuragi herself."

"Misato's like, and act more like a big sister for me, Rei. I just can't act like she's my authoritative figure that would've lock me up if i just look at her funny."

"I sometimes see Commander himself as fatherly figure, Shinji. I still give him the proper respect."

"Well, father often showing how much authority he had on people, Rei. Not that he doesn't deserve it, but would you trying to be on his best side all the time in the house if he keeps getting drunk and wearing nothing but boxer and tank top?"

Rei stopped for a while, before gave a proper response. "Perhaps not."

Shinji smiled at Rei as they seemed to reach an agreement. "I'm glad that we sorted this argument out."

But them Rei's eyebrows furrowed again. "But why don't you act more properly toward Doctor Akagi?"

Shinji slapped his forehead as he heard her question. "Not this again..."

"...I knew i should've followed DDP Yoga while i had the chance..." Asuka muttered to herself as she tried to block herself from her companion's first couple spat about whether the Doctor still needed to earn her respect or not.

* * *

"Uh...my head..."

Hangover sucks.

Misato took a glance at the right of her bed. She could've sworn, that there was a big weight in the right of her bed, much more than herself. That couldn't be Pen-Pen...unless he weighed at least 250 pounds.

...And she screamed as she launched herself to the other side of the wall.

"AAAGH! WHAT THE HELL IS STONE COLD STEVE AUSTIN DOING IN MY BED? AND WHY'RE WE NAKED?"

Crazily enough, in spite of Misato's bloodcurling scream that nearly shattered the window, Austin didn't even flinch. The man must've been drunker than a honey badger post booze raid.

After checked out Austin's still existing heartbeat, Misato began to looking on the fact if whether they really...did it. No funny smell so far, and she did not feel like she would've had a trouble for walking.

Yeah. They must be simply fell asleep after another drinking session again.

Then the memories last night hit her again. Lost drinking contest against Austin in spite of Pen-Pen's help, tried to find the lost Pen-Pen, found Kaji in the canopy instead, tried to trash him like he's worse than a pig, got his trademark sly smile instead. No, not the usual sly smile. It's the smile that he only ever shown to people he cared for. The one that showed his true self...a man who truly cared for people he loves.

 _Kaji's smile...still as nice as i remember..._

As soon as she remembered her current spats with him, she slapped her forehead hard. _No, Misato! NO! Don't ever think anything nice about that womanizer jerk!_

Yeah. One of the reason for why Misato had her drinking contest was because she saw Kaji tried to hit on Maya...again.

 _Okay, Misato. Forget about that guy with permanent stubble. Just look over where your penguin now and...ah! A note!_

She taken the note into her hand, immediately recognized the writing to be Shinji's. She then began to read it.

 _~ Misato, i know how weird it was to wake up next to shirtless Steve Austin, but the rest thought it would be funny to just leave you two alone and hear the scream of you two when you wake later. Blame The Rock for suggesting it, not me._

 _Rocky...you definitely going to feel the hellwrath of Misato Katsuragi soon._ Misato thought as she began to formulate the plan. She felt glad that she woke up so late that the rest of them were not there when she screamed.

 _~ When i asked the other, they also wanted to hear your reaction. But when Rei and Ritsuko expressed their interests in this prank, we knew that it would be a VERY good idea._

 _You too, NERV's little Snow White and bottle blond. You too._

 _~Although i had to admit, Misato, I nearly tried to use some ingredients so the room would've had some...nasty scents...for better reaction, but hey, i don't want to cross the line, see?_

 _~Okay, Shinji. You may just made the list of people who have to pay for it, you nasty crook.  
_

 _~But, um, anyway, i just made your special curry and tiramisu cake. Still warm enough...i think. Told the other to not eat it. Don't worry. Pen-Pen's in shooting with the Bridge Bunnies this morning, so he won't tried to eat it. Left some aspirin and other drinks, too._

 _SPECIAL CURRY AND TIRAMISU FROM NERV'S SUPER COOK? OH, HELL YEAH!_

Running faster than the speed of sound, Misato got her appetizer.

 _OH, my kami! It's even more delicious than his usual treat! Shinji, you must've cook it with such a care..._

And so then, Misato slowly forgotten about her revenge toward the rest of the NERV staff. The only one thought that crossed her mind was:

 _Wonder what's Pen-Pen doing out there?_

* * *

"SQUAAAK!"

"What? Is something wrong, Pen-Pen?"

The penguin nodded furiously.

"Alright, Pen-Pen." Akagi then sat down to get more head to head with the Penguin. "What's the problem?"

Pen-Pen then began to flails his arms furiously in the front of his head, almost resembling a...cat fight. No, more like a very angry, wild cat that just clawed everything in front of him.

"...You mean, one of my cat clawed too hard?"

Pen-Pen nodded again.

"Okay, little penguin. Which one?"

Pen-Pen then began to making a cross around his right cheek with his fingers.

"Ah, Kenshin. I know that calm kitty is a psycho after all. But are you sure about this? He's the only cat here who can do a backflip, and he looked like street cat the most."

Pen-Pen nodded hesitantly again. It was clear that he did not like the cat at all.

"Okay." Ritsuko then stood up. "Hey, Mr. Inoue! I know you like that cat the most, but our star wouldn't want to star with him still on the set. What should we do?"

"Um..." The man who made his name first with Jetman took some time to think, but he managed to find a reasonable answer. "We'll just have him fight Mr. Fujioka out there. Some clever editing here and there, and we can make it as if Pen-Pen did the final blow without even have them on the set."

"Okay. You down with it, Pen-Pen?"

The penguin gave his big thumb up as a sign of approval. Both then did a very loud high five that made people sweat dropped at the sight.

"Um...it is just me, or is your senpai really get excited over talking with a Penguin?"

"Must be the bad guy role. Poor doctor, the only one here who siding with the evil, wicked cats..."

"MY CATS ARE NOT WICKED!"

"EEEEP!" At the end, that was the only proper reaction that Maya Ibuki showed about whether her senior really lost it.

* * *

"I've told you, Rei, i wouldn't had it bad if she at least tried to check me out, but they didn't even try to communicate with me one. All i got was this letter, written by my father, said to me to 'come'. Is that how you supposed to protect one of your potentially best pilot?"

"Perhaps so, but you know how much she has truly tried her best to change."

"I do! That's why i don't mock her as much anymore!"

"But she still deserves more, Shinji. And i believe she think so. I never see her so stressed out before, and i believe it's due to your behavior-"

"Be quiet, you two!"

Well, that was the cue that their stooge friends were there.

"...And so i got this chance to talk with Shaq and Mr. T in Kevin Nash's podcast yesterday! Man, i don't know how they even supposed to mix, but-Hey! What took you three so..."

And in spite of Asuka's best effort for damage control, with bright smile and all, the tense atmosphere that the other two brought was pretty obvious.

"Say, is something wrong, Asuka."

"...I believe they just had their first couple spats."

* * *

"So you say, that Rey Mysterio and Antonio Banderas is ready to join us?"

"Yeah, Rock. And as soon as we hear the news from Gary Oldman, we gonna do some real damage on these busta. These SEELE fools don't deserve this man's pity, and a strike on the facility that doing the research on the core of the angels gonna do them some good."

"That's good to hear, Mr. T. Keep it up, my fella!"

"Peace and Love for you too, Johnson."

And with that, the call was ended.

"So, Kaji..." The Rock approached the man who already ended his call earlier, "Got any good news about our mysterious enemies? Like, Darth Markham? Or...whatever Hardy Boyz really up to."

"Nothing about Darth Markham, but we managed to decypher the information about all facilities in Hardy's compound." Kaji soon began to recount the information he got. "Lake of Reincarnation, Matt's personal zoo that he claims to contain the dead souls of the famous, warehouse that contains fireworks and possibly construction of an EVA-sized drone..."

"...Are we just somehow crossover our world into the twilight zone series?"

"I believe Matt IS the twilight zone. This man really has the superpower outside of his facility; His premonition, Rock. He somehow managed to find out that we really found out how to clone human long ago. Well, the one who already contaminated with angels DNA, anyway..."

"...So you are saying, that a man with the strangest accent ever, who has this big afro, with white line in the mid, and greeting everyone he hold with contempt as 'Brother Nero', is potentially our greatest enemy?"

"Yes." Kaji answered with a simple word.

"...I don't even know how to respond to this."

"Don't be. Neither do i."

* * *

Toji really couldn't handle the tense atmosphere.

After they began to walk to the hospital, none of them even talked with each others. Well, Asuka and Hikari did, but they were quiet far ahead the other so some of the atmosphere already thinned out. And even it wasn't your usual girly talks with giggle and all. They afraid that Shinji and Rei would've take it the wrong way, and besides, it's simply not proper to laugh at the front of your moody friends.

Toji looked at his behind. Well, Rei was back into her usual silent mode...which is a bad thing since she usually being much warm when Shinji's around. And Shinji...fuck. That stare. No wonder he's Gendo's son, after all.

Toji turned around, and sighed. It was supposed to be their very first together activity, and it was already this moody. He must've done something to fix it. He really wanted his friends to enjoy it as much as he usually do.

...And besides, being besides a really upset Shinji and Rei was really, really scary.

"So, Shinji?"

"Hmm?"

"Well, um...you know what, Shinji; When i saw you for the first time, i thought that you're kind of jerk. You know, those piece of shit jicks who really care for no one but himself while would blame anyone else for their problems. But then you said sorry for hurting my sister in front of class as soon as i confronted you about it, and even took the responsibility for it by putting her in NERV's designated hospital...man, you're really a nice guy, Shinji. And i hope you wouldn't change for the worse. Because i won't ever forgive you if you ever did it."

"Hmm..."

The stare. That didn't work.

Toji whispered to Kensuke, "What did i do wrong?"

"I think you should've dropped the last part."

It was lucky for Toji that the other girls were in front of them, because both of them whispered an agreement that Toji was one thing:

"Idiot."

* * *

"Okay, guys. My sister should've been in room 163. Be quiet here, there are many other patients as well."

"...I believe we've been quiet since a while ago."

"Shut up, Asuka." Shinji protested weakly.

"What? It's the truth. You two are so tense that-"

"SHHHH!" One of the doctor who just happened to be passing interrupted Asuka's usual loudmouthed moment. Good thing, because it could've gone into a tirade that would've pissed Shinji even more.

And so, without any prompt, the gangs walked into where Toji's sister room was without any extraordinary moment happened again.

...Well, except when they about to enter the room.

"Huh? A piano? Toji, i don't know your sister can play piano."

"It's not her. My sister's a xylophonist."

"So, is it your father?"

"My father's a kazoo player."

"...Eh, okay. Let's just check who's in the room."

And so the gang were shocked as soon as they saw who was in the room with Mari.

Clint Eastwood was playing...Clint Eastwood.

I ain't happy, I'm feeling glad

I got sunshine in a bag

I'm useless but not for long

The future is coming on

Is coming on...

The little girl stopped as soon as she noticed the visitors. Her big brother, however, urged her to continue her singing. She then turned around to Mr. Eastwood, who simply nodded in approval. So, she sang again.

I ain't happy...

* * *

"SQUAAAARK!"

Little Double-P was a...little angry.

Well, that was understated the problem a little bit. He's mad.

"MEOOOOOW!"

And it was all that cat's fault.

As soon as they began the shooting again, the cat that was assigned with fighting the legendary Segata Sanshiro disobeyed his post, deciding to charge and clawed Pen-Pen with his great claws. Already had a great disdain for that certain Siamese, the Penguin decided to show him and the rest of the herd of the cat for why it was unwise to act as their naughty little psychopath in front of him.

Right now, the situation could've called for someone to use a Benny Hill as the rest of the crew were chasing behind their tails, either to stop Pen-Pen to get his revenge, or for a little documentation that most definitely would've worth a fortune later. It was comical to see that a very frightened cat and an enraged Penguin somehow had enough pace to outrun the whole crew.

Of course, Pen-Pen's rage at this time was more than enough to recharge a hybrid tank, and soon it was clear for the cat that he would've been overwhelmed, torn apart by the genetically enhanced Penguin. As soon as it turned it's head around to see the face of his punisher, it prayed for the first time in his life, wished nothing but a quick death.

But no one saw that banana peel...

* * *

"That was good, Mari!"

"Yeah! Why you never tell us that you can sing, sis?"

"What? What kind of brother who don't even know his sister can sing?"

"Hey, she never did it in home before! How am i supposed to know?"

"Guys, come on! You embarrassed me..."

"Don't be, Mari! You're really awesome out there."

"If Asuka Sohryu, The Great One herself said so, then it must be so!"

"Aww, brother, Asuka-san...please...I really don't like to be praised this much...Wait."

"Um? Is something wrong, Mari?" Toji asked her with great amount of worry.

"Why's the other two are so quiet? I know from brother that Ayanami-san can be really," She whispered, "Distant." And then, she spoke normally again, "But Ikari-san not seems like someone who would've been introverted."

"Oh, that's because these two just experienced their first couple spats."

"OH!" Mari's eyes sparkled at hearing the word of couple. "They already an item now? Congratulations!" She smiled at them. "I already thought you two would've made a cute couple!"

The two pilots had noticeable blush at the yet another compliment regarding their status.

But Mari's bright smile gone quickly. "But why were they fighting again?"

It was a good thing that Asuka was more than to fill them the details. "Well, it was started when Shinji talking trash about NERV and some of things they obliviously missed. Rei then talked about how Shinji displayed lacks of respect toward his superiors. Shinji countered by saying that either he considered them as close and friendly enough to not act like some soldiers, or they haven't improved enough to make him lose his contempt for them. Things getting snowballed from there."

"Is that so?" Mari tilted her head. "It seems to be rather unworthy of being to fight for. Why would

"Well, Shinji is too proud of himself to simply says sorry, and Rei can be too stubborn and much of a doll herself to realize that NERV can be really foolish at times."

"Hey! I already said that maybe i was too cruel on Ritsuko!"

"And i believe that i admitted that NERV can be wrong as well." Rei added.

"So you two already agreed on each other's points. Why were you upset with each others again?" Mari asked.

"...Because Rei keeps dragging it over and over!"

"And Shinji somehow can't just admit that he just simply being too harsh on them."

"It's even worse! You two sound too arrogant and just can't let it go

Shinji about to argue with the little kid, but then relented. "No. You're right. Rei-chan." Shinji said as he holding her hands. Rei turned her head as she tried to hide her blush at the most contact she ever had with him since this afteroon. "I'm sorry, Rei. I don't want to stay angry with you, because...well, i just don't want to hurt you, Rei."

"Shinji..." Rei finally turned her head around, "As much as you thought how much you've hurt me, it hurt me more to think that i...have hurt your feeling so much."

Shinji then smiled, before spoke, "I believe it's the same as me, Rei." He responded before he brought their lips together.

"Kyaa! They kissed!" Mari-chan shrieked.

Hikari, who looked at the kissing couple, finally shrugged after seconds and said, "Oh, whatever."

And she did a kissing segment of her own with Toji, almost as if she wanted to rivaled them.

"Ew." Kensuke blanched as he managed to steal glances of wrestling tongue from the forced kiss between the freckled girl and his jock friend, who was imitating a deer in headlights from both the shock and sensation at such a forceful kiss.

"And i thought Shinji and Rei had it bad..." Asuka commented while she covered Mari's eyes.

And soon enough, the quiet eager Mari asked, "Is it over yet?"

"Um, yeah." Asuka said as she whispered to Clint to break up the kissing couples, which he kindly did.

Well, would you really want to disobey the Dirty Harry?

Slowly, Asuka removed her hand from Mari's little face, and stated "...Huh? Sakura Mari Suzuhara?" Asuka surprised as she looked at the patient name in Mari's bed.

"Yeah. That's my full name. Something wrong?"

"Of course there's something wrong! Why people call you with your middle name instead?"

"Well...it's because my uncle married someone who just happened to be named Sakura when i was only a year old, so to prevent any confusion, people began to call my by mid name. And it's still the same thing until now."

"Well...it's gonna get a little complicated too, because i happen to know someone named Mari as well. And she's happens to be another pilot of Evangelion."

"Jeez, another established pilot again."

"Wonder if it's another cute girl..." Whispered Touji...who still got his ear twisting by Hikari thanks to her superior hearing.

"Well, for your perverted mind, i happen to have her photo in social media."

And soon as they looked at the photo of her in the pink plug suit, all of them took a good interest in her.

Especially with our certain lonely guy.

"JESUS CHRIST! SHE'S FUCKING HOT!"

"SSSSH!" The rest of the room mentioned Kensuke to calm down, but he didn't even listen.

"OMYGOSH! I really have to become an EVA pilot! Shinji, my lucky dawg! What can i do to make myself more viable as their pilot?"

"Um, you sure you want this Kensuke?"

"You crazy? Why would i resist to pilot a giant robot as military service while being surrounded by hot chicks and cool celebrities everyday?"

"Well, let's see...i nearly died several times already..."

"All soldiers expected that-"

"And all of them came from the EVA itself. Kensuke, i hate to say it to you, but these robots are pretty much unstable living robots. Kensuke, the robots are as much of enemies as the angels. If even i and Rei, who have far better training for this thing couldn't even handle it at times, then what chance you have?"

"...Aw. Shucks." Kensuke whined as a very black cloud somehow appeared at his head

"Yeah, it sucks. I don't want to sound whiny, but i wish there's something they could've done so the pilots can pilot it from the distance."

Soon, Kensuke's black cloud gone. "Wait, that's it!"

"Huh?"

"Why i need to pilot the EVA, when i can pilot the other thing! I get to hang out with Stone Cold and Stallone, there's another cute girl that's gonna join their facility as TRIDENT pilot, and i can pilot a giant robot without getting hurt!"

"Wait. By Trident...did you mean Mana Kirishima?"

"Yeah. Know her by my father. Wait. You know her as well?" Kensuke's smile became even brighter again.

Asuka hesitated to answer, but knew that it's better to have a super hyper Kensuke rather than being prodded by him all day long later. "Yeah. She just happened to be my friend too. I don't know about her that well, but if i recall correctly, she also happened to be like Kaji, a spy with...connections."

Kensuke's bright day became so bright that he could've energized a Positron Rifle by himself. "SWEET JESUS! MORE HOT CHICK CONNECTIONS! STONE COLD STEVE AUSTIN, HERE I COME!"

"SHUT UP, YOU FOUR-EYED BRAT!" A doctor who nearly bumped into Kensuke screamed out as he ran away from the room to meet the Rattlesnake.

"Your friend can be very strange, brother."

"I know, Mari...I know." Toji said, before he said something else. "Asuka?"

"Yeah?"

"You can call my sister Sakura if you want to."

"Fine, fine."

"Get well soon, Sakura!"

The raspy voice of Mr. Eastwood who suddenly spoke after being silent for so long startled everyone in the room. Without any other words, the man left the room by himself.

"Hey, sir! The visiting hour's not over yet!"

Clint simply did not turn back.

"Must be some urgent business."

* * *

"Apprentice Matthew! I knew you'd come!"

"Mr. Hardy." Said McConaughey as he bowed to the king.

The room, which was filled with a piano of his and a lawnmower, was surprisingly clean for a big house occupied by a maniac. Well, this maniac also happened to has a loving wife and children who he loves very much. He brought them many instruments of music, personal zoo, and warehouse full of fireworks. Perhaps, we could describe him as the ultimate Affably Villain.

"Rise." The man did not demand any more token of gratitude. "My apprentice, i have...the premoneetion! That explain to us, what this Instrumentaleety project by eele, is really for!"

"And what you've made out of it, sir?"

"That some people, have theese, same thought like me, that this world have to be classified as obsolete! Soon, as the Great War between humanity, and these monsters that been classified, as Angeels, all human would've been turned into LCL, preemordial sup! And i, decided, to follow their steps, but instead of turning ourself into one big giant pool for the rest of time, i would've made everything great ageen."

"Anything i can do for you, sir?"

"Wait for my seegnal, Apprentice Matthew." Matt gave his order, "I already ordered my obsolete mule, Brother Nero, to steal one of the soulless husk, one of the hundreds . Aryanami plugs, and once he done the deed, we'll see what would happen, once we poured the water from our lake of reincarnation to you! Will you turn back into the late wife of I-Carly, or into our progenitors of life instead, we'll see. We'll just see. AhahaHAAAAA!"

* * *

Willis couldn't believe it.

 _How could a boy can run so fast?_

Indeed, the man just happened to be passing by a very excited Kensuke Aida, who was being very excited at the prospect of being finally date a girl. So excited that he could knocked such a badass like Bruce Willis himself.

The man himself was making his way to the ward where Sakura-Mari Suzuhara being treated, brought a white alpaca plush, something that being a new trend of kawaiiko culture in Japan.

Knocked off some dust into his jacket, Bruce then continued his walk.

Until he saw a man that he never thought would've been there.

"John Travolta?" He gasped as he saw the man disguised himself as one of the nurse.

It was very unlucky for Willis that it seemed like Travolta knew where he was, showed by him staring at the exact spot where Willis was. Smelled a wind of danger, Willis turned around to see the assailant.

There was no one there.

Turned back, he saw that Travolta was missing either.

Couldn't provide himself broke the promise that he already made with the children, Willis simply texted the guards to be careful about some another intruders.

 _Twice in the month. Even with our help, this facility still run like crap._

Soon, he passed by Clint Eastwood. Both man greeted each others, albeit Clint looked like he was as sullen as his cowboy persona.

 _Must be doing something before he got interrupted._

And so, Willis entered the room.

"So, Sakura...have you met someone else other than Clint Eastwood?"

"Well, asides from Shinji and Mr. Fujioka, no. I don't think anyone famous visited me before." Sakura said as she dropped her head down.

"Make sense." Shinji interrupted. "They only began to work with us around the fifth angel. So it was very plausible for and the others to not even know that you're here as a special guest."

"Yeah, Sakura! Don't be worry. I bet that soon or later, The Rock would visit you, and give you the best gift that you ever thought." Asuka added her thought.

"OH! I want an alpaca!"

"Looks like The Rock doesn't need to brought one for you."

Everyone startled again as Willis made his surprise appearance.

"So..." Willis said as he put the Alpaca down, "I thought they called you Mari?"

"Oh, that's because Asuka already knew someone with that name."

"Really?" Willis smiled as he revealed something. "Maybe we know the same Mari, Asuka-chan."

* * *

The preview lied! There was no school segments! But we did saw what the set for Pen-Pen's commercials looked like. And Mana+Mari were confirmed! And Willis already had some involvement with Mari herself before! And will we see the promise being delivered with the next chapter? Will Kensuke managed to become the pilot of Neo Jet-Alone? Will we see how both extracanonical characters were somehow integrated into this fanfiction? And will Jeff Hardy managed to steal Aryan, eh, Ayanami dummy plugs? Meanwhile, there were so much things that still needed some explanations, like how The Kliq would have their hands in this, whether Mr. McMahon also in this Instrumentality game, and what role Tom Cruise would've had, and how Samuel L. Jackson, and Nicolas Ca-eh,Coppola somehow managed to find themselves as the high members of out next, on Evangelion Z!

And there will be fanservice, too!


	16. Misato's ride to the Jabroni Drive

A/N: Can we say that the rather late updates just proved to be DELIGHTFUL?

How else can we enjoy the greatness of the broken brilliance of Matt Hardy if i already went to the twelfth Angel?

Oh wait. Kaworu. Yeah.

Em...Also, this chapter would have:

McMahon family's first scene.

Apprentice Matthew's first training for The Great War...with DRAGONS!

The first appearance of Joker's Gang.

Kensuke's job interview with Stone Cold Steve Austin and Stallone.

And we're going to see what motivated Jack Nicholson to create his Joker Gang! And who's the one that empowered him? Was it a genuine hard-to-work gentleman like Marlon Brando? Or someone nice who did a heel turn out of nowhere like Audie Murphy? Well, we're going to find out soon...or very late, if my erratic updates showed.

Also, guaranteed future events:

Kaworu vs Matt Hardy...In gay piano battle!

Sam Reimi's ensemble (Xena, Hercules, Spider-Man and Ash William) saved Shinji's ass in America.

Rei used her angelic heritage to augment her kung-fu skill.

Asuka and The Rock trash talked on Triple H and Kliq.

One of the NERV staff became OBSOLETE and BROKEN!

Shinji kicked Brock Lesnar's ass.

And a complete Die Hard parody!

P.S.: ALSO GUNMAN JUST FAVORITED THIS FANFIC HOLY SHIT THIS IS THE SECOND HAPPIEST DAY IN MY LIFE AFTER GOLDBERG SQUASHED LESNAR OMG OMG OMG

* * *

"So we're really going faster than schedule, Ikari."

"Yeah, and?"

"The old man wouldn't like any of this."

Gendo only chuckled. "At this point, it would be impossible for them to be satisfied with all anomalies that have been keep going on."

"So we take it that retrieving the lance now would be the right move?"

Which was the truth. They just retrieved the lance, faster than schedule that originally dictated them to get it after the ninth Angel. The destroyed site of Antarctica was ugly as sin itself, perhaps a fitting symbolism for the starting move that only amounted to the forced evolution of humanity.

"The angels have been stronger than the scrolls have told us." The Commander answered. "These incidents should teach them the lesson that incidents can always occur."

"And in case that the lesson made them no longer satisfied with our work?"

"We all know that removing us is practically impossible, Fuyutsuki."

"But it is possible for them to mess with any other means." The old man retorted.

"Which is why we'll be save in our city, the city that is a paradise, the city that has been designed to protect us, to protect those who fear the outside world, the world of our enemies."

Fuyutsuki only let out a laugh at Gendo's statement. This made the bearded man with omnipresence looked at him funny. "What was so funny?"

"...Are you implying that Stone Cold, Willis, The Rock, Stallone, Arnie, your own son and the others came into our city because they're cowards?"

Gendo only looked at his sensei for a second, before turned around with a small, but still noticeable smile smeared his face. "I'm very proud of my son, Fuyutsuki. So my points have been rendered moot."

* * *

"Shane?"

"Yes, father?"

"Oh. Thank god you're here." McMahon senior bitterly said as he hugged Shane. No one else was inside the McMahon's private jet. "Shane, there's no word in this world that can describe how much i missed you."

"So do i, dad." Said Shane as he hugged him back before they stopped. "But i really need the experience, pops. And i don't think doing it as someone's second fiddle wouldn't do it for me. So anyway, what's the deal?"

"Shane, you see...at this moment...you, and Linda are the only one who i can fully trust at this moment."

"...What happened to Paul and Stephanie, pop?"

"DON'T MENTION THOSE NAMES IN FRONT ME AGAIN, DAMMIT!" Vince suddenly erupted at Shane, who managed to hide his shock. Soon, however, he realized what he had done. "Sorry, son."

"It's fine, dad...but may i know...why?"

"Triple H and Steph are only one of my many problems, Shane." Mr. McMahon explained as he slumped on the chair. "I'm calling you here not just for family problem. We're talking about business here. The business, that could've saved wrestling, sport entertainment, from the dark age that has been reigning us since this...SECOND IMPACT THING!."

"Um, okay, dad..." Shane said, obviously tried to humor his parent. "What do you have in mind, dad?"

Vince slumped his head, not for anything else but an attempt to explain something grand to his son. "Remember the secret message from Bruce Willis that he sent to some selected people? About how he warned about the end of the world at the hand of a big nWo conspiracy?"

"Yeah. Most people thought he's nuts, though. Good thing that no one leaked it. God know how much it would've damaged the world from the panic, or his reputation. I still cannot believe how he still managed to get his giant robot company. But then again, Mel Gibson still find some jobs after his insane drunk religious ramblings."

"But Hogan didn't." Said Vince as he began "In fact, i believe that today, there's no one, except you, think that Willis is a nuthead."

"You..." Shane gasped as he tried to regain himself, proceeded to sat in front of Vince in the process. "You mean, that Willis was telling the truth about some people wanted to end humanity for their own gain?"

"Yes, Shane." Vince McMahon confirmed. "Second Impact was an inside job."

Shane only sat still, tried to absorb the new revelation of the century for him. Finally, after five minutes of silence, he spoke, "...And what does it has to do with us?"

"It's simple." Vince said, as for the first time since their greeting, he truly smiled. "We're going to use whatever they have in mind to bend the world into whatever we

Shane fell to the ground as soon as he heard his old man's plan. "You're crazy, dad."

Very contrasted his tantrum when the name of his daughter and son-in-law being spoken in his vicinity, Vince did not lose his composure at Shane's admission. "On the contrary, Shane, i'm not. And what would you rather have? The possibility of these guys ended humanity just like that, or me, in the top of the world as wrestling become world's number one entertainment again?"

"I don't know, dad." Shane said exactly what he had in mind. "I would rather have their plan to be stopped rather than putting a twist in it."

"Shane, please." The old man pleaded as he grabbed his son's shoulders. "Don't make me distrust you as well. Hogan betrayed me with his WCW bull, Taker may already turned my back on me-i don't remember when the last time he contacted me-, Steph and Trips are trying to make some deals behind my back, and god know what kind of game Dixie and Hardys are playing on me. Shane." He shook him harder. "You're my only hope, and the only one who i can truly depend on."

Shane only looked at his father for a moment, before finally made his decision. Something that he hoped would be the best. "Fine, dad. I'll see what i can do."

"Perfect!" Vince excitedly expressed his joy at Shane's acceptance. "I knew you're on my side after all, Shane!"

"...What should...i do now?"

"Just wait for my order, son." Vince gave his order. "Wait until i can truly figure out more. But for now, welcome to the McMahon's mega-power plan." Vince said as he shook Shane's hands.

Shane only looked at the overjoyed McMahon, who did his favorite McMahon's stride as he walked out of the plane. Soon, the younger McMahon heard his senior faintly sang his own theme, 'No Chance in Hell'. After the singing voice of Vince faded out, the sensible McMahon finally spoke his true stance:

"You're right, Jet Li. My father has gone truly mad."

* * *

Asuka Langley Sohryu couldn't sleep well tonight.

Ever since the revelation from Willis that he already knew well about Mari well before her, and many other things such as his closeness with Shinji, the Second Child had nothing in her mind but everything related to the conspiracy. She really wanted to find out about NERV more, how much conspiracy they went against, and how much conspiracy they committed themselves into. It doesn't help that Shinji once told her about the danger of conspiracy in NERV when she trained for the battle against the Seventh Angel.

' _Shinji...i knew that boy really something else. But it looks like he's even more than meets the eye. Bruce Willis and friends, his knowledge about EVA's true history, Mari...how much does he really knows? And Rei...we've been somehow like a friend, but there's something about her that will always be disturbing, oozing mystery...of course, she is. That girl's basically NERV's lab rat! Of course she would know some mysteries in NERV. She IS the mystery!'_

 _'I really have to talk to them, because there's no way that The Great One, Asuka Langley Sohryu, The most exhilarating pilot in the world, is going to be kept of the conspiracy loop!_

With that, Asuka had her mind on the matter and decided to ask the boy right away.

* * *

"So let me get this straight..we're ready to comb down the whole Hardys compound, right now, we have the man power, gun and shit...and they pulled the plug out of us?"

"They say we aren't ready."

"Man, i thought we are against this kind of executive bullshit? And it was from Willis, seriously? And i thought he's the cowboy cop 'round here."

"Willis just discussed the outcome of fighting these supernatural-empowered people. And as much as i want to just end this menace now, i believe that we cannot allow ourselves to become yet another Mattitude's victim."

"...A'right. What should we do now, while waiting for the next order?"

"The same thing you always do every night, Will Smith." The old man smiled. "Your dirty job as the Man in Black."

"Hey, it's not so dirty anymore, dawg. Most of time, it's nothing but boring desk job investigation bullshit. Still, after all," Smith pulled a sunglasses and wore it as cool as any guy you could think of. "I really made this look good."

"Oh, sure you are." Said the man as he walked away from the scene.

"...Lead the way, old man Han."

* * *

It was a quiet night once again in Tokyo-3, which was justified in spite of it's very advanced technology by the townsfolk still recovering from the aftermath of the battle with the seventh angel. Even with help from Wrestling Humanity Organization and the Expendables, it's still took days to clean up just a portion of the city.

Well...except in a room on Pen-Pen mansion.

Shinji and Rei were hugging each others while being shirtless, much like the first time when they, well, sort of admitted their feelings for each others as they gently hugging each others before ended it with a tender kiss...except there's nothing gentle and tender about the current intimacy session this time. Their hands roaming each others body passionately as their tongues wrestled each others. Every contacts drove each other madder and madder, almost as if they tried to consume each other with their touches. The few times they broke the contact to breath, they only let out a moan, sometimes while whispering each other's name before they continued their kissing session.

It was obvious;They loved, cared, and really crazy about each others.

Once again they broke the kiss, but the Third Child had something else in mind instead of another making out session. He licked his girlfriend's earlobe playfully, and a gasp was heard from Rei who did not expected him to did such a bold surprise.

"Oh god..." She said, almost whimpered.

 _Shinji...More..._

But soon the bliss was over, as Shinji used all his will to stop his playful session for a while.

"Rei..."

"Why did you stop?" Rei asked Shinji. Their breaths were husky and short, and both were very beet reed. Never they felt something so breathtaking before.

"Rei, you're so amazing tonight."

"...Is that why you stop?"

"...Well yeah..." Shinji said, somehow felt embarrassed by this of all thing.

"...Don't be." Said Rei, almost as if she could read his mind regarding the situation. "You are... amazing as well, Shinji..."

With that, Rei pressed herself even tighter as they kissed again for god know how many times, and evaporated Shinji's embarrassment in the process. Without any prompt, Rei's hands began snaked around Shinji's lean, toned torso to return the favor, touched all the sensitive spots that she knew from books that detailed human's body. The Third Child couldn't help but let out a muffled moan as he threw back his blue-haired girl's mop as a gesture of gratitude. And when Shinji held her hips so she could wrapped herself on him, their passion began to overwhelme them. Rei began to wrap her legs around her boyfriend, thereby completed the passionate position that they desired, and she kissed him even harder, almost as if she tried to put her tongue into the bottom of his throat. There was nothing else in the world that mattered for them, only how much they could poured and showed their love for each others...

"Shinji, i need to talk about..."

It was at this moment, when Rei remembered that she forgot to lock the door.

I guess there's really something else that important, after all.

"EEEEP!" Everyone in the room shrieked, with obvious differences in audacity from their temperaments. In a miracle event, Rei and Shinji did not end up bitten each other's lips and tongue.

And as Asuka saw their intimacy, their lacks of clothing, and what could only be said as your usual erotic position from any, uh...

Well, she decided immediately that she did not like it at all.

"What the hell are you doing here?"

"HORNY PERVERTS! YOu...you..."

"Asuka, this is not what-"

"Uh-huh! Looks like you two are gonna do it all along, huh?"

"We're not making love here, Asuka!"

"Well, damn me if you two weren't going to!" Asuka retorted back, and continued her complaining, "Even if you really tell the truth, you two already far too intimate to my liking and taste!"

"Are you coming here just to intrude our moments...pilot Sohryu? Or, is there is something else much more mattered here? Because"

Rei's much more official, colder and calmer tone caught Asuka off her guard. "UH! Fine! I just wanted to talk with you two about something. That's all."

"Can we talk about it later?"

"...There are two reasons why the answer is no. One, i'm afraid that NERV soon would rigged this whole mansion with their spying equipment, so this's our best chance to talk. And two, i can't let you two to just continue your intimacy, because dammit, you two are really, REALLY came close to DO it!"

"...I believe the mood's ruined already, Asuka..."

"I'll be waiting in the lounge..." Asuka ended the conversation, ignored the last remark from Shinji.

After she slammed the door, the pilot couple only could groan, and began to wear their pajama shirt again.

* * *

"Apprentice Matthew! You finally come!"

"Sorry for the lateness, master." McConaughey offered his apologies.

In truth, at his slightest laps of sanity, the man just gave the newest intel regarding Hardy Brand's newest plan to profit from Third Impact.

The compound was even more...dilapidated than usual. Jeff and Vanguard 1 already gone to retrieve the Ayanami clones, and Matt's beloved wife and baby, Reby Sky and King Maxel went for Maxel's first vaccination, so the only other occupants were Matt, his apprentice, and Senor Benjamin, Matt's personal gardener, and Matt's father-in-law as well, who wasn't there with them. So in short, Matt and Matthew were alone.

"Don't be, my friend." Said the man that has been gifted with Broken Brilliance. "We're not in the hurry, after all."

"Why did you call me here, sir?"

"Because Apprentice Matthew! We, have to be prepared, for da GREAT WAR! And you, my friend, have been chosen, as the wahrior! From the Hardyz Compound, that would participate, in this so called Great War."

"What is this Great War that you're talking, sir?"

"The culmination, of the Second Version of the Impact! Third Version, of the Impact! It would be DELIGHTFUL! It would make humanity, Great Ageen! And we only have one way, to make sure it would be, and it can only be, the way of the Seven DEIITEES! With their power, this obsolete, decrepit world, will be reborn, after it has been DELETED!"

"DELETE! DELETE! DELETE!" Everyone in the arena chanted the madness mantra, over and over again for at least a minute. McConaughey saluted with raised his right hand horizontally and dropped it over and over again, while Matt swatted his arm, almost as if he tried to cross some awful list.

"Senor Benjamin!" Matt suddenly gave his greeting to the man with shovel, who just arrived at the scene. "Have you prepared everything for...the massacre?"

"Si, Senor."

"Your service will always be appreciated, senor Benjamin. Gracias."

"The massacre?" Apprentice Matthew gasped.

"Don't worry, my friend. You will be fine." Matt reassured his apprentice, which did little to his shocked state. "And did you take a look, at what the seven deities, filled our battlefield with, Senor Benjamin?"

"Ahí var dragones, Senor. (There are dragons, sir.)"

"WONDERFUL!" Matt said in happiness. "Apprentice Matthew, i believe you once asked me about the whereabouts of your friends, is that correct?"

"Yes, sir."

"My apprentice, they have been...classified as obsolete..." Said Matt in solemn tone, before it changed into something much more cheerful. "And they have been rendered, into your own personal mules! Apprentice Matthew, i introduce you to..." The two graves, marked by Hardyz symbols behind the actor from Interstellar began to erupt, and he began to move away in response. And soon, he got his answer.

"A GIFT FROM ME; YOUR OWN BROKEN MULES! NERO BATSY, AND NERO KING FROM THE EMPIRE OF SPARDA!

"WHERE'S THE TRIGGER?!"

"TONIGHT, WE'LL DINE, IN HELL!"

* * *

 _Misato Katsuragi, you're really one hell of a genius!  
_

And indeed, in spite of claims from her entourages, mostly Ritsuko about her lacks of professionalism outside of the Angel Battles, and that time when Shinji first arrived (though to be fair, he ripped on practically everyone), Misato really had great insight about the business.

As if her request to get her apartment being renovated so she would've occupied half of the floor under excuse of needing a big room for the EVA pilots's training (which is possible thanks to Asuka's complains over living with four other people since the original idea was to have Rei's apartment as their training room with Jackie Chan and Van Damme became the new occupant),her idea of using Pen-Pen as Sega's newest mascot has been proven to be a success. Now, even with her rather tight salary for someone ranked as Captain, Misato could living a dream with her deals as Pen-Pen's broker and manager. She had her own mansion, her heavily modified Renault sports car with Power-to-Weight ratio of 42 hp/lb, and if the deal was made, after the angels war ended, she would build her own resort island. Developed by Sega in Pen-Pen and Sonic's namesake, of course.

 _I wonder why Mr. Borden wants to sell this island so cheaply...bah! Good deal is a good deal, sonny!_

And with that last thought being thrown away, Misato grabbed her Yebisu can, and walked into Pen-Pen's room, with the avian occupant had his eyes glued to the silver screen. For some reasons unknown to her, he had bandages all over his head. All she knew from her penguin that it happened after a botched intense action scene shot.

"...So Kurosawa-san, when will we finalized the deal to get our exclusive interview with the Evangelion pilots? I can't tell you how much i want to speak with our young heroes, who have been protecting this city with all they have!" Said the very excited reporter. It was clear than our favorite penguin was watching a morning talk show.

"Soon enough, Ms. Kotegawa. Meanwhile, citizens of Japan, let's watch our best blooper today, from our recent rising star, Pen-Pen!"

Pen-Pen's eyes widened at the mention of his name, and tried to run away. Of course, Misato who got suspicious over her pet's panic moment decided right at the moment to stop him at the track and lifted him up like a doll.

"Now, Pen-Pen. Let's watch your super exciting, most dangerous bike stunt ever done by any living animal, shall we?"

The poor penguin only gulped. He really shouldn't lied about what really happened in the set.

* * *

The canned laugh track from the TV. The embarrassing looped scene of him and a torn water toy that slowly sank to the bottom of the pool after his ungraceful spin from the slip. The sight of a certain murderous, vicious, nasty cat that left unharmed from the chase. And as an icing on the cake, his own owner's laughter at his misfortune.

Poor Penguin's self esteem just lowered to abysmal point.

"Hey! Don't be so down, Pen-Pen!" Misato tried to reassure her currently very moody Penguin. "I mean, you can be a star that kicking asses and making people laugh at the same time. You know Jackie Chan, right? I could laugh at his movies all the time, but i'm surely won't laugh at his face!"

This did not help at all. Was it really too much for an ordinary Penguin to have a dream of become the Stallone of birds?

"Come on, Pen-Pen! You heard that?" What Misato mentioned, was laughters from the room across them, "You hear that? Even i can hear Rei laughing! NERV's robot, laughing i tell you! That only means that you really just made the funniest video of the month, Pen-Pen!"

Pen-Pen simply slumped to the ground with dead looking eyes, almost like Segata Sanshiro's weakness zombies, and dragged himself into his refrigerator to cried himself to sleep.

"Poor Penguin..." But Misato did nothing else. The Penguin would soon remember that he was still the top animal star of the year, and his ego would've been lifted again. At worst, the penguin would've had hangover that lasted for days in case he really decided to went emo.

 _Pen-Pen, soon you'll realize that the whole thing was a big joke in the first place..._

With that, Misato continued her whole morning routine;Yebisu yell, washing her pretty face so she would look fresher, tossed her laundry into the washing machine, and a tasty toast from the best cook in NERV-

"Hey! Where's the toast?"

Misato's question was soon answered by the laughter from the across room again.

"Man. My little penguin's blooper is really that funny, isn't it?"

And with that, Misato went to the room where the rest of the occupant laughed. After all, perhaps she missed some things in the bloopers...

* * *

"Mr. Johnson! Play it again, please!"

"Yeah! I can hear her scream for all day!"

"This is even better than Monty Python's skits..."

"Hold it, guys! Hold it! Ahahaha...wait, wait, wait. I think we haven't see it from this angle."

"OMYGOSH! How...how the hell did you put it in there without waking them up?"

"Well, there's a reason for why The Rock and Kaji are the most electrifying agents in the world, my Liebe."

"I believe the...signature scene's about to come out, guys."

"Okay, okay! Here it goes...here it goes..." Shinji went totally into the participation.

And here it goes...

"AAAAH! AAAAAH! AAAAAH!"

"WHAT THE HELL IS STONE COLD STEVE AUSTIN DOING IN MY BED!"

The loop. The scream. The different shots of the agonized, traumatized Misato Katsuragi from her awakening with Stone Cold Steve Austin in her bed.

Never before, has the Major of NERV felt so humiliated.

"AHAHAHAHAHA!"

And with the utter delightful laughter from her roommates, she decided one thing.

The revenge, must be done.

* * *

"It's unusual for you to not take the shotgun, Asuka. And more unusually for you to choose the middle seat. Usually you would complain whenever you don't have enough space here." Said The Rock, who was sitting in the front passenger seat.

"Is it can't be more obvious? Someone has to take care our certain couple until they learn to control their hormone! Especially with how we're going to have our student council here."

"We are not going to have sex soon, Asuka."

"And you two already doing everything else in the book of love! Gott in Himmel, is it really too much to just laying low in your lovey dovey stuffs for a while?"

"You know, Asuka. For all we've talked last night, i still don't get the idea for why you're so disinterested in sex. Is something really terrible happened that made you even cannot spit out the reason."

"Well, i..." And it was the truth. For all her improvements, The Second Child was still not completely recovered. The girl still couldn't get the images that traumatized her out of her life. Her mother's descent into insanity and suicide, her mother's neglect of her over the doll, and what made her disgusted over sex; her inability to bond with her stepmother and what she mistaken as her father's infidelity. That is not saying that The Rock did not made any important change for her, because it would be a lie. Had Rocky did not appear in Asuka's life and offered to become her stepfather until she's ready to accept her family again, and showered him with all the pride and kindness that he could give, then everything would've been far worse. For the starter, her standing with Rei would've been far worse just based on how robotic she was. Not to mention how instead of being really tough, she would turn into just a very hard egg shell. It's just that some scars just wouldn't heal no matter what.

"Now, now, Shinji." The Rock intruded the yet another argument between pilots, "Whatever you talked last night, i'm sure Asuka would opened to you more soon. Even, The Most Electrifying Man, in Sports Entertainment, needed time before his little girl began to trust him. Just be patient with her, Shinji. You got that?."

"I got it, sir-"

"IT DOESN'T MATTER IF YOU REALLY GOT IT!" Mission melting the ice: Success. "That reminds me...what did you three really talking about last night?"

"It's...it's nothing too important. Just having some chats, talking more about ourselves...just some common bonding." And that was not a lie in Asuka's part at all...well, if we consider that revealing the fact that you're a synthetic human being and have some knowledge about NERV well before your first exposure with them as common bonding.

"I see." The Rock said absently, before screamed outside. "Hey, Misato! Have you finished yet?"

"I am! I am!"

And soon, after Misato cleaned herself, the ride's about to began.

"Um, Misato?"

"Yeah, Shinji?"

"Is it just me, or the car sounds...deeper now?"

"Now that you mention it, The Rock didn't hear the sound of supercharger before, either."

"Oh, that's because i haven't set the engine into full power mode before, Shinji."

"You mean..." Shinji's began to sweat at the implications.

"Yeah." The grin was formed in the face of Katsuragi. Not the playful smile she usually gave. It's the evil one. "We're just about to taste the first ride of fully customized Katsuragi ride."

"I see." Rei simply stated, obviously didn't comprehended the implications of what Misato just said.

"We're gonna die." The other pilots, on the other hand, did.

"Set...GO!"

"MISATOOOOOOO!" The rest of the occupant could only cried her name as Misato became the first supersonic woman outta you, traveled at the speed of light...

Yeah. Mama.

* * *

"*Sigh*...Why didn't we think it before?"

"Yeah. Instead of fighting over who's better between Shinji and Asuka or who's hotter between Ayanami and Sohryu or whatever, we should be like this in the first place. Supporting all of them on the same banner while having...you know, opinion."

Yeah. That's right. Evangelion fans club has just been erected in Tokyo-3 Junior High School. And they were waiting for the arrival of the pilots, with banner and all. Those three haven't set their foot on the school since the attack, and after all, seven days were pretty lengthy when something important was missing during that duration.

Of course, it all took Sammo Hung's best effort to secretly manipulated them to realized that things like having catfight over Shinji when they were gone as not...productive, to say the least.

It was at this moment that people realized that some people were missing from the scene.

"Hey...where's Aida?"

"Dunno." Some shrugged.

"Meh. Must be visiting some military facility or shit like that."

* * *

"Please, Mr. Austin and Mr. Schwarzenegger! Please!" Kensuke grovelled over both of them, who were working out in the JSDF base. "I want to become the pilot of electric Jet-Alone!"

"Uh, i don't know kid, i mean...hey, you!" Stone Cold called someone out there. The guy immediately tossed a beer with pin point accuracy which The Texas Rattlesnake caught perfectly with his hands. "Have we finished the mecha for Seagal yet?"

"It's still not ready for action yet, sir!"

"See, kid?" Austin asked rhetorically as he opened his can of whoopass beeer. "How could we accept you if we don't even have enough room for our biggest hand-to-hand asskicker yet?"

"But i want the glory! I want to become an asskicker!"

"...Kensuke, i'm sorry," Arnie finally butted in. "Not to imply anything here, but you know that being a giant robot pilot means great responsibility, right?"

"Yes! And it's so worth it!"

"...How so?"

"Come on! Have you see what Shinji got there? He's surrounded by hot chicks and already hooked with one, he's practically worshipped, he lives in a mansion and if it's finished, the largest apartment room in the city, and of course, he's a giant robot pilot! What kind of kid on earth that doesn't want those things, man?"

"Perhaps kids who...don't want to be hurt? Because you know, kid. Synchronizing sucks. It often hurt your head so much, it feel like you have a tumor." Arnie explained.

"Which is why i'm applying here instead of NERV! I don't have to worry over neural crap with the robot here, i still get to hang out with cool celebrities, and if i get lucky, i can hooking up with Mana Kirishima, that hot chick who piloting the TRIDENT!"

"You already know Kirishima?" Asked Austin.

"...Um, yeah." Kensuke began to sweat. "I just went to hospital to visit Toji's sister with the others and, um...Asuka told me about her friends that just coincidentally shared name with Toji's sister! And in process, she began to told us about Mana and Mari. What a coincidence, isn't it?"

"So you're not the one who hacked us a month ago? Because from what Shinji told us, you have an expertise in computer, Aida. And also, you're a very, very curious individual..."

"Nah." Kensuke waved. "I got it from the terminal in NERV."

Everyone glanced their eyes at Kensuke's admission.

Kensuke gulped. _Fuck! I got caught..._

"Um..." Kensuke tried to make an excuse. "It was...my daddy's work station?"

* * *

"Wait, guys! Did you hear that?"

"That sounds like..." One of the student who happened to be automotive geeks realized "A V8 turbo engine, manufactured by Lamborghini!"

"Um, is Lamborghini making small sports car now?" Asked one of the girl. This prompted the kid to introspect again his judgement, and gasped promptly as soon as the car accelerated with such a speed and nearly hit 5 men in just 5 seconds

"Holy shit! It's...it's Renault Alpine A310! What kind of mad man who decided to create a monster from such a nimble car?"

"IT'S COMING TO US! RUNNNN!"

With that, the crowd was dismissed. No one really wanted to be hit by a 1 ton of speeding hurricane, after all.

Except it was unnecessary after all, as the car once again break logic, and safely parked itself in spite of just went 1080 degrees in the process of stopping itself.

The whole crowd just reassembled themselves, waiting for whoever really responsible for creating such a scene. And gasped as soon as they saw the driver.

A beautiful, full-grown woman with form-fitting suit and red jacked that nicely followed her figure made her entrance for the eyes to be seen.

The whole crowd gasped, couldn't believe that such a beautiful woman really existed and responsible for the whole ruckus. And soon, they got another surprise over who was the other occupant as the passenger door opened in hesitate-alike movement.

Dwayne 'The Rock' Johnson, still in daze after a mad Katsuragi ride (both figuratively and literally), slowly crawled to get away from the scene, obviously gasped for breath air as if Big Show and Kane just pulled him in a one-hour bear hug. He was followed by Asuka who got knocked out immediately after she used the last vestige of her strength to open the left door, and Rei and Shinji who used the last door as they support each other to get out from the car before got knocked in the same manner as Asuka did: Ungracefully.

So there's only one response that was universally applied to the situation.

A flat "What?".

* * *

"The children of Evangelion, have just arrived..."

"Oh, what a day to be alive!" The larger man in the group responded. "The children...so beautiful...so wonderful...and so, misguided."

In spite of what the man said, the group were far away from the concept of beauty. Decayed, and filled with filth, there's a good reason for why, uh...we cannot trust that these guys really understood the meaning of beauty at all.

"So precious..." Said the woman in the group. "So good to know that this is the time for us, to get the children back into where their true selves to be, the house, of Decay. Muahaha.."

"Oh, it's true! SO DAMN TRUE!" Said the smaller guy in the stable. "And if they won't submit, to the way of Decay...then they shall be destroyed! To the inches of their bones, all their intestines...shall be perished into the domain of unknown!"

"And the last of their remains, shall be used, to make us even more...beautiful..."

So the trio made their way to the school from the observation, ready to make the kids feel the suffering of...decay...

And somewhere else, a man was monitoring the whole scene, almost as disgusting as the fellow three. With the tree gone, he began to looked at his chart again.

The man was an old clown, obviously nearly at his 80s. He had white bleached skin, green dyed hair, and overall having creepy skull expression.

He also wore a yellow basketball shirt, with the number 8 on his back.

"Kobe Bryant, don't be worry. Soon, you will be with the world again...and Shaquille O'Neal! You will pay, for turning the Lakers...into a joke! A JOOOOKEEEE! AAAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

* * *

The death of Kobe Bryant in Second Impact made Lakers lost tons of the legacy that he made, and the world paid it with Jack Nicholson's descent into insanity! Meanwhile, Decay, one of the smaller group in Joker Gang just about to kidnap Shinji and gangs! Can they repel the attack? Will there be blood spilled and splattered, or no one got badly hurt in the end? And what would happen to Matthew McConaughey and friends as they prepared for the Great War? Find out next, on Evangelion Z!

Oh, and who's gonna be empowering Kaworu? Shall it be The Power of Rock from Freddie Mercury? Or it would be the Gorgeous George? Find out next, as well!


	17. Invasion: Tokyo-3 High School

A/N: Sorry for the long delay, guys. But i had some school work to do in rural town without good access to Internet, so...

Well, anyway, here's your new doses of Steroids!

P.S. I CAN'T BELIEVE BIG SHOW'S GONNA FIGHT SHAQ IN WRESTLEMANIA 33 OMG OMG I'M GONNA WRITE IN THOSE AMERICAN SPORTS LEGENDS LIKE JIM BROWN WILT CHAMBERLAIN AND SO ON AND SO ON BITCHES HERE I COMES OMYGOSH OMYGOSH

* * *

"So Sensei, you can see that there's nothing to be worried about. There's no Hollywood conspiracy here, and there's no alien conspiracy there either."

"But what about the facts that...Jesse Ventura revealed..."

"...Sir, Jesse Ventura is a conspiracy numb nuts. I mean, he literally called everything public as some kind of propaganda, and his sources are often very dubious. You can't hold whatever he said as the truth, even if he said everything he thought without any lies from his part. "

"...Okay, okay. So there's no conspiracy stuff in Tokyo-3, no organization that want the total deletion or unification of earth, and no experimentation of some genetic freaks on earth.

"Exactly sir." Said the man as he unleashed the torrent of suggestions, making the old teacher finally embraced his new state of free from being a conspiracy freak.

"...I think i already feel better now."

"See, sir? There's no use in joining the conspiracy theorist group! It would just make you unnecessarily paranoid, and-"

"Oooh...my head! This is worse than that Seagal's road rage..."

"Misato, you'll pay for thi- BLEEARGH! FUCK! Lesson... to learn: Don't...swallow your insides back..."

"I...do not see the humor in this..."

The sound of a familiar moaning made the teachers and the hypnotist turned their attention into the window, and promptly, they were greeted with a rather unusual and completely.

Shinji and the other pilots, were being carried by the nurses on stretchers, obviously in great pain.

"...Okay. That was unusual."

"Is there's some kind of food poisoning in this school? I don't recall Ms. Ayanami to ever get any sickness before." Said one of the teacher.

"And the other two have some of the best grades in our P.E. , so sickness is out of question."

"Ah! Oh, god!" The sound of a man who struggled to breath was heard from the outside, almost choked himself from his own uneven breath. For people with trained ears and decent knowledge of Hollywood history, strangely, the man sounded like an A-List actor tried his best in imitating Elvis Presley.

"Seriously, Rock," The sound of a somewhat sultry woman was heard, "You don't need to go to the parents-students meeting right away after all that crap. We can just go later when you feel better."

"Ah! If i...don't go now, there's might be some...sudden business calls later. You know, being a good super agent in such a big and important organization like NERV means busy work, Major."

"I get it. Yet another business trip with that scumbag Kaji..."

"A scumbag and the ex- of yours with a smile that you cannot forget."

"Hmph! I don't care for that guy!" Misato looked away, tried to save face as she could felt her face heating up from remembering his proud but warm smirk... "And mention him once more in front of me, and i'll make sure that people gonna-

"Um, Dwayne Johnson? What are you doing here in Tokyo-3 Junior High School? And what's your relationship with this woman?"

"Oh, i'm sorry. Where's my manner?" The Rock said as he bowed to the teachers, and soon felt the discomfort in his abdominal area again. "Ugh..."

"You know Rock, i can really handle this meeting by myself-"

"Nono, it's fine! The Rock will always be fine!" The Great One immediately disapproved of Misato's offer, still in pain while he doing so.

"I believe we need some explanations here, gentleman. What's really going on here?"

"Oh, well, we're coming here for the teacher and parents-meeting session!"

"...I'm sorry, what?"

"To put it simple, me and Mr. Johnson have been appointed by Commander Ikari to accompany the three pilots in his place...although i do not see why he needs to order him."

"Yeah. Why would you appointed Asuka's own surrogate father to accompany her? You can't get to become the most electrifying parent by doing jackshit!"

"Language, Rock."

As the banter began again between The Rock and Misato, our certain not-so-lovable conspiracy freak began to simulate the situation in his head.

And perhaps, he shouldn't memorized all the things they said in the first place.

 _America...Hollywood...Wrestling...Secret Agent...Secret Organization...Super Badass Teenagers...Giant Robot...Monster labeled as Angels...Stone Cold vs. Stallone fought in the midst of the second attack..._

And so, for the first time in this small city, a screaming was heard, and intensified.

* * *

"I...i have to say that i still cannot believe it really happened, Mr. Fujioka and Willis! It's just a month before when me and Shigeru talking about how cool it would be if someone famous decided to have a tour around the area, and now we're working with so many of them! "

The trio was heading their way to the deeper section of Geofront for some little joint-project between NERV and SAW non-profit organization, which had their hands in several of helping in worldwide problems. The sheer depth and size of the area alone made it rather customary to get yourself into some small talks with whoever with you at that time, or else you'd gone insane from the whole waiting to get down into the deepest place alone. And this's with an elevator that could've went up to 55 km/h. Yeah, they could've used the similar launcher system that they used for the EVA, but it'd require a seat with safety system on par with F1 spec and many other safety design, perhaps even using the LCL to maintain the air pressure around the elevator from being launched at such speed that would've created a rather insane G-Force.

Of course, they couldn't raise suspicion that LCL was actually made from...unholy blood, so that idea would've been nixoned-er, nixed faster than you can say 'Watergate'.

"Hmm...it's kinda strange considering the fact that you're also working with Doctor Akagi to improve the Evangelion's system, which is very...grand in nature, if i must say. Isn't that should be exciting for someone with scientific background like you as well?"

"But it's true!" Maya said it as if she desperately needed Willis's stamp of approval. "Ah! I'm sorry. I mean, um...look, not that i'm trying to brag about it, but the condition now, is very different with how everything was since i started working here two years ago. Seriously. It's as if i'm the only one who working at the E-Project that still has human decency left! And now i'm working with legends from many entertainment industry, and everything suddenly became...hospitable, if i must say. It's just...you guys are so nice to us!"

"Well, that's a rather subjective thing to say, isn't it, Willis? I mean, what you have done" Hiroshi Fujioka questioned the girl, even though neither he really asked her, nor he questioned the goodness inside Lieutenant Ibuki.

"Um...maybe i'm not doing anything that much, but at one time...i really wanted to become Rei's guardian. I know the Commander cared for her to a degree, but i just can't help myself but to feel that he conditioned her to accept...something horrific. And i felt so sorry for Asuka and Shinji when i read their files..."

"And what your colleagues said in this matter?" Willis asked, while hiding his own curiousness about what could've been done had they went with the plan of hooking Rei with one of the bridge bunny. But the legal battle for the custody of Asuka against NERV itself was really taxing and took so much of their time, and this is with Asuka's father being cordial with them. The thought of doing legal battle against freaking Gendo Ikari really freaked them out, so the plan was immediately nixed soon as they learned from the mess that Asuka's custody battle created.

"...Shit happens. Well, at least Makoto advised me that adopted one of the children would've made my life far too complicated since NERV has high expectation with the children...and i know so well how they could be forceful on people, so..." The young woman hung her head down, did not know whether that really justified her chickened out act. "I still can't fully hang out with them yet."

"I understand. It's so unfortunate to see the effect of Second Impact in human life, such as making people become desensitized and losing some of their common sense..it's a miracle that some people like you did not become utterly cynical."

"You're a good girl, Maya." Willis decided to finish what Fujioka meant, "But we understand the reality and how it worked. Sometimes, we cannot do something we want to not because we're some cowards who fainted at the risk we had to face, but because it's simply far beyond our grasp of capacity to act. And, uh...i don't think you're really the one to blame here. I mean, as you say, it's a big responsibility to begin with, and with how Commander control things around...you might even get fired soon as you spoke about it."

"So...i did not take the coward way?" Maya asked as she turned to face Willis.

"Nope. Even we would've thinking about it twice too."

"I...I see..." Maya said as her face grew a little smile. "I guess i'm not a coward after all."

The small, bitter smile, and the use of the C-word made Willis remembered how Shinji was before he began to see the true heroic side of him; A boy who sometimes desire to accomplish good, but for most of time decided that being indifferent would've prevent any possible harm and ill doings that could've been done to him. The fact that boy somehow had many lookalikes that including this young woman and the agent back then...

As the remembrance of nostalgia hit him hard, Willis began to let out a chuckle.

"Something funny, sir?"

"No, Maya-Actually, yes." The bald man gave his answer. "Do you know, that you reminded me of Pilot Ikari alot?"

"Shinji? How?"

"That bitter smile you just showed." Willis answered as he looked up to the floor number. Only 5 more to go. "That's exactly the kind of smile he'd show to people before he became the confident teenager badass that everyone know now."

"Is that so? And...does that mean you really know Shinji way back then, more than we know about him?"

"That's one of our secret you'll know today, Mrs. Ibuki." Willis said as they stepped out of the elevator. "Shinji is more than just a little kid who somehow ended up being trained with Van Damme and Seagal. He ended up become one of our allies, and he trained to become more than just a kid that graduated from a dojo. He has to become observant, cunning, critical, and most importantly, does not fear anything."

"So that's why he keeps mocking us over what he perceived as incompetency."

"And i'd inclined to agree, myself." The first Kamen Rider voiced his two cents over the issue. "I've seen Japan NERV's facility and progress by reports, and there are many of them that could've been qualified as inefficient, taking longer time than it's supposed schedule, or simply did not not meet the standard that we expected."

"Especially the VR training. Really, no wonder Doctor Akagi hasn't showed her first EVA training program to Shinji. Is she really expected him to be impressed with shooting-duck-like enemies, where the only thing he does for hours was 'aim at the target in the center, switch...aim at the target in the center, switch...'? He'd went berserk like Rei's EVA did because of how stupid the training is!"

"Not to mention the lacks of army personnel here. As far as i concerned here, the only one who's a real tactician here is Misato Katsuragi, and even her military training was supplementary. Both Commander of NERV, as far as i concerned, came from scientific background.

"Were we right...First Lieutenant Ibuki?"

"I, well..." Maya couldn't find anything to defend herself against the words of both man. What really pinned their accusation, however, was the use of her title;She knew that most of the military ranks inside NERV were simply given with no reason other than to legitimize NERV's military status; She was the Lieutenant, only few ranks below Major Misato Katsuragi, and she hadn't even grab a real gun for shit. In fact, she used to be only one rank below Misato a few weeks before!

As Maya Ibuki's panic level began to grow, both man who accused her organization of gross incompetence slowly softened their formerly stern, professional expressions. "Oh, relax, Maya! We're not holding some court here! We just expressed what we seen from NERV so far!"

"Oh..." Maya's face began to slowly loosened her expression. "I thought you really angry at us and..."

"Well, not really, but now you know that in case someone here try to screw us over, we know what to say against them."

"You know how much power Doctor and Commander have here, right? Well, they cannot do anything to us here unless they want it to backfired at them horribly. We know many things that could've been accused as misconduct on them. Not to mention that our man power are definitely superior to them. Remember, you guys are working with real badasses here."

"Put it shortly, don't fuck with us."

"Noted." Maya said as she grabbed a pen and about to write it down on her report. Both man looked at her strangely before she soon noticed.

"Um, it's a joke, sir. I definitely not going to write 'Willis says #DFWU' on my report."

"Oh, um...you got us here."

"Yeah. You got me."

The three let off some good chuckles at the awkward moment when a misunderstood joke managed to deflate the egos of the higher echelons in SAW before they began to walk again, without saying anything important again.

That is, until Maya decided to talk again about something about the original topic of their conversation.

"So, Mr. Willis."

"Hmm?"

"...You still haven't said anything about Shinji's role in your organization."

"...Shinji does not hold any position in Science for All World-officially, of course. But he does talk to us about his experience in working with NERV."

"I believe most of them were negative."

"If we're talking about the organization as a whole, then yes." Willis clarified. "But his opinion, on the personnel, are entirely different. With the exception of Doctor Akagi, and his father, he has many good things to say about you guys. Don't let his prideful personality fooled you; Shinji is still a very nice person."

"Really? I know he's a nice guy, but...W...what he says about me?"

"Well, he-"

"We have arrived, folks."

"Oh, yeah." Willis said, before he whispered to Maya's ear, "You're a wonderful bridge bunny. And kinda cute, too."

 _Blush._ Maya could felt her face getting warmer at hearing the compliment.

"Looks like Shinji's quiet popular here." Fujioka said as he did his impersonation of the People's Eyebrow.

"It's not like that. I just simply not getting too much complements from people around here."

"A young pretty woman like you? Not even from Kaji?"

"...I...think being hit by someone is a different thing."

"...That's our Kaji, alright."

"His eyes and heart are for one and one only woman, but it's still a fair game for him to play with those heart he saw fair."

"So, he still has feelings for Major? I thought they really ended for good. She always looks so angry to him whenever he shows up. Not to mention that i saw him hitting up on others too..."

"That's what you get when a James Bond wannabe meet his real love and decided to never change his chauvinist way."

"...That's a pretty good allegory. But, um...do you happen to know Kaji-san before too?"

"Well, he-"

"What are you three talking about?"

"Oh, Jackie!" Willis turned around to greet the man around. "How do you feel?"

"It's heavier than i expected, but the handling is not that bad. I definitely can use it"

"Um, Willis?"

"Yeah, Maya?"

"Isn't that...The Rock's Praetorian armor? How come Jackie Chan ended up wearing it? I thought it could only be worn by him? And isn't there was another armor assigned for Jackie Chan?"

"There's indeed a requirement to decide who could wear this armor, just like the Evangelion system itself. But the requirement itself is much more loose for the Praetorian armor."

"To simply wear the armor, you only need this." Jackie said as he showed the requirement.

It was a talisman.

* * *

"Oooh..."

The Third Child just awaken from his sleep, which was helped by some administered medicine.

Needless to say, he felt rather weak now thanks to the side-effects.

The first thing he noted was the white wall, with. He then looked up to see the lighting;just a pair of long tube lamp, adjacent to the fire alarm system, and finally, the ceilings, which was colored blue that was not dissimilar at all with the clear blue sky.

It was clear for Shinji: This place's much more pleasant than your usual sick room.

 _I wonder why hospital always built to look so dull. Isn't that pleasantness is the key to one's wellness?_

Decided to not press the issue that would've resulted in yet another Shinji's rants at the stupidity of mankind, he then looked around him, and found no one else but him. Rei and Asuka must be assigned at another room.

Decided to take a look at the other pilots, Shinji exited the room...

And found what he could only describe as a truly horrific sight.

Piles of unconscious bodies, lying everywhere.

"YOU SAID IT'S GONNA BE LIKE WRESTLING?!" Looks like they were still alive after all.

"When i said like wrestling, i mean it's gonna be safe, not totally free of pain!"

"I don't think it's really safe in the first place..."

"Me too."

"Then why don't you tell us in the first place? You're the better cheerleader here!"

"Because dammit, you know you're definitely going to try it even without our input."

"Well, maybe..."

"JESUS! I know how much you two wanna be like Shinji, but this is ridiculous!"

"Emmm, what's exactly going on here?"

"EEEP! SHINJI-SAN!"

"SHINJI-SAMA!"

"We thought you'll still going to sleep for another hour?" Said the other two.

"Really?"

"Well, yeah! The doctors who asked us to guard this place told so. How could they get it wrong? They're chosen by the NERV themselves!"

"Hmm...i think they just give me the wrong doses."

"OH!" Said the boy who's going to show why he's one of the Third Child's biggest fans. "I get it. They give you the normal dose for every 14 years old, but since you're such a badass, it doesn't work as effective as it should be, right?"

"Um...perhaps it's more like that they simply miscalculated the dose than anything else." Shinji said, didn't want to prolong the talk about his badassness. It's not that he didn't like being complimented; It's just that compliments from fanboys and fangirls tends to be uttered in the most possessive and annoying ways possible.

"Shinji-sama, you don't need to put down yourself!" The boy repealed Shinji's explanation. "With your training, your meditation, your fitness level, and most importantly, your simply badass level, it's simply logical for normal medicine to not work as it should be on you! In fact, in honoring your recent feat of awesomeness, we tried to pull your recent trick earlier. Of course, the result was...well, you already saw that."

The Third Child sighed as the manly boy began to get tired of his worshipness. "I should've known..." He slapped the forehead of his nearly crazed fanboy as he began to open his mouth again. "Don't speak again, Matsuda. I don't want to get bothered by anyone for now."

The boy followed his order, even his friends tried their best to shut their giggle from seeing him getting slapped. Did not want the guy to get really pissed at him, especially when this is the same boy who can took down one of the school's star athlete while barely even tried.

No further comment were made. Neither when Shinji entered the nursery room for the girls.

* * *

"So academic wisely, the three have no problem at all. Their grades are perfect, they. Is that right, sir?"

"Well, we can put it that way. Miss Ayanami's slowly going out of her introverted shell- i see her going out with her fellow pilots and class representative, and Miss Sohryu's a smart student, so we can assume that soon she would grasp the kanji soon."

"LET ME OUT OF HERE! I HAVE TO TELL THE WORLD ABOUT CONSPIRACY BETWEEN HOLLYWOOD AND PRO WRESTLING TO INITIATE THE NEW WORLD IMPACT!"

"Uh...shouldn't we knock him out now? I don't think putting him on the locker is the best choice here." The Rock voiced his concerns over the conspiracy maniac sensei.

"Don't worry. The drug's gonna kick in soon." The headmaster said. He was filling the schedule for The Rock and Misato since they arrived so early."Is there's anything else you should know, Rock-er, Mr. Johnson and Ms. Katsuragi?"

"Oh, yeah. Sir, i heard something about a fight between Shinji and...Toji Suzuhara. What's exactly happening here, sir?"

"I thought Miss Katsuragi and Section 2 could've just filled it for you?"

"Well, i want to heard it from the man who saw everything that happened at the exact same spot. Like, if Shinji rock bottomed Toji, brutalized, victimized, stomp on the mudhole 'till it dry, and layeth the Smackdown on his roody poo!"

"...Candy ass?"

"That's it! Finally, someone sing along again with The Rock, The Great One! IF YOU SMEELLL-"

"ROCK!" Misato had to scream to stop whatever the hell Rock tried here. "WHAT, ON EARTH-"

"Um, i'm just trying to...make the atmosphere more affable?" Rock smiled awkwardly.

"...I think the situation has been comfortable in the first place."

"Well, uh...The Rock thought that we're, um...oh, hell, whatever. Sir, back to the topic!"

It took awhile for the headmaster before he snapped back into attention and began to explain what happened on the day when Shinji's friendship bond with Toji Suzuhara was born. However, Rocky's mind was on another place.

 _That's strange. Why did i suddenly feel the need to snap back into The Rock's personality? Curse of the Hollywood never affected me this hard before. Unless-oh. So, Shinji simply tossed him into the cardboard boxed where the autographs papers were to incapacitate him. If it was Asuka, she would've simply dominate that guy..._

"Um, Rock?"

"Hmm?" The Rock answered Misato's call rather indifferently, not even bothered to turn his head.

"Look, Rock. If you're really feeling not good today, you can just go home. I can handle it myself."

"Wait, what?"

"...You spaced out a little, Mr. Johnson."

"...Well, actually, i'm thinking about what Asuka would've done to Toji if she was in Shinji's position."

"I know, Rock; Lots of pain." Misato gave the truest answer that could ever be.

"That's the thing! Asuka's the one with college graduate here, and yet Shinji and Rei are more mature than her already!"

"If you say it like that...yeah. It's kinda ironic."

"That's the only thing missing from my little sweetheart. She just can't restrain herself to avoid doing something so rash. The first thing she told me in her first school day was how he ripped every love letter in her locker. I can't see Shinji or Rei doing that in immediate effect!"

"Ahaha! You're right, Rock! Asuka's simply too impatient in everything."

"So that means her learning of Kanji has potential to be hindered? She could throw a tantrum and quitting in that case."

"No. Asuka's simply too prideful for that. And besides, she also hates redoing middle school all over again. I bet she doesn't want to spend an extra time just because she has to wait for her alphabet sheet since..."

But again, Rocky did not listen to them. Instead, he was reading the message that Kaji just send to him and Willis.

 _Bad news. We discovered the footage of Mel Gibson being approached by Ric Flairs Shawn Michaels. This mean that Gibson's really vulnerable to changing side at any time. Also, i can't contact any Section 2 agents around Tokyo-3 High School. We may have a security breach. Be careful out there, Rock._

"Oh, fuck."

Misato and the Headmaster did not have the time to respond, as the window shattered when a man forcefully made his own entry into the room.

"SORRY FOR THE INTERRUPTION, BUT I HAVE TO DECLARE, THAT DECAY IS IN THE HOUSE!"

Soon enough, he saw The Rock still moved even after his rather dynamic entrance.

"Don't dare to move even an inch, Rock! Or i shall destroy this...beautiful woman." The monster called Abyss said, obviously referenced Misato. He brought his signature weapon, Janice, a plank filled with spikes to near Misato's head to make his point.

"So it's The Decay...what, are you thinking you're doing here, interrupting The People's peaceful talks with The Great One?"

"Because this is the revolution, Rock. This mortal plane, our world, has never been more...uglier than ever. So we're going to cleanse it, vandalized it, pillage it, all so it's ashes will make it...beautiful." Abyss's face showed glitters of twisted

"I'm so sorry for you, Mr. Abyss, but this plan, in The Rock's opinion, simply stink! It does not make sense, does not have any class, and definitely, never, and The Rock SAYS, NEVER, gonna be executed, when The Rock is still kicking, and breathing!"

"What you gonna do wouldn't be matter, Rock. Because-"

"IT DOESN'T MATTER, DAMMIT!" The Rock screamed as he launched himself into the monster heel, pushing him to the wall in the process. Janice fell close to Misato, who would've scared shitless at the sight of spikes nearly nailed her head had she was conscious during the whole event.

The Rock shoulder-blocked Abyss several times, which Abyss countered by pummeling Rocky's back repeatedly. Abyss managed to make The Rock down, and began to lift him for a powerbomb. But The Rock blocked his attempt and pulled a quick spinebuster instead, created a mini-tremor in the process. The fight proceed as Dwayne Johnson began to stomp Abyss again and again, caused him to bounce to the outside. The Rock followed him, and soon hysteria ensues as the staff saw a big, bulky man with filthy looks stepped out of the room with a bald, hunky A-List actor tailed him.

Needless to say, they knew that a huge brawl was in process. And the end shall be far from what we consider as the standard of pretty...

* * *

 _10 minutes before..._

"Is the tea good, Rei?"

Rei simply nodded as she took another sip again.

"For her, anything made by you is always good, baka."

"Are you complaining, Asuka?"

"Well, it's pretty good for a normal tea. And i have to give you a point for remember how i prefer my tea." Said Asuka as she took a sip, still remembered how bitter that tea, the first time she took her first sip of Shinji's tea. Should've know that Rei preferred her tea without too much sugar. "I'm just saying that it's redundant to ask her."

"Hmm...how'd you know?"

"Rei," Asuka suddenly asked, "Try mine."

Rei simply obeyed Asuka's order, and her answer was just as simple. "It's sweet."

"See? She'll like everything you make! She said she prefer her tea a bit bitter, but look!"

"So? It only means that i have a beautiful girlfriend who wouldn't ask and complains much to me. Isn't that wonderful, girls?" Said Shinji as he winked to both Rei and Asuka at the same time. This resulted in a faint blush for Rei, and a more infuriated Asuka.

"Yeah...it's easier to satisfy someone without so much preferences in the first place." Asuka stated, which had some mocking tone in it. Shinji let it slipped, mainly because he was rather tired at trying to compete with Asuka's ego.

Rei, however, wouldn't.

"But i do have my own preferences, Asuka."

"Yeah, you tell yourself that."

"Also, i believe that my tea still tastes better."

"Fine, fine."

"Although it's still not tasty as Shinji..."

"Yeah, i-Wait. What are you implying here?" Asuka said as she alarmingly became curious, shocked and disgusted at the same time.

"...That was a joke, Asuka."

"...Good lord! You really need to learn how to make a good joke! Seriously, Rei. Sex jokes are like one of the lower denominator here. You can't expect toilet humors and the likes of it would improve your image!"

"But i do not mention anything about sex. I'm just saying that Shinji has some traits that make him quiet likely to be tasty. And touching him feels nice as well."

"IT'S STILL SEXUAL IN NATURE, YOU IDIOT!"

"How?" Rei was baffled, still did not understood the concept of innuendo.

"Well Rei, look, if you talk about it, and..." As she found explaining this innuendo thing to be very difficult, The Second Child angrily puffed instead. She then talked to The Third Child that has been quiet for some moments. "Shinji, can you refill my cup?"

"Oh, yeah, Asuka."

"Me, too."

Shinji quickly grabbed both cup of tea, and then getting out of the room in the same flash steps like before, excused himself by saying that he forgot to bring the sugar.

"...That was strange." Asuka said, which Rei only nodded in affirmation. Decided that they really had nothing to do at that point, Asuka took a sip again.

"Hmm...it's actually not that bad."

* * *

 _Down, boy. DOWN!  
_

It was clear that the sexual joke has done some wonder on everyone's favorite boy.

Especially the...tasty bits.

Now the boy had many reasons for why he's so aroused by now, but all of it came from his experiences with a certain blue-haired girl. The mention of taste reminded him on how good it feels to rub each other's tongue as they deepened their kiss, how good it feel to hold her, and how good it feel when their body began to rub each others unconsciously, almost like...

 _Now you're doing it again! Think with your REAL head, Shinji! Not the other one!_

But indeed, the situation really had to be discussed upon. While the couple still had many fun things that they haven't done yet, intimacy wisely, they have done things that would've took much longer for other couple otherwise, mainly thanks to Rei's situation and strange upbringing made her having much more straightforward way of thinking with barely any decency that would've convinced her to decline or took some things in life with slower pace. The result was a lovebird who haven't even went to a date, but somehow already came close to the action that would've been considered as the ultimate form of intimacy.

 _I knew i get a hard on sometimes whenever we holding each others. Why's she never bring it up? Maybe because she doesn't notice it as unusual, or she really doesn't care. But what if she..._

Shinji had to pinch himself really hard to avoid thinking further that she actually liked it. He already decided before that making love before they really matured would've only bring bad consequences, even with birth controls used.

 _I really need to take her to a date. The mall, maybe?_

Have thought up the topic to get himself sidetracked, the young Ikari now's on his way to get the sugar. The sugar was really a ticket of excuse for him, and it was a nice thing too that the nurses already told his fans to get back to class after Rei and Asuka woke up.

When he's about to open the door to the kitchen, he heard the sound of glass breaking.

 _Huh?_

Soon enough, the nurses went on their way to where the sound come from.

Decided that there's already enough help on the way, Shinji ignored the sound and opened the door.

Only to find that the can of sugar's not there.

"Where's the sugar?"

"Looking for this, honey?"

He sensed the twisted anomaly inside the gothic woman who greeted him while holding the can he was looking for, but it was too late. A kick was administered to the right side of his abdomen, sent him right into the place where the cardboard boxes stocked.

"WOOH! You're right, Steve! All we need is a little distraction to put him down."

"Hehehe. I'm right, 'eh?" Said the Crazzy Steve, who about to launch himself into suicide dive before Rosemary stopped him.

"Steve, you know so well that we can't do that. This boy, is only belong to him only. Isn't that right...Mr. Muta?"

The masked wrestler was there, more unhinged than ever. Below his mask was his old facepaint, still haven't suffered any special effect failure from his sweats.

"Ehehehehe! Shinji Ikari, you better be running away from us, or Mr. Muta will wreak havoc, and you, with the girls, shall be...DESTROYED!"

Soon after, Steve and Rosemary, who was still in daze of excitement after she said the D-word, went out to get their hands at the other pilot of Evangelion. Whether they really going to fight against the prepared pilots or not, it doesn't matter; The fight between Abyss and The Rock would've created enough distraction for them, and made the whole operation much easier.

The first vision that Shinji saw post-concussion, as he cleared himself off the cardboard debris, was a deranged man sprayed his green mist.

* * *

The Rock's scuffle with Abyss was still on.

Even after The Rock's quick DDT, Abyss still wouldn't stay down. He immediately went up and blocked one of The Rock's hook, followed by a punch to the gut before he military pressed Rock. He followed by a running splash on Rock, but Dwayne Johnson rolled up and avoided the fall of the 350 pounds man. Rock quickly irish-whipped his opponent to the nearby window, cracked the window in the process before he proceeded to repeatedly smashed his face to the cracked spot of the window.

"YOU LIKE THAT YOU PIECE OF TRASH, HUH? HOW YOU LIKE THE ROCK BEATING THE CRAP OUT OF YOU, YOU ROODY POO?"

But Abyss blocked his attack when the glass's about to give in, and elbowed him to the area that's lower than the abdomen. This gave Abyss enough leverage to give Rocky his finisher, the Black Hole Slam, which he used to swing The Rock into the glass. The glass gave in, and The Rock's now covered into the sharp shards.

They were spent, and still no winner at all. The Rock's still conscious, and could've immediately swing back into action at any given moment. But this gave Abyss enough time to rest, and he had his hand on the forehead before made a swiping movement.

"I'm...bleeding?" The monster shouldn't wiped his forehead after all. "YOU MADE ME BLEED, ROCK! YOU SHALL PAY, BY WATCHING ME DESTROY THE BEAUTIFUL MAJOR OF NERV!"

There was no force that could stop Abyss's rage at this moment. Blood, needless to say, was a thing that made him crazy. And someone gotta be the black sheep, and it ain't gonna be The Rock.

But when he stepped into the headmaster office again, the woman was gone.

"JANICE! WHERE ARE YOU?!" It was obvious that this man's priority was really skewed.

Too bad for him, the woman he searched for was now hanging upside down, ready to obey gravity at any times.

The woman he seeks to destroy? Janice's with her...

* * *

Misato and The Rock vs Abyss! Shinji vs The Great Muta! Crazzy Steve and Rosemary vs Rei and Asuka! But why's no one helping? Where's the Section 2 Agents? And where's SAW's secret agent, Sammo Hung? Find out next, on the high-octane chapter of Evangelion Z!

And man, it's so hard to keep up with the characters. There's just so many of them! And i haven't included the likes of Vin Diesel, Matt Damon, Tony Jaa, Brian Bosworth, Val Kilmer, and so on and so on! Man, i can tell you what, in case the story implode before it reached it's climax, i'll simply write the ending of the story with some recaps.

So see you again next time! And there will be free fanservice and steroids for everyone who spread this story on the internet!


	18. Invasion: The Beginning

A/N: HAHAHA! YAAAASH! FINALLLY, HARDY BOYZ, HAVE COME BACK, TO WWE!

Oh, and sorry for the long delay for the update, but been busy lately.

So anyway, here's your trashy and fun fanfic, my readers! Sorry, but this one's kinda short. I need some warming up...

* * *

"WHERE'S THAT WOMAN?"

The gnarly vocal from the big wrestler struck a fear in Misato's nerve, especially knowing from the fight before that she secretly watched that this man has an extremely absurd threshold of pain.

 _Here goes nothing..._

And with that, she jumped, and literally nailed Abyss with his own weapon.

And as she feared, the weapon did nothing but further angered the man.

"You...Insolence!"

With that, Abyss began to chase the Major and Field Operator of NERV, who already ran for her life several seconds faster before he began to make his first stride. His plan was simple, and as straightforward as possible: Outran her, caught her, and smash her into the beautiful pieces that he oh so adored. Such a simple plan would only need several decently working brain cells, and as much of a mule Abyss was, he still had enough intelligence to make work several simpler plans, even stealth tactics just like what he just showed earlier.

Except, the plan did not ended like how anyone on his foot would've preferred it; The chase lasted much shorter than he expected, and ended with him on the shorter end of the stick.

Dwayne 'The Rock' Johnson, who was out earlier, caught him as soon as he bursted out of the door that has been closed by the purple haired woman earlier. And soon, he found his back planted into the ground with so much pain, all thanks to The Rock and his Rock Bottom.

With the sign by his very audible grunt and eyes that rolled back as he closed his eyelids, the stout wrestler's out of the game.

"Misato! You okay?"

"I'm fine, Rock..."

"Well, The Rock's glad because your well beings is does really matter to me, especially since The Rock needs every help he needed here!"

"...I'm the one with higher rank here, Rock. I'm the one who-"

"IT DOESN'T MA- okay, okay. It really does matter." The Rock waved his arms at Misato who was, at best, unamused by his arrogant catchphrase. It's a good thing that the former Miami Hurricane's Defensive Lineman already controlled jis primal instincts from his Curse of Hollywood. "The Rock will know his role, and shut his mouth. But listen to me, Misato: This man's definitely not alone here, and this is possibly just one of the many attacks that will occur today! Kaji just gave me intels, and all of them sounded bad! Possible betrayals, communication cut-off, there's something ugly going on now, Misato!"

"...Crap." Misato simply shook her head in disbelief. Her flock of hair were messier than ever. It was a miracle that Abyss just used a glass softener, or everyone in the room would get plenty of nasty cuts. "And here i am, thinking this's just a crazy and surreal display of roid rage. Instead, we're getting a rather calculated terrorism attack in the school that nursed our pilots."

"Well, The Rock knows that maybe we don't have much time. So the way things going on here, i think we have two options here: First, we put the principal somewhere safe, and then we explore this school to figure out what the hell is going on here, and save the day."

"...That doesn't sound like a plan."

"Of course it doesn't sound like a plan, Misato! We barely even know what's really happening here!"

"...What's the plan B, then?"

"Almost the same, except this time, i'm going to be the one who's going to be chased. Plan A had any of us could become the bait."

Within a flash, Misato already made her decision. "Plan B's gonna be it. I need some time to make some plans."

"Okay, then. But first, what we're going to do with the principal?"

Both of them then stared at the lying figure of principal, who was unconscious and covered with the shattered window glass. As explained before, it's still a good thing that the glasses has been turned into something as harmless as sugar glass.

"We can't let him get in the way, can we?"

* * *

"There's something wrong here, my friend."

"I know, Mr. Eastwood." Hiroshi Fujioka said. "They haven't say anything about updates from the Middle School for 30 minutes. Also, there are several areas that for some reasons become unreachable."

"I shall call the guys in the underground."

"Make it quick." Said Fujioka to the already gone Cowboy. With that, he sighed and called one of the agent that's still in contact with him.

"Van Damme? Yeah, listen. There's something ugly going on in this city. Make sure that the Children is okay.

I'll join you soon."

* * *

Shinji Ikari always enjoyed the high ground that he had above everyone else regarding the Angel war. The time he truly struggled, it had more to do with his EVA unit and less because of the enemy. In fact, he already planned to take things slower right now because his Evangelion unit's obviously one kind of an unstable monster, which means that it's his own worst enemy. Even with his mother's soul basically already appeared in front of him, taking things slower was still the viable options since no matter how he loved challenges on his life, preserving his mind's clarity is still the most important thing for him.

He already took so much badassery level and this giant robot thing's still felt too dangerous for him if he became too active; Seems like some old habits just wouldn't die.

Either way, sometimes, the Third Child's mind wandered about one thing: What if he was not this damn good? Obviously, he would not preferred his older self,what with that wimp's extremely low esteem and breakable sanity, but perhaps he's also safer in a way. The Evangelion would not be this dangerous in such an early development (he knew that this's far from the coming soon Finale), and perhaps, the Angels also wouldn't leveled up to keep up with him as well (although he also knew that they did not leveled up as much as him, so the benefits still going for his side).

This counter with Muta made him rethought his wishes again, and he came little bit closer with both revoking and embraced them.

Obviously, with the new dangerous shit that happened, things were a...little bit more chaotic than his previous time dimension, to understate it. Hearing the fact that there are many new dangers that lurking around that otherwise would not happen in his old timeline, such as Nicolas Cage and Samuel L. Jackson's Evil Coalition, or Matt Hardy's plan to DELETE! this world, then obviously your old time sounds like a time with more abundance of tranquilty...of course, disregarding the whole Angelic giant monsters thing.

But then again, if he's not this good, would he even survived the onslaught? Hell, if there's no such chaos caused by Willis and friends, the good side of espionage that was done by Ryoji Kaji (and later Misato Katsuragi) would never even had a chance to begin with.

Regardless, it was pretty clear that his mind would not producing his what-if scenarios regarding his old self soon, what with his own life was at the stake right now.

Speaking of stake...

"Bad day! Bad day!"

Yeah. This was the few time when Shinji decided that running away's without any question, the best option for his fight.

The Great Muta was nowhere near the slow wrestler he had become after he changed his style into the slow Shining Wizard. As if the Curse of Hollywood took a specific interest of him, the old wrestler has been turned into the poster model of excessive roid abuse. And yes, that was a spot-on description.

In short, he was bigger, faster, stronger and badder than ever.

The run for his life was decided after The Third Child already traded several blows against the erratic masked wrestler, which he soon decided to be enough as an indication that he was clearly outclassed by the man, and it was pretty clear that running away provided much, much better survival rate.

At the end of the day, for all his awesomeness, Shinji Ikari was still just a child.

"Come on!" Shinji tried to keep his voice down in his hiding, which is very hard considering that he was breathing hard out of fear and high adrenaline. "Where's the Section 2 agents?" He said, clearly in exasperated tone.

His only option, was for the Section 2 agents to finally arrived and took down this maniac. Of course, he doesn't like the idea one bit; Section 2 agents were having the grace of a cranky turtle ice-skating with a pair of broken mules, which means that their solution were to simply shoot down this maniac.

But wait; Wasn't Sammo Hung's also in this building?

"So why's he not here? Unless..."

His train of thoughts was abruptly stopped by the hissing sound of Muta, holding a door frame with his one hand.

At the terrifying sight, Shinji has a good idea of what happened to Sammo Hung. But he still hoped that there was no true harm to him.

"I better find him now..."

* * *

"AAAAH! Destroy! DESTROY! Oh, they will be destroyed!"

"Oh, sister Rosemary! This is the most wonderful thing that ever happened in our career! To taking out the Children, and...hehehhehehehe..."

"We all know that destroyed is simply a word to put it nicely, Steve. Because there won't be enough of them, that's left for anyone to construct!"

"So girls, get rrrready to-"

"...Where?"

The infirmary was empty. No sign of anyone there, let alone a blue haired girl or red one.

"We're to late!" Said the female wrestler dramatically.

"No." Said the man there. "It's warm, and half-drunk. They're still somewhere around here, Rose!"

"But how did they know we're here?"

"NO IDEA!" The man boasted in such a loud manner, before giggled like a maniac.

Yeah. These two had the grace of Batman after Bane broke his back, and they wondered how their target managed to run? Get real.

In spite of their obvious mental impairments that made the stealth mission not so-so, their movements are fast, covering all near corners within a minute.

And soon, they saw their target.

"Aww! Look at her! In bandages!" Said Rosemary as they saw Rei sat in the corner without making any sound. Silence for her still means gold.

"Just like our OP Photos!"

"She's been hurt alot, doesn't she?"

"Only one way to find out!"

Slowly they approached the alone girl, obviously with malicious intents.

Until they received a chairshot in Steve's back.

"What the?-"

No further response came out of Rosemary mouth, as she received one on her head.

Soon enough, Steve was back in his feet, and turned around to get his revenge back at the crimson haired girl.

But he forgotten the First Child, who hit his back again, hard.

Both Asuka and Rei began to hit those two as hard as they could, the adults there did not have a chance against these two. Each chairshots brought them back to the cold tiles that began to warm up from their body temperature.

So why's their pupils widened in horror?

"Come on, Rei! Let's go!"

And with that, they left the two wobbled wrestlers, cursed their names as they paid the price for underestimated the girls.

Good thing that they could regenerate; When their smeared body paints began to reappeared, it was at this moment where Asuka and Rei began to realized that they better be off soon rather than keep fighting the two.

It was so obvious now; These two were not normal.

* * *

"Reby! Finally, you come!"

"Matt." Her wife said nothing more as she kissed the mad wrestler. Everything about her was gorgeous, what with her ruby lips and voluptuous body. It was pretty much clear that she's one of the few woman in the world who could gave Misato a run for beauty contest.

"How's everything going so far?"

"It was wonderful! My apprentice and his obsolete mules are now learning the talk of the dragons, fighting them off with both modern weapon and their dragon scream! It's literally Skyrim with Guns!"

"So you make them doing the Reign of Fire again, only with Dragon Shouts?"

"Yaash! They really went making the real thing!"

"Anything else, dear?" Said Rebecca as she gave their son to Senor Benjamin, and began to dance with Matt as someone began to play their favorite song in the piano: Obsolete by Brother Nero's Obsolete band, PeroxWhy.

"Brother Nero, has began our conquest for gold! I gave him the reign to choose whatever he wanted first; To get the cloned body of Ray Aryanami, or Adam the Embryo! With Vanguard-1 in his side, he will never fail either way! EEUUUAAAAAAARRRRGGGGGHHHH!"

In spite of the absolutely inhuman sound that her husband making right now, Rebecca Victoria Hardy just simply smiled. She never questioned whatever madness her skunk-haired husband doing, and she knew what happening right now.

The premonition, has just arrived.

"SCRIBE! WROTE THIS DOWN!" Matt said to his servant with the job to write everything from his premonition that only he could see for unknown reason. "I see, the premoneeetion, of the Lesser War in Tokyo of the Third! It's already began..."

"And the hordes of mutant bikers, has just arrived."

* * *

"My lord, we have arrived."

"Good." Said the man who now caressed his bone saw.

"Shall we strike now?"

"Not yet." Said the imposing man, clearly mutated from whatever inflicted upon him. "Make sure that my John will face me first."

"Yes, Vernon-"

"DON'T You DARE CALL ME BY THAT NAME!" Said the man as he threatened his underling by his bone blade.

"I mean...yes, my lord Ransik."

Satisfied, he let his man off this time. Then, he mused to himself. "John...i hope you're ready, John..."

* * *

Whoa! Looks like Vernon Wells somehow received the ability to turn into mutant time lord, and he believed himself to be one too! And what's his grudge against 'John'? And will Van Damme and Hiroshi Fujioka is enough to help the Children in school? Find out next, on Evangelion Z!

And yes, i'll put some cult favorite guys like Vernon Wells here. Prepare for guys like Bill Duke, people!


	19. Invasion: Tokyo-3

The masked wrestler was looking at his environments, almost like a starving beast on the verge of death. Everytime he breathed there would be mist sprayed, all of them crimson in color. Crimson blood, the color of rage...it's almost as if the everything the man did purely showed that he was an agent of madness.

Soon enough, he was gone.

Both his preys simply nodded, knew that any noises would put them back in the game of death again. They took the same direction, opposite from whatever path Muta just chosen.

"Any idea what's going on, Mr. Sammo Hung?"

"I don't know, Shinji. First i got beaten up by those crazy painted wrestlers, and now i found my belly popped out again just like old time. How these people caused turbulence of Bruce Lee's mystical power is beyond me."

"Hmm.." Shinji took his mind into thinking trip as both sneaked their way out of the emergency stair. He then asked, "Does this has something with the Hardy Boyz?"

"Them? Pfft." Sammo Hung sneered, "As far as i concerned, Hardys and Decay are sworn enemies. In fact, i'm betting that Matt's going mad by now since these three somehow upstaged him away."

"But then who? Who else could have such a power to challenge the balance that could only be held by the Greater Power?"

"I don't know." Said Hung as he took a peek at the door frame, making sure that everything is safe, "Perhaps it's something we don't even aware of."

* * *

"Bruce Lee...one of the most formidable warrior from the land of movie star...is this how you used your sudden death's sacrifice? All so you could die...in my hand, right when everything began to move in motion?"

"I won't be killed by something as reprehensible as whatever you are. And certainly, there's no way i would do anything you want."

"Is that so?" The being said as he looked at the Hong Kong movie legend, "Your condition now is nowhere near as fit as before, and you couldn't see even the brightest light. Now how could you survive my attacks while you're nothing but a...blinded being?"

"Heh." Lee simply smirked. The pain that burned his eyes has since long gone, replaced by his determination to repel whatever this being that dared to disturb him. "You knew as well as i do that taking care these Yin stream is a very harsh task that taking everything out of you. What you did before could be pulled by anyone far less formidable; It was nothing but a sucker punch."

"All that matter is that i got you good. Face it, Lee; My very bane of existence was caused by none other than you."

"And now that matter's not the important task right now, i can focus in none other than stopping whatever you do now."

The being shot something at Lee, who simply dodged it by moved to the right. The visual, however, looked much more impressive; Both the attack and Lee caused after images that produced mini aurora before they vanished with the attack's strength getting diminished by time. Soon enough, it became apparent that it's less about dodging and more about created a mini window that absorbed the attack.

"Impressive. It looks like being focused in something else really make your senses much more perceptive."

"So i take it you're not that well versed in how human's mind and senses. How are you supposed to beat...me?"

"Oh, but i have more, Lee. Much, much more..." The being said as he summoned several goons, barely describable by anything human knowledge could. Lee just smirked as he used his senses of energy flow to readied himself against these creatures.

* * *

"Scheisse! What the hell was that? Are my eyes correct?"

"I believe they are."

"Jeez. Thanks for the reassurance, Rei." Asuka rolled her eyes. Shinji needed to supply Rei with knowledge about sarcasm soon. Then again, he could be not doing that because Rei's poker face is virtually unbeatable; Teaching her about sarcasm possibly could've broke anyone sarcasm meter. "But seriously...what the hell was that. I don't expect them to regrow paint and such!"

"The only being who could done such regeneration was...the Angel." Rei eyes broke the mask for the first time in front of Asuka.

"...Correct, Rei." Asuka said, inside down felt astonished at her shock.

"But how? I thought only NERV has the possession of such technology."

"My guess? These creepy ass wrestlers, are just powered by something just as unholy. Anyway, we should be moving now."

"Ooh! I'd agree with that for a dollar!"

"KYAAAA!"

Asuka slammed the chair onto the poor head of Crazzy Steve that popped out of the wall, and did what she just suggested to Rei. Steve simply shook off the pain before he laughed maniacally again. After all, the girls were really gave him one hell of a joy ride.

And Rosemary's ready for the girls soon.

* * *

"Hey kid!"

"Y...yeah, Austin?"

"How's it hangin?"

"I...i'm fine, i guess." Kensuke said as he stared at the screen with great intensity. Well, actually, he's intense in another way. To put it nicely, he didn't know that piloted something this huge felt so different with how he looked from the plane he has been from.

NEO Jet Alone was huge! Everything beneath it looked like they were nothing but tiny, squishy objects that were pretty much not worthy for him. All technical things, like how the peripheral vision of this colossal thing was deprived from the bird of preys, were not matter.

"Everything looked so tiny..."

"I know, kid." Seeing the kid tensed up, Austin gave him a good pat on the back, "Hey, don't get so worked up by this! We're here just to make sure that they won't cross the line. And Arnie would win this match against that crazy mutant time lord! There won't be any kill from the part of you!"

"I hope so...now i think about it, the only thing i haven't prepared for being a soldier...is to kill."

Austin simply preferred to stay silent from Kensuke's rather grim remark.

* * *

"Can we move now, Mr. Sammo Hung? I don't think i'm appreciating this."

"No one can appreciate the feeling of a TV dinner, Shinji."

"So you like being one?"

"No." Sammo Hung simply stated before he gave the vent another push. Finally, it budged.

"Oh, crap. Don't tell me that we're fighting Joker Gang wannabee too?"

"Those are the guys who kidnapped the whole Section 2 agents in this school?" Shinji said, before he answered himself in the way, "Nevermind. Things are definitely weirder than i'd prefer it, so no explanation needed."

"You sounded more and more like Misato, Shinji."

"At least i didn't whine about it..."

Didn't say anything again, Sammo Hung looked for possible distraction so they could get out of the vent without anyone noticed. Soon enough, he got it in the worst way anyone could intended.

Rei and Asuka somehow ran into the room.

"Oh, ain't you two pretty..."

"Shit! Wrong room!"

Shinji almost jumped at the sight of both the girls being cornered by the freaks, but he managed to calm himself. After all, it won't do any good if their action attracted that crazy beast-

 _Oh, shit._

Muta suddenly barged in into the room with Rosemary, startled everyone inside and turned anything Shinji formulated inside his head moot. Had no other choice, Sammo Hung went into the room in the most bumbling way possible; he rolled on purpose and landed with his back on the stretcher. Shinji did not take his time; He immediately jumped and done a flying kick at one of the goon. Rei followed him, used Asuka on Squat as a stepping stone.

"Scheisse, Rei!" But Asuka did not take any more seconds to get herself the taste of the action. She threw her chair into the distracted mook, and launched a dropkick into the other. Soon enough, everybody was kung-fu (and wrestling) fighting.

In short, it was one hell of a mess.

Sammo Hung had no trouble in continuing his best attacks against the mad masked wrestler, leaving absolutely no room for Muta to assault the pudgy Hong Kong actor. It was all thanks to his bumbling antic before that made the mooks that surrounded him to not suspect him as a very capable martial artist and more about an idiot that somehow sneaked into the room. The fact that the Pilots trio were doing very fine job at fighting the mooks and Rosemary also helped him in.

Speaking of Rosemary...

The mad woman suddenly relieved herself from the duty of fighting the Pilots, launched herself into cannonball senton at Sammo Hung. 'Da Goh Da', as some called him, was momentarily stunned, allowed Muta to do a flying drop kick and sent him into the Pilots, dazed him for a second. The three pilots scrammed and soon faced their own problems.

Muta was chasing Shinji again, while Rosemary and the rest of the mooks soon surrounded the female pilots.

Everything screamed 'Bad Day' for all good guy in the room.

Shinji decided to not face the another self-proclaimed Great wrestler in the world; He instead charged at Rosemary, kicked her ass with flying roundhouse kick. Muta soon followed him and launched himself into handspring move, only to hit another member of the Joker gang. As Rosemary tried to regain her footing, Rei and Asuka kicked her from the both side and sent her flying into Muta. Muta simply dodged her flying body and pulled a crossbody against the two pilots. They dodged him, but he was not just bigger and stronger than the two; He also faster, with only his feral fighting style that both hindered and enhanced it.

Muta spun around and hit both the girls with his legs, brought them down to the ground before he pulled a kip-up. He then began to pinned both of them with his legs, crushing their chest as he put more and more pressure with them. Shinji tried to help, but he could barely held himself against Rosemary and half of the gang; Sammo Hung himself was being pinned by the rest of the gang. This means that the girls were on their own.

Asuka put one of her hand into Muta's leg in desperation, and only resulted in her yelped in pain as he put even more pressure into her ribs. Rei, meanwhile, had better idea; As Muta's focus was briefly put more on Asuka, she managed to slightly lift herself with her arm strength and tried to kick him in the back. Muta caught her leg instead and pulled her into some sort of strange one-legged boston crab. She howled in pain.

"REI! ASUKA!" Shinji screamed and forced his way to get his hands on Muta, jumped on every. But Rosemary knew it would happen; She caught Shinji when he stepped on the ninth bad guys that tried to get him. Soon enough, it was clear, that the Joker gang have caught every single of the pilots. Today, the winner were the bad guys.

And suddenly, everything tumbling down.

The Rock came to the room with truckload of mass with Double Rock Bottom on Crazzy Steve and Abyss, putted everyone in danger of being crushed by the debris. Soon everyone scrammed out of the room, leaving the good guys to attend by themselves. Asuka managed to get out first before Sammo Hung followed her, while Shinji was out with Rei in his arms. No one was hurt except the two underlings of Rosemary who were sandwiched by The Rock's Bottom...although a certain Third Pilot's head was nearly crushed by the mass of the third floor, as well as the other debris that entrapped them both.

"Rei..."

"Shinji, you should not do that." Both whispered to savored this moment better; Out of luck, somehow no one else was trapped besides them. However, there are confused goons near them, so being audible for now was out of question.

"...Excuse me?"

"You are a non-disposable entity in NERV, while i am. My safety should not be your concern, for there are my replacements."

"Don't dare to say that-"

"I could perish and came back, again and again Shinji. I might acted a bit different after i do that, i might even not remember anything i've done, but in the end it's still me. I You, however, couldn't."

"Rei-" He did not like every part of it one bit. Her diminishing of her own worth, her reminder for him that she was inhuman being, her tears that fell of her eyes, and her reminders that he could died in front of her for a meaningless sacrifice.

But the most disgusting thing, was her revelation that she could lose her memory after her death.

"I don't want to lose you, Shinji. I don't want-MMMH!"

Rei's speech was broken when Shinji captured her lips with his own.

 _If you going to lose everything we cherished when you died, then a part of me would've died as well, Rei..._

Of course, no one was there to see the romantic scene in the middle of chaos, as they were focused in fighting again...

Or watching the new fight that would emerge.

"So, Keiji Mutoh...you called yourself The Great Muta?" Said The Rock after he stepped on Crazzy Steve.

Nothing but feral mist came out of his mouth.

"You know something, Muta...a brave man said, there can be only one. And THE ROCK MEANS!" The Rock looked at his environment, filled with nothing but fighting between Joker Gang and Asuka with Sammo Hung fended them off with acrobatic kicks, "Only one person, that could become The Great One. And that title, belong to The Brahman Bull, The Most Electrifying Sport Entertainer, Dwayne The Rock Johnson, not some feral jabroni who keep spewing mist like Kappa on steroids. In fact, since you wore red here, just like The Rock's favorite punk ass bitch Kane, and you're smaller than him, The Rock will call you, The Little Red Retard!"

And soon enough, Muta charged himself at The Rock, with his feral instincts felt somehow deeply irritated by Rocky's words.

* * *

"Jeez! Where's the last scrambler?" Misato said to herself as she looked at the blueprint that she got from the mook that she beaten.

It's a good thing that her adversaries were normal thugs with simple madness that could happen to anyone; She wouldn't want to know how it felt to fight someone who could shook off being literally nailed on his back. It was something else to face mad biker gang, but something like that?

She wasn't paid for that.

So as we know already, our gorgeous Major was on her trail to disable the jammer that disabled communication in the school. Also, on her way, she managed to evacuated the whole school to stay inside their classroom and act as if nothing happened; The Joker Gang's insistence to play it stealth backfired on them with this strategy.

 _As long as The Rock and Abyss stayed on their own business, there's nothing that could endangered this mission._

And she found it. With that, the school's not isolated from the outside anymore.

"NERV, this is Major Katsuragi. I'm reporting an act of terrorism by an unidentified gang in Tokyo-3 High School I repeat, i'm reporting an act of terrorism by an unidentified gang in Tokyo-3 High School, copy."

"We got you, Major!"

"Thank god." Misato felt a huge burden on her shoulders lifted after she heard the voice of Clint Eastwood from her phone, "Look, we need as many backup as possible. There's a kidnapping attempt at the pilots here. Most of Section-2 agents were already apprehended, and i'm afraid that there are many more members of...whoever orchestrated this attack here."

"We already sent several personnel, they're either on the way, or already blended here already. You shouldn't worry now."

"Several? Just several? Now wait a min..."

She saw it. She saw it clear as day.

Jackie Chan in some power armor, headed on his way with Mr. Fujioka and Van Damme...while wearing a big kind of armor.

"What the helll..."

"Big Brothers always watching each others, Misato."

"...Why are you referencing 1984 again, sir?"

"Considering what happened before we came here, i assumed that NERV pre-arrival is quiet close to totalitarianism."

"I might be inclined to agree." Misato simply said in agreement. Commander Ikari loved to be in total control, after all.

"Glad that cleared up."

* * *

"Can't we do anything?" The big bearded man asked after the scene where Ramsik sat on his throne while Arnold Schwarzenegger slashing his way ala Barbarian was showed on his face.

"For now, nothing."

"Lee is in danger already. So why we still couldn't, John Wayne?"

"It's still not enough." Said the man, "Unless someone truly forced his way to gain the energy of Yin, then we cannot go in there. Remember, the two being are already there to bring balance to each others. The Seven Deity were...something else."

"Except there's no balance in the first place. Everything were virtually black and grey; Without Bruce Lee looking for the loopholes, Earth's virtually doomed into wasteland. The Impact, as they call it, would destroy humanity whether someone reject it or not."

"And there's no more loopholes until something big happened. Which i believe it will happen sooner or later."

The big man simply slumped as he created a comfortable sofa by his own imagination, "I hate waiting."

"Like when Butch denied you in 1969 Finals, Wilt?"

"Now that was cruel and unfunny, Bronson. You know that shit made me lose my relationship with Russel, right?"

"Still nothing compared to what i lose in Death Wish series."

"Just shut up, Grandpa."

* * *

So there it is! The climax's going to happen soon! Of course, the good guy would emerge triumphantly, but at what cost? And will Matt Hardy sued The Rock and Muta for his trademarked Great War? Find out next, on Evangelion Z!


	20. Invasion 2: This Is (Not) The End

"Bennett!" Arnold shouted as he slashed another mook. There has been dozens of piled up bodies from his earlier encounters. After their initial confrontations with the Mad Bennett army the available Expendables members decided that most of these man were gone mad for too long already and practically impossible to negotiate or reasoned with, so the only thing to do now was to save their own skin until they met the boss.

Of course, those who were not trying to kill them or showed fear were spared by our heroes, that is when they're not retreated first before.

"I'm here, John!"

There he was; Vernon Wells, one of the poor sap that became a victim of the insanity from the Curse of Hollywood, a neutral side-effect from the time travel of Bruce Willis. It was unknown for how severe was the effect, but the fact that he legit thought that he was both a former friend of John Matrix and mutant timelord from the future showed that he's basically a total loose cannon.

"I'm here, Bennett. Dressing like Conan the Barbarian on the post-apocalyptic world," Which surprisingly, short of fitting with the currently very sick mother nature thanks to the forced evolution that SEELE has been conducted, "Just like you asked. What do you want?"

"We're going to kill, and kill, and kill. That's what we're going to do. I'm going to enjoy to make you suffer from your three most enjoyable things in your life, especially the lamentations of your woman."

"Frankly, Wez, in real life, i don't give a damn and shit about those."

"No more talk, John! No more chit chat! I'm gonna KILL YOU REAL naaaaow!"

And so, with his bone control ability, Ransik began his attack as he thrust forward to Schwarzenegger's broad chest.

-ee-

"So this is how their first war, eh?"

"Toshiro! You missed a lot. Where you've been?" Asked Bronson to one of Japan's most decorated actor, who has been starring in various foreign countries, even played a Mexican at one point.

"Just looking around for something."

"Something? There's nothing unusual that could materialize in this afterlife! This's our safe space, our own personal bubble! What could you possibly be looking for?"

"Something that makes my sense tingling. Probably nothing." He mumbled as he looked at the screen, where Arnie punched Wells a.k.a. Bennett into the face after narrowly avoided his bone sword, while Kensuke's Jet Alone shooting out pepper spray on his tribe that was going to help their apocalyptic lord and fellow mad rider. "Man. This's even better than Pacific Rim and Gundam. And-oh! Another punch in the nose by Bruce Willis. That one'll left some stitches!"

"Speaking of Gundam, can you imagine Kaji's brother fighting alongside them? He really fitted the name Domon. Man, i bet even he could take down Shinji by his own, depending on the circumstances of course."

"I don't know, Wilt." The elder, John Wayne spoke up, "They still haven't found the rest of the talisman, and they still couldn't trust that Donnie Yen fellow. Looks like he's still going to help Li and Lundgren. And for the last one, i believe those two are possible equal."

"Can't believe that man was playing Ip Man, two-."

"Three."

"Yeah, yeah." Said Wilt dismissively, "He was the bad guy in most Hollywood movies where he appeared, and now he's possibly a real one too. Why're they still trust him this far?"

"We'll never know."

"It's sucks." Wilt exclaimed, "We're practically Gods here, and none of us even know what's going on in our own backyard."

-ee-

"Is it okay for me to stay out of the way, Shinji?"

"Rei," The Third Child looked at his lover straight in the eyes, "Your left knee is dislocated, and your back muscle are strained too. You jumped back into the fight would do absolutely no favor for us, and you."

"Fine. Then the best thing i could do is to pray for the best of outcome."

Just as Shinji stop smiled at her and about to rejoin the fight, the hole that he created with his chi was closed by the collapse of structure that housed him and Rei in the first place. As it collapsed, a girl's vocalized grunt hummed through the air.

"Asuka! Crap! I don't have much time left!"

And with that, Shinji rushed back to the place where the fight was being held, not knowing the new arrival of certain basketball jock and his freckled girlfriend.

"Shinji?" They mumbled in unison before they noticed a bruised girl with torn school uniform. Their eyes widened in horror as they noticed the scraped skins all over her body. "Rei! Are you-"

"I'm fine." The First Child answered just when they about to ask the obvious, before she further explained. "There's no internal and serious injuries."

"Oh, Rei! We and the fans can't find you guys in the infirmary, so we began to search for you." Hikari began to talk about the things that happened with them, "I think we're the only one who's not caught by the teacher when they turned on the alarm. If only we're a bit faster, then-"

"Then you should joined them in the safe place. These man are extremely dangerous, as you can see on what happened to me. My martial arts skill done little to nothing in neutralize them, and we don't need a senseless rush to help them." Warned Rei at the two. _Not to mentions that you, Toji is one of the most potential recruits after Shinji. Of course, the gap's very big that they don't consider picking you up as something high on priority list..._

"Oh, hell naw!" The jock suddenly get pumped out, "I might be not a martial artist, or affiliated with wrestlers and action stars, and even scared by the EVA units, but i'm still a basketball star that's loyal to his friends! And i won't let Shinji fight by himself up there!"

"Toji! No!" Unfortunately, Hikari's wails went unheard by Toji, who already charged his way into the higher floor.

"He is getting braver now." Rei stated the fact.

"Uuugh! I knew letting him hanging around with Shinji's fansclub is a bad idea... I want him to be braver, not suicidal, dammit!"

"We could only hope that your wish is the norm here."

"What the hell does that even mean?"

"We'll pray that Toji does not charged at the bad guys blindly."

-ee

The Rock's doing his punch combo, took every bad guys that's charged at him and made them taste the tile on the ground that they stood and stepped at.

"You dare hurting The Rock's Great Darling, and now all of you get a free check in to the Smackdown Hotel!"

The Rock keep pummeled, and pummeled at the roody poos that just slammed Asuka with a tag team attack that's not dissimilar with 3D from Dudley Boyz and left her unconscious, all the while left Sammo Hung to hold his own against Muta. It was a good thing that The Rock raged on them that's not dissimilar from the Who Ran Stone Cold Over storyline, meaning that he practically went on pure rampage against them so much that they cannot do anything further with the fiery girl.

However, it also meant that Sammo Hung did not stand a chance.

The blood that Sammo Hung stained already reached the 0.6 Muta scale, which meant that he already quiet bloodied thanks to Muta's weapon of choice; Door splinter.

The portly Martial artist already have several bleeding orifices, one from his forehead and another from his back. The excessive blood looked even more aggravated due to his sweats, which smeared the blood and made it looked like Hung lost more blood pints than he actually had.

"ASUKA!"

"Go get Muta, Shinji! I can handle these hoodlums by myself!"

So Shinji went after Muta and Sammo Hung, of course encountered several resistance from The Joker gang as well. But Shinji took them down without barely break a sweat.

He really needed to save those for his first human boss fight, which was definitely outclassed him by miles.

And there he was, The Great Muta, basically beating Sammo Hung into bloody pulp with the door that he ripped from the hinge. Several blood lines and spots smeared the wall and floor. As he stepped into a blood puddle, The Third Child felt truly sick.

And angry.

Knew that there's no other choice left, Shinji decided to use his forbidden technique that's not even ever used in his bout as Evangelion pilot.

The Heaven Kick.

-ee-

"Jeez! Is it so hard just to grab this one little girl?"

"Not when his father punched everyone in sight."

"Well, it's a good thing we slipped out. Now...hehehheheheh. This sweet German, shall be-"

Unfortunately, yes.

What followed was all of them get a hit on their head, courtesy of Tokyo-3's future Basketball Superstar.

"No defenseless woman shall be taken in front of me, ya hear!"

Of course, the next scene was all of them chasing the boy who keep wearing his school gym uniform all the time, having fresh stamina as his bonus start.

-ee-

As Shinji flew into his target, Muta acknowledged the charged attack behind him.

Of course, it did not matter for him. For all screws that's loose in his head, Muta's instinct never failed him. And in this one, he knew that his trusty mist attack was more than enough to block the attack. It already worked on Sting once, so why should it's not against it?

So the only thing Muta did against Shinji, was turned his back to face against the child.

-ee-

"EEERGH!"

"NYAAAARGH!"

Vernon Wells, now known as either Bennett or Ransik (although to even lesser example some also called him Wez) were still trading blows after blows with the Austrian Oak. Good old trusty Arnie's iron sword against Bennett's bone sword, which keep repaired itself with it's bone growth ability. Arnie was bleeding from one of the bone attack that grazed his abdomen, while his enemy had his shoulder bones snapped and stabbed on several of his underlings that attempted help. Both man were now wrestling with each others as they attempted to fry their nemesis. Arnie, on his Conan aliases, needed to get Bennett off from him before he regained his now exhausted bone growing ability. Good thing that the only thing he retained from his Power Rangers stint was his bone growing ability, so this fucker was on no-flying and energy projectile zone.

The situations around him was similarly chaotic. Stallone was fighting the other mooks and other people that looked more like they belonged to Mad Max's shooting location, not unlike their leader Lord Bennett/Ransik. Meanwhile, old Willis was nearly overwhelmed by the underlings. Willis was already one of the more vulnerable 80s action hero, so in spite of being just as awesome as the others, he already get much worse hits from the mooks. Bloodied and battered, he himself wondered how much he still had before he finally succumbed to the injuries.

And as one of them nearly get a fatal strike, a shotgun shot was heard when he fell down all of sudden.

"...Gibson?"

In spite of the mask hide his face well, Willis could tell it from his extremely similar body language with the Mad Max character.

That, and he looked awfully alot like Kenshiro. Actually, his mask looked like Jagi, the scum of the Big Dipper martial artists.

"So i've been found out."

The lowlifes screaming traitor at him, charged in prompt. However, the man and his sawn-off shotgun did not flinched at all by the attacks, simply shooting them off before he get into a fight with them, hitting every one of them with the gun barrels. Of course, Willis helped him as well.

And soon, the bad guys were already dispersed.

"We thought you're a loose cannon now." Says Willis as he helped Mel Gibson to get back on his feet.

"I'm not already?" Joked the man.

"I mean, turned off to the evil side because...reasons and evidences."

"Well, as much as i don't like the plan of...playing god to fix the world, at least this is noble. All my potential clients are just the same as you guys, only..." The man who played a suicidal cop once cocked his gun, "they want to be one, not just play."

Willis stared at him, before he spoke his two cents on it. "Power can corrupts."

"And you guys are still haven't, which is why i figured that for all the potential heresy, working with you all still the best outcome...for now."

 _Back to Arnold and Wells_

"I feel so good, John!" The mad man exclaimed before went further, "When they say something about Arnold Schwarzenegger, i said i'll do it for free!"

"So you won't get anything to feed your underlings here, Bennett? I thought food were scarce for bikers in post-apocalyptic world!"

"Oh, but you forgot something, John!" Bennett says as he suddenly grew a bone from his arm that blocked Arnold's sword and knocked him to the ground with a punch to the face. He then walked to Arnold's lying body, and screamed, "WE'RE NOT NORMAL, AND YOU'RE A DYING MAN!"

Suddenly, he felt something pierced his outfit.

An arrow. Property of John Rambo.

"The other John!"

"The more iconic one." Said a very distinctive mumbled voice, muttered by a very well known marble mouth.

Both John now began to kicking up Bennett's ass, culminated in Stallone punched him in the guts before Arnie uppercut him to the generator, caused the man to screaming in agony as the electrocution began to fry him.

However, they didn't know that it was not the end, but rather the beginning of it.

-ee-

"Come on, Katsuragi! We need that cover fire!"

"Can't you see that i'm busy protecting my butts up here? And i thought that armor can do much more than that?"

"While i'm agree that fine ass of yours's worth protecting," Said Van Damme, who said those words without any means to make sexual advances, "We here need everything to survive, Major!"

"And my survival is not as important?" Said Misato, still protected well from the travelling bullets all over her.

"Of course, but if we don't move quick, the armed people here might went inside and-"

All arguments were stopped, when they saw someone flying through one of the window.

And it was not Superman.

"Mu...MUTA-SAMA!"

"Why's he glowing in dark purple?"

-ee-

So the attack and the counter was as simple as it could ever be.

A kick, imbued with the holy power of ascended beings, against a mist to the face.

In short, it was timing that decided the outcome.

However, the attention of the beast man was now solely focused on the young man who used one of his ultimate technique, and as a result, now Sammo Hung was left free to regain his breaths and sneaked out of the battlefield.

Except he did not do the latter.

As the impact's almost happened, Sammo Hung elbowed the neck of Keiji Mutoh, caused the mist to be formed prematurely. The fact that he caught some in his eyes by his stumbling forward made things worse for him.

And so, the kick connected.

-ee-

"Are they really that desperate?"

"If we ignored that kick, he'll explode and-"

"We can't let it happened just like that, right?"

"Jackie! Give me the boost!"

"You mean us."

The first Kamen Rider was launched to the sky, with the help of Jackie Chan, still inside his armor. As he drew himself closer and closer to the now helpless primal wrestler, he prepared himself to do the Rider kick.

It connected to the already cracked mask, not shattered.

The final blow was done by Van Damme, done his best flying roundhouse kick so far. The kick hit the abdomen area, and caused whatever evilness it contained to disperse. Now, the only paint job that still remained was on Muta's face, which is slowly deteriorate as well due to sweat. In short, it became a natural face paint rather than a mark of evil for the man.

Now, it's Jackie time.

Jackie did a thunderclap to slow their descent into the ground, and proceeded to do his usual _parkour_ acrobats and saved them one by one. The sequences were like this: Jackie used one of the tree as jumping platform, flied to the direction of Van Damme who already caught Muta and threw them into the same floor where Muta was sent flying in the first place. Tried his best to stop his own momentum, he created a shock wave by his feet and reached up to catch Mr. Fujioka. The landing was not very smooth, what with Jackie's armor rolled in the air, but in the end, no one was hurt.

Of course, everyone could see their action.

"Holy shit!"

"They weren't lying when they said about holding back against us!"

"Run for your life!"

"AAAAAH!"

And so, the rest of the gunner were running off the scene to wherever they could.

"They won't get far." Fujioka spoke up. "Eastwood already set up defensive perimeter all over the city."

"...What?"

"Do i need to repeat myself, Major?"

"NO! I'm talking about what the hell was that all about! Someone flying and glowing, Fujioka and Van Damme doing Rider Kick, and Jackie...And i thought that latest Angel fight was already ridiculous!"

"Sorry about the glowing part, Misato."

"Shinji?" The purple haired woman spoke to her phone, before she blew out a fuse. "You better explain yourself, Mister! Why on earth there are these wrestlers that want to kidnap you three and-"

"Later. We need to save Asuka and The Rock from those TNA wrestlers and Joker gangz."

"...On second thought, i think i'll take your advise." Misato muttered as she acknowledged that yes, she was facing against one of TNA tag team and a gang that somehow considered itself to be affiliated with one of DC comic's supervillain.

-ee-

"You're awake."

The creature was lay still, tried to shook off that dazed feeling that he felt. Soon, he realized what happened.

"You made me eat my own attack."

"The water principal, my friend. The worse the tide is, the worse it could become self-destructive."

"Why you..." Soon, however, the man's anger turned into a devious grin as he take a better look at Bruce Lee's meditating figure. "It seems that you've grown...weaker."

"The boy used one of the ancient technique." He said, before he finally looked up at his enemy with his now good eyes, "Then they followed by another attacks to stop the potentially very destructive consequence from the attack he has chosen."

"This boy seemed to be very reckless."

"He has no other choice. Your painted wrestler is very dangerous and practically restless."

"Speaking of restless..." The orb that was produced by his hand now showed the grotesque event in the Tokyo-3 High School's 6th floor. "Looks like their stamina finally won."

The man shoved the ball right in front of Lee's face. The orb produced an image of Vernon Wells, now with the ability to jumping around like squirrel and produced ball of energy attacking Arnold, Willis, Stallone and Gibson. He was laughing like an hyperactive maniac, obviously overcharged by the earlier electricity. The image then turned into a rather painful one.

Toji Suzuhara, who was holding his bleeding stomach, looked at the now gonna be executed Dwayne Johnson, courtesy of Decay, with Abyss and his well-used weapon, Janice.

"I might have not won, Lee. But neither you are. The loss that happened today, will be too much for you. That's including yourself, who might not even be able to do anything against me now. So, Lee," The creature now took an appearance of one of his servant down there; Jack Nicholson, "Anything to say now?"

"Do it." Said the legendary action star surprisingly, not flinched in the slightest. Then ironically, he said, "I am replaceable."

The man was angered by the total disregard and disrespect of his achievement, charged his best attack at the defenseless man in front of him. And with that, the apparition of Lee now gone from the plane they were placed.

"...Is it over?"

Soon, his question was answered by a samurai sword that sliced him up.

"Not yet, foolish creature."

Soon he found himself to be punched, sliced, shot by revolvers and shotgun, all promised him a great deal of pain.

And the final insult? A basketball throw into his head.

Except the basketball was more like bowling ball imbued with the most destructive power ever.

And with that, It retreated.

"So that's his plan all along..."

The four legendary figures now looked at the land beyond them, where spirit of the others already rested well soon enough.

"You've done your job, Lee. Now we'll take it from here."

And so, their first action to the world they needed to protect, was giving The Rock his energy back, rejuvenated him back into full strength.

The Rock now fighting back at all of them, first by kicked Abyss in the groin. After that, he nailed Crazzy Steve with Janice, and took down Rosemary with his Samoan Drop. The rest of the gang began to fight him back, but now, Shinji and his mentors already arrived.

The result of the fight, has been decided.

-ee-

"Thank you for giving Toji the same room with his sister, Doctor Akagi!"

"Oh, it's nothing. And besides, i also humoring him this way too since he always complained about...visit hours."

"I know. He loves Sakura so much." Shinji said so simply, before asked again. "Is it true that Pierce Brosnan also helped you?"

"Indirectly. He took down the strike team that's coming at Matsushiro. I don't even know that it's really happening until Seagal says 'well done' at his phone." Ritsuko explained truthfully, before she offered her thought on the subject, "While i'm slightly annoyed by my lacks of knowledge regarding the things, i also very grateful that i don't have to see the actions and insanity by myself."

"Trust me, i don't want too. Especially the parts when it get too intense."

Things were already calmed down after the fight inside Tokyo-3, but it's effect still lingered over it's protectors. Unlike previous victories, this one was slightly on the bitter side. While things are nowhere near on the scale of gruesome and very bad (Toji would be released in two weeks for example), they also couldn't be happy about it either.

Also, there are still many loose ties here.

"So you learnt your first war that day, huh?"

"Maybe. There's no real death that happened here, after all." Shinji says as he looked at the bandages on his ribs. "I'm gonna look at Mr. Willis."

"Take care, Third Child." That was her goodbye for the boy. However, her thought was still not on something else. "I believe there's even more than meets the eye about him and Willis..."

"I wonder if Commander should be informed of this?."

-ee-

"You are not spending your time with Ayanami? That's a surprise."

"I...already done that." Said Shinji sheepishly. Soon enough, The Rock figured out the rest of it by his bandaged neck, even though there's no visible iodine antiseptic on his neck. However, he decided to not pursue it too much.

"Well, The Rock thought that you will spend more time with her. Venting up reliefs after the days before. I bet the vented up emotions would be like Vesuvius."

"There will be more time for that." Shinji muttered with a very visible reddened face, but he straightened himself soon enough. "How's things here?"

"Your old man find something unusual. The spear, i believe."

"And Mr. Willis?"

"Even more unusual." Sly suddenly barged in, "Come here, kid!"

-ee-

"Tell me what's going on here?"

"Well, first of all, we managed to capture the Decay. But Vernon Wells escaped, and now we have no idea where he could go."

"He couldn't get too far."

"I know. But he's too powerful for now."

"Even after you've been turned into David Dunn temporarily?"

"I was denser than steel, Shinji. Not suitable for fighting against someone with telekinesis."

"Fine. Anything else?"

"Bruce Lee has been...displaced. For time we don't know how long." Willis explained.

"...By who?" Shinji asked simply, but the trembling voice showed his shock in knowing that Bruce Lee now gone. However, he decided to get straight to the business.

"Charles Bronson, John Wayne, Wilt Chamberlain, and Toshiro Mifune."

"A Basketball legend? Between"

"Sounds weird, eh? But Wilt has so many anecdotes about his legendary strength and athleticism that he's practically a great legend enough to became one of the kind."

"How good he was?"

"Good enough to lift me like coffee cup." Arnie suddenly spoke. "I used to doing gym with him, and trust me, Wilt was and still is the strongest man i've ever met."

Shinji said nothing else about the matter. Instead, he asked something entirely different. "Anything i can help to prevent things like this happened again?"

"So that's why you're so solemn. Listen-"

"I'm not going to angsting about it. But i know that with Bruce Lee gone, your plan's going to be overhauled soon."

"The plan'll only have minor differences, Shinji."

"What?"

"Instead of Kung Fu fighting and learning Jeet Kune Do," Willis said as he placed his hands on Shinji's shoulders, "You're going to learn the Way of Samurai."

-ee-

And so that's it! Shinji's going to be a Samurai like Toshiro Mifune was! Would he became a fine Samurai? Or will his different training become counterproductive instead? Find out next, on Evangelion Z!

Wooh! The end of the book! Of course, there will be much more, but this is practically the end of the first label. Don't worry, the story will still be posted here.

Oh, and for something different, i have an epilogue. Wait. TWO IN FACT! WOOHOO!

-ee-

"That's strange."

"What?"

"There's something missing here..."

"I know. I can feel it too."

"Is Lee carried...whatever it is with him when he get sent into another dimension?"

"Perhaps. But why?"

"If it's something powerful and noticeable enough, maybe he..."

"He'll return. But with this, he can..."

-ee-

"Weaver, you have to know, man! That guy Matt, is too dangerous for you!"

"Thank you for your concern, Ford, but i'm practically Samus with this armor, so tell me what we have against him."

"That's the point, Sigourney! He's too damn unpredictable! One day he decided to turn our agents into his obsolete mules, or...whatever it is, the other day he somehow decided that his drone is the greatest race driver since Schumacher. It's to risky, even if we somehow can overpowered him."

"...Fine. But you'll follow my protocols here to not make me even more pissed off again."

"Thank you, Weaver."

-ee-

"I know his interactions with his lake is dangerous and maybe already killed the ecosystem in that lake, and he destroys the landscape with his lawnmower drone, but is that all for why Sigourney hated him so much?"

"Well, Weaver took her job as environmentalist seriously, especially since Second Impact made everything much worse..."

"Something you want to discuss with me, gentleman?"

"Um..." Will Smith and Milla Jovovich became silent after they got caught gossiping.

"I believe that we can talk about my personal matters with Matthew Moore Hardy later. Follow me."

And with that, they went to deal with another man from the future...

Whom they suspected to the the last Angel, Tabris.


	21. Book 2: The aftermath of Invasion

A/N: There's a voting for this story now for the number one villain (aside from SEELE, of course). Make sure to vote!

Also, i just learned that TNA became GFW now. That means Jeff Jarrett for yet another villain!

And yes, i don't own Evangelion. No need to point that out, people.

* * *

"Hahaha! Yaaash! Lee of the Bruise has gone from this world!" The mad man in one of the more unusual afro exclaimed his delight, of course with gesture of crossed out something. "Rebecca! Prepare for the tweety rant to piss off Mr. Meekmahan!"

"Okay darling."

"Senor Benjamin! Contact Brother Nero Cage and Samuel L. Jacky!"

"Si senor!"

"Let me make sure that my apprentice is now a man who conquer moon with his dragon tongue and obsolete mules...AAHAHAHAHEHEAAAAAEEEEEoooooeeeeee..ee..ee..."

-ee-

"I'm so sorry, Toji..." Said the Third Child solemnly.

"Nah it's ok, dude. I'm the one who decided to barge in and-ow!"

The High School basketball star was smacked by his freckled girlfriend, who had tears streamed off her reddened cheeks. It looked like she hadn't sleep for days. "Don't do that again, stupid Ahou!"

"Hey, it's my friend-ow! Hikari-chan!" Toji cringed at his girlfriend's smacks on his arm, even though it only hit the part that wasn't hurt too much. "What part of friend that you don't understand!"

"You have the nerve to talk about understanding, you stupid idiot! Shinji and the others are like, five times better than you in fighting, and look at...him!" Hikari pointed her index finger at Shinji, who while did not hampered by any grave injuries, definitely did not on his best, what with bandages that covered many of his limbs. "And he's the one who get the best deal out of everyone! You should consider yourself lucky, Toji Suzuhara!"

"Um, can you put some good words for me, Shinji please?"

"Well..." The young Ikari, who's been quiet since his friends's spat session was going to say something about distracting those goons from snatching Asuka away from them, but Hikari's glare whichpromised him pain that would make any angels he already fought jealous made him pretty much chickened out. Still, a friend in need is a friend, but he learnt his lesson about pissed woman that couldn't be handled by anything physical. "I think what you did there's really reckless, Toji. But i can't say that it was senseless either."

"Of course it wasn't! They would've hit The Rock and Asuka with that piece of woodblock with nasty nails if i didn't came there!"

"So you let them hit you instead? Toji, you..."

Toji and Shinji waited for the middle Horaki girl to say something, but there was nothing came out; her emotions were in too much of a volatile turbulence to even resemblance any coherence thoughts had she spoke a word, so there was none.

"Say..." Shinji finally decided to change topic, but still skirting around the original, "Wasn't that you afraid to be involved with anything about Evangelion Project, Toji?"

"Huh? Oh, yeah. Creepy intense gigantic shit is not exactly my suit, man."

"And you know that by helping us, you did exactly what you trying to avoid, right?"

"Eh, actually that thought never came to me, but my conscience just screamed nothing but to do somethin'. Is that good enough?"

"See Hikari? He's an idiot."

"HEY!" Of course, the non-sequitor went unappreciated by Toji; What the hell was his friend tried to say here? First he seemed like he wanted to save his face, and now he joined Hikari in the act of shaming Toji Suzuhara.

"But this idiot has a good, brave heart. Even when his dusty brain decided to keep himself out of this mess even from any events that could spark NERV's interests in him, he decided to help, despite it means he went against his own rule. A hero rise in desperate situation no matter how powerless he was, and i think Toji fit the situation."

"That's true, Mr. Shinji!"

All three other occupants of the room was startled by the sudden shriek of the youngest child there.

"EEP! Sakura-chan! You awaken already?"

"Since Shinji-san said something about my big brother being an idiot. Now why would you say that, Mister?"

"Well it's Hikari-san first visit here, so..."

"Oh." Soon enough, Sakura came to the right conclusion. "You two were bickering again."

"Ehehe..." Hikari's face began to reddened. Where did she know it?

"I don't understand. Why you two always spat at each others? Whenever i had a fight with my friend i always feel terrible, and yet father says that it proved that you two love each others. Does that means Onee-chan likes to be abused by Hikari-san?"

"WHAT?" That was the moment where Toji Suzuhara definitely wished that his father is there so he could figure out the mess he just made, or even did not get that free time from the new work shift arrangements thanks to the new jobs demand that exploded in Tokyo-3. He did not want to explain this to his little sister, and he definitely did not want to see where the conversation would've going.

"NONONO! It's not like that! In fact, we fight because he was...hurt..."

Shinji eyed Toji, basically motioned him to get back into Hikari's good side. "Would you still complain if i do it for you instead, Hikari?"

"Of course i will! What part of it about me don't want to see you hurt that you don't understand?"

"But do you know that i don't want to see anyone, especially you hurt either?"

Hikari couldn't answer his question, not when the question had too much weight about that other side of coin that she failed to see before, and definitely not when he said that 'especially' part, what with his eyes bored deeply into her and his fingers brushed the palm of her hand softly before he held her.

Sakura's squeal, which she failed to hide was heard when Hikari finally leaned to kiss her boyfriend.

"I believe my presence's definitely needed to prevent you two from shoving your tongues to each other's mouths."

Everybody get startled with Asuka's statement as she stepped into her room. Nearly all part of her head was bandaged, and a sling on her left arm made her looked even worse than anyone else in that room.

"Huff! Asuka-san, you're such a party pooper!"

Asuka pointed her good finger on the young girl that showed her disapproval in stopping the nearby love scene. "You should be grateful that i'm preserved your eyes's innocence from a scene that young girls like you supposed to see as disgusting."

"I'm not afraid of cooties! And i already saw them kissing before!"

"Ah, and you're the one who always talk about decency, Hikari."

"What are you talking about?"

"Don't try to act innocent!" Asuka's calm facade blew away. Literally. "I still can't believe that you have the nerve to out-hot Shinji and Rei's kiss when we met Sakura-chan early!"

Deep down, Shinji was grateful that this hospital room was being soundproofed for whatever reason (must be his father's insistence in getting everything so shady). Those two's rare, but still happened spats tends to be really loud.

"Said the one who screamed out loud that she's a girl with standard as high as hunky Hollywood class-A actor when their locker blew up from all those love letters!"

"Well, it's no wonder since i've been living with fat of the land since i was seven!" Said Asuka as she swung her long hair arrogantly. Oh, it felt so good to have someone who would listen your showing off. "And for your information, i've decided to stay a single girl for a while ago! You can't blame me to spill out my preferences when those boys can't stop throwing themselves at me!"

"I don't think anyone could put up with that attitude anyway..."

"Suzuhara, YOU-!"

"Don't talk to my friend like that, boy!"

"Hey! I'm supposed to be on your side, Hikari-chan!"

Of course, soon the room was filled with many loud noises, some of them were explicit profanities that no child on elementary age should ever heard. Shinji quietly sneaked out of the room to avoid his responsibility of calming down his friends since no matter how strong he was, he did not want to find out whether sucker punch from very pissed weaklings really existed. And besides, he reasoned that Sakura could just call off her nurses if she decided that she had enough. What a coward.

Of course, Sakura still did not get it.

-ee-

"I take it this is the first time anyone from S.A.W. corporation looking directly at our E-Project system?"

"Well, yes. Although after all crazy shit happened, i think i would've preferred to meet Pen-Pen to discuss about his video game for his Sega Neptune launch game instead." The man with short hair confessed. He was there because the trio of Expendables leaders still had to cope with both injuries and aftermath of the battle to protect Tokyo-3 from the mad rider gang that was lead by Vernon Wells. Unlike the Junior High-School fight, their victory was much less decisive, with no critical information from any captured members, and the strongest member, their own leader, was still lurking out somewhere.

Finally, he spoken his opinion on his surrounding. "All these imaginary are really disturbing."

"Ahaha...i think i have to agree with Mr. Gibson, sempai..."

"Trust me Maya, i'm still not fully used after all these years either."

"We're basically working against creatures with disgusting references to bible, and yet all these stuffs were basically Freud's wet dreams. Care to explain, doctor?" Gibson himself could not help it. His strong christian root went totally against all this Angel war, what with all he seen so far were strong Freud's basic psychology instead. It just did not add up to decide in naming all their enemies from biblical angels's name.

"What i know is that everything happened to us are already explained inside the Dead Sea scrolls, which currently are property of...our higher ups. The reasoning for biblical references are probably because of their unnatural, almost godlike origins that cannot be explained by simple words that came from human's tongue."

"I see." Gibson decided to not pursue again, especially considering that somehow those billion years scrolls were best translated by thousand years old language. It just too confusing except to accept that it was God's will again.

"I need to mention that we're dealing with power we don't fully understand either. For one, i wasn't expecting...anything Shinji has done with EVA-01. By the time he mentioned that he could split AT-field into several fields with different magnitude, i said to myself that it won't be surprising when he somehow shot laser from his mouth that ended up destroying moon."

"Well that kid is special, i can tell you that." The inquires look from Ritsuko and Maya made him spoke again, with a bit grain of salt taken of course. "Seagal showed me some of his skill before."

"Including his meditation?"

"Yup. You think that Shotokan and Kick-Boxing from Van Damme would've worked without the right mentality? I'll tell you what they tell me; Shinji got in his current state because he can do it in spite of what he said to himself initially. They say that he considered himself very weak and useless when they trained him initially, and not just the kind of lame emos. He was really in the state where he hate his own guts. Whenever he did a good job he considered himself lucky, and whenever he fall he immediately lost his drive to do anything."

"So we're lucky that we don't have to deal with his old self, huh?"

"You damn right. It's fucking hard to nurse back those kids that survived Second Impact, and i still wouldn't be able to do anything with a case like him."

Maya did not say anything because she imagined herself in Shinji's situation where she hates her own shadow and reflection. She did not like the imagination one bit, and felt grateful that she did not suffered too much from Second Impact; Everything was right for her.

"We're here." Finally, they arrived in their destination. There was Rei Ayanami in all her glorious birthday suit. While look pensive as ever, she had decency to cover up her naughty bits that thankfully also covered by the dim light and LCL around her soon as she saw a stranger walking with the Doctor and her assistant.

"I guess you guys don't have time for decency either." Said Mr. Gibson, showed his own decency by looking somewhere else.

 _Somehow she does now._ "We trained and use Pilot Ayanami for other things than piloting. This dummy system was modeled after her in thinking and all, and we need a mind that was fearless and would do orders without hesitation."

"So you decided to not even cover up social things for her?"

"I may be fell behind in socialization skill," Our pilot suddenly decided to spoke. Once again, a surprise for our Doctor. "But i still have some basic decency to know that clothing yourself is a necessary thing to do."

"So i guess at least you take a bath everyday." He looked at her with a playful smirk. "Before we continue, can you guys do something about the lighting? Make sure that our test subject feel comfortable around me. You want the light dimmed even more don't you?" While Rei's defensive state did not allow her to show any reaction, the lighting's still dimmed out of his request. Now the only clear part of the room was Gibson himself and Rei's own head. "Alright, Doctor Akagi and Ibuki won't be on our hearing range so make yourself comfortable. Everything satisfactory for you here?"

"All is well, sire. And not just in my own way; Under any standard of living, i'm currently very satisfactory."

"Good then." Gibson said, smiling to himself. That crazy blackmail really worked after all. "I never wanted to see any kid hurt again for petty reason after that Second Impact thing."

"No one ever tell me the story of life in chaos after Second Impact."

"Oh, chaos did not do it's justice. Those times were basically conflict area, hellhole for practically every living being. Even wealthy, influential people like me were affected. In fact, i remembered that time when i nearly saw the children being massacred by the so-called security, all because they stole some food rations."

"Those were harsh times. While i'm definitely disagree with their way of handling justice, what they done was definitely a punishable offense."

"Ah, still naive i see." Gibson approached the girl inside her tank, the lighting slowly turned him much more visible than before, but his cranked up visibility somehow unsettled her instead. "Many people inside of justice system are the troublemaker themselves. Samurai and Knights were as often they were people's protectors as they took their money and food like low-life bandits. The same is with army and police. Do you know what else i found aside from those nearly murdered child?" Still no reaction. "Rampant corruption. Dysfunction system. Bastard excuse of officers. They did not nearly murdered those kids because they nearly jeopardized people's life by stealing those food. They hunted those kids because they accidentally stolen the smuggled food that they sold for much higher price, labelled as something worth much more of course. Bastards."

"What you did to them?"

"The usual routine. Rounding them up for some questions. Soon as those kind of people caught, they suddenly became cowards who are willing to do anything to stay alive. Even without us doing any harm to them."

"I'm certain that it's a pleasant sight for you to see them piss their pants even without doing anything."

"Ah, now we're talking." The old man returned her first reaction; Slight smirk, albeit still much bigger on his part. "Those people became our first step in improving the system by purging it out of corruption. Some bigger sharks managed to save their asses but in general we managed to turn the world into something much better. Kinda weird to see Hollywood actors like us became more than public icon and actually did something very useful for public, eh?"

"You people already done philanthropy before."

"Aye. But not this active." He said as he stepped even further, finally felt comfortable with her completely unsettling beauty. "Do you need something from me, girl?"

"For now, i'm content with everything happened. Also, pardon me if i offended you with this statement, but i feel more comfortable to discuss such sensitive topics with someone like Commander and his son." She said, not saying something about Commander's son became someone she cherished the most.

"Well that's fine. Everybody feel more comfortable to discuss stuffs with someone they already knew well."

"But i do enjoyed our talk, Mr..."

"Gibson. Mel Gibson." The old man turned around and about to left before he asked her one last question. "Do you want to know the name of the boy that i saved? We're still in touch by the way."

"That's a nice thing on your part. And yes, i am curious."

"His name is Ryoji Kaji." The girl gasped at his answer, her first vocalized reaction at anything he said. "I believe we are much closer than anyone ever though, Pilot Ayanami."

And with that, he left the chamber, not bothering to look at the face of Doctor Akagi who now trying to figure out what he said to cause such a shock in Rei Ayanami's system.

-ee-

"I'll say it once before, and i'll say it again; speak in plain English! ENGLISH MOTHERFUCKER, do you speak it?!"

There was a little pause before once again, the poor communication skill from the other end made this angry black man rattled his wheelchair again.

"Now listen to me you sorry excuse of Mexican gardener; i ain't have no time to learn any fucking Spanish from...Puerto Rico? Does it sounds like i give you a fuck whether you came from, Senor? Hardyz?" Now this became interesting. "You mean, that mad man who claimed that he has reincarnation from Egypt ten thousand years ago, who called everyone he hates Nero... whatever? Okay, i think i'm interested in whatever you want to offer here, but i'm afraid your Spanish just scrambled my ears and brain, so i'll just put this phone away, while i continue in my search of my hero. Now excuse me, but i have a train to be crashed."

Ignoring the still active foreign chattering, he closed the call.

"Now where was i on that blueprint...CAGE?!"

"Hold on, hold on! Cage is on the call."

Tested his own patience, Mr. Jackson decided to stay still in his comfy wheelchair, wondered if good faith would gave him the opportunity to get in contact with the rumored ghost of John Travolta so they could done that reprise of Pulp Fiction again just for old time sake. Hell, he knew that Tom Cruise's spirit probably already brainwashed him, but anything would be a moment of solace due to his dealing with that mad Coppola relative.

Wait a minute. Another call for a supposedly in hiding crime duo?

"NOW YOU MR. BENJAMIN, I DON'T HAVE ANY NERO IN MY NAME, AND YOU SHALL SPEAK TO ME IN FUCKING ENGLISH, CRAZY MEXICAN! Oh. So you don't know to speak it, huh? Well you are lucky, because Mr. Cage's going to give you a good, free lesson, but phone call charge not included!" Oh boy. Here we go again. "A-B-C-D-E-F-G-H-I-J-K..."

-ee-

"Hey Rock!" Austin tossed a canned beer, fresh from his freezer into The Rock as part of his greetings.

"This is one kind of a cold greeting, Austin." The Rock answered, with double meanings intended and intentional raised eyebrow.

"Rock, your daughter got hurt in the head and you still in the mood to run your smart mouth?"

"Well The Rock already done his best to kick those monkey asses that hurt The Great Asuka Sohryu, and besides, you're not helping with this cold beer."

"I'm just doing my best in following the instructions; best served cold."

"Is that a code for revenge, Austin? I thought you only had some beef with Stallone."

Austin looked at The Rock with intensity that would make a Rattlesnake's toxin melted into nothingness. "I barely did anything at that last war, Agent Johnson, and you know as well as anyone that Stone Cold Steve Austin, is the one who should be arrive, raising hell, and leave, not that sorry excuse stupid son of a bitch, deluded bone mutant!"

"And that's the bottom line?"

"Cause I Said So myself." The Rattlesnake was not amused by his stolen best line and being forced into the situation to modify it. Still, he did not say anything again after. They walked inside to see the simulation themselves, where Kensuke's robot was getting beaten within an inch of his live, courtesy of none other than Steven Seagal.

"So Kensuke-kun, i think we learns the lesson today, right?"

"No reckless charging?"

"No reckless charging." The Sensei repeated. but he still did not release his aikido hold. "You know, does it really take 10 charging to convince you, kid?"

"Do i look like have a better choice?"

"Hmm. Good point." And with that agreement, he flipped his new student over. Of course, the next time that boy stood up, Seagal already mentioned him to go for it again.

Kensuke groaned.

"What's wrong, kid?"

"Mr. Austin! And Agent Johnson!" Kensuke yelled at the two grown-up before he felt a gigantic strike in his abdomen area, courtesy of Seagal's tackle.

"That's going to hurt. Still want to be here, kid?"

"O-of course!" He said while still tried to get his JA out of Seagal's hold. "I already very fascinated at military long before, and the prospect of being around badasses like you guys and hot chicks made me even-ouch!"

"I want you to get your attention back again, Kensuke-kun."

"Seriously, how on earth i'm going to create my own stance if i need to strike first? We're using a defensive technique for sake!"

"Well if you want to take The Great One's advice, you can't take the master of the game without getting on his own."

"What's even that supposed to mean?" Asked the exasperated boy with glasses.

"You think you can take someone with something they've trained against it in their whole life? You can't get a strike on Seagal-sensei using a move he can easily counter."

"But he said that i need to charge at him so... Wait a minute." His glare at his new teacher became harsh at instant. "You tricked me!"

"And i thought me charging at your distracted self would give it away..."

* * *

"Hello, Misato."

Said woman sighed at the caller. Kaji's at it again. "What do you want?"

"My my. Isn't that rather harsh at someone who just wanted to check if his friends are fine?"

"I'm not in the mood today, Kaji. So you already heard about what happened in school."

"I'm NERV's agent, Misato. I have my way."

"More like you just simply a man who followed the news. And either way, you'd know that i'm uninjured." She frowned at the TV that showed the news station in front of her. It showed the NERV in negative light over the two terrorist attack that happened just two days ago, even though they did not have any idea that crazy riders and joker wrestling gang would ended up trying to attack Tokyo-3. It's just too ridiculous. The only thing she agreed with the news was that any further city immigration would require more thorough background search. "How about yourself out there?"

"So you do care for me." Kaji said, deliberately tried to be as sly as possible. He just couldn't help himself.

"I...it's not like that! You think i want another higher agents out there injured themselves out of their idiocy?" Misato stammered while wondered at herself at the same time. Wasn't she supposed to be over his macho agent facade?

"I can see your cheeks blushed out of embarrassment from 50 miles away."

"Oh, just screw yourself Kaji."

"But if you really concerned over your agents, then this one will try to ease that by trying not to fool around again."

"Eh?"

"From today, my eyes shall be set on you. We'll make up all those years i let you go just like that, and i shall wait at your explanation."

And the call was ended from the other side of the phone, leaving the Major of NERV to wondering over what the hell just happened.

She just wanted to check at him, and possibly made him spill out some stuff he's been hiding, and now she had to explain things to her self-rejuvenated boyfriend?

...What?

* * *

We are the champions, my friends  
And we'll keep on fighting...till the end  
We are the champions, We are the champions

"Everything matched up with the information we got." The statement stopped that wonderful singing.

"See?" The pale pretty boy looked up at the woman who spoke at him. "I've told you that i'm really what i've trying to tell you."

"Except one." Said the black man who accompanied the woman, as if he did not listen to the boy.

"So what is it, Mr. Smith and Mrs. Weaver?" The boy with lavender hair got intrigued with that possible change that made them wanted to do the last check. Surely they did not sent him back with any modification, right?

"The footage they sent to us showed you hummed Beethoven's Ode to Joy. So why now you listed Queen as your favorite musician?"

"Oh, that." He said with flat tone, unlike his usual cheerful tone. "Well for one, Beethoven's still my favorite composer. Queen's just my new digging on classic."

"New?" Sigourney's now exasperated. "You now try to dig on some classic pop music?"

"Yeah, so?"

"What made you find this genre of music? From what we seen, dummy plugs are pretty much living isolated, and they make sure it keep like that by limiting their preferences. Rei Ayanami by making her solely focused with Commander Ikari and her job as a pilot, and you by classic music and infatuation with Commander's son. So who interacted with you, and made you changed?"

Kaworu looked at the adults in front of him, and he realized that they looked really tough. His angels power won't work for a while after that little trip, and he did not want them to punch him in the face as a way of welcoming him to the earth, and ended his life by nuked him from the orbit. He did not return back just to find that somehow, Hollywood became involved with this angel shit. So he decided to be honest. "How else? I've met the Freddie Mercury himself!"

* * *

And that's how it all! How could Freddie Mercury became involved with the aftermath of Third Impact? Would other great musicians like Jimi Hendrix involved too? And how will Rei reacted with her new knowledge that NERV's new affiliation already involved with one of their agents? Find out next, on Evangelion Z!

And make sure to vote!


	22. Preparation for the Eight Angel

"WHAT IS THIS DECREPIT EXCRETION?"

When Matt Hardy sent his apprentice and broken mules to the training ground, he expected them to do many awesome things, including slaying dragons, learnt their languages, and absorbed their obsolete essence.

Instead, when he finally checked on them with his trusted spare of Vanguard-1, he found the three warrior in worn out condition, currently on Mexican standoff.

And his apprentice now apparently became a Werewolf. With Bat's wings.

"For Stormcloaks!"

"For the glory of Empire!"

"All hail Dovahkin! All hail Lycanthrope and Vampire lords!"

"All those factions shall become...OBSOLETE!"

The booming, almost demonic voice of the Broken One passed into his apprentice and obsolete mules' ears, took them into surprise and awaken them out of their perspective stupor.

"Wait, wha..."

"Apprentice Matthew, i require explanaaations regarding what took all of you by surprises."

"Well let me see...brainwashing spell?"

The imagery of Broken Matt, displayed by his naughty drone just simply blinked in disbelieve."Don't tell me that those dragons're really capable of doing that."

"It's not the dragon, boss." Said Bale, already did his best impression of Batman. Oh well. One stupor into another one. "We met one hell of a sorceresses. Going by the name of Crow. She took our dignity, replaced it with blind infatuation with fictional factions." Added the Spartan Gerard Butler, still ignorant of the fact that Spartans were no more in this modern world.

"Crow? You mean, that awfully smart descendant of Velocityraptor with black feather?"

"Eh...yeah?" It was a time like this when even Matthew McConaughey's halfway brainwashing failed to make it's venture.

"Then all you three need help. I'm gonna send another obsolete mules of mine, Pal Venus and Tazzed into this world of yours."

"What they can do to complement our abilities, my lord?"

"Mr. Venus's a ladies man, and Tazzed has billion of suplexes in his arsenal."

"Like Lesnar, sir?"

"Nero Lesnar's nothing compared to my precious, stocky mule. Now begone you three. And make sure that your mind are well rested."

And with that, the transmission is ended.

"So apprentice Matthew..."

"Yes, Butler?"

"You can call my intuition as uncalled, non-constitutional and all, but i somehow feel that Mule Venus won't be able to create our needed distraction..."

Soon enough, a reappeared imaginary of Matt Hardy startled the trio again.

"Oh. And if i find you three being enchaanted by someones spell ageen, all of you shall become my experiment objects in the Aryanami project. Nice transformation anyway, Matthew!"

And the trio decided to work harder than ever.

* * *

A good night usually spent by either using it for your well-earned rest, or doing something that couldn't be done in any other time.

"Ah...ummm..."

Well some doing both alright.

The pilot couple were doing their usual...intimacy, down to their undergarments only. They rubbed each others with their hands, desires and needs to give and get that pleasures overwhelmed their usually collected minds. And judging from their voice and trembled body, it seemed that they were doing a good job, but neither did not want to stop any soon.

The difference between their usual intimacy was that this time, Shinji's the one who initiated everything and the one who's on the dominant position. Usually, this was the time where he would act slightly shier than usual, so Rei needed to prod him a little bit, but now it was him who 'attacked' her first. And while they already switched their position, it was the first time when the boy refused to change their position; each time she tried to slip away from him, he refused her by holding her tighter than before. Even his tongues never lost once tonight.

Of course, the First Child liked this sign of boldness.

"Oh, Shinji..." Rei said as she lost her composure and accidentally thrust her hips into Shinji's in this pleasurable act.

Her boyfriend gasped, both in surprise and pleasure. Losing his as well, he responded to her thrust by doing his own as well. His bulging member brushed with her skirt, resulted in a very loud moan came from Rei. Soon enough, they began to grind each others.

But just when she about to do another hump, Shinji placed his hand on her shapely hips, stopped it's movement.

"W..why?"

"...I don't think we're really not ready for that yet." Shinji answered honestly.

"I see." Rei said, both feeling sad and glad that Shinji actually managed to keep a slight composure to stop doing anything he deemed as something he's not prepared for. "But if this is about law and custom, then i believe there's nothing that could stop us. We're basically minor that have been trusted to be responsible enough in doing adult's jobs."

"Well saving the world by piloting extremely complex bio-mecha is indeed a big responsibility, and indeed we're expected to be much mature than our peers." Shinji said in agreement, before he added his disagreement. "But just because we're mentally adult, that doesn't mean we're fully matured physically as well. Rei, you may already blossomed into such a...beauty," Shinji said, carefully avoided the A-word due to being potentially offensive to her. "And you definitely thought that i've become a good-looking stud. But we're still 14 years old teenager. None of us, especially me who just hit puberty one and a half year ago, could be called truly grown up. And i don't want to hurt you just because we rushed things when we're literally not ready."

"Oh." Rei simply said in embarrassment. Nothing she read and watched so far suggested that teenagers near their age weren't matured enough to do very adult stuffs. Barely for Shinji in fact. And she agreed about not rushing things; She has read stuffs about females, and she found out that woman are very fragile regarding sex. She did not want to damage herself all because of one pleasurable night.

Even if she had spares...

"Since we're not going to do...that, can we talk about secrets? Our secrets." Rei pleaded.

"There's no valuable secrets about me that you haven't know yet."

"Oh yes you do." Rei lashed out slightly. "You haven't told me about how you knew about Agent Kaji so well."

"I admitted before that we're basically friends, long before i got into NERV. I think that's already telling a lot."

"But according to what Mr. Gibson inquire, it went further. He and his fellow survivor were saved by Willis's friends from being executed for stealing rations for themselves. You already know that. Do you?"

At her insistence, Shinji knew that he had to unravel the secrets behind his protectors. Granted, he already planned to tell her everything, but only when she already befriended his fellow Expendables, and so far the only Expendable guy she became a good friend to was him, and Jackie Chan.

And considering whole conspiracy regarding Agent Kaji, both regarding his real affiliation and true love (both stuffs were trivial things Shinji already knew since a long time ago), it was as clear as fresh air that Rei did not trust Kaji that well.

 _Damn you Kaji. I've told you to stop doing all that suspicious stuffs. And what the hell are you trying to play here, Mr. Gibson? I don't want anyone in NERV to distrust us, especially Rei and-_

"Shinji."

The boy was shaken off his thought just before his girlfriend lift his head. Next thing he found out that Rei just slid her tongue wholly and pulled back in 5 seconds.

"There. My promise that i'll still trust, care, and especially love you after you explain everything about him." Rei said as she smiled, before the ultimatum came. "Now talk."

And so the boy began to talk (as well as making yet another mental note about Rei's surprisingly good grasp in taking a dominant position for a girl with very limited experience in human interaction, but such a thing maybe could be tracked in her guardian, the still-out-off-shore Gendo Ikari) about that certain casanova spy, from his background as a refugee, where he nearly caused the death of his friends and only living family back there...

* * *

"What's your name?"

The man, who had his newest finished directional work suspended thanks to the distributor did not want to battle the also delayed World Cup, which became the world's hottest trend in even America due to it's charity structure (Ronaldo already scored six goals without even reaching Semi-Finals, and as a result he became the unofficial beacon of hope in the desolate world that's in-progress of rebuild, something that was meant so much in the post-apocalyptic world), was looking at the 17 years old young man. The boy was not in a good shape, to say the least. Eyes are the windows of soul, and it was safe to say that his showed an intimidated one.

In the place where punishments were severe, with some suspicion regarding abuse of powers by military, it's safe to say that whoever intimidated him were not just some backyard bullies.

"K..Kaji...what do you want? I already spilled...everything, i think."

"Listen." The man, no longer sported his long hair, became more worried as his rhetoric proved to be right. "Whoever you dealt with before and scared you so much, i have no deal with him, her or they. You can be honest."

"W...why would you care..."

The man sighed. He did not want to deal with stubbornness, not when he had this feeling that something bad would happen today. "Just fucking tell me," He said as he lifted the boy by collar.

"We...we are some orphans, proxy of Second Impact. No one taking care of us, so we have to steal. They spotted us and managed to caught me, so i had to tell my friends's location and-"

"IDIOT!" The adult lifted Kaji even higher and now practically ready to lunge at him, intimidated the boy even further. "Don't you realize that you just put your friends' lives in danger!"

"They put a gun in my fucking mouth and head! They also say they only want to get the food back so-"

"You could've just lied to them and..." The words won't come out as he realized how grave the situation was and how drifted they were from the topic, so instead, he tried to get the necessary location. "Where's your friends."

"B...block C-11."

"Good. Meet me at your place in about two hours."

"Wh...where are you going? What are you going to do?"

"To fix your mistake."

Carried his trusted Beretta 92F, Mel Gibson went to do his job.

* * *

"For the love of God in Heaven, i hope i'm not fucking late..."

And his pray was answered in limbo.

He was, indeed too late; Those boys were already in line of execution. The only thing that stopped them were two guys.

Sylvester Stallone, and Bruce Willis, who already killed and/or shots nearly every bastards who were going to kill these innocents who just looking for their own survivals. The only one who survived was the leader, just about to kill one of the kid in desperation before Willis broke the arm that was holding the pistol.

"Yusuke Honda, leader of Team-Eight. There have been talk about your abuses against the weak and minors in this city, and" Willis whistled, still holding his gun at the man's temple"Look who just got caught wetter than fish, just about to execute a fucking kid."

"A dozen of kids, in fact."

"This is not just some kids; They have been stealing this city's rations for months." Said the man in question.

"So you're going to shoot all of them? No trials, no forgiveness? No second thought?"

"Why should i? These kids are worthless, ready to be sacrificed by their own kind. Those kids who sold these kind of cockroaches out? I let them live just because they got the courage to survive."

"Hear that, Sly? Another heartless supremacists we got here. How many assholes like this that we busted, nine? Ten?" Said Willis, almost as if he ignored the talk about that particular sellout kid. The man's own rhetoric was flawed at best and unforgivable at worst; Those kids were desperate, not courageous.

It's a wonder how military employed such a sick-minded human being.

"Well at least i'm going to give him some credits; usually, people like you already begging for mercy like pussies when we managed to foil your plan."

"Yeah. At least he has the balls."

The man only smirked. "That's because i already have my backups. In case that some of them slip."

And with that mention, Gibson shot one of the said backup who just cocked his gun a while ago, before the third man, Brosnan shot the another backup.

And soon, the shoot-up started again.

* * *

"...And that's how Kaji became indebted with Mr. Willis, and also how Mr. Gibson got involved with S.A.W."

Rei, who sat besides Shinji began to contemplate the situation. "That's high degree of betrayal from Kaji. Did they ever found out?"

"They did, and they got angry with him. Really, really angry. However, after he told the truth about being nearly killed as well, they came to understand his position. Also, it helped a great deal that Willis and Gibson lied about Kaji telling them as soon as he can."

"And they never even questioned about how Kaji managed to save them by contacting some Hollywood actors ?"

Shinji just shrugged. "I'll admit another thing; Mr. Willis is a great manipulator. And despite i don't know the details myself this is quiet easy to explain; Kaji managed to find them by odd luck, Willis and friends already tailing the kids since a long time ago, Willis investigated that scum a long time ago...there are many explanations available."

Rei just stared at Shinji, almost as if she begged his honesty. "Why are you staring at me like that?" Shinji inquired.

"I feel like you also holding some information regarding Bruce Willis."

Shinji just laughed at Rei's accusation. "Trust me, Rei. We're very close as you can see it, and even he kept secrets from me. All i can say is that he may know the dirty stuffs regarding NERV more than we ever thought. For sake, he managed to get a photo of my mother somewhat."

That information saddened Rei in a way. Information regarding Yui Ikari was erased even in the web for a good reason, and this man already hold the proof of her similarity with the deceased scientist. So he may even knew about...

Shinji, who intentionally spilled that information, took her darkened mood as a sign to do the next move. "Hey, don't worry Rei. I don't think he'd ever mentioned your resemblance with mother to anyone without a good reason. He already met you at times in public where many could hear about his accusation, and yet he never talked about it, right?"

Rei only nodded, the imaginary weight that pressed her composure now gone. And then, it dawned on her."So that's how you know..."

The Third Child shrugged. "Somehow i already pocketed her photo for years, and yet i only saw the resemblance when i look at that photo again." Shinji said before he get into the point. "There are some noticeable differences, you know."

"I know; my genetics were composed from several people after all."

"So why you feel like you're living under my mother's shadow?"

Rei sighed. The next thing that came out could make everything worse than ever. She might declined to speak, but she already promised to explain many things. "Commander Ikari created me not just for a pilot that fit perfectly into all NERV's projects. He also wanted something to remind him about her, and whatever left of her was, for some reasons, not enough. So for years he experimented with DNA, tried his best to get the closest he could get to recreate Yui Ikari. The result was...me. Before he began to warm up on me, i was just a poor doll of Yui Ikari, something to remind him about why he stayed in this project after her death. He even used me, to..."

Shinji just held his girlfriend closer, who by now sobbing quietly on his shoulder. The quietness was something that they needed, but at the same time also killing them. Finally, the girl spoke again. "Shinji?"

"Yes?"

"Can you promise?"

"Anything for you." Shinji assured her.

"When it become apparent that he loves Yui Ikari more than you, then don't be disappointed. The Commander maybe come to love both of us, but he will sacrifice this world just to get a chance to talk to her again."

 _Somehow, i already know that Rei..._ Shinji said to himself internally. Outside, all he did was holding her closer, desiring her warmth to sooth each others pain...

Little did he know, that Rei meant that almost literally.

* * *

"Ah, you're here!"

Shinji just blinked. "Mr. Gibson?"

"Soon, you're going to see our newest invention: PILOT SUMO!"

"HEY!"

Shinji blinked again. "Asuka? What on earth is going on here?"

"You tell me!" Said the voice inside the changing room. "This is the worst day in my piloting day ever! I volunteered yesterday to replace Rei in their experiment for a day, and can you believe what they done to me?"

"Honestly, i don't have any idea." _Context is definitely needed here._

"Well for a night, i was told to sleep inside LCL! Unfiltered LCL! Can you imagine sleeping inside something smelled like strong blood for hours, all so they can calibrate it with the calmest state of mind?"

"I still can't get over the smell completely. I don't want to imagine that."

"You bet. So in short, i couldn't do it, and to rectify it, they increase the LCL pressure until i passed out."

For the third time, Shinji blinked. "Isn't that brain wave for passed out people is different from sleeping people?"

"THAT'S YOUR CONCERN? NOTHING ABOUT ME BEING TREATED LIKE LAB RATS? SCREW YOU SHINJI! THIS IS WHAT I GOT FOR GIVING YOU A TIME WITH REI?"

"Dammit Asuka! I'm right besides you!"

"OH SCREW YOU FAILED MUSICIAN!"

"How about me?"

"SCREW YOU TOO, FOUR EYES!

There was a visible smirk that smeared Shinji's face. It seemed that he purposefully wanted to make fun of the bridge bunnies trio. "Relax, Asuka. I sympathized with your cause. I just wanted to get back at Makoto and Shigeru for making Pen-Pen angry at me."

"WHAT? You're still not getting over that?"

"All we did was throwing a natto on his face! We didn't know that he hates it that much!"

"And for your information, we also get pecked by him."

"At least you had your ass safe!"

While the three began to argue, the rest of the cast sweatdropped, even the non-Asian. Mel Gibson recovered the quickest from it, taking a note about Natto's potential as either Pen-Pen's weakness or strongest power-up in Sega Pen-Pen Shiro: The Game.

Soon enough, Asuka broke the fight.

With a voice that put banshees into shame.

"CAN YOU GUYS SHUT UP?! I WANT TO GET THIS OVER WITH AS SOON AS I CAN!"

The voice of Asuka L. Sohryu maybe managed to get the conflict done and get them back to work, but the shrieks made some people mad.

"Asuka."

"Yes, Doctor?"

"I think you make my assistant temporarily deaf."

"Um, i'm sorry. What did you say again, Senpai?" Said the assistant, who was wearing a headset to monitor everything in the room. Little did she know that a legitimately enraged Asuka was really, really loud.

"I rest my case. You know what i'll do to you if you harm anyone here?"

Whatever it was, Asuka did not like it one bit. She wailed again. "NOT THAT! Anything but THAT!"

"Sorry, Asuka. A deal is a deal!"

"NOOOOOOOO-MPPPPHHHHHH!"

The sound of struggling was heard inside, making any of them wondering about the deal that made The Great Asuka Sohryu squirmed like cowards and forgotten all her fighting skill.

"I wonder what it was to make her so scared..."

"Honestly, Shinji, i don't want to find about it."

"What caused this commotion?"

"Oh, Rei! Finished your visit to Mr. Willis?"

"Yes." Said Rei. "For a man who said to lost many bloods and need to rest for several weeks, he's been doing fine. It's as if nothing happened to him."

Of course he was fine. His body maybe needed to rest, but Curse of Hollywood made his mind stayed fresh. However, he and the rest of people who fought Vernon Wells AKA Bennett the Mutant Time Lord were beaten badly so much that any taken risks would probably put them into vegetation state. And no one would wanted to have their mind stayed alive while their bodies went unresponsive until someone repaired them.

"I'm glad. Also, about this one? All i know is that somehow, Asuka'll become a Sumo." Shinji said simply.

And soon, the commotion was stopped.

The red-suited pilot stepped out of the room...

Looked more bloated than the fattest sumo wrestler you could find thanks to her inflated Plug Suit.

And her helmet...Her also bloated helmet, very round with two noticeable black spots for visibility, created a pretense of a simpleton being.

Everyone was silenced, still tried to digest the situation. No one knew how to react appropriately to the silly situation ahead.

Finally, the bravest of the soul (and coincidentally, probably literally the strongest one as well) spoke.

"Hi." Said by her in the usual monotone that her speech was. "I'm Baymax."

That was it. Everyone soon broke into laughter at the magnificently well-used situation.

"I'M GOING TO KILL YOU, REI!"

All she had to avoid the wrath of The Great One's Daughter was to walked into another room to stop bloated Asuka.

Bless those small doors.

* * *

If you inquire, the current unfortunate situation Asuka got into was because of our lovely Major who just found out about an Angel inside a volcano.

Unfortunately, the news also broke into an unwanted audience.

"You hear that, Mr. Chelios? These people just found another Angel. Still in fetus."

"So i take it you want me to get that monster alive, Triple H."

"Angel, Mr. Chelios. And from now on, you shall call me Mr. Helmsley. I still can't trust that your line is truly safe from my meddling Father-In-Law."

"Whatever. Are we talking about the same 50 meters giants, at minimum?"

"Heyman already get everything you need, including the giant robot. Just do the job and you'll be paid. Generously."

"And if i don't?"

"Then let's just say that Mr. McMahon will send his best warriors like Cesaro, Mark Henry and Cena as a thanks for ruining his plan in putting Roman Reigns over."

"Okay, okay. I'll do it." The man reluctantly agreed. He never, ever wanted his blackmail to be turned against him completely.

"Good. I trust you to do the job well."

The line was dead.

"So we'll take another impossible job, huh?"

The duo was bald, but if anything, it made them even more awesome. "First stealing the super big lance, and now this. What the hell are we even doing anymore?"

"Just like any contracted agents would do; To find the truth."

"So whether we're caught by enemies or we succeed we're going to get it right?" Said the man as he took another adrenaline shots.

"That's true, Chelios." Said the man who took off his googles, revealed a pair of shining eyes. "We're going to find out why we coexists with Vin Diesel and Jason Statham."

* * *

The plot became thicker than Asuka's Plugsuit! How on earth could fictional characters existed together with their real-life counterparts? Would this managed to explains some questions while creating even more, like why the supposedly dead Tom Cruise's still alive? And how will they steal some monstrously gigantic stuffs? Find out next, on Evangelion Z!

Oh, and the fic's supposedly like that JCVD movie; Semi-fictionalized. No harm intended.


	23. From Russia with Jericho

"We're approaching target. Every alarm have been disabled. Request to attack, over."

"Go for it." Said the command.

"Roger." Said the blonde as he looked upon his bald companion. "Wreck 'em, Bill."

And so, the brute did what his friend ordered.

The man's attacks did not require a great distant to make them effective. Few strides and space were more than enough to make them be the devastating strikes that his opponents feared. But he would be more, more than happy to use everything to maximize the impact to the highest threshold of damage any human being could inflict.

And in the opportunity to do so, he took it.

"HOLY SHIT!" The companion of said brute exclaimed as he saw the horror of his friend gored the two goons to the window. Said window's at least 15 feet away from both of them.

He knew his friend's a strong man, but this? This make him wonder, how on earth he managed to choke him out during the insanity phase that is post-Second Impact.

"Come on, Jericho. I just did my job, didn't i?"

"Your job, is to incapacitate enemies. Not to become a literal battle ram! I mean, god! Are human supposed to bend like that?"

"Eh..." The massive man could only rubbed his head in confusion, even with his face stayed in amusement. "Well at least i got them good, right?"

Jericho only rolled his eyes. "Sometimes you took it too real for yourself. I mean, all those Jackhammer pins when it's already went on DQ..."

"Hey, it's all came from intense muscle memories, Y2J. Get yourself that triple powerbomb worked into a signature pin move, with a fifth of my intensity, and see yourself how i somehow forget that it's already ended in no-contests."

"Yeah, yeah. That's how you still managed to perform in concussions. I knew that already, Goldie."

The larger man could only snorted at every snide remarks his partner gave. Sometimes, that guy's just infuriating.

"Hey," Jericho suddenly spoke again after about thirty seconds not even vocalized anything. "You heard the news about Mutoh?"

"Yeah. It's a pity that someone as legendary as him ended up being used by Jack Nicholson. Any catch here?"

"Well this Curse of Hollywood thing...ever wonder about it's negative effect? He got it, hard. They did CT scan on him, and guess what they found insides him? The same substances from his paint mask.

"H...how?"

"Someone has been controlling him for such a long time that it had become a part of him."

"Uh, Berg," Said Jericho as he lifted himself out of the chair. "I think you need to take over for a while."

"Something wrong in the system?"

"I'm still not convinced that we already purged out the rats in sewers."

"What? Wasn't that supposed to be Brosnan's job? Didn't you say yourself, that we need to stay together as a team?"

The smaller agent still reloaded his gun. "Better be safe than sorry, right?"

And so, the blonde agent left his bald friend to secure the site.

"Hmph. Scum against rat. How fitting." He said to himself. God only know why it was those times when his muscular frame would not fit in the space. For sake, he's not that much taller than his companion.

 _Well it's true that some people were just born to do what they're good at..._ He ensured to himself with that statement, despite knowing that his own fellow agent's really good at everything, even capable of being the strongman against someone his own size, so the point's rather moot.

Snorted once again, Goldberg finally sat down to monitor the situation inside the sewer of the abandoned city of Russia, where it had been turned into a ghost town in the aftermath of Second Impact. It was telling alot when a supposedly very dirty place, where all filth from the city's in better condition than the rest of the town's public facility. Said facility, if the information was really true, stored a bit stolen genetic information of Adam, the First Angel.

It took another five minutes before an action finally took place again inside the secret facility.

Surprisingly enough, it was inside the place where Goldberg stayed behind.

The man had barely enough window of time to dodge the biggest flying dropkick he had ever seen.

It was Big Show.

"Mr. GOOLDBERG!" Said the most obnoxious, yet charismatic voice any wrestling fans ever heard. "I think none of your friend has found It, right?"

"HEYMAN!" Goldberg shouted to the man that he has speared twice in his career, backflipped in the process as he avoid the double leg sweep from Young Bucks, another extremely annoying figure(s) in wrestling. "What the hell are you doing here?!"

"Oh, Mr. Goldberg, i know EVERYTHING, on how to play everyone's fiddles." Said the shortest figure in the room, took the delight in looking at Bill Goldberg struggled against three wrestling figures, two high-flyer and kick spammer and one of the most immovable object. "When Mr. McMahon wants someone to do the job, he'll give the job, even against the figure he feared the most. "The man with receding hairline then chuckled in what only he himself could consider as amusing. "And when i whispered something about Russia and hidden Adam DNA, guess what he gave me? A giant, and contact to two of the best free agents in wrestling industry."

"You're delusional, Paulie!" Said Goldberg as he dodged the high kicks of Max and Jeremy. "It won't be long before Mr. McMahon went after you!"

"Ah, but i have these two fine tag team player, and Big Show himself, who will be the one to tell me everything that Vince said."

"Money talks, Bill." Said the biggest man in the room, his deep voice boomed as he tried to punch Goldberg, who dodged it by combat roll before clashed with a punch from Nick. "Vince should've know better after his deal with me in WCW before. But alas, he paid Reigns five times more than me, and it has been a long time since any new contract offer came to my desk."

"How about checking your mails first, fatso? That old man's so out of touch that he still don't know anything about Scarface and Al-Pacino!" Goldberg sarcastically offered his thought as he dodged yet another high kicks. Years of travelling with Jericho must be rubbed off him.

"It's also a matter of pride, Goldie. What did you expect when they picked Sami over me as his last bodyguard? A guy, who's only like what? 2-3 years here, not even make it to the main roster for two months, over a veteran like me?!"

Goldberg was lucky to be able to dodge the last punch; Big Show was so infuriated that his missed punch created a hole in the wall. Seemed like he expected Vince to at least consider him as one of his main man, but alas, WWE's decline after Second Impact, which was coincidentally happened too soon after his acquisition of WCW, simply fried much of his common sense. You couldn't get any crazier than accused your rival for responsible in the event that practically killed half of human population, even if you do have some bases from said rival's controversy-based philosophy.

"I'm afraid that my time's not much left, Goldie, but don't worry. Your regards will be sent to my client, who has been sent to get your fellow agents, BRAAAWK LESNARRR!"

Goldberg's eyes widened in fear for the first time in years. "YOU WON'T!" Said Goldberg, tried to get rid of the owner of the folded ECW with his spear.

Unfortunately, the kick that connected to his head and shoulder forced him to stay down for a little while, forced him to let Heyman go...

-nge-

"I look like Baymax, my Unit-02 IS Baymax, Rei out of all people mocked me, what other weird thing that could happen today?"

Of course, as if there's something needed to be proven, fate decided that she had to bump into her kissing friends. The weird thing was, the kiss was more on the bittersweet side; Asuka could've swore that she could hear the muffled sobbing from Hikari's mouth

"HIKARI!"

A muffled sound was heard as the two choked out of being surprised by the fiery crimson-haired girl. Damn psycho redheads.

"The hell, Asuka?"

"Oh, just want to greet my best friend, who's been stealing her chances to kiss in a secluded portion of Geofront. Yep, just my everyday two cents, except you two actually cried over something. What's so bad?"

"Leave us alone."

"Grouch." Asuka replied as if he deserved nothing but a void of empathy. "Seriously, guys; what's with you two? It's so not like you two to hide something from anyone, especially from your best friend."

"Correction: HER best friend."

"Whatever." Asuka rolled her eyes. "Let's just get it straight; i want to know."

"No."

"Okay...how about now?"

"Nope."

"Now?"

"Not in a long time."

"Pretty please?"

With a blank expression smeared Hikari, the only visible response from Asuka playing cutesy was Toji's horrified expression. "I think The Rock has an entirely different reason each time he bought you something when you used that face."

"EXCUSE ME?!"

"Look, it's just...ah. We don't want to see you react to the news!"

"WELL WHY?"

"Because you'd freak out, just like now." Hikari finally added her sentiment into this silly argument.

"Well i'll bite my tongue when that happen, so just tell me. I already suspected it had something to do with Toji and whatever stupid thing he did anyway."

"Why would i want to tell you something if you don't respect me anyway?"

"Because you won't lose any non-existent dignity points from me anyway?"

After a period where Toji's face contorted into things that definitely promised pain to the loudmouth (imaginary of course), the man finally spoke. "I'm going to be the Pilot. Evangelion Pilot.

Asuka's reaction was not visible for a whole 15 seconds, which gave Hikari and Toji a good prep time to cover their ears good.

Which still not good enough as soon as a shriek came out of her mouth.

-nge-

The battle between one megastar and three superstar inside the hidden bunker of the abandoned Russian city.

And it seemed that it went into the favor of the Heels.

With his neck wrapped around the giant-sized arms of Big Show, who used those to squished his trachea and stopped the flowing oxygen, he risked to lose consciousness, and by virtue of that, his freedom as well. Maybe even his own life.

And there's still two annoying super cocky heels that just stood up again, ready to inflicts pain over the possibly most decorated Jewish wrestler ever.

Trash-talked the bald man for his perceived weakness (despite these two bastards faces being in worse condition from all those beatings), the Bucks brother then kicked the mid-section of Goldberg. The bald man was visibly flinched, but alas, he stayed strong, not wanted to give satisfaction to his torturers. Kick after kick followed, but all Goldberg did was shook his head off to ease the pain.

And when the double kick followed, which went for the head, Goldberg began his counterattack.

The Man used all his upper body strength to flip Big Show over, caused the kicks to connect with the Giant's head instead. His maneuver was very much would not worked under any other circumstances; any smaller man than Big Show would not have the required size to get everything worked, from said kicks to the impact from having such a heavy man flipped into their own body parts. Surely the plan was flawed, showed by Goldberg get up just in time with the Bucks goons who needed some time to lift the giant off their scrawny body, but it's still gave him enough, and it did knocked out the Giant in the room for good, thereby the battle odd turned into rather just and even.

And soon, the tide went into his favor.

Goldberg launched himself into the Bucks brother, spreaded his legs to hit their chest. Matt and Nick blocked the attack with their patented Double Superkick, but this left them unprotected as Goldberg smashed their heads altogether. Bill then kicked Nick with a roundhouse, and slided away from Matt's flying kick, which was assisted with a table. As Matt launched himself at him, Goldberg caught him airborne and lifted him upwards.

Goldberg then snapped and forced his back against the concrete floor, wrecked him badly with his patented military press Spinebuster.

Now that all that was left was Nick, Goldberg did not even pulled back his attack; there was a visible bent on the steel pipe where Goldberg speared the other half of Young Bucks.

And that was all of it. For now, Goldberg was safe from the three.

Now, he could search for his man.

Silently, The Man cursed himself for being late. The three adversary, two of them much fresher than him, were proven to be more than a match for him, a man who's herculean even in Wrestling standard. Now he had to run with the time itself, knowing that Heyman may already had his friends and partners in his palm. Used the locator, he went on to save his friends from being beaten, captured, and possibly humiliated by the snake who owned many people their rightful payments as a worker in ECW.

 _How could this man became IWC's favorite?_

Three words, Mr. Goldberg: Vince's Sports Entertainment.

-nge-

"You can't be serious about having absolutely no objection against this, Misato?"

"Why not? We need every help we could, especially considering the recent upsets against us."

"Yeah, but...why him? I mean, i know an already qualified girl with her own EVA to boot, so why not brought her here?"

Misato's relaxed face hardened in instant. Seemed like this matter was a surprise for the beautiful Major. "Now this is something i never heard. Another confirmed Children with her own EVA. How could no one ever tell me about this?"

"I can." Asuka raised her chest, much like her usual arrogant self as she began her retelling of what she knew regarding said Children. "Her name's Mari Illustrious Makinami, Half-British. And...well, everything else i knew about her's kinda useless, but she's the kind of person who would eat Big Mac in her Entry Plug if she could. Yeah, that's as nasty as it sounds. Either she's that callous, or she actually liked the LCL tainted her food and...Misato?" Asuka said as she became curious over her guardian's agitated state.

"No, no. That can't be right."

"Which part?"

"That Mari girl. Mari's exactly the name of girl who became NERV's second test subject, after Shinji's mother. Asuka, you already know about Shinji's mother became the casualty of Evangelion's experiment, right?"

"We already shared about each other's past." Said Asuka in a short solemn moment.

"Good, because you should share about this Mari as well. While we well documented what happened to...your mother and Shinjis, there's just no information about this Mari girl. She's just, poof! Gone like that. Erased from history, you call that."

"Look, maybe she just slipped out of your mind. I mean, Marduk has lots of candidates, and if she's that important, then her existence would be...classified, right?"

"That's the point. Why her existence should be classified? I mean, this do not make any sense ;they do tell about her in everyone briefings, and yet they actually try to hide her at the same time? Why?"

"So...is she like, the first kid experiment?"

"...Pardon me?"

"Well, she's like, what, two years older than me at max?"

"Oh." Misato flatly said. "Then we're talking about different Mari."

"Wait. It could be-"

"Nope. Wrong Mari. Now shoo off, girl, and make sure to never give me anxiety for no shit again. Beware of fake news too!"

"EEEERGH!" Asuka fumed as she knew she was being mocked for this miscommunication. "Fine, Ms. Incurious! Just so you know, that Shinji alone already know more insidious secret inside NERV than us! Don't blame me if you ended up as the least well informed out of us soon!"

And so Asuka left the room, wondered about why every single interaction that happened today just served her anger more and more. Once again, she blamed Disney. Damn their big, cuddly and adorable robot helper. Why that thing now served as the instigator of Asuka's ill fates today? Is it her punishment for hating their CGI movies?

Well, at least she did not tell anything about Kensuke's own finding. Misato might experienced a hard reboot if she heard that a teenager managed to find about Mari and more all because he wanted to get laid by hot teenager(s). It's going to be too absurd.

With Asuka gone, Misato's pretense gone, and she became more serious.

"Kaji?"

 _Hello, babe. Something wrong?_

"Is there really two Mari, with one as a casualty of NERV experiment in E-Project?"

 _Ah, so you already heard about that Mari girl! Yeah, small world, huh? I also don't know about her until Asuka told me about herself._

"This's not making any sense." Misato said as she slumped into her desk. Good thing that Kaji's channel was private and being reviewed by Willis and co. As much as she hated to admit it, they could be trusted enough to not spill it to people like the SEELE. Maybe she could even beg them to not tell the Commander. "If there's another Pilot Project like Rei, who's named after one of the first human experiment in Evangelion, then why her existence's hidden from us? I mean, a girl who's even more of a secret than Rei?"

 _Now you know why i told you to not trust NERV too much in the first place._

"Kaji, i already knew and accepted that this company won't be altruistic and a model to humanity, which is why i tried to be as professional to everyone while being friendly to them as possible. But these recent developments make me wonder if all they really wanted is to get rid the angels."

 _Well i had an information dump, which may explain these things a little, including Mari herself perhaps._

"Give me."

 _This Marduk institute? They never exist. Our Pilots are chosen for much more personal and discreet reasons._

"Wait a minute. So those lists, those schools, with their own classes to boot..."

 _Fake, just for formality. The potential pilots have potential not for their capability, but because of something else. You know that our pilots are linked to NERV even if they're not pilot, right?_

"Well, Asuka and Shinji's mothers were top researchers in their respective branch, but what about Rei? She was adopted."

 _The Commander adopted her, and Ritsuko's mother was Rei's substitute mother._

"So all of our pilots have mother figure that already passed away? Damn it, Kaji, if my worst suspicion is right, this's going to be morbid enough to pass as a Lovecraft story."

 _In Lovecraft's horror story, the Fifth Angel would be a flying frog with laser, and the Seventh would be Starfish that keep duplicating itself with every slices from Asuka's attack._

"...Whatever. Thanks for info, Kaji."

-nge-

"You are not going to help Asuka, Shinji?"

"She always wanted to going solo before, so why not? And besides, this's more like retrieval mission"

"I don't think it's wise." Rei said, with an expression that showed slight disapproval. That means she did not like this at all. "Pilot Sohryu's competent, but judging by the recent fights, there is a high chance that the angels are going to be much more than we expected."

"Don't worry. We also have surprises from our side." Shinji assured her.

"Huh?"

"Mr. Willis just told me that in addition to The Rock and Van Damme, several new recruits are going to help Asuka there. Kaji's brother, Domon, Mana the Trident pilot, and Mari, the test pilot from England. I don't think i'll be needed, but i'm still need to be here, just in case." Of course the manly boy needed to be ready. His Eva's basically a cut above the rest, he's basically their trump card.

"Shinji," Rei now looked like she's a little upset now. "I know you trust Mr. Willis, but i wish that i could too."

"I thought you trusted what i trusted, Rei."

"I do, but i also want to know him better."

The Third Child stared at The First for a while, before he grabbed her hand gently. "I'll take you to him."

Rei gave him a smile and a peck as her appreciation.

But little did they know, that their own peer was their hearing what they talked. Of course, the most interesting fact was about Mr. Willis. She already knew there was tons of conspiracy theories regarding the actor of Die Hard, what with him managed to somehow enriched himself in the midst of chaos all around the world, but she always dismissed them as simply theory. This talk shined a new light at his involvement in the behind-the-scenes of NERV.

Unfortunately, she had to hold herself down because they already called her to go to the island soon. Good, another breakthrough event in her mediocre day that just served to piss her off. Oh, well. At least she could ask Rocky there about Willis.

-nge-

"Hey."

"Uh, what?"

"Don't move, buddy. They hit your head hard back there. Slimy bastards. Lucky that we have Jericho as member of Bullet Club."

"I don't understand. The last thing i saw was Jericho shaking hand with Heyman and..."

"This's all a part of 4-D Chess." That was the explanation by Brosnan for the supposed betrayal of Jericho. "Without Jericho, we'd be dead."

"So we're going to be their prison bitch instead?"

"Not for long." Brosnan answered. "This ship's going to somewhere else."

And in prompt, a letter slipped into the room where they had been held.

"What's this?"

"Hmm...next designation: Commander Ikari's ship."

-nge-

So it's happening! Who'll help Gendo in fending off Paul Heyman and Bullet Club? How Willis would've explain himself to Rei? And will Asuka and her new team managed to fight Sandalphon? Find out next, on Evangelion Z!

And man, this thing's really grew big. I'm saving it soon in case they really take down this trashy fun.


	24. Goldberg vs Star Platinum

"Ah, finally we're going to meet Asuka face to face. Isn't this wonderful, eh?"

"If that's a question, then i would say no. Shinji's their best fighter, so he's the one who i want to meet."

"Ah, you're no fun, Domon. You always so rigid in everything."

"At least i'm not the girlfriend of his." Said Domon, his red cape began to flow with the wind as if the nature was with him. His compatriot, a girl, was inside a pink Plug Suit. Just like the other two Evangelion girls, she's a very attractive girl that got a fitting suit that accentuated every curves of her. "I thought the way you called her 'Ikari Yuis successor' is unnecessarily creepy just because she looked like Commander's deceased wife, but after i watched her security footage, i'd say that your line understated her creepiness. That girl has less emotion range than Bella from Twilight."

"So you finally agreed with me for once."

"First in everything?" Domon said, but his stern expression never changed despite the intent in making a light conversation being clear.

"Domon seriously, you're being this weird since this morning." Said the third Evangelion female pilot, or perhaps, the first. "Don't tell me you're afraid of your first angel battle? Where's the Domon who's fearless, strong, and most importantly, moved on from That event?"

"I'm not afraid of any danger, including angels. There's nothing that a man should be afraid of. And i've told you that i do not like being reminded of That event, so you'd better never, ever remind me of that again, Makinami."

"Looks like you're the same Domon that i know for years." As the young man looked at her with obviously oblivious look, Mari finally explained a little thing to the thick-headed younger Kaji. "I wouldn't use That unless you being this mysterious young man again."

"Oh. So that's it." Domon only smirked slightly, and even if Mari couldn't see it, she could feel the change of his mood. "I never feared any challenge. What i do fear is when it's more than challenge. Something that's even more personal, not anymore harmless to my closest relatives and friends, and yet so out of my control, i couldn't even approach the problem without hurting anyone."

"That's why we have Mana to check Commander Ikari out, and you know as well as i do that Ryoji's more than ready to do anything to finish his job, you silly. They're just as ready as you in self-sacrifice."

"But what if it's really that out of control?" Domon gazed at Mari as intense as he could. "Adam's problem was without question something inevitable. We don't need that kind of problem so soon. This's not even close to the final angel."

"There's a reason why we have so many people investigating different thing; to prevent an event that exceed Adam's catastrophe to happen again." Mari then pointed at his chest. "We're going to be fine, as long as we try our hardest, and play our card well."

"So our hope is when someone related to brother and Willis use something to safe us in the nick of time? I don't like being this weak."

"Oh, you doth protest too much. Should've said that you shouldn't imagine the worst of possible consequence." Mari gave the young man her usual cat grin.

"That's just who i am." He then looked at the shore, looked at something that should be there. "How long's her ETA?"

"30 minutes."

"That's quick."

"You got it right. If there's one good thing about Second Impact, is its effect on the progress of technology. In any other situation, we won't have all these cutting edge toys for another two decades."

"Indeed. And do you think it's wise for Kamina to follow Mana? We may need all helps we can here."

"Well Stone Cold, Van Damme and The Rock are going to arrive alongside with Asuka, so it's more than a fair trade i think."

"I hope so. I don't want the situation require TWO shining fingers to save the world. Anyway, you heard anything from Josuke?"

-ng-

"Hey, kid."

"Hm?"

"How the hell did you became Bullet Club's captive? Also, where did you get those Shounen Jump magazines?"

"Good grief. Finally someone asked it."

The young man was a real stood out. At 6'5 musclebound, he towered against the adults in the room, even Bill Goldberg himself. Based from his looks it seemed that he by no mean was a model citizen, with modified hat and gold chains hanging from his coat. Said conversation was taken in a high security cell, which relied more on anti-escape measures like electrified jail bars than monitoring equipment like cameras or even guards, which meant that the security measures were so impressive that guards were no longer needed, maybe even possessed liability for them to escape.

For the delinquent to be classified as the same threat as the three top Bruce Willis agents was definitely something impressive.

"That's funny." Goldberg's friend, Brosnan decided to join their conversation. "A bigass Japanese Delinquent got captured by NJPW's biggest professional wrestling gang? Why won't someone at least asking how?"

"Because i have an evil spirit lurking around me." As the adults in the room looked at him in disbelief, he began to explain his story more. "They captured me as soon as some of their members got their ass kicked hard by whatever...thing that have been trying to possess me. Stupid piece of shit, i could handle myself against those punks. Good grief, at least this give me enough time to analyze it so i won't hurt anyone anymore."

"So you're willing to isolate yourself to not harm the innocents? I think you should say sorry for calling him a delinquent, Bill. This boy has a genuine good heart."

"Urgh." Obviously, the hulking wrestler did not like the jab by Jericho. "Kid, why don't we-"

"Jotaro. I'm not a kid, old man. And don't treat me like one."

"Okay, Jotaro." Seems like this kid's really some delinquent after all. "We might be able to do something with this spirit problem of yours."

"No way. I won't let anyone touch this matter before i at least know what this evil spirit actually wants from me."

"But we may already know a big reason for why this spirit exists in the first place. Ever heard of the Curse of Hollywood?"

"Nani? That thing is real?" Jotaro reacted to what Brosnan said to him, which was completely understandable considering how others have reacted to that as well. Had it been the other time, this young man maybe just simply shrugged the three of them as unhinged former stars.

"Yes. And my friends here, Bill Goldberg and Chris Jericho, maybe has what it takes to find out what your evil spirit actually is."

"That Curse made you can see ghost?"

"Not necessarily, but it does made some deceased people became interactive with some of us by some means. The Curse, which happened soon after Second Impact, for most of time made us capable of doing things exactly as our best characters can do. Me, being a James Bond, can do the hardest action scenes without getting hurt. Jericho, being a wrestler who wrestled in many styles very well, can fight anyone no matter what their size. And of course, we have Goldberg here. The squasher of every matches, possibly the strongest beast in wrestling lore. We're going to test this...spirit of yours before we decide what to do with it. We hope that Goldberg's strong enough to handle him, at least."

"So you really don't know anything how to fight this spirit in the end. Yare Yare, you better get out of here before you hurt yourself." Said Jotaro before he turned his back at the three.

"Oh, but we decided that pain is good. Which is why we'll help you regardless if you like it or not."

"And besides, the way we look at it, this spirit maybe linked with our curse." Jericho added his thought to Brosnan's statement.

"Any reason why you believe that?"

"Well, we cannot be that sure," Goldberg said so, "but every single crazy things that happened recently are directly or indirectly linked with either Second Impact, or Curse of Hollywood. The Angels, the wrestling mafias, the riders that wants to raid peoples' town, everything can be linked with those two. Just for you to know, some Curse of Hollywood effects can be very dangerous. Like, well, insanity and so."

"Even my family mark's sudden revival?"

"Huh?"

"You see this star mark?" Jotaro said as he exposed his neck. There was a star-shaped mark on his skin. "My grandfather used to be a archaeologist. But for a man with ego like his, he somehow never likes to tell his stories back in the day. Turned out that he fought against vampires and supernatural beings in Cold War era. It's as if he's an Indiana Jones from New York." Said Jotaro like it was some kind of mundane informations

"What the?-"

"He claimed that when the world's in danger of certain supernaturals, the birthmark of Joestar shall reappear for every Joestar relatives."

"Jesus! This whole conflicts just keep muddying and complicating themselves with every revelations! The Doom Guy armor, the talisman and runes, crazy Mad Max wannabees, and-"

"Be quiet, Winnipeg." The delinquent scolded Y2J for being too talkative for his taste, and also showed that he at least knew quiet a lot about Wrestling.

"Why you..."

"Stuff it out for now, Chris. Jotaro, anything else he knows about your predicament?"

"Not much. I shrugged off his explanation as rambling of a crazy old man so i cut off my communication with him, but with this angel war, evil spirit, and Curse of Hollywood, i think the second action i'd took after taking your advice is to call him back."

"Smart boy. Or, is that a remorse on your part? Another surprise from you, feeling bad for snuffing your old man."

"Huh. Like i would know. Maybe i just don't like the part where i'm wrong about dismissing the supernatural part."

-ng-

"So Shinji, how much have you told Rei about our activity?"

"Em, just the broad strokes, i think. How much do you know anyway, Rei?"

"Mr. Willis's involved in many acts for the rights of people on earth, including saving Kaji's friends back then. But outside of that one detail, i do not know that much from him. And besides, it would be unfair."

"Unfair?"

"Uh," Shinji scratched the back of his head. "We...still keep some secrets from each others, like Rei's further details about her role in father's project, how deep you're involved in this, stuffs like that."

"Hmm, then i should explain everything to you two about everything i know from, and about both sides." He said with a stern face. "First of all, Shinji, can you turn the bonfire?"

"Roasting something, Mr. Willis?"

"Yeah, something like that. If you want to help, there's the instruction in the table next to the chime."

"Hai." And with that, Shinji left Rei alone with Bruce Willis. Soon enough, Bruce Willis took a chair for him to sit besides Rei.

"So first of all, if there's a conflict that happened between you two because he confronted you about something, then i think i should say sorry about it. Shinji's a smart and resourceful boy, but there's only so much thing he can speculates before he needs to get proofs, something that a child in his position would be incapable of doing so. And i'm his source, so..."

"That is fine, Mr. Willis. Shinji has explained his relations with you before."

"If it makes you feel better, Shinji really did not see your similarity with her mother before he took a time to look at her picture again." Willis said, although Rei still did not express one bit. For her, he simply stated a part that she already know before. "So don't talk about how you're a replaceable pilot, because not only it makes you sound like you don't appreciate your life, it also makes people around you confused. You don't want Asuka to become itchy over it, right?

"I would, but i believe the replaceable part is simply something factual in a literal way, sir. Also, i agree. Asuka was agitated after i talked about me being replaceable."

"Then simply don't talk about it. Again." Willis then took out something from his back pocket. A photo of a young girl with purple hair, with a blank look as her face. She was a sad mute.

"Is that..."

"Familiar, right? This is photo of Major Katsuragi that we took from our agent. The only one, because my agent soon get caught by SEELE. The operation to take her away from their sanctuary went no better. The failure of Misato operation, together with Kaji brothers' trauma almost made me gave up hope. Things were not looking to get better then."

"Is two failures are really set back things that bad, sir?" Rei asked, instead asking the exact reason for why SEELE sanctuary was a bad thing for Major back then.

"It's more than two." Willis said solemnly. "Have you wondered how i know so much about you and E-Project?"

"You already said something about you being a time traveler before."

"Yeah. Too bad you visited me right before i get another health test for me, so...this's the time for me to properly explain more things to you." Willis then took a sip from his drink. "Want some?"

"No thanks."

"Ah, too bad. This's one of the few drink that got better after Second Impact for some reasons. Just as strange as how my time traveling some enabled many entities to their fullest power."

"...I'm sorry. What are you talking about, actually?"

"My arrival shaped so much conflicts of power in this already massive Angel war. My secret speech alone, created in purpose to make everyone in entertainment industry know the truth behind this war, made people split to so many sides. Some wants to help me save the world, some wants to amassed the power from the E-Project and Angels for their own gain. I'm responsible to the organization that helped NERV as much as the rise of the Mad Max gangsters and many others, not to mention the possible time and dimensional rift that happened because now we have two Bruce Willis, one helping my agent out there. And then, i helped to release the Yin and Yang's unbalance, which created many other fiasco."

"Like what?" Rein inquired. This matter sounded like a crazy movie script for her, one that would be toned down considerably in the final draft. So insane that she forgot that she was listening to the story of a man who made everything Commander did a little futile for his taste that everything diverged so much from the first detail.

Then again, a good grasp of this matter maybe would help her in redesigning Gendo's little plan, after all.

"Curse of Hollywood. Basically we became as strong as our most memorable personality. Arnie became Conan the Barbarian, Stallone became Rambo. Affected wrestlers and actors primarily. I also made many ancient martial arts technique unsealed, which's why Shinji managed to become so strong with many techniques that no one ever see for century. And there's those spirits of the deceased legendary figures like Bruce Lee and Four Pillars, who fight alongside us, and some unknown entities that helped the insane celebrities like Matt Hardy and Vernon Wells. It's a very heavy mix of good vs evil."

"If Commander find out about all of this, god know what he would do now that his scenario has so much more variable that would make it a failure." Rei said, and unwittingly created her first understatement of the year.

"And there's still more we just find recently, which one of them would be demonstrated after Shinji came back to us." At that exact moment, Shinji just put the plate of steak BBQ and fruit soup on the table. "Ah, Shinji. We just have a good talk about many things that should be explained a long time ago. Nothing that you don't know before, obviously."

"Mr. Willis explained everything to me properly. But isn't two Bruce Willis would make many things messed up?" Said Rei, her tone was more warmer compared to before.

"You're lucky to have such a smart girlfriend, Shinji. About it? I think it's just another unsolved mystery of the consequences of my arrival."

"Willis, what's the meaning of that note?" Shinji asked, almost like he did not listen to everything his companions said before. His expression was cold as well, almost like he had to calculate any movement that could happen in front of him. There was something that made him...suspicious.

"Well, your girl is a vegetarian, so of course you need to get the soup. The fridge is not that far, is it?"

Knowing that Willis did not want to talk about it loudly, he then began to whisper something to Willis. The communication now seemed to be non-obstructive, although Shinji still did not lower his guard for no reason.

For the very few times in her life, Rei became intrigued by something. What does Willis knows, and why it made his little boy mad?

Shinji finally let it go, but he still looked upset for a reason. Even with Rei's little peck, the boy did not let himself loose. There's something that turned him into his defense mode, readied himself for the worst thing that could happen in the room.

But even with that, the little feast went without any trouble, even with all the awkwardness surrounding them. None of the food was wasted, even said drink that Willis brought to the room. They were by no means relaxed, but the atmosphere was certainly enjoyable and cozy enough to constitute as a passable feast. Things were well with world.

And when Willis took the last sip, three arrows struck him from behind.

-ng-

"Ready, Goldie?"

Goldberg nodded at Brosnans question. At this big occasion, he's going back to his old self: A stoic warrior with few words, and lots of asskicking.

"Good. Jotaro, let Goldberg attack him."

"What?"

"We're going to see what your evil spirit can do. We're not the supernatural part of SAW organization, so we lacks the equipment from but even then, we can still sense some astral, even if they're fade. If this spirit's really attached to you, then he'll do something to protect you from any punches and kicks Goldberg throw at you, at least to p."

"And what would happen if my spirit fight back? Just to remind you, the spirit broke 15 bones of two Bullet Club members. You're going to fight against a very powerful being."

"Which's why Goldie is the best choice for us to find anything out of your predicament." Jericho answered. "The streaks really translated into the real world. We're talking about a man who could defeat a giant and two top-carder in both wrestling world and reality. A real unstoppable force. If there's anyone here who could tanked the attacks of your spirit, it's him."

"And besides, if there's any of us who could faintly detect a ghost by proxy of Hollywood Curse, it's him as well. He benefited the most from it compared to me and Jericho, so if there's someone who could feel your spirit here, it's him."

"Alright. Do whatever you want."

And with that permission granted, Goldberg went into a position where he readied himself for a charge. Squatted a little, Goldberg took a stance that would enable him to accelerate like the fastest of any race car. Smoke came out of his nose, as if he's a raging bull, ready to maim anything move, preferably living with a soul of his own

It was clear: Goldberg would went for a spear.

The Man ran like a super electric car, immediately hit 20 MPH in a second. Despite this sight that would've terrified any common mortal man, Jotaro did not budge. Either he really had nerves of steel, he's confident for he's even bigger than Goldberg himself, or he already fought someone that looked this tough before. In any way, it was very impressive for him to not even shed a sweat from the possibility of being maimed by a beast like Goldberg.

And just when Goldberg about to touch him, something lift him up with ease.

"WOAH!"

"That thing's very real!"

"Yare Yare Daze. Don't tell me you two don't believe me before..."

Suddenly, Goldberg get pulled into a nelson position. Now lifted away from the ground, Goldberg was forced to flail like a weak 190 pounds skinny adult, not the 280 pounds beast like he always successfully portrayed in real life. The grip at his arms were firm, prevented him to use his strength to break away from the hold.

"It has been a while since someone manhandling you, eh Goldberg?"

"Yeah, boy!" He screamed at Jericho, not even angered as he was already in state of full rage. "I still can't see It!"

"Well, hold on for a while. I think i can see his grip on you." Said Brosnan who now inspecting him up close. He could see the skin and muscle get squished by a force. "So this evil spirit's actually not intangible whenever it strikes and attacks something. While invisible, it's still manifested itself in real world. Jericho, let's try to pull the spirit away."

Both man then tried to break the hold by grabbing what they would assume to be the arm of said spirit. Both managed to do so, and judging from their faces, it was a weird sensation to them.

"It's weird." Said Brosnan flatly.

"Of course it's going to be weird, idiot!" Said Jericho, obviously much more colorful than his friend there. "It's a spirit after all, what did you expect, a-"

Jericho did not manage to finish his sentence, as he went flying into the wall with ease. The same was done to Brosnan, except his head went into the bottom of the sink instead, temporarily passed out in instant. Now, the spirit unleashed its fury on Goldberg, as it punched him so rapidly that he had no chance to counter at all.

 _Goodness! It's fast!_

And with the last punch, Goldberg was sent to flying into the electrified bars, which would meant an instant death or grave injury. Any mortal would not be able to avoid his imminent death.

But this's Goldberg we're talking about.

The Man used his limbs, mainly his wrist to stop his momentum. Nearly futile, he used every strength he had on the last possible strike, created a little bend on the floor that stopped his doom. As he could hear the electricity with his own ears, his resolve to fight against the spirit redoubled.

 _I can see you now!_

-ng-

"So this's Kaji's brother. Quiet impressive, but how helpful are you without Evangelion?"

"My Gundam Jet strikes work like the rifle that Shinji Ikari uses against the fifth Angel." Domon explained as he shook hand with Asuka. He's still as tense as before, so much that he did not even bothered with Asuka's lacks of manners. "Even if i have no defense against these beings, my fists can generate enough energy to pierce their A.T. Field. Problem is, every strike need time to recharge."

"So it would be better for you to stay out until you see a good enough opening. Won't be much helpful against fast opponents."

"Yeah. But still better than nothing."

"I'd say that you actually have it good, Domon." Suddenly, the big brother interrupted their chat. "Most non-Evangelion stuffs are useful as distraction at most. But you can actually seriously hurt, or even kill the thing. It's good enough to avoid over-dependence on Evangelion."

"Ryoji." Said Domon as he shook his brother's hand. "It has been quiet long."

"You know how busy i am."

"Heh. Even if you do have time, it's going to be my turn to be the busy one."

"Well, you two go have your reunion. Where's Mari, anyway?" Asuka asked.

"Testing her D-Type equipment. Why?"

"Oh." Of course, a malicious grin smeared her face now. "Finally, something good came up today."

And with that, Asuka left the two Kajis to get her own fun, giggled like a maniac that just killed someone with a notebook. Needless to say, every crew on the site was scared.

"What's with her?"

"Bad day." Said Kaji, still smirked. He then turned around, asked, "Where's Rain?"

"She has to take care things with Mana first."

"Another spat?"

Domon got silent, and Kaji did not inquire from him any further.

-ng-

"Hehehe! This's going to be good!"

Ah, Schadenfreude. That was one of the only thing that gave Asuka the motivation to stay energetic as a little child, and even after being tamed by Kaji and The Rock, that part of her's still maintain a good portion of her half-rotten and half-golden heart

"Well finally my little Asuka become her cheerful self today!"

"Rocky! Woah!" Asuka became awed as she looked at her father figure, who now wore a suit like a combination of Doom Guy and Spartan Armor. "What occasion today that bring you to wear that thing again?"

"It's either this and those Neo Jet Alone in ready, or an orbital N2 strikes. Of course, we couldn't let our operatives die from the mid-boss, right?"

"Definitely." Asuka said before she looked at the door with the sign 'Fourth Child'. "I think i'm going to look at Mari now."

Asuka left The Rock alone now, definitely went for the evulz that she deserved for all this craziness and humiliation she had to endure today.

"Oh, Mari!"

"Ah, Asuka! Fancy to finally meet you in person."

"Me too!" The impatient German girl already wanted to see her female friend in the most embarrassing thing she has ever wore. It wouldn't be so bad if it wasn't turned to be fucking inflatable like some filthy kinks in art websites. "Well, this isn't like the Mari i know!"

"Eh, what do you mean?" Said Mari feinting a loss memory.

"You're so chirpy! And friendly! And you're so excited to meet me yesterday! So why you became this recluse girl, huh?"

"It's the D-Type equipment. God, why i thought it's a good idea in the first place..."

Asuka's excitement tenfold in an instant. "LEMEIN! LEMEIN!"

"Nooo! I look terrible!"

But it's too late. Asuka used her new martial arts skill to open the locked door forcefully. She did not care one bit about any fines she would get for her reckless action. As long as there's this one person who could satisfy her thirst for Schadenfreude (which was on all-time high since this day), she would be fine to pay the...fine, no matter if it costed her one million.

And...

"What?"

"Uh, Ummm?" Said the girl, which was muffled by her large helmet. The plump equipment made every fine, desirable figures of her null. Although her voice made her fall in line with what could be called as cute, overall her looks was simply ridiculous. "Hmm. Mmmhmm."

"You...you're that dumpling sis?"

Mari sighed. "Onion sis."

That was the thing that broke Asuka into laughing fits, and as Mari locked herself away again, for the first time ever, she questioned her own decision.

Maybe cosplaying as a Catarina warrior to make light of the inflatable outfit was a bad idea after all.

-ng-

Goldberg now had himself in a punching contest with the spirit.

Unleashed his wrath, Goldberg managed to get close into the lightning speed that was Jotaro's evil spirit punches. Used the faint outline of the spirit's reaching arms, Goldberg managed to counter every punches of his. Surely Goldberg still got punched at times himself, but his anger and toughness made him capable of shrugging off those punches. In short, Goldberg somehow managed to fight the spirit on even feet. There was a drawback, however: Goldberg had to be 100% focused on fighting back the spirit, and at the last minute, Jericho suddenly pulled him out of the fight, yelled something that was unheard by him.

"The hell was that for, Jericho?"

"Idiot! Can't you see what happened to that Jotaro kid?"

"Well if you're fighting something invisible and that fast surely you..."

"Just look, for god sake!"

Goldberg obliged, and had to took a double for the sight that behold.

It was Jotaro, clutching his stomach and chest, two area that Goldberg struck in his bout with said spirit at least once each.

"What the hell?"

"You damaged the spirit, and it will hurt Jotaro too. It's simple as that, Bill."

"But how?"

"The spirit must be linked to his own body or something like that. If we hurt either, the other would be impacted as well."

"So you're saying, that we cannot do anything now? Everything's for nothing?" Goldberg asked in disbelief and slight anger.

"Well, we can attack both at the same time." Jericho suggested, before he turned around to look at Jotaro again. "But how about you, Jotaro?"

"Better make it quick, or scram." Said Jotaro a bit hurt from Goldberg's punches, but nothing a punk couldn't handle

"That settle it, i think."

"You'd better have a good plan for it, Jericho. That damn thing's so quick that it might caught you before i even get into it again. And if i fight it first, you can get caught into it."

"Don't worry. I do." Said Jericho as he turned around to turn the water on the sink. "Go on. Be the man again in this fight."

Regardless whether he knew what Jericho planned, Goldberg went again to fight the standing tall spirit. Once again, they were in relatively even fight.

Goldberg could see the outline of said creature clearer and clearer. The shape of the elbow that he just countered showed clearly that the spirit was humanoid in shape. Goldberg then threw a roundhouse kick, aimed at the neck of the spirit. It immediately responded with a similar kick.

Whoever it was, it clearly knew some martial arts.

"Goldberg, watch out!"

The next thing Goldberg saw was a flying sink, thrown by Jericho, which he dodged at the last moment before the spirit broke it with the barrage of his fists. However, it did not count for the water inside that sink, which splashed into its eyes. The brief distraction was more than enough for Jericho to slipped away and began to clutch his fingers around Jotaro's neck from behind him. A chokehold, or better known as Sleeper Hold in wrestling.

"N...Nani?"

"Sorry, Jotaro. It's for our own good. This would show us how your spirit really connected to you. Going with what we saw earlier, your spirit would fade away as soon as you lost consciousness. But if it has another trick in its sleeves..."

"It would... forced itself to lost its transparency to survive." Jotaro finished Y2J's statements as his lungs began to beg for the new oxygen supply.

"Smart boy." Said Jericho simply.

"If your plan don't work, i would not hesitate to punch your guts and beating the hell out of you by myself." Indeed, Jotaro was fighting against his street punk nature to stop himself from pummeling Jericho, which was by no means easy for someone so hardened that he rarely got himself hurt over some street fighting.

"Relax, Jo. This'll end quickly if there's nothing bizarre happened again."

And just at that moment, the standing tall spirit nearly punched Jericho from the back, only for Goldberg to swatted away the fist from Jericho. The two powerful beings then get locked into another fisticuffs, and as with before, neither were getting any closer to holding the high ground. Both strikes were as hard as each others, and they nearly created sonic booms from the impact of whenever their fist meet each others. Seemed like the only thing to decide which one's going to be the winner was endurance; Will Goldberg succumbed first to the fatigue of keeping up with something as strong as he's, or would it be Jotaro to passed out from Jericho's chokehold first?

"Damn! You're tough, kid."

"Can you... stop calling me kid?" Said Jotaro, justified in his annoyance if you looked at him from the perspective of a rebellious teenager.

"I'll be honest with you, Jo, if you're just a kid, you won't be here in the first place."

"...Look out!"

But it was too late! As Jotaro screamed as best as he could in the current situation, the being already stretched its finger out of nowhere, definitely gonna hit both Jotaro and Jericho. Goldberg, punched its face first as it get distracted by its own attack, decided to attack the extending finger with his punt kick. But it did nothing to stop or alter the trajectory of the attack. Both Jericho and Jotaro would be hit by the attack of the loose cannon spirit, ensured in their grave injury.

And the attack hit...Jericho only. It missed Jotaro by several millimeter.

Or perhaps, it intended to miss after all.

Still in shock, all Goldberg could do was to punched the face of the powerful spirit again. As it began to crack again, Goldberg got reminded of what the thing had been: A menace to the well beings of everyone in the area. He could hear the grunt of someone else, definitely not Jericho who already passed out from the finger attack, but that was not mattered to the man who just found his new reason to fight even more brutal. Enraged, Goldberg began to pummel the face of said creature. As he could see the visibility of said creature began to raise more and more, as well as the cracking of his faceless feature, his desire to turn the spirit into a tar kept blazing like an endless fire inside the cinder of god, never burnt out as long as faith always kept resolved by the deeds of the believers.

And as the face finally broke apart, he froze.

"I...Inoki?"

As the creature fought back, he still did not move.

-ng-

"Ready Onion sis and Baymax- hey, wait a minute..." Soon, the laughter of a woman was heard from the room that otherwise filled with awkwardness. "Major!"

"You said it! You called them those thing!"

"Misato, don't dare you put this shit again!"

"Ah, don't worry, Asuka-chan. It's just my way to introduce how we run things in Japan NERV to our new pilot. Right, Mari-chan?"

"So this place's going to be much less arsetight than my former place. Glad to know that, sir."

"So you like being called onion, huh?" Asked Makoto.

"Better onion than dumpling!"

"Oh, spare me." Asuka said as she rolled her eyes, now determined to be even more focused in her current mission.

-ng-

"Remember, Mari. In case any bad shit happened to me, turn the switch to pull me back. If something even crazier happened, use your jetpack to get me, and then we get the hell out of here. Until that, leave me alone. Okay?"

"Yeah, yeah. As long as you really will connect back to the headquarter when that crazy shit happened." Said Mari. "Don't be reckless, 'kay?"

"Hey, i'm a fighter, i like to take the risk, but i'm not stupid. I know the difference between fight and survive."

"Glad to know that!" Mari said as she gave a thumbs up.

So Asuka soon got into the center of the blazing lava, and in an instant she grudgingly uttered gratitude in the fine construction for said mission that was taken in such short time (Kaji and Misato only noticed the embryo angel a week ago). As she accidentally rubbed the lava rocks, she noticed the high resistance of said suit, which did not even gave her more heat than a summer in Hawaii despite the very high temperature of the still-active volcano. As long as there's no other kind of physical force, the girl would be fine.

"Okay. I think it's it." Said Asuka as she saw the lying figure of a gigantic creature. "I'm going to run the diagnostic, see how tough this bastard could be. Is the cage ready?"

"Already lowering it now."

"Good." Soon however, it became not so good. "Huh? Object does not match 100%? Up to three, no five-NINE TIMES THE ESTIMATED SIZE?"

"What the hell, Asuka?"

"This's supposed to be an embryo. Why it became so big in just one day?"

And soon, Asuka saw the creature rise up.

It was twice as big as her EVA.

"SHITSHITSHIT! Smash the cage into that thing! HURRY HURRY!"

And Mari did just that, and without any command from her superior or her fellow pilot, she began to pull Asuka up to safety. That showed a good and fast instinct of her, possibly trained by military even.

Except, the thing somehow shot shrapnel of volcanic rocks, forced Mari to dodge it. Soon, she saw a torn apart cable fell into the ground. The cable was the one who supported Asuka, meaning that she's now on free-fall way to the mouth of the monster.

Turned on her jetpack, Mari grabbed the cable, and flied upward, trying to escape from the Angel. This brave act was properly rewarded by the epic shout of Asuka, almost burst her eardrums in the process.

"MEIN GOTT! That thing nearly bit my legs off!"

"Hahaha! So this's the thrill you're looking for, right?"

"Was that supposed to be sarcasm?"

"Nope!" Said Mari in obvious excitement. "You're talking with the real daredevil heirs! Sohryu, you could get any pride and recognition in this world, but girl, you need four testicles and steroids to feed 50 Schwarzenegger to even compete with me!"

"So what's all about being careful and not doing any stupid thing previously, huh?" Asuka asked, her tone began to came close with her friend's joyful one.

"Exactly what?" Said Mari with a rather malicious grin that's quiet inhuman. The grin went wider, and showed her little fangs.

As Asuka saw the fangs of Mari, she froze. So she let Mari did the rest of the job, even not the action that stopped the Angel: A thermal expansion, caused by the cooling system being hosed into the arm of said being. The coolant caused the being arm to shatter, and creature fell back into his lair.

However, Asuka still got her own taste of action. Soon enough, just when they thought it's already safe, the being sprung back out of the volcano, ready to attack the two Evangelion again. Asuka took the hose away from Mari who had her hands full from trying to take her jetpack off, sprayed the being in the process and made it fell into the volcano again, only armless and very much now incapable of going outside. While this action saved them from the lunging attack, it did not save them from the projectiles of flying rock. Asuka slipped off the cliff while she tried to dodge the rocks.

"If you're still not convinced, this vampire won't say that you owe her many things."

"...You're a fucking vampire?"

"One of the few in this world, girl."

And just when Asuka wanted to say something again, her communication like blared.

"ASUKA! What happened there?"

"The creature somehow reached maturity. But we killed it off. We're done, Misato."

"Done? We're not halfway done here! These bastards-aggh!"

"Misato?" Asuka asked in curiosity and slight fear as she heard Misato's scuffle with someone over there, probably feared that somehow they're being attacked by vampires or other supernatural beings.

"Those clowns again! And the people in nice suits? Oh shit, it's still ali-"

When the communication got cut off, a growling scream was heard from the inside of volcano again. Soon, Mari asked Asuka via their com links.

"So, uh...who's gonna get the liquid nitrogen?"

-ng-

"So he's just disappeared like that?"

Rei simply nodded.

"Shinji, you have any idea what actually happened?"

Shinji shook his head as negative.

"Well this's quiet interesting. Willis won't left us to solve puzzle without any prior knowledge. How about you, Jackie?"

"Well, i don't know myself, Mr. Fujioka, i mean, i don't remember any legends about ash. But maybe it has something to do with what Bruce Lee possibly do."

"Bruce Lee?" Said Shinji suddenly. "Isn't he just ascended to the other realm?"

"Yes. Which could lead us to open more potential of many things that used to be exist or even recorded." Fujioka stated, before he began to use words that seemed too weird. "Dragons, vampires, lycanthropes, real ghosts."

"Um, excuse me? Those do not seem to be on the realm of science as we know, and it's still not giving us any clue regarding what's actually going on." Rei suddenly stated what she had in mind regarding said possibilities.

"That's exactly what i'm going to say. There are no definite clues! I mean, we all know things like Ash Wednesday, and ashes of phoenix, but how on earth would Willis disappeared into ashes that turned into nothingness?"

"Which is why Bruce Lee maybe has something to do with it." Said Jackie Chan. "My theory would be that somehow He unlocked the power of myth that allowed those who got cursed by Hollywood became reborn in another dimension. Perhaps, myths of civilization that has been gone, unwritten in history for eternity. Something that no one even realized exist in the first place. And yet, they do."

"Maybe he even unlocked something that we don't know yet. Either way, it's better for us to just help

"So we should just leave them alone until we know better?"

"For now, the best thing we could do is to find more about ashes's significant. That might be an actual clue." Said Jackie Chan. "But when someone need our help, we'll know."

Suddenly, a feed of what happened on the coast island that held the Angel was shown.

"Looks like there's your call. Attacks everywhere. Utter chaos. Need more firepower, maybe crazier shit could happen."

"But it's 60 minutes from here!"

"We have stuffs to get around that now." Said Jackie with a smile, confused the pilot couple.

And soon, there was two red orbs in Willis office, ready to be interacted.

"So, Children," Suddenly, Clint Eastwood opened their door. "Ready to be summoned?"

-ng-

Another attack on NERV personnel! And Inoki as Star Platinum? Mari was a vampire? Bruce Willis traveled into another dimension as the Champion of the Ash (DS spoiler lol)? What the hell is going here? And holy hell, is that motherfucking Jojo and Dark Soul references? Find out next, on Evangelion Z!

So yeah, i came back with another new characters and insanity again...WITH THE HELP OF KYAJI!

Oh, sorry, sorry. But seriously. Now we have Jojo's actual appearance. Since there are still many more characters, prepare for shit like Kamina, Colonel etc.

So, see ya later! Hope i could update it again soon!


	25. A Robot Catastrophe

"So Speedwagon foundation already funded many stuffs for both Evangelion project and SAW incorporated?"

"More accurately, used to be for the former, sir. They bailed out soon after they cannot negotiate for the betterment of Japan and German NERV employees. It seemed that there are many...abuses in that place."

"I see. This matter's getting more and more complex. First i found out that Hamon technique has mysteriously come back was due to many new enemies, Speedwagon foundation turned out to have much more role in post Second Impact, even funded SAW that, incidentally, had Joestar and now...this thing we called stand..."

The old man, still physically at his prime, suddenly showed his own spirit apparition; purple vines, came out of his own hands. The man then took his spirit, which he just called as Stand to crush the instant film in front of him. Carefully took his vines away from the negative, he took a look at the produced photo.

"This is..."

The photographed picture of Gendo Ikari and Fuyutsuki.

"I was looking for my grandson's whereabouts, but instead i got a photographed picture of two NERV Commander. How come it be?! This's not making sense at all! Unless..."

"HIS KIDNAPPERS ALSO PLANNED TO CAPTURE NERV COMMANDERS?! OMAGAAAAWD! This is crazier than i could ever imagine!"

"Sir?"

"ROSES!" He called his butler, whom he has been chatted since the start of the conversation. "We're going to Japan! And give me the number of NERV. They may have something there to help my grandson. After all, i have proof their own commanders are also at risk."

"Y...yes sir."

-ng-

"Maya! Couldn't you make yourself useful and do something in the least?"

The danger of the situation couldn't be described by words, mainly because...there's still no indication for who was responsible for the attack. So far every enemies were drone of sort, shaped like animals, and quiet of advanced ones in fact, judging by their quick movements. To make it even worse, every single of the robots cosmetics looked a lot like technology from Terminator dystopia, up to the creepy grin the attack drones bore. None of the technology advancement in the post-second Impact have taken its notes from Terminator franchise as far as they concerned, so it's something akin to the whole Soros conspiracy ended up being very true.

Had he been there, Arnie would be not amused, to say the least.

"I...i don't know how to use gun, senpai..."

"WHAT? How could a NERV lieutenant don't know how to fucking shoot? Even i know one or two things about gun! What kind of standard we're having here actually!" Ritsuko screamed in high form exasperation, which should happened way before. How could an earth military base with immunity had a lieutenant who don't know how to fucking shoot.

"Actually, i can aim." Maya tried to reassert her own ability. How could she looked bad in front of her senpai? "But i never get used to the recoils! The gun always hit me on the nose after i took like three hits."

"Oh, that's it? You can actually shoot people?"

"Yes!"

"I can attest to her, doc!" Said Shigeru, who was in his own shooting trouble. "This girl could even handle a shotgun, the heavy ones! It's just that somehow the fucking thing always fly to her face in two or three shots."

"Then why didn't you say so?" Said Ritsuko as she opened a cabinet, filled with an experimental weapon.

Said experimental weapon was the miniaturized version of the positron rifle, only instead for sniping, it was a full-automatic assault rifle.

"It still has recoils, but the weight'll be more than enough to make it stay down."

"Eh, doc, i don't want to disappoint you, but..." Shigeru lifted the gun with all strength he could muster. "But i could barely lift it! This shit is heavy as hell, how's she supposed to shoot all these goons when no one could handle the weight alone?"

"...You know, i hate to say it, but Shinji was right. Sometimes we didn't think through of things we invented, and it ended with something like...this."

"So you're saying that you never...weighed in on who could lift and use the weapon?"

"Hey, the positron rifle's never supposed to be mobile in the first place!" Ritsuko defended herself. "It's just somehow ended up being a not-so portable weapon! I'm not the one who developed it further than the initially intended function!"

"Oh, for sake." Said Aoba before he called one of their own, Dwayne Johnson, who's currently cracking two skulls of their enemies. However, there was an attack dog lunged at him, which was shot by Shigeru and Makoto. His attention taken, The Rock turned around and stopped a drone from bashing its bayonet, and crushed its neck with his own bare hands.

"Yes, Shigeru?"

"Need protection for your back, Rock? I think our girl here can do that to make herself useful."

-ng-

"Yes, this is NERV communication director speaking." Said Jackie Chan. "Yes, sir. Jackie's here, and Jackie's always fine." He said so with a bright smile, which instantly went more solemn. "You sure?... I see. I'll do our best, sir."

"Shinji, Rei, i think it's time for you to use the summon sign." Said Jackie soon after the call ended.

"Something wrong happened in the retrieval mission? Although granted, we should've always expected it."

"It's something worse. One of our donators, Joestar LLC, has requested our help to save his grandson back. Based from his Intel, it seemed that he was captured by one of our enemies."

"Um, no offense sir, but how's he ended up suggested that it was our enemies who captured him?"

"Because the kidnappers are now heading to capture Mr. Fuyutsuki and Gendo Ikari."

"WHAT?" Both pilots immediately sat up from their seat. "I...is there any information we have about them?"

"I don't know much, unfortunately, but Mr. Joestar was a soldier in Vietnam War, so his grandson's possibly a tough fighter as well. Also, his attacker cannot be that big of a group considering the time strain, and your father's currently at international water, so at least we won't ended up facing a big, total war on the jurisdiction of country that might harbored hatred against NERV."

"So it's going to be a fight like the previous school infiltration, but we're going to use yet another untested method much like the first Angel fight, which incidentally involved me again. Why am i not surprised at all?"

"Because you've been trained to expect it. And what's wrong with being a pioneer?"

"There's nothing wrong with being pioneer." Said Shinji, still looked like someone with contempt. "But i'd prefer if all those pioneering not come with narrowly avoided death scenes and climaxes. "

"But you'll still do that, right?"

"Heh. Like i won't give up any chance to do the right thing."

"Then what you said is just a complaint from an understandably upset young man." Said Mr. Fujioka. "Who will still do it regardless. I see that my stories about reluctant and imperfect heroes who simply did the right thing not just a thing that goes in one ear and out of other."

"How could i forget those stories of Washington? Those stories were why i never fall again."

"And it will help you to rebound when you do." Said Jackie, now holding his phone again. "Request for a double plug test for First and Third, with adults inside."

"Adults?" Surprisingly, it was Rei who said that.

"You think we'll put the whole burden on you two?" Said Hiroshi Fujioka, now holding a belt that was the property of the first Rider. "And besides, if my theory's correct, i can summon myself as a Kamen Rider Ichigo!"

-ng-

That week was never good for Asuka in the first place.

Everything that could went smooth went bad for her, and those with risk went...well, horribly. Between being outclassed by her friend who turned to be fucking vampire and all those humiliations, Asuka already summarized that this week's simply a bad week, as a Jackie Chan would say. So as long as she could killed the monster and saved the world, she could call it a day and went to sleep for at least a week and forget/accepted that everything happened the way they were.

And yet, still nothing could prepared her for the utter absurdity that bestowed upon her.

"Oh, you gotta be kidding me! This whole shit's definitely went too far!"

Not far away from the coast, there stood a collection dilapidated boats. And yes, that wasn't a grammatical error. There's really a collection of many dilapidated boats, each of them placed in such a way that they managed to resemble a crude robot. It was about 1.5 times taller than an Evangelion, and much bulkier than those scrawny piloted giants.

And on top of it, was a giant drone, projected a live feed of a wrestler that had been a recluse since Second Impact. Projected in red hue, the wrestler started his speech with a maniacal laughter of his.

"AHHHAAHAAAAEEAAAHAHHAHEHAHAA! YAAAASH! The conDEESHUN, of the Angel, has been pecuulear, being a newborn and all. So i, Broken and soon to be Woken Matt Hardy, decided, to take it for myself! It could be our key, to further the goal of the Total Dehleeetion! And maybe get a friend for Maxel."

"Honey, i think Maxel's going to be terrified of it." Said an unseen feminine voice.

"That's why Brother Nero's third objective is to search for Megas XLR blueprint, darling. Oh, and all of you, obsolete mules that stood in de wey, shall be, deleted! DELETE! DELETE! DELETE! DELEEEEETE!"

-ng-

"Kaji, don't tell me this shit's really happening."

"Ma'am, i'm sorry to confirm it, but your eyes, brain, and every working neuron do not deceive you. We definitely faced an army of robot and a giant robot made from wrecked boats."

"Do you have any intel that could prevent any of this?"

"Um...maybe we had our suspicion on Matt Hardy's possible cult, but frankly i don't recall anything that could lead to us concluded that he could build a robot from wrecked boats."

"Somehow, i don't think anyone would blame you for this oversight." Said Misato sarcastically.

"Glad to hear that i won't be fired, my lady."

"RIIISE SHINING GUNDAAAAAM!"

In the midst of chaos, another gigantic robot rose for their duty call, this one was to engage the unexpected giant robot made of every dilapidated boat a mad man could ever find. But Misato couldn't believe it. She thought that Gundam's just a codename for Domon's custom Jet Alone, much like Roadrunner by an unusually super hammy Tommy Lee Jones in Under Siege. But between the white and blue paint job with red lines, and the iconic head with a V wing as its headpiece, it's pretty much undeniable that Domon's really had a literal Gundam.

"...An actual fucking Gundam. Is this day can get any weirder?"

"BROKEN SKULL ENGAGE!"

Here they are. The Gundam for a trailer park trash. Clearly modeled after the Texas Rattlesnake himself, the thing wearing a Smoking Skull vest, and its head was clean from any ornament. On his hand was a progressive chair, a default weapon of Stone Cold in his interruption mode. In addition to said vest, its knee pad and armor plates that constructed to resemble Austin's skin tight jeans were the protective gear of said robot.

"I guess that 50 billion of molding really fucking worth it." Kaji commented at the highly accurate robot. The manufacturer of said thing really went for accuracy there. Even there was a belt that could be taken off to whip his opponents.

"Kill me." Misato said shortly after she couldn't compute about which fact's the worst, the money spent for that ridiculous robot of Austin or that NERV and SAW actually accepted that ridiculous proposal of Austin.

"I'm afraid that i have to deny that command."

Misato's finger twitched to pull the trigger against Kaji's head, either from an insubordination or taking everything too literally for his own amusement, but she decided to against it. For now.

"Can at least something strange not happened again for a moment?"

In an instant, she saw The Rock made a run to save a bewildered field worker of NERV, stomped the suicide robot that almost bit its leg. The Rock then kicked the head into the crowd of shooter robot that was shooting at the cover for , created a large explosion in the process. Another horde charged at him, so he turned around, and revealed a big experimental weapon, wielded by an almost too happy Maya. Soon the usually meek woman shooting at the horde that suddenly developed their A.I. to almost human level and began to run away, cackling maniacally as she screamed at how proud her senpai must be right now. Meanwhile, Rocky's armor suit did the dodging for Maya, his back eyes activated to help him avoid those bullets from the few robots who still dared to shoot at them.

"...I guess your wish has been denied, my lady."

And that day, Misato shot her former boyfriend for the first time, who dodged it so it hit the robot lunged at him instead. Oh well, perhaps he had another time to patch that rocky relationship of theirs later.

Also, Ritsuko suddenly felt like faking cold once she returned to the Japan NERV.

-ng-

"So these two lanky robots are going to stop me? WONDERFUL! I never thought taking an angel alive could be any easier!"

"WE SHOULD TAKE FROM THEM, EVERYTHING!"

"Not yet, Brother Leonidas I! As much as i'd like to get everything, including Sister Aryanami in one catch, we still have ten more Angeru before, the instrumeentality begin. And besides, if we get too much of these key items for our awakening, they may ended up teaming up, and destroying us instead! At least, that's what my premonEETIon said, when i fed the soul of Alexander Hamilton grass. Poor goat is so disturbed by his death, he keeps eating paper!"

"I suppose you make sense there, my supreme lord." Said the obviously deranged Gerald Butler. He knew exactly why Matt was so keen in getting the Angel figures. Their souls were as old as all ancient beings they know, which's also why getting the clone of Rei Ayanami was their primary goal for the completion of their own Instrumentality, called DEHLEEHTION!

"Now we can- wait a minute. Weren't you supposed to accompany my great apprentice, Matthew the Dragon Slayer of Futurama?" Matt asked his mule, obviously not amused with this possibly act of disobey.

"My comrade Bale the Bat and master Matthew are now currently traveling on the void of time. They're on the way to the full learning of time itself, to master their own way of Premoneetion. The combination of the power of our Seven Deities, and time shall bear the fruition that few could ever imagine. We, will get the glory that Lord of Seven Deities always set at his Ultimate goal!"

"I suppose that make some senses, but why weren't you coming with them? I thought you're his subordinner or submarine, or something like that." Said Matt, obviously had no idea if another person with great premonition ability on par of his broken mind would be good for him, or humanity for that matter.

"I'm here to rely information from them to you, my Supreme Lord. There will be the time when they will leaving clues to us, about what would happen, and how we should use them for our best interest. That's how the premonition work. But for now, they focused on one goal only."

"And what it would be, my de-fade and unobsolete mule?" Said Matt, relieved that his premoniton's still vast in comparison.

"Retrieval of the lords of all vampires, their strongest kind, four people who seek one of the ultimate source of any man who seek godhood, the Pillar Man."

"The pillar man? Wasn't that rumor said they have been deleted, in a mysterious accident in Vietnam around the freeze war by the hero from the State Federate of the Northern Earth Stratosphere?"

"Correction, sir. It's just their regular members that have been kille-i mean, deleted by the unknown hero." Said Butler the Leonidas, showed that he still had some sanity left. "What happened at that time, according to what i've learned from the future writings of the light of anti-deities, is that the leader of Pillar Man managed to attain immortality. Now truly unbeatable, the American hero had no choice but to defeat him with the sheer luck. He used mini-nukes that were planted by crazy Vietcong leaders that wanted to kill McCain after he fooled them by giving them the name of Green Bay Packers Squad as his squadron. Off-record from CIA of course. And this's the interesting fact, from our own first premonition."

"And what it would be, Leonidas?"

"He shall be awaken in the time, when earth's dying, sun is red, and the vessel of the seed of life's looking at us, ready to take us as his own part. His mind, which has been stop thinking for eons, will AWAKEN!"

"So my apprentice's not only going to retrieve an immortal being that's obviously gonna be our useful mule, but also confirm what happened in the time when Earth couldn't help but to classify itself as OBSHOLETE?!"

"You GOT IT RIGHT, MY LORD! SOON, OUR ENEMIES WILL DINE, IN HELL!"

"WONDERFUL!"

And in instant, their robot was attacked by the two robots that Matt have been regarded as so little of importance previously.

-ng-

"Is it dead now?"

"Nah." Said Austin to Mari who just got in time to retrieve the additional nitrogen tank, out of her D-Type Equipment. His progressive chair just dented the head of the giant. Meanwhile, Shining fingers just sliced the boat that made the chest part of the hastily made robot that miraculously worked in the first place. "I already know since a long time that the Hardys are pretty much insane, even in their real life presence, but his powers are legitimately terrifying. We should take him ass down in pronto so shit won't get out of control. And by pronto, i mean destroy every inches of this thing. Domon, can you do that finger thing again? But do it on the head. Or giant drone, if you want to be specific."

Shining Gundam didn't do any response except shoving Austin's Gundam away, but Stone Cold already anticipated the shove, knowing that the boy has always been kinda anti-social. The robot then prepared to finish the head off, with its shining finger attack.

Only to bounced back as it hit an orange hexagonal-shaped shield.

"AT FIELD?"

"FOOLISH! YOUR ATTACK ARE OBSOLETE AGAINST THE WARRIOR OF SEVEN DEIEETIES!" Screamed the gigantic Vanguard 1 in the vein of Matt.

"Shit! Mr. Austin, can you take my part in Asuka's battle? I don't think electric power is enough to pierce the robot's

"Somehow i know i'm gonna be that girl's errand boy sooner or later." Despite that, Austin still went to Asuka's place with the nitrogen tank.

"Domon, how much power did you put in that last attack."

"90%! I can put much more, but i need to get inside Shining Gundam."

"Then do it." Mari ordered him. And the man who was physically older but in actuality younger obliged.

"So you're prepared to be deleted, girl?"

"You know, i've been prepared to fight against Angels and other evils since 15 years ago, and never in my imagination that i would fight a monster, a giant robot and a guy with insane hairdo and equally loony accent at the same time in my debut."

"Whatever you-what? Sorry, can you do the math again?"

"Em, i already trained as EVA pilot since my first college year, and i graduated one or two years faster?"

"Did you say despite your physical being's 16 years old at most, you're actually 30 and plus years woman?"

"Eh, i guess?" Said Mari, questioned herself because despite of the fact, she herself never felt and act like an actual adult. She did not question how Matt Hardy knew that she physically still 16 (one hell of a developed sixteen years old fyi), although that maybe because of Matt's own knowledge

"Then welcome to the club, of the vessels of great souls!" Said Matt in a genuine celebration. Behind him, a spartan looking man and gorgeous Puerto Rican woman blew up horn and kazoo, and a toddler holding a goldfish bowl, with a Puerto Rican man holding the boy and said something about Napoleon. Mari justified them as his fellow crazy inmates or family who played with the too well and goddamn real insanity. "Well young one, i have this broken proposal for you, and you only." Matt stated that without even realized on how he just shot himself on the foot. "Join me to prepare the Total Dehleetion of this inhabitable world, and i'll let NERV to have their Angel here...for a while."

"Dear, i don't think that's a fair deal for her."

"Okay, i'll add something more Reby." Matt obliged the woman. "You can become my apprentice! The one who will advance my goal for Total Dehleetion. Together with Apprentice Matthew, you can beat EEVERYTHING! You can defeat your alternate realities and get stronger and become The One, you can slice the head of your kind and become The One, or you red-pilled yourself and become The One! It's your choose your own Adventour, and you can get it, if you join me, in the Total, DEHLEEETION!"

"Aww, that sounds like a delightful and thrilling life for me, a girl looking for excitement in her life! No."

"Then i'll make you, young one! WOOOHOHOOOHOOO!"

The bigger robot swatted his arm against the enemy in front of it, which was easily dodged by the more nimble giant. Mari's Eva then threw a progressive machete into the submarine bomber that acted like a tendon between the thigh and leg of the giant, and it blew up, caused the Giant to fall into its another and still exist knee. Mari then grabbed the machete and pushed it against the head of the fallen giant. It's now the battle between AT Field and AT Field.

Mari could feel the AT Field of the robot weakening, but soon she found herself blasted by the punch of the creature, who did an impressive one legged jump to get her prone robot. Mari grabbed her handgun, and shooting at her enemies with the EMP bullets. The bullets did not do real damages, but its collisions with the robot's AT Field changed its momentum, allowed Mari to roll away and grabbed her machete back. She then hacked at the robot, and turned it into a limbless being.

And when she charged at the head yet again, it flied away.

"I knew it would happen." Said Mari to herself as she shot at Vanguard 1. She getting desperate, as she knew that unlike the other EVA, hers still weakened by the low operational time, merely increased to 7 minutes, not even close to Shinji that has been raised to 15 minutes in normal. Unlike the other pilots, her EVA's soul was unknown, and her EVA was modified to be capable of turning into a beast, turned it into something much more unstable, so she piloted like how Rei would be had Shinji did not become the badass he became and tamed the soul of her EVA; Piloted it with low sync rate, in leisure pace. Her impressive feats merely came from her vampire genetic and some side benefits from piloting something that could become much loose.

However, she soon was stopped by a flying debris destabilized her aim, and soon became appalled as she looked behind her and found the still not destroyed completely parts disassembled themselves, now hovering in the air.

"But i don't expect that one~!"

Mari crouched down, hide herself like a girl being attacked by angry crown of sparrows. The wreckage of those dilapidated boats then reassembled themselves, this time into a smaller robot around the size of Evangelion itself. Leaner and definitely faster, its kick hit the still prone Mari.

"Senor Benjamin, i'm Greetful for you to put the multiple form programs inside our friend, Vanguard 1. _Gracias_."

Holding her stomach, Mari soon found herself had to roll away from Matt who charged at her. But Matt's new found of grace made him capable to anticipate the EVA's impressive agility and maneuvered as well, making Mari's evasion as bought time at most. Matt then hit her EVA with his knee, and lifted the dazed girl for a crucifix powerbomb.

Mari knew she had no chance. She let him slammed him.

All of a sudden, both heard the roar of a beast, almost deafening everyone in the vicinity. The mad man, obviously, glee-ed in delight.

"YAAASH! MY MONSTER ARISE!"

Mari did not waste this opportunity. Soon the wrestler found his robots arm sliced off from its socket and the meddlesome girl/woman straddled him, readied to stab its head off. Matt tried to put the stop of it with its still existing hand, finding that his own robot would become vulnerable had he decided to change into something else. But as he managed to pulled the right arm off its socket, Mari turned berserk and immediately pummeled his robot's body, turned it into flattened scraps of metal. Now had nothing to lose, Vanguard 1 denied Matt's inputs and just getting itself out of here.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING MY SWEETHEART?"

"Saving my ass, beep bop! Screw the instrumentality!" Its message said to Matt.

But soon Vanguard 1 had itself being pulled by Mari's Evangelion, who pulled the trashy robot by her teeth.

"NOOO! Reby, please tell me we have some mules and apprentices we could use to fight that pink atrocity!"

"Um, we don't have our soldiers there, but maybe we can scrap the data from its memory bank and-"

"NOOO! I don't want my Vanguard 1 turned into Vanguard 2!"

And it was the truth. Vanguard 2 may had the same personality, but so many value would be lost. Their riding car together, searching for Senor Benjamin who stormed out in frustration after V1 defeated him in chess for 5 times in a row, setting traps for their prospective mules and apprentice (who most of them named Matthew). Not to mention the possibility of personality change after it just assessed back the information. It might even went hostile on Matt if it decided that Matt's too pushy or other lame crap like that.

Okay, maybe it's more than just sentimentality, but still.

Mari managed to destroy its AT Field, and as a result Vanguard 1 lost its shield. But when she went for the stab, something crashed into her head and exploded, rendered her world into nothing but darkness...

-ng-

 _Right after Domon excused himself..._

"Shining Gundam, return back to my current position and-"

Soon enough, their post was overwhelmed by several robots. Austin did the lou thesz press at the robot that attacked him, smashed him into pieces. He then knocked another robot and grabbed his miniaturized progressive chair, swung them at the other lunging robots.

And as Austin initiated the emergency shutdown, Domon already went on his way to get into his robot. As he ran in his path, three bear robots that took interest in him were immediately shot down by bullets from a shotgun.

"Godspeed, brother."

Domon slid over the space between the robot that was in grapple with The Rock, who proceeded to out-muscled it and threw it to the suicide bots, created a big explosion that swallowed many of their own. Another bear-sized robot then grabbed him from behind, but Maya Ibuki blasted the robot away. The robot, sent flying into Domon's direction, immediately greeted with the foot of Domon that sent it into another moment of helplessness in the air. The robot then exploded as it hit the volcanology station, ensured NERV having to pay for another fee of the destruction of their equipment. Said building was at least 150 feet away from the spot where he kicked it.

Meanwhile, Misato Katsuragi was safe, protected from any kind of danger as she went underground. She was there supposedly to call for an enforcement that had been long due, but instead all she could do was twitching her eyes at the new brand of insanity that was just displayed by her former boyfriend's brother.

"So...why he needs a Gundam again?"

And then, Misato got a phone call from the base that was supposed to be backing them up in case something bad happened. There was a reason why the N2 bombers were called off in the first place.

"There you are! Finally! I wonder how the fuck are you going to explain this attack, Mr. Stallone?"

"There's another attack there?"

"Another? Are you saying that you also been attacked by these robots?"

"Oh, shit. This's a distraction, isn't it?" Said Stallone in an eureka moment for himself.

"Of course it's a distraction! No wise enemies want to attack so blatantly! Now do your job, and send another of our custom Jet Alone! I don't care if it's shaped like Tarzan Rambo on steroids, just fucking launch it!"

"Soon when we get out of the emergency total shutdown! These fuckers clogged our launch system and...URGH! GET OFF!"

After he closed the call, Stallone immediately kicked the robot that lunged at him. His other arm, holding a progressive spear for human size, struck down a bear-sized bot, destroyed it into pieces by the very powerful vibration that was produced by it. He looked at Schwarzenegger, who just ripped the throat of a robot with his own bare hand.

"The base called! We have to give them support as soon as possible!"

"Easy for them to say!" Said Arnie as he threw the head of the robot to the window. An explosion soon was heard."They're not the one who experienced uninitiated shutdown!"

"Of all thing, Seagal chose to investigate Vince. When we need him the most..."

"Don't panic."

And soon as the mysterious voice gone, a man in black coat arrived from the rooftop, immediately snapped the back of the robot he landed on.

The man was Wesley Snipes. Also vampirized, judging by the big fangs that he had.

"Some motherfuckers just want to skate uphill." He said before he sliced the robots around him.

Regardless of the nonsense Snipes just spouted off, Sly and Arnie ran to the main control room to undo the total shutdown.

-ng-

"Damn!" Asuka cursed as she ran out of nitrogen to spray at the volcano.

"Need help here?"

"Stone Cold! I take it that Mari's taking care of that batshit Matt?"

"Well, you can see her yourself."

"Damn." Asuka cringed as Mari crouched from the flock of dilapidated boat. "Multiple forms of a robot who could detach its parts?" She then looked back into the volcano, a place where her opponent still stranded. "Seems like we have to end this fast if we want to help Mari. Any idea?"

"I'd say we drop these two tank on it like N2 bomb. Motherfucker's too much to be handled by us now, how can we be sure we could use it for research purpose later?" Said Austin, now safe from the rest of the robot for at least several more minutes before they managed to breach the security.

"Well yeah, but can't we at least preserve like its head or something?"

"That's depend on how we kill this thing. Drop it while it has its hand looming over or something, and we might get the better of both world. Your choice, Asuka."

"How far can you throw that thing?" Asuka suddenly asked. "Can you throw the tank to the volcano?"

"Eh, maybe i need some boosts, but yeah. I can pull it off. But why you don't do it yourself?"

Asuka then pointed at her currently very bulky EVA.

"I see."

"I don't think they would appreciate another torn out equipment." Asuka pointed at Mari's torn D-Type that also doubled as her Onion Knight cosplay. "Even if i could. And it will take time to take this off."

"Well i better be prepared now. Boost like... Poetry in Motion, or AT Field boost?"

"Damn it, sir! I don't want to hear anything related to my idol that just went super cuckoo there."

"Shit, girl. You're really into older man, huh?"

"Just shut up."

Both giants then prepared for the acrobatic act. Asuka had herself down on all-four, using her AT Field as some kind of trampoline. Looked into the horizon where Mari fought the embodiment of madness, the German girl could see her friend about to be slammed by the lunatic wrestler.

"Mari..."

Then, the roar was heard. The roar of the beast that soon will be exhumed with the coldness. The beast who allegedly a newborn, and boasted an impressive size despite its status. Ironically fitting, considering that the deepest of hell in Inferno is one hell of a cold place, which one of the ring had the oldest demon, Satan itself trapped as its proper punishment.

Soon as everyone saw the matured giant, they screamed in terror.

"HOLY SHIT! IT'S FUCKING HUGE!"

Indeed, the claw of the creature alone already engulfed half of the mountain. And soon as its head popped out of the crater, its obvious that the head alone's at least as big as a half part of the Evangelion itself.

If Asuka had any doubt and hesitation about the necessity of the action, she now knew she HAD to.

In a swift move, Asuka's AT Field bounced Austin who already threw the nitrogen tank up, definitely aimed for better height. In an instant, Austin threw the tank with fall-away technique, hit the lower half of the Angel's body. The angel screamed in agony, his upper half fell from the tip of the crust into the cave again.

"Shit."

"Well, Asuka. It's a good thing that you still have that suit, right?"

"Ugh..."

Well, at least Austin was there to help, right?

"Oh, and i think i'll be out for a while. These robots are about to breaching to my room again."

And so, the only thing Asuka could give to Mari, was a pray.

Also, she had to add this as another addition to her objectively horrible day.

-ng-

"NOOOO! MY MONSTER!"

"FORGET ABOUT THE MONSTER FOR NOW!" Screamed the bot that just helped Vanguard 1. Much more conventional, instead of a projector, there was a turned off monitor in the bulkier bot. "Do you really think i came here to save you as an act of charity? Of course i came here for something. And that something, is to give you an offer that you absolutely cannot refuse."

"As an egotist Brahman Bulldog always say, Who in the blue hell are you?"

"That's a good question. Ehehehe." The monitor soon displayed a picture of an old man painted himself with white, and nice clothing colored purple. Everything about him screamed an uncanny scene that's supposed to be comforting for children. In short, he looked like a clown. "How do you think i look?"

"I never feel, and see such a madness before. Except when Brother Nero transformed into the...Enigmatic Charisma i think?"

"Then my friend, you need a mirror, and an enema!" Said the monster clown while blowing a kazoo. "But again, i once read something about Cognitive Dissonance. You know, there are people who couldn't assess themselves because...i'm sorry, Matt. I don't want to make you sound stupid. Hehehehe."

"That's Broken Matt Hardy to you!" Obviously, Matt missed the point there.

"Well Matt, as much as i enjoyed using these bots, we don't have...HEY! CAN'T YOU AT LEAST LET SOMEONE FINISH HIS SPEECH FIRST?!"

The new re-arrival, Domon, however did not care. Once again he took down the other leader bot, earned a rant from the mad old Lakers fans who also coincidentally one of the greatest actor that ever lived. Perhaps, even too good for his own mental health.

"Your turn, freak."

Vanguard 1 fled the scene, completed with the projected visual of Matt Hardy goes bonker and screamed directions for the safety of his beloved drone. Sounded like a R2-D2 running away from Death Star itself, the giant drone ran from the shining sword that swung by the custom Jet Alone, beeped in Morse codes that basically translated into the worst of curse words.

In the house of Hardys, Reby excused herself to protect King Maxel's innocent mind from the trashy mouths of that drone.

But soon, the younger Kaji found himself staring in fear as he noticed the glowing robots hovered around Mari's still unconscious Evangelion.

Those robots were going to detonate themselves at Mari.

"A-a-a! You already made a choice, player."

Until everyone saw the aftermath of the supposed carnage that happened, and gasped. Neither side knew how to react at the newest event that transpired in front of them.

Above the pink Evangelion was a white figure, glowing in a beauty that cannot be defeated with mere explosions from suicide bots. Soon enough the glow began to dissipate, showed the figure of the creature that displayed its rather feminine nature. The giant also differed in anatomy compared to the Evangelion, with body that's closer to human beings, albeit one that's both more curvy and thinner than normal female.

But those who close to the Pilots knew what they saw, despite the now not featureless figure wore the identical armor from Unit Zero.

It was the body of a human, named Rei Ayanami.

-ng-

"Rei?" Ritsuko almost choked in fear. "Rei became something akin to Adam?" H...how..."

"Ritsuko." The voice of her friend was as hard as steel. "You better explain what the hell's that creature doing here!"

"Misato, i would like an explanation myself."

"Don't lie-"

"You know how the Evangelion looked without armor? They'll look like monsters to the naked eyes and mind. And they are. They're what happened when human trying to play god. Unstable, extremely difficult to control, ready to lose control every second. Their armor are as much of a protection as they're device to limit their actual power. Even with limited operational time, we're still not sure that they won't go berserk. And you know what happened whenever Shinji unlocked their power.

All research we have done, there's a reason for why we used to dictate virtually everything that happened. The EVA, the Children, everything. We put so many restrains into them to avoid catastrophic events. What you see now, Misato, is exactly what we trying dodge with our research, our total control that despite its inefficiency. And we just lost it. At the end, we're not god."

"Actually, it's all my fault...i guess."

"JACKIE?" Said everyone in the communication channel.

"Well, so my crew back in China found this...ancient technique to summon ourselves into area of critical danger. You know, reports come in about army of robots attacking the Angel retrieval site, so we decided it's time to test the technique. And we went for the big one, Rei's Evangelion since Shinjis still has stability and energy issue. But instead of Unit-00, somehow we created...this."

"I...see. So everything is actually in control?" Ritsuko said, just barely recomposed herself. She did not know how on earth the summon made the Evangelion turned itself into a more pure version of Adam, but at least she could appreciate the fact that she's not at fault here.

"I hope so. Anyway, Mr. Fujioka is on the foot to help."

Soon, they saw the bulkier Kamen Rider 1, live in action. He just kicked the robot behind Ritsuko into oblivion. "I don't know if i should be happy or infuriated to see an actual Kamen Rider somehow came into life, but...thanks for the help and clarification."

"No, no. We should be more communicative in the first place." And with that, the communication back to two channels.

"Ritsuko, you know you're not off the hook."

"Somehow, i feel that everybody will tell everyone their little secrets soon. I'll be ready to tell everyone when it come to that. And i'll make sure that Commander Ikari need to as well."

-ng-

"Shinji, it's worked. Rei just protected Mari from being blown by Jack Nicholson."

"Is there's something wrong? I felt another great surge of power over there."

"Unit-00 somehow emerged in the form of feminine Adam. But so far, Rei's in control."

"I see." Shinji looked into his own Evangelion. "So we could assume it will be okay to summon ourselves to save father despite the appearance of a pocket dimension around his current coordinate..."

And with that, Shinji and Jackie Chan prepared to summon themselves to the current location of Gendo Ikari.

-ng-

" _Teme_..."

"It's futile for you, young man. No matter how strong you are, you can't get inside the ritual of Wyatt physically. You, are not belong."

Jotaro still looking for a loophole that could help him get inside the barrier that separate him and the leader of Wyatt inside. Harper, one of the member of Wyatt family, had a hard time of breathing as he has been beaten down by Jotaro's spirit, his sheep mask torn into pieces. From the other side was Paul Heyman in panic, screaming for help as Samoa Joe fought to break the bear hug by Rowan. Despite of his overwhelming performance against Harper, Jotaro felt helpless against the very strong barrier that prevented him to help

Inside of it was Commander of NERV, laid down unconsciously.

"Second Impact was not a catastrophe." The leader began his speech, stood tall against the Commander. "It was a miracle for humanity to step above our limitation. Our vessels, are the reason for our limitation and individuality at the same time. With Instrumentality, we will finally attain our singularity, which would be the ultimate goal of every race desired to play as god."

"But who's going to control the course of our singularity? Who will steer us to the right direction for our final solution? The answer is clear, Mr. Ikari."

"It would be the one who hold the power of God itself, the seed that was driven away by the seed that brought humanity."

"Adam, which sleep in peace in your hand. For it, everything is right in the world." Said Wyatt as he kissed the limp body of Gendo Ikari.

 _What the hell is this mad man ramblings?_ Jotaro thought to himself after he just kneed Harper. _Is everybody's final goal is a desire to remake this world with his own hand? Madness! Humanity are not supposed to be free of their will. It's what defined us in the first place. It would be like removing the consequences in video games and visual novel!  
_

"Alas, i cannot let anyone to wield such terrifying power, especially one who has lost everything. I know your history, Commander, and my sympathy for you to have everything taken for you when you just finally get what you desired;love. But alas, that made you unsuitable to become the one who set the goals for humanity's final step.

I, one of the first soul of Humanity on the other hand, would be the most suited for the task."

 _That mad man...i don't like doing this, but..._

"Hey you!"

The mad man with the fedora hat looked over his back, to see what that tall teenager had for him.

Jotaro, was holding the beaten down Harper with his chain. All Harper could do, was muttering 'Obey, Obey'.

"If you keep doing whatever that is, you'll lost this man."

Unfazed with his threat, Wyatt turned around before sending a message that would chill and boiled the blood of any sane man who wanted his.

"Usually, i would kill you for breaking him, something that only i have the authority to do so. However, in this case, his soul shall be salvaged into ascension when it's all done. Do whatever you want, young man."

And with that, Jotaro's last card was gone.

Except...

"Star Platinum!" He said to the newly named spirit, based on a Tarot Card. "Try to use your intangibility on the border!"

Star Platinum, now had no resemblance to Muhammad Inoki, tried its best to get into the border of the pocket world. It managed to get its arms inside the border before the stress became too much for it to handle. Still, it punched the ground to create debris to throw, showing how cunning the mind of Joestar and Inoki. The spirit then threw the hard debris at Wyatt before the border forced him out.

Wyatt blocked them with his arm, unfazed with the debris that penetrated his skin.

"I see you have the Post-Modern Great Soul as your own servant, lad. But don't think that i can't protect myself from your attacks." He then manifested a lantern and pickaxe. "The power in your hand, Mr. Ikari, do not belong to you. Neither to the people you answered to. It can only be taken by the Old Great Souls, which would be me."

"Farewell, Gendo Ikari. If you're really one of the great soul, you shall be reborn, on my side."

"FATHER!"

Just before the axe cut off the arm of Gendo, the voice of his son was heard echoed the room.

And soon, the son appeared, wrestling control over the axe and stopped it from cutting off the hand of his father.

Wyatt could not believe what he just saw. The young man just appeared here, somehow ignored every rule of his borders that supposed to be. But what he cannot believe was how much potential the soul of this young man had. Said potential turned into anger, and not the anger of despair that he could break and mold for the benefit of his cult. It was the anger of someone who decided that he cannot lose, an anger that's indomitable.

He knew that he had no chance against the young lad.

"ABYSS OF THE DARKNESS! BEND TO MY WILL AND-"

Before he disappear into nothingness, Shinji already landed a punch into his guts.

-ng-

Ah, finally another chapter! Man, it seems it won't get finished any sooner. I just hope that at the very least, i could do a final chapter in case that i couldn't finish the story properly.

Also, next chapter will have what happened before Jotaro came to save Gendo! So yeah, it's finally become a proper anime with all its flashbacks!

And we came close to the final draft of the whole rosters...not. I still haven't had a clue for how the superheroes and supervillains would fit. Surely we have Blade, Joker and Batman, but what pecking order they would have? Lower than Willis or higher?

Well anyway, find out next, on Evangelion Z!


End file.
